Life is becoming unbearable

Pre-College Topics High School Life
1

<p>Hello, I'm currently a junior, and I've been suffering depression since 9th grade, ever since I moved to a new city (San Diego). Many things have changed, including the breakup of my parents, the economic crisis leading me to live in an apartment close to the highway (I can always hear cars, and this has been affecting my sleeping habits greatly), along with living only with my father, who usually comes home late and cannot really encourage me or tell me anything, etc. During the depression, I think I've lost much of my ability to memorize, and have been getting sick many days, with fatigue very common. </p>

<p>I've lost all interest in many activities, and see school as just a joke and waste of time. I am completely unmotivated currently, and without many opportunities, because my father cannot drive me to many places (we only have one car, and not really a bussing route here; I walk 2 miles to school everyday anyways, or bum rides from other peoples' parents when it's late). My main focus is in math in science (and somewhat in chess), as I like to read current research (for example probabilistic method). I've also made MOSP (olympiad math program), and can regularly beat national masters in chess, if that shows my interests. I truly want to do research and learn many things, but because I cannot, it's been very frustrating and hopeless. The fact that I was home alone most of my life also contributes to loneliness. </p>

<p>Some days, I just feel like life is not worth living anymore, if I'm so restricted to seeing the beauty in many things. I've already thought about committing suicide many times because of a lack of meaning in this life. Some people have told me that I should continue on with my life, and college will be much better, but because I have low grades in some subjects, I don't think I will be accepted to many colleges. I get very frustrated when I hear how some of my friends have a house, siblings, a complete family, etc., all which I have lacked for my entire life. It's made my life almost meaningless, in a way; I'm not valuable even to my own parents. People even look down upon me because they know this fact. The unfairness and somewhat fakeness of people can be very unbearable when you're living in a high-end city like San Diego. I don't know if I can live anymore, please help?</p>

2

<p>OK, whoa, before you do anything drastic, at least read what I have to say, ayight?</p>

<p>Listen, there<code>s more to life than school. Even if you can</code>t be accepted to a 4 year school, you can go to community college, and then transfer to a 4 year university. It certainly sound like you<code>re smart. How can we get you to become motivated about school? I mean, yeah, school is definitely boring, but if you sutdy and do well, there</code>s some personal satisfaction in that. Start doing well in school now, and maybe you`ll get accepted to a pretty good school without community college.

Theres a lot of beauty, maybe not necessarily where youre at now, but once you graduate, you can move wherever you want. You can see the Rocky Mountains, the flat lands of Kansas, the Appalachian Mountains, and a lot more than that. Life always gets better. It might seem bad now, but theres always tomorrow. Whats the point of giving up? Dont quit on life, show that youre better than your depression and try and make the most of your current situation.

Can you go to a friend`s house and hang out more with them? Or do you live near a library or something where you can do research? Or maybe someplace you can volunteer and get out more frequently. </p>

<p>Are you on medicine for your depression? If not, maybe it would help to get on some. </p>

<p>Seriously, life<code>s too precious to take it away. You</code>ve got the chance to live; some people die everyday from causes they can<code>t help. Take the gift of Life and use it. Who knows? Maybe you</code>ll work for something like NASA one day? You`ll never know unless you get there to that point in life.

I dont know everything, but I do know that this is not something you want to do. You want to live, even if you dont know it. IT WILL GET BETTER. I`m sure your parents love you; are they just busy? Have you talked to them about this?</p>

3

<p>^respect man … We need more people like you in this world …</p>

4

<p>Tactics…I know that things seem bleak right now but hang in there. It will get better. You have very little control over your own life right now but that will change. If you’re into chess than you already know that and you should start planning your next 5 moves ahead. You have so much to offer and I’m sure there a some people that would love to have your analytical brain! We all have something special. Continue to develop your skills, you’ll be surprised at how far you’ll go. As for your parents, someday they’ll realized what they missed out on, but time waits for no one! Please get some medical help. Depression is a question of chemistry and it can be improved. Please get some councilling as well. Don’t opt out …Your at the beginning of your life and it is a gift. Hang in there.</p>

5

<p>^, ^^, ^^^ Ditto.</p>

<p>At times like these, I like to quote what I think is the greatest Youtube comment of all time:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Keep with it. You’ve got what it takes</p>

6

<p>It is not the end of the world. Believe me, the sun always comes out after a storm.
A few low grades (I don’t think you are refering to Fs, since most people would just state it explicitly) in high school won’t ruin your whole life, plus you will still get into a college (well even if you failed many classes you still have the chance to turn around). It may not be the ideal one, but you can aim for a better graduate school or transfer to a better college.
I know that I sound clich</p>

7

<p>Great advice above.</p>

<p>That being said, I’m sorry that you have to suffer all of this. I really am. That’s a lot to handle at 16/17. </p>

<p>First of all, I’d try to find some adult to talk to first who can give you advice. Maybe a school counselor or teacher? Then maybe try to talk to your dad about this? </p>

<p>And don’t quite on life, * ever *. There’s so much to see, so much to live. Don’t give up. The world is beautiful in so many ways. Oh God yes, it’s terrible, but there are things out there that are simply magical: nature, arts etc. </p>

