<p>Daughter is on a 4-1-4 schedule and the one-month Winter Term starts tomorrow, so it was off to the airport with her this afternoon. Saying goodbye at the security checkpoint turned out to be even harder than dropping her off at school last August. I guess her brief visit home was just enough to make me realize how much I'd been missing her. The solitary drive home in the rain was not an easy one.</p>
<p>Ah well, life goes on and I've got a son who will be starting this crazy process soon enough. I just wanted to take this opportunity to remind all you parents out there to enjoy your kids while you've got them - even if they drive you nuts on occasion.</p>
<p>Thanks for the reminder, BassDad. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter. The time until your next visit will fly by.</p>
<p>I suppose children forget about how hard it must be on parents to have us leave them. At least these days there is the internet and mobile phones. Hope you feel a bit less lonely soon...</p>
<p>BassDad, if you follow in my pattern, it <em>will</em> get easier. At least as far as going back to college goes. Otoh, I felt a disturbance in the Force about the guy who picked my D up for a date this afternoon.</p>
<p>{{{{{{Many hugs}}}}}} to you. I SO know how you feel! My son will be leaving again a week from today, and I'm already dreading it. There is something that just feels so comfortable and secure and RIGHT when he's home. </p>
<p>Your daughter is so very lucky to have such a loving and caring father. </p>
<p>Thanks so much for the poignant reminder to cherish this next week with my son! ~berurah</p>
<p>funny, my parents dont really seem to mind us leaving. In fact my mother will finally be able to move out of here once i am gone! Oh well, different views on kids i guess.</p>
<p>I think it will get easier, too. In August, we were caught up in the logistics of the move, plus the rest of the family was continuing on with a vacation after droping her off. I had plenty to distract me then. Yesterday, all I had to look forward to was a messy rush hour drive back from the airport in an empty car. </p>
<p>I felt much better after getting her cell phone call from the last bus back to campus last night. After various weather-related delays, her plane landed five minutes before the bus was scheduled to leave and she still had checked luggage to retrieve. I don't know how she caught that bus, but she did.</p>
<p>Ryan, my daughter and son just might say the same thing about me. I'm not one to get all blubbery at such times, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss them when they go.</p>
<p>I know just how you feel BassDad. I was looking forward to having jr. S and frosh D back in the house after the first 'kidless' semester, but dreading just a bit having them together in close quarters - they have very different personalities and interests, and usually end up at each other's throats after extended periods of time together. So far this break, things have been pretty serene, and I have witnessed more than one act of kindness and warmth between them in the past two weeks....maybe it's that they now have one major thing in common, being in (different) schools together? Break ends for both around the 14th, so the jury is still out, but am guessing I will be a bit more than misty-eyed when both leave again.</p>
<p>BassDad,
My daughter is on a 10 week tri-quarter system (they call them quarters, even though there is no 4th quarter available!) and left for the 16 hour drive back to college on Saturday. She went back a few days early; her classes started today. She's a junior and yes, it really does get easier to see them off. When she left to go back to college after the first winter break as a freshman I cried and was pretty depressed for a week or so afterwards. This time I was more concerned with the safety of the drive and not how I would miss her. Next year will be my son's first time at college and it will be interesting how we will all fare seeing them both off, knowing it will be my daughters last college winter break and oldest son's first. Guess we can all commiserate and celebrate together!</p>
<p>BassDad,
I got to go down to pick up my soph S for XMAS break.....the lighthearted feeling I had knowing he would be back with us was actually a surprise...I wasn't expecting the emotional bump in all honesty....I loved college and I am excited about his experience. The pleasure of having him back in our sights was really unexpected... I think it was really joy about having our "family" back together as an entity...</p>
