This is (kind of, sort of) a sob story

Pre-College Topics High School Life
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<p>Growing up, people have told me I am gifted. That I am intelligent, that I am witty, that I am articulate, more mature than my age. People told me I would go on to do great things. This has not been the case thus far, as you could probably infer from the title.</p>

<p>My family life had always been strained, and to put it short, my father is abusive, my mother is helpless, and I am lost. I came into high school with the expectation that if I excelled academically and socially, I could go to an Ivy, go on to another great grad school, and from then on, be successful and be happy.
Things hit hard. I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder, but I still tried to push myself out of the hole, but circumstances spiraled out of my control. My father lost his job, my mother fell ill with a degenerative bone disease, and I lost the will to keep going on.</p>

<p>All of the tools to succeed, none of the will.
I was placed into a honors program after I scored a 1400/1600 on a retired SAT, and I went on to a very competitive high school.
First semester freshman year classes: Honors English, Honors Biology, Honors Algebra, AP Human Geography, French 2, and Art.
First semester freshman year ECs: Debate, Student Government, Interact Club, Scholastic Bowl
Things gradually got worse, and I lost sight of things. The depression got so bad I couldn't get out of bed. I would end up sitting in my room and crying everyday, and sometimes I wouldn't even remember why I feel so empty. I proceeded to fail every class. Yes, every single class, I am aware that CC is filled with overachievers, so please, scoff at me later. The ECs (rightfully) rescinded their invitations and sponsorships, my friends started to drift apart, which only aggravated my situation more. By then, I had completely given up doing anything and being anyone.</p>

<p>Second semester freshman year classes: Honors English, Biology, Algebra, Social Science, Art.
I proceeded to crash and burn. I received a D in Biology, a C in Social Science, and a C in art. This shocked my teachers and counselors, who have asked me time and time again "Why?". I could only shrug and pretend not to care anymore, and in actuality, I really didn't at the time. My parents and I came to the general consensus it was not a wise decision to enroll me in summer school courses to see if I would get better. It didn't happen.</p>

<p>On July 14th at 12:30 PM, I was hospitalized after I tried to swallow 46 assorted pills in a futile and laughable attempt to kill myself. It came in a blur, and after I was rushed to the ER I spent a week in the mental ward reevaluating what I had done, what had happened, and finally realized that I had to change, that I had hit bottom, and that I was going to send myself into an early grave if things progressed like they had.</p>

<p>I am now starting fourth quarter of my sophomore year, and things have changed for the better. First semester I had some hiccups, but I had managed to (slightly) get my depression in control.
First semester sophomore year classes: Honors English (B), AP World (B), Chemistry (A), Health (A), Geometry (A), Chinese 1 (A)
ECs: Interact Club
My grandmother died a few weeks before finals, and I managed to keep most of my grades afloat with the exception of Honors English and AP World. Those two are bothersome to me, but I have come to accept it as only a minor nuisance as compared to my freshman year.
Second semester sophomore year classes (current grades as of 4/12/12): Honors English (A), AP World (A), Chemistry (A), American Problems (A), Chinese 1 (A), Geometry (A), Information Processing (A).
Things have turned around for me, and I am humbly proud of myself. I have been elected to become a junior peer advisor, I will be rejoining the debate team, rejoining Scholastic Bowl, continuing to be a member of Interact, founding Model UN, and work part-time at a local diner. I will also be retaking first semester Biology as well as second semester Algebra. I am registered to intern with the ACLU in the city this summer, as well as volunteer with a hospital senior center, while working at my part-time job.</p>

<p>My junior year course load will be: AP US History, AP Psychology, AP Lang, Chinese 2, Honors Pre-Calculus, Honors Physics, and I have not decided if I should do peer guidance, retake a freshman year course which I did not do well in, or take AP Statistics. I'm not worried about my ACT score, seeing as I have a 34 composite score when I took it this fall. I would ideally like to go up 2 points, but a perfect score is rare and I'm not going to hold my breath on it. Hopefully I will be able to turn things a complete 180 and be able to maintain stellar grades and ECs junior and senior year to prove to colleges I am not an abject failure. (I would retake as many courses over the summer and during the school year as I could from freshman year, of course)</p>

<p>Things have turned around a bit, and I am proud of that, yet it is still not enough. I recognize that I will have no shot in hell at an Ivy, and good private schools will still be a far reach. I have set my sights on the premiere state school which would be a reach (UIUC), DePaul, UIC, Purdue, NIU, and my far far far reach would be Northwestern or U Chicago (with certainty that it's unattainable unless I became Jesus Christ and God all rolled into one, I know).
It would break my heart to go to a community college and then head to a state school, as I don't want to miss out on any more of the college experience. The majors that I'm interested in ideally would be a double major in political science and business with a minor in finance, or somewhere along those lines, seeing as I'd like to work in finance, business, or law after graduate school. (Law school or business school) I'll try my absolute damnedest to do great in my undergraduate program, get internships and research positions, join and lead clubs, and hopefully then I can undo the damage I have done with a year of reckless behavior.</p>

