<p>In September last year many parents posted about their feelings of loss and sadness when saying goodbye to their D's or S's going off to college. It will be my turn this fall and I am just wondering if its any easier now?</p>
<p>I find it easier. We all have a schedule, and my son got into a routine about when he calls us. I find comfort in the fact that he has good friends, had a good first semester, and he is a happy guy. The time from when we sent him back to school, and when he comes home for a week is shorter too. I found it hard not to have time with my son for nearly 3 months last fall. We did visit one weekend, but it just isn't the same as when he is home with us.</p>
<p>You get a bit more used to them being gone & develop routines that don't include them. It's different yet wonderful when they come home & still hard to send them back. Although sending them back is easier if they are really ready & excited to go back. The hardest times for me are when I know they are sick or really stressed. I don't want to "fix it" like I did when they were younger, just wish I could be there long enough to give them a hug :-)</p>
<p>Hi, Yes it is. This is my third child and he went a plane ride away - other two went to college in PA where we are from and that was even hard. We see our 2nd child alot because she is 45 minutes away - often spur of the moment - to a sport event, her art exhibits, singing group or just to visit. And she comes home alot because she has been involved with an Energy therapist degree which she received here in out town - would be home every Monday - leave right away for her class - but she was here to sya hi and luv ya in person. First child is now in NYC in a Masters program - fun to visit her - but, rarely. 2 daughters. Last one who went far away to Georgia, a son. We don't see him very much but he is in touch. You have e-mail, IM (we don't do that), cell. You will be OK. Other kids still at home?</p>
<p>Surprisingly, it's been just fine. Our family is very close and our daughter's 1100 miles away, so we anticipated some angst on both sides. A cell phone plan with unliited long distance is well worth the investment, since our D's campus requires some substantial walks and she enjoys calling home while she makes the walk. Her college laptop is a MacBook; we bought an iMac at the same time since the two of them have built-in, integrated video cameras and microphones which make it easy to video conference over an IM account. We really don't do it all that often, but it's nice to see her and her roomies when we chat, and it's nice to know we could do the video at any given time.</p>
<p>I was pretty low there last September – for a bit. Not one to express emotion publicly, I spent a lot of time at my desk sobbing privately before I dropped off my first kid. After a bit of that, I was done. I had one concern that somehow while at the school, with all the other kids and parents around, I would have one of those movie flashbacks of all the good times I have had with my daughter, and that I would “express emotion” publicly. But I was a stone. The great thing was that my kid had met a lot of kids at her school through facebook ahead of time. Plus, the school had tons of mandatory activities for her to do. So, when she touched down on the campus, she was surrounded by friends, and gone, gone, gone, gone, lickety-split from the very beginning. The school had a ton of events for parents, but we attended none of them because I got the feeling they were designed to help us let go and stuff like that. I wanted none of it because all it would have done was remind me of what I was losing. The risk was too great. A hurried kiss goodbye, and the next thing I know, my wife and I were on the road back home, wondering what had just happened. We had a romantic dinner together that night, and refused to talk about anything but ourselves.</p>
<p>Now, it’s been a semester. My kid has her own life and is doing very well contributing to her sports team, hanging with her friends, loving her classes and nailing them. She thinks the world of her professors and classmates. The school is just the greatest thing for her, even greater than I imagined it would be. Basically, I am wondering when I am going to wake up, and hoping I never do. </p>
<p>What now scares me is my son, who, if all goes well in April, will be leaving this September. As with my daughter, he and I are very close – but in a different way. I have walked the woods, talked, fished, and worked with this kid since he was a little thing. When he was an infant, I would sit every day with him on my chest, reading aloud, singing, and holding that warm baby softness so close I sometimes thought I would pop him. Now, the kid is a man. He and I were in the woods walking down a steep mountain when I slipped. Instantly, I felt a strong hand grab me, and as I looked over my shoulder, I saw that my boy had me! He had reached out and caught me before I fell, and was just standing there calmly, holding me in hand and asking if I was alright. I had done this for him so much over the years, it had become a joke between us. And now for the first time, he had done it for me.</p>
<p>My experience with my girl shows me I’ll be fine when my boy leaves. But I am gonna be pretty low walking those woods without him come the fall. This parenting thing can really be awfully sad at times. Soooo sad.</p>
<p>When my eldest left for college, I let myself wallow for about 2 weeks, then said to myself "get a grip, she's not dead, she's at college" :-)</p>
<p>It was devestating when #1 went. Okay when #2 left. #3, "Are you still here?" The empty-nest thing is starting to look pretty good right now.</p>
<p>Yes, it does get easier. </p>
<p>When we took D to college on a Thursday last August, H and I cried all the way home after we said our goodbyes. On Friday, the house felt SO empty, even though S, a high school junior, is still here. However, by Sunday, I felt a sense of peace thinking about the fact that she was where she should be and that H and I had done a good job of raising her. We've been fortunate to see her about once a month (she's a little over an hour away from home), so that has helped. She's very happy and doing very well, so what else could you ask for?</p>
<p>S is our youngest, and he'll probably go to the same school (UC-Boulder). I anticipate that it's going to be tougher with him at first because he's our "baby" and we will actually be empty-nesters. Will have to wait and see.</p>