<p>the feeling reminded me of the early early days....my H and I had an arrangement where he would drop S1 off at day care in the am and I got to pick S1 up at end of day. I hated the idea of saying goodbye at day care, easier to say goodbye at the house.....I got the fun job, the pick up. Every day at around 4pm I started to feel psyched to go get our little guy.... I have always described the sensation as similiar to having a "hot" date.....I always looked forward to walking in and seeing his smile....</p>
<p>I like the range of emotions the college departures and arrivals have brought because they are all so visceral.....so many emotions have been felt since finding out we were pregnant 20 yrs ago.... how quickly the time has flown by....... trying to bask in these sensations.... assuming the grades are good!!! LOL....</p>
<p>maineparent:
Your description of "having our 'family' back together as an entity" rings so true for me too.</p>
<p>Son came home for Xmas then left to go to NYC for New Years, then got home again last night. We were all home and in bed, and I thought - Oh good! My kids are both safe in their beds. I wonder when this feeling goes away???</p>
<p>Does anyone else find that they sleep better when the kids are awayat school than when they are home on breaks?? I know, I know - I haven't a clue as to what predicaments they are getting themselves into 4 hours away...maybe I choose to think they are making smart, safe decisions (I already know S parties now and then, but I choose to think he's left the car parked and is walking with friends when out and about, etc.) It just seems that when they are out when here at home, I go to bed and drop off for maybe 20 min., then start awake, sure that I've slept 3 hours, waiting to hear the front door creak open, thinking of all the bad things that may have happened on their way home....process repeats until all children return home....even though the children are now 18 and 21!</p>
<p>Sigh, Weenie....maybe we stop worrying about our kids just in time to start up again with the grandchildren!</p>
<p>beachy:
You're right about the grandkids. My parents worry endlessly about all the grandkids. And they are so cautious with them - my sisters and I always laugh about that. We don't recall them paying all that much attention to us! (They were that generation of parents.) :)</p>
<p>BassDad, your words precisely reflect the feelings I've had the past 2 days since my son returned to school for finals (crazy calendar of his school). I frankly was not prepared to feel so blue again; it just felt so "right", having him home for the past 10 days, and he was so sweet while here--much different from that edgy kid we had all summer! </p>
<p>I think the yo-yo existence of us parents is a difficult one...just when we start to adjust to having them away, they come back, and then we have to adjust all over again. What surprises me is that I feel worse than when he left for Thanksgiving,--maybe it's because I don't know exactly when he'll be home again (he gets another 10 days off at the end of Jan., but may take a trip with some of his college friends). Other factors: he now has a girlfriend he's really crazy about at school (I'm happy for him definitely, but it's also another kind of step away). I just have to keep reminding myself, based on past experience with my daughter, that it becomes easier to roll with the comings and goings as time goes on.</p>
<p>And Beachy, yes, it's true that I slept poorly while he was home...I'd be up at 3 am, he'd still not be at home, etc. We did develop one good system, tho: we would have him call my turned-off cell phone and leave a message if he was going to be home in the very wee hours or sleep over at a friend's. That way, he wouldn't wake us by calling, but if I woke up, I could check my messages, and then not worry.</p>
<p>I'm bringing this back up to the top, looking on perspectives about the first semester. Andi, where are you? You mentioned on the "Waiting" thread that your son had gotten reports from his friends home from college that put a new perspective on his situation. What types of experiences have you heard?</p>
<p>A good friend's daughter raised the possiblity of leaving school during Xmas break. She has gone back to her college, but my friend is in a quandary about how to advise/react.
