Limiting geographical areas for college search?

Parents Forum
1

Should I feel guilty that we haven’t outright said no but we are pushing DS to look more East Coast? He wants to study CS and has his eye on the CA job markets. Utah has also come up on his college search.

If that’s where his job or wishes take him, we’ll accept it and be happy, but we really don’t want him in school out west. We are currently midwest but planning to relocate back to the east coast.

He has really competitive stats so I don’t want to limit his dreams but realistically, there are more expenses and less seeing him if he’s that far away.

2

If he is hoping for a job in CA post graduation then it might behoove him to be studying at more western schools. Obviously some schools have very recognizable names nationally, so I suppose if will depend on what schools you are targeting. I don’t know that I would be limiting him to search on the east coast out of hand. Of course if there are financial concerns, medical or mental health concerns that superimpose a limited geographical area then that is entirely different story. you shouldn’t feel guilty about limiting the search necessarily, but if it were being limited entirely because you don’t want him to “fly the nest”, you might want to reconsider. Good luck in your search.

3

Financial concerns can be checked independently (net price calculators; geographic location has a relatively minor effect relating to travel time and cost).

What other reason do you have for wanting to limit his search by region?

4

It would be a bit easier to get a job out there if he goes to school there.

5

We did not limit our kids’ college searches geographically – but they each did it on their own. Two were very focused on the East Coast. The other - - no way.

6

That’s the kind of thing that gets kids to resent their parents. If it’s not much more expensive, let him go.

7

How about you tell him you’d really really appreciate it (for financial, logistic, & sentimental reasons) that he confine his search to schools no farther west than Chicago & no farther south than North Carolina? You"d be giving him a choice among many of the top colleges in the world. That would hardly be an unbearable restriction.

8

We asked our kids to only look at colleges within a three hour drive from our house…or within an hour of a family member or close friend. It wasn’t too limiting…we have a lot of relatives.

They both agreed as it was the only criteria we placed on their college searches.

I can tell you…One of our kids had emergency surgery 3000 miles from our house…and that kid was mighty happy to have her aunt and a very good friend by her side…because even if I had immediately hopped on a plane, taking a red eye…I would have missed the surgery.

9

I told my son that if he wanted to apply to schools on the West Coast that he could, but that it would be a hardship for us because of the expense of plane travel and that we would not be able to visit schools unless he got in and was seriously considering them and that if he did go to school on the West Coast he would come home basically twice a year. He did not end up applying.

10

I do see why parents do limit geographical areas. However, many east coast schools aren’t cheap either. So I guess it depends what your budget actually is. I would say you would need to factor in travel. I think it’s hard to know kids feelings once they get to a new college and try and settle in. It doesn’t go super smoothly for every kid and there are some merits to being able to get away and wind down in your own space some weekends. When I was in college and of the quiet, academic ilk, I had a party room mate who ended up throwing up in my closet. My 2nd roommate had a boyfriend in her room constantly. I went home a lot of weekends and I ended up transferring after my freshman year. So if you have a quieter, home body kind of kid, I could see it MAY be a more difficult to be across country.

You could also tell him you will help him locate after graduating if he wants. He may need to take a job to start before he can move - you need to be more flexible with your first job or 2. I know plenty of people who have moved west from the midwest to work in CS. I was offered several jobs including moving expenses as a young adult. I know someone moving to Palo Alto after being recruited from a major internet/tech player this month. No one is locked into a geographic area for life.

I do think if you’re currently living in the Midwest now, and moving east, it’s a little odd to limit him east. Utah may be worth looking at - schools there are probably cheaper with possible merit options.

11

We have asked DD20 to start with schools within a certain radius drive from home OR an easy flight. If she is unable to find a good list within that geographic goal, we will expand it. DS16 has both a direct flight and a reasonable drive option from his school to home and we have used both options. He is attending for roughly the same COA as the state flagship and strong regional in his major which are both within a 2 hour drive of home. Do not assume a geographically closer school will result in a lower COA (including travel costs) until all the numbers are in. Also, I believe he is more involved on campus because the school fits him so well. The others were not nearly as good of a fit.