<p>I have had many regrets, and I continue to have many regrets, even though regret is pointless. My new motto is "accept what you cannot change, and change what you cannot accept"</p>

<p>If you've read this far, I am amazed at your attention span.
But the questions I have are basically how screwed am I, and what else can I do to dig myself out of this hole, what schools for my undergraduate I should set my sights on seeing as everything shall go great the next few years, if a lower-tier state school that I excelled at would hurt my chances to go to a great grad school, if I outshined at a state school I could transfer to a better school, and if colleges would see past my youthful indiscretions.</p>

<p>TL;DR: Messed up hard freshman year, did better sophomore year (current year), worried about college, stressed about life. Any advice? (See above)</p>

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<p>Actually, I think colleges will totally love your story. A suicidal student makes a 180 and goes from fs to aps! I may be wrong, but I think you could go to a good school - maybe not ivy, but it could be a possibility I think.</p>

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<p>I read this whole thing. What an amazing story… You should be proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. I really can’t answer any of the questions you had about college, but I’m humbled by how much you overcame. Thanks for sharing your story.</p>

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<p>I think you have an amazing story and if you are able to convey that story in amazing essays and interviews, you will do well on college admissions</p>

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<p>You are a really strong person, just saying…</p>

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<p>I don’t have any advice, but I admire your resilience. Highly inspirational. I sincerely hope you will succeed in the future. :)</p>

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<p>You should be really proud of yourself! Often, depression is a medical problem… I knew someone who had it and was much, much better once they got on antidepressants. No advice, but I wish you the best of luck!</p>

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<p>Wow, that’s really amazing! And on the bright side, many good colleges don’t even take into consideration freshman year grades.</p>

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<p>I think the fact that you’ve overcome so much will ultimately help you. Many top schools don’t consider freshman grades- Princeton, Stanford, and the UCs, to name a few. You have a very positive attitude, and I think you’ll have endless options for college if you continue to work hard.</p>

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<p>With your strength and resilience, and the way you’ve been sincerely trying to make up for your previous struggles, you will definitely do well. Just focus on taking care of yourself and don’t stress too hard! Keep at it and you’ll have the chance to go to some good schools :)</p>

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<p>Eh, I don’t think my classes or ECs this year qualify me for Princeton or Stanford or the UCs, but here’s to hoping! And my school doesn’t have class rank, which I heard is an important factor in Princeton’s decision making. I’d basically have to be Jesus Christ to even be waitlisted. Sigh.</p>

<p>But thank you guys so much for all your support! I really hoped and dreamed to go to an Ivy, but it’s no longer a possibility. I’m disappointed, and there’s always that lingering feeling of “what if”. I guess Robert Frost put it well.</p>

<p>Is there any advice as to what I can do better or what schools I should look at (assuming all goes well)?</p>

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<p>I would hope that someone who had gone through all the things you have would care less about attending a good college. Yet it seems one of the primary things you take away from all the hard times you had is a resentment towards them, of how far behind they put you in the competition to get admitted to an elite university. I know those feelings are inevitable to some extent, especially with how the environment surrounding these things is - and maybe you’re just feeling them particularly strong tonight - but i just feel they can’t be good, or helpful. If you could find your own way to happiness and success that’s not contingent on edging everyone else out, and comparing yourself to them, and your history, and everything, then i think that would be better. it is certainly not as obvious as a more traditional route, but you are a smart kid.</p>

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<p>@Enfield (I’m such a noob I can’t even quote correctly, sorry)</p>

<p>College/school has been a major stressor my whole life, basically. It’s the “why me” syndrome that’s kicking into overdrive at this moment. Brain composition, genetics, environment be damned. I have learned from my mistakes, and how to deal with my triggers. School is probably the biggest stressor right now, and I want to be as prepared as possible. The fact that hurts most is a big chunk of my future could be affected by a lost year, and I get really anxious when I think about the future on a wide scope. It’s neurotic and pointless, but I still find myself slipping into it at times.</p>

<p>I have learned from the past, I have healed, yet some scars still remain. I’ve tackled most of the emotional/mental stuff this year since I had time off since I didn’t have ECs to deal with, and now I want to focus on the academic portion I have yet to completely deal with.</p>

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<p>i’m not sure you made any mistakes. in hindsight things might look like that though. you’ve certainly * grown * i bet! to quote you put “quote” in brackets before the text to be quoted, and end the same way, except with a slash before the q. i don’t expect you to be able to follow that poor explanation, btw :p.</p>

