Was sent the following; cannot take authorship credit.
UChicago: have fun getting shot
Hopkins: have fun getting shot in a less fun city that Chicago
MIT: bunch of nerds, it’s not called “being quirky”, it’s called being a weirdo
Princeton: I’d say something but your head’s so far up your ass you probably wouldn’t hear it anyway
Penn: let’s face it, you’re only an Ivy because of Ben Franklin
Cornell: don’t think that gets you off the hook, you’re even worse
Stanford: because being in California means we’re somehow more laid back and grounded because, well, reasons
Yale: where the only thing more inflated than the egos are the grades
Harvard: where the only thing more inflated than the grades are the egos
Brown: that’s the one in New Hampshire, right?
Dartmouth: that’s the one in Maine, right?
Columbia: because New York’s other Ivy isn’t really an Ivy