<p>Hang out with some peers, chill and relax a bit. Don’t worry about colleges- you are clearly very smart and I’m sure if you do well on the SATs, many colleges will like you. </p>

<p>I have to go, but hang in there! :slight_smile: It gets better.</p>

8

<p>Wow, MOSP is very hard to get into, so props on that!</p>

9

<p>I’ve been in a fight with depression throughout my high school career, too, and my grades have also suffered. I focused my studies on this sense of emptiness, using philosophy and psychology to explore why it was there, if the feeling was truly warranted, and what I could do to escape it. I became a sort of post-nihilist. I will argue as fervently as anyone that there is no intrinsic meaning to life while simultaneously arguing that this doesn’t matter, we don’t need one — a different sort of meaning emerges just from setting your own course. I suggest something similar — and a therapist. Seriously, a therapist.</p>

<p>My parents truly despise me. I’m gay, you see, which means that I am a complete disappointment to the whole family unless I change or deny who I am. Ever since I’ve trusted them enough to reveal this side of me, they’ve kept my cooped up in my house except for during school and made my life a living hell. I became really distressed and even considered suicide more times than I can count. But I didn’t.</p>

<p>Because — and I know you notice this, too, whenever you find yourself in an uncharacteristically good mood — life is so fundamentally good. It’s interesting. It’s beautiful. And any moment is worth filling with either laughter or a simple smile. Even the dark tones of depression and the strange meaninglessness of existence are so profoundly interesting, so deep! </p>

<p>Things can be crappy, but life isn’t about hating the crappy. It’s about the good that comes out of it. It’s about the value you create by living. The Easterners have a way of putting it. Their image is of all people as rough gems at birth, each with the responsibility of polishing their stones so that each shines uniquely and distinctively as radiant gem-persons.</p>

<p>Love life — that’s what it’s for. Seek out a capacity to enjoy that special, positive quality of every experience. And become a radiant gem. Focus on cultivating the positive, not on the senselessness of it all. Fulfill the promise to the world that is you. </p>

<p>But seriously, if you want to discuss the philosophy of all this instead of just getting a pep talk, I’m totally game.</p>

10

<p>^This post is amazing.</p>

11

<p>I, too, spent a significant amount of my high school years severely depressed. I also experienced moving at the beginning of high school - it was absolutely devastating. I understand all of it - the lack of motivation, the absolutely horrific feeling of waking up in the morning and realizing that you have to go through another day, the comfort of the evening, when you know you’ve escaped the day and have a few hours of peace before you have to join the living world again. You are not, and will never be, alone.</p>

<p>A major point I think many people miss: This is an illness. A severe one. If you had cancer you wouldn’t sit around denying yourself chemotherapy. You have an illness and it needs to be treated. It’s not an option. I’m telling you, seek treatment. </p>

<p>The absolutely first thing you should do is ASK FOR HELP. This can be your parents, your school, your friends’ parents, your teachers, hell, your next door neighbor or a family friend. Literally anyone. If you really feel that you cannot ask for help from any of these people (or if you want help in addition to these people), call the National Suicide Prevention Line. Even if you don’t feel suicidal at that very second, they will talk through anything you are feeling. The number is 1-800-273-TALK. They are awesome.</p>

<p>I would caution you not to put too much pressure on yourself with regards to grades. The great thing about America is that we are given so many do-overs. You could barely graduate high school (which I have a feeling you are doing better than), go to CC, transfer to Berkeley or LA, and end up at MIT/Harvard grad school. Hell, there was Rhodes Scholar who graduated from CSU Long Beach last year! Don’t worry about your grades right now - they don’t reflect your true ability. Focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Talk. Cry. Really, crying helps.</p>

<p>I want to close by reminding you to ask for help. You might not have considered psychiatry and antidepressants, but I can wholeheartedly tell you that I’m not sure I would have made it through those tough years without the SSRI I took. It improved not only my mood, but also my ability to learn and memorize (I know what it feels like to not be able to memorize, despite reading over and over). </p>

<p>I hated people who told me this while I was depressed, but there are two statements I will leave you with:

  1. It is ultimately your choice to be happy. Now, I would modify this because it’s true that sometimes you literally cannot decide to be happy. I know. But it IS your choice to seek every available path toward happiness. If that includes therapy and psychiatry, which is sounds like it may, that is okay! It doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you are strong.
  2. This one stuck with me for a very long time, and was ultimately what I thought of when I wasn’t sure I could go on: “You have two choices. You can give up or keep going.” I know it is simple, but think about it. </p>

<p>There are people in this world who will truly sweep you off of your feet. Someday, you will find one of those friendships that has you wondering how you know each other so well in such a short time. Someday, you will fall in love. Someday, you will be able to exercise your full potential, at which I have no doubt you will achieve marvelous things. Make sure you arrive on those days. Believe me, it gets better. I never knew I could feel as good as I do today. I am available by PM to talk at any time.</p>

12

<p>^ This post? Pretty gosh darn awesome! Same for Philovitist`s!</p>