<p>It has not been easy letting go--only son is 11 hours away. I try to think of him being gone in small chunks of time. We dropped him off in August, he was home for fall break for a week in Oct., we visited the campus for Thanksgiving and then he was home for a month during the holiday semester break. Now, he's back at school and we are wrangling over spring break! He wants to spend the entire week away--playing in club sport tournaments both weekends of the break. Husband and I have relented--in a way! Since he will be about 6 hours away during spring break, we are going to pick him up at the site mid-week and bring him back home for some rest before flying back to school. We think he will need the rest--he did during the fall, since he is just a freshman. Spring Break has bothered me--don't know who he's with, etc. So, we have arrived at this compromise, especially since there are no other real breaks between now and spring break. And, no real breaks after spring break. It will be our only opportunity to see him and for him to come home for a few days. He calls regularly, or if we don't hear from him--we call him, just to be safe. I'm sure it will get easier and we will feel more comforatable as the years roll by!</p>
<p>I still missing my S a lot, but even in the distance, we feel closer now than when he used to live at home. At least for me, the first month of the first semester was terrible (I think the kleenex stock went up for that reason), but I'm getting better by the time and getting ready for next coming fall with the second and last of my own going to college.</p>
<p>What got easier? airplane-angst--D has now successfully negotiated two trans-Atlantic flights and local transport airport to college. Also I am convinced after Christmas break visit that D is happy and thriving at college and was looking forward to going back. Am also getting used to handling IM communication.</p>
<p>What got harder? enjoyed D's company while she was home and found the level of conversation (in person not online!) more like two adults but now it sinks in emotionally that she comes home only temporarily. Both glad and sad that we live now in two different worlds. But like having a window on the campus world.</p>
<p>I also felt (and feel) more of a sense of sadness after my daughter returned to college at the end of Christmas break than I did when we dropped her off or throughout the fall semester. In the fall semester, there were lots of visit opportunities (parents weekend, thansgiving, fall break), and the excitement of getting her launched went a long way to take the edge off of missing her. Hearing her talk about "home" over Christmas and realizing she was talking about college not OUR home brought made it clear that life has changed forever. But, life DOES goes on, both hers and mine. She's happy and doing well, and ultimately that is what the job of being a parent is all about -- getting our kids to that point, and then watching them fly. :)</p>
<p>"Hearing her talk about "home" over Christmas and realizing she was talking about college not OUR home brought made it clear that life has changed forever."</p>
<p>Carolyn, its funny, my son caught himself saying that to me last year and looked appalled. Luckily, I had been warned on CC about this linguistic shift ... and that it really is a good thing, if somewhat traumatic for the parents.</p>
<p>With us, it hasn't been so bad, mainly because of emails and cell phone national plans. We touch base almost daily with both and go down to visit once or twice a semester. Both are at different LAC, but only 20 miles apart. </p>
<p>My biggest worry was my own relationship with my spouse. For the last 20 years or so, we did everything as a family, because even when we did things on our own a few times, we'd feel guilt about not having the kids with us. </p>
<p>My fear was with the kids gone... what's next? We're back to where we started 25 years ago. Do we still like each other? Can we have fun alone again? I worried without kids, would our relationship still be as strong? </p>
<p>We took a mini vacation last year just the two of us. While it wasn't like 25 years ago (my back didn't hurt then) it was very close. We never lost the reasons we got together in the first place, they just adjusted when we had kids. Now, they were back. What a relief. </p>
<p>Actually some things did revert back 25 years or so..;) as I told my S if I'd known your M would be the way she is now with an empty nest, I would have kicked you guys out at 12. </p>
<p>sorry that's a bit dirty, but fun dirty.</p>
<p>Second semester was easier for me, because I knew he was completely happy with school, his roommates, and had made a wide circle of friends. It helped that we were talking often by IM or cell phone, which I hadn't really counted on. I also enjoy it when he leaves an AIM away message (watching movie, dinner, party, studying, etc). </p>
<p>Since his college is about an hour from here, we've gotten to go to several sporting events. We may only see him for a minute before the game, but it really helped give us school spirit too. We wear the school shirts, hats, and generally make fools of ourselves cheering. He goes to all the games, and we have also gotten to see him a few times in the fan section on tv. That was fun too.</p>
<p>Pretty da*n funny, OPIE. And your son's response?</p>
<p>I miss the physical closeness....so I grab him for a hug much more often when he is at home..he tolerates this with a laugh. He did tell me he will probably stay at school this summer to do research...knew this was coming but...... darn. I watch him becoming an adult with pride. He can still be a total knucklehead though!</p>
<p>ditto coronax2. </p>
<p>It's much easier knowing that S is happy, gets along well with roommates (yes, he's in a triple), and has made some very good friends.</p>
<p>I LOVE AIM. Who knew?</p>
<p>My relationship with S is much better now with him gone. He appreciates me and our home more. He calls frequently just to talk. He writes emails expressing how grateful he is to us. Being away on his own has made him aware of how good he has/had it at home. :) We have a more mature relationship.</p>
<p>"Pretty da*n funny, OPIE. And your son's response?"</p>
<p>"eeeewwwwww." :)</p>
<p>To which I responded "what you think we only did it twice (D & S)?"</p>