My daughter and her classmates have had a mixed bag of reports. My DD is generally happy, but some of her friends are having big second thoughts - what have you all heard? MY friend is just acting as a sounding board for now, her kid goes to an art school, which is way out of the friend's college experience, and a lot of the second thoughts are related to "What can I do with this degree/" and "This is really expensive for you, Mom and Dad, I don't want to waste your money!" Give me other thoughts about handling first semester buyers' remorse!!!</p>
<p>I think this is a common time for kids to have second thoughts and experience homesickness that they may not have had in Sept. and it generally catches people off guard.</p>
<p>When S1 went off to college he had a great 1st semester and never really experienced any homesickness. He made lots of friends, was actively involved on campus and thriving. He came home for winter break and reconnected with all his HS friends. Fast forward a month later, after hearing all their stories, the grass at everyone else's school sounded greener. Going back in Jan. was much tougher than leaving in Aug. H and I were not even sure he would get out of the car when we drove back to campus. Luckily he did, but he called several times a day to let us know just how miserable he was. The phone in our house became a hot potatoe-when we would look at the caller id and see it was him we would pass it back and forth with nobody wanting to have to listen to him.</p>
<p>The way we handled it was to tell him we understood how he felt (how could we not, being reminded 3X/day!), but nothing could change for this semester, he was there and it was paid for. We told him we still felt that he had made a great choice and that his present school was the right one for him, but if he gave it a chance and still felt the same way later in the semester, we would help him explore other options. We reminded him that he needed to keep his grades up and stay with his ECs to bolster any potential transfer app. and that he should not make and drastic changes or decisions when he was this upset. He sounded so relieved to hear that we were not discounting his feelings and turning a deaf ear. Just knowing that we had not completely shut the transfer door on him was enough to let him relax. He slowly began to re-engage with his school. </p>
<p>It took several weeks of agonizing calls, but I finally heard the words, "Mom, you were right. This is the best place for me." He is now a jr has been happy ever since.</p>
<p>I had spoken with his HS guidance counselor during this process and he told me that this is a very common time for kids to experience some homesickness. The excitement of first leaving for college is over. They now know that there is a lot of hard work involved. They may not have found a close group of friends yet or be returning to a less than optimal roommate situation. Home is their comfort zone. Coming back to the nest and everything familiar, celebrating holidays and reconnecting with family and friends can often make the separation in January more traumatic. </p>
<p>I think the transition from HS student to college student can be a year-long process.</p>
<p>I know how you're feeling...I just dropped my D off at the airport. I wish she hadn't chosen to go so far away, I miss her terribly and from the look in her eye I know that as much as she loves her new school, she misses home too.</p>
<p>bjz - BassDad,
We are also recovering from tearful airport goodbys. Three weeks ago I couldn't get there fast enough. I had enjoyed getting her room ready for her homecoming. I couldn't wait to hear her laugh and smell her perfume. The energy in the house is just "different" more centered when both girls are here. It's HOME. Last night as I insisted on waiting till she was out of sight, D2 who is working on the last of her college apps, just stood there grinning at me and said that "she is going to be the FIRST to leave" next year, no matter where she's going. No more watching Mom cry at the airport. Thanks for the laugh D2 - just wait!</p>
<p>I'm not so sure sending them off gets that much easier-- its just that the issues du jour seem to take on new and different themes. Some issues transform, some come around for the second time. </p>
<p>This winter break, we got comparatively little time with our s#1. First, he spent almost 2 weeks on a volunteer project in South America (where he got bitten by a scorpion!). Then a day after he came home, his girlfriend arrived for a 10 day visit. ((Need I say more??)) And my father happened to come for a visit for those same 10 days. It was pretty busy around here, and didn't leave a lot of "alone" time with s# 1. So finally, fa. left Tues. and the g.f. left Weds night. We anticipated some family time where we could feel less unimportant in the scheme of things (we were feeling a little low on the priority list), and.... s. comes down with the flu! 105 fever yesterday(((!!!!))), chills, something <em>funky</em> on his chest x-ray (still waiting to hear an update on that one from the doc.), etc. Swell. And he's supposed to be on the plane back to college on Monday. What's familiar is that he happened to have gotten very sick just before he headed off to college freshman year, so this is, comparatively, less scary.</p>
<p>So, the things we'd hoped to do will get shelved, as he sleeps, all bundled under his covers, upstairs. Now mind you, we did lots of fun things when my fa. and the g.f. were here. We thoroughly enjoyed that. Its just that we feel at times like we are on the "B" list, and more and more things are finding their way onto the "A" list. Oh well. I guess we'd better get used to this.....</p>