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<p>yeah, if you didn’t feel like this i think things would be better. i can see why it would be hard not to feel that way though. i’m someone who got a pretty good score on the SAT (2300) but barely graduated hs and didn’t get into any colleges. perhaps my being grateful for a lot of things - and how things turned out most importantly - says more about my psychology than it does about how i should feel given the things that I am missing which i would actually value a lot had I gone to a nice college. </p>

<p>But, i’m inclined to think that i actually found some * really valuable * things out that I would never have found out had I gotten better grades, and so on. but I’ve have had moments of doubt - and the whole why me thing - and looking at my academic record has been painful. but, for me at least, ditching my previous values for new ones i found because the old ones weren’t working out for me (they made me feel sad and like a failure) worked well. so i am definitely deeply cautious of thinking of years of failing as lost time, or anything like that, because that’s not how i ended up seeing that time. </p>

<p>but, if you can hold on to your values and get into a good-enough school, then you will be alright i think. but posting this long thread here is obviously not a great sign of mental health and everything. but I think you have decent chances.</p>

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<p>This actually definitely reminds me of what my academic counselor was talking to me about. “Successful people will be successful no matter what school they go to” It seems, at least from my point of view, that you’re happy and that’s what’s most important. For some reason I equated going to a Harvard or a Stanford with happiness back in the day, only so I could set myself for misery. Sure, it’d be great to go to Harvard, but the world will not end if I don’t get in for my undergrad. There are plenty of opportunities for me to be successful and happy is what I keep trying to remind myself while I shake the last teardrop of regret away. Question, and you don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable, what did you do after you didn’t go? I’ve been looking at taking a year or two off to teach and volunteer and then go back if my other options don’t pan out.</p>

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<p>i would still say that you probably don’t have to shake that regret away just yet - your story is distinctive and like other people said, i’m optimistic you could have a decent chance of getting into one of those schools if things go well. The dangerous part is when the whole admissions process plays with your emotions to a horrifying extent, and getting into those schools becomes something more than it ought to be, and gets in the way of other things that might bring you more happiness and fulfillment. I’m not sure how to avoid this - but i think it is a seriously bad, endemic thing that would be a very good thing to figure out how to avoid or mitigate. But if things turn out well for you academically, i don’t see a reason not to apply to stanford, etc., unless you would reject their offer of admission.</p>

<p>mostly this year I just read about all the things i had been wanting to read more about but didn’t have the time to (even though i didn’t do very well in school, it was a struggle to do as well as i did do). that’s where i started, at least. I followed my interests, expanded my understanding of certain fields, reshaped what i think is most important and what i want to devote my time to a bit, and overall have come away feeling more focused and certain, and less confused about the world. i can’t think about the deep future either. in the short term i want to try my hand at contributing to the indefinite life-extension movement via science (i’m starting at a state college next year because it turns out if you’re not a genius getting a degree of some respectable sort is a pretty helpful thing for this!). </p>

<p>okay i hope that specified it a bit - i did kind of feel my post could have used some kind of narrative. otherwise i could just be speaking from divine inspiration.</p>

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<p>You have a really strong story, and I admire you. I’m a sophomore as well, and I struggled with an eating disorder from when I was 9 to the beginning of my freshman year. I kept my grades up- except math, which I got an 80 in, but I don’t feel like I did a lot of ECs that year. I’m getting better this year, though.</p>

<p>You’re a sophomore. You have a whole year or whole year and half before you apply to colleges. Just make your junior and beginning of senior year count. Even if you’re not accepted to Ivies, you will probably get into a decent college if you keep up the good work. Heck, you could transfer to an Ivy then or something.</p>

<p>It’s not over. You still have a right to hope. Whatever happens, good luck.</p>

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<p>Are there any college students lurking right now who could give me some advice/ what to look at?</p>

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<p>Mentally ill college student here.
You have to be careful about mentioning depression on college applications. Many universities see suicidal students as a liability, since student suicides can negatively affect their reputation. They will sometimes go so far as to suspend or expel students who show suicidal tendencies (they call it “medical leave,” but it’s difficult to get back in once they kick you out). And that’s for students who already attend the school - they will show much less mercy to prospectives.</p>

<p>On the other hand, you do want to have some story to explain your grades. I would probably talk to a college counselor or several trusted adults so you can frame your story in the best possible light.</p>

<p>Once you actually get into college, you can register yourself with disability services, talk to the deans, etc. That way if the depression hits again you’ll have an easier time getting extensions and incompletes. But don’t tell them if you’re feeling suicidal because then they might kick you out.</p>

<p>Edit: More advice. Once you get into college you’ll probably have good insurance depending on what college you go to. So I would find a treatment team right away (like over the summer) because the college transition is hard and you might as well. But find an off-campus provider (unaffiliated with the school) for the reasons I mentioned. The student health center will place the interests of the university above your own well-being. And I’ve never met a health center doctor who was actually good.</p>

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<p>I have to disagree with fizix2. the OP’s story is amazing, and if anything, I think it shows the strength to overcome :)</p>