12

There is value in having your child at a college within easy driving distance, or just a short, direct flight away from home. Medical/mental emergencies, parents day weekends, showing up to support your child’s participation in a school music concert, play, or athletic event–these are all things to consider when giving your child some parameters around college choices and what you are willing as parents to support and shell out $$ for.

What is NOT fair is pulling the rug out from under your S after the acceptances are in and final decisions are being processed. What year is your S now in high school? Have you had any talks about geographic limitations with him yet?

Level of maturity, strength of independence with life skills, concerns about time management skills, ability to advocate for himself with teachers and academic issues, willingness to get schoolwork done and turned in on time, experience of child with sleepaway camps or other long distance separation from home, social skills–these are all possible indicators of how well your child might do in a college far from home with no parents close by.

You should split your concerns into three piles…Financial limitations, Student limitations, and Parental limitations. Financial budgeting can severely limit the number of plane tickets you can purchase each year. The reality of having to take multiple days off of work to visit your child can be stressful, especially if they have a medical/mental crisis. Schools can cost the same amount of tuition, room and board, and still require different amounts of travel expenses. Will the student need a car at college? That is another financial and logistical situation to consider.

Student limitations, such as chronic medical conditions that require the student to find a local doctor, figure out how to get prescription refills, or food allergies that require child to find local sources of healthy foods, are real considerations that need to be addressed. These can be practiced at home with enough lead time, and are possible to overcome.

One set of concerns belongs to you as parents, and is the innate selfishness (I mean this in a good, loving way as a parent myself) of wanting to stay connected to your child during the college years. This love should not be driven by overprotectiveness (my child must live at home during college so they stay safe). And this love can be tamed through parental self-control. So many posts on this forum detail the parents’ sense of loss as their kids head off to a college thousands of miles away. The pain is real, but the parents let them go anyway. Other posts show students fighting with parents to even leave their home at all to attend a college one hour away.

Only you know the heart and spirit of your child, and their need for closer physical connection during the college years. Skype and texting can keep the parent’s heart covered with more frequent communication, and can sometimes close the gap of missing your child. Connecting your child to resources closer to their chosen college can give you comfort as well. Examples include a local church if your family is religious, or a continuation of a sport/activity that draws students into a closer knit family unit (theater, marching band). Having someone else on campus that they know, or a family relative that lives either close by, or close enough to help in a crisis can be a comfort to you.

Another aspect of the intended major is searching for colleges with a large enough reputation that big companies come to campus to recruit. Ask questions in your college search about where the CS kids are getting jobs at. It could be that there are East Coast/Mid West schools that are strong enough in the CS major to attract the big companies.

Random note about instate tuition. Is there any flexibility on your moving date? If your son does want to stay in the Midwest, is it possible to delay your move until he starts college instate? In my home state, once the child starts attending an instate school, they are eligible for instate tuition even if the parents move away.

13

Finding the right fit for college is about his needs, not yours. If you feel you need more contact with him, maybe you can travel there instead of him coming back, or you can Skype or whatever. I wouldn’t want my child to give up a fine opportunity because he felt he had to stay close to mom for my sake.

14

Sometimes it’s easiest if you quantify things.

You want to limit the west coast schools because of money. My kid is considering the same thing. How much does it cost for him to fly home 4 times a year and for you to fly out? How much more expensive would it be than driving? We rounded it to 5k, so that we have contingency for emergencies. We told our kid that we were willing to pay for one or two applications to west coast schools, but that their cost has to come in at least 5k lower than the closer local schools to be in contention. We also told him that we would consider a European school if there’s a 10k difference, but he has fallen out of love with European schools other than a potential semester abroad.

There’s nothing wrong with letting a kid dream and work towards that dream. And he may surprise you and get Regents at USC or something similar, making the farthest away college the cheapest option.

Just make sure he has solid backup plans, which is what you’re doing.

15

There are 3000 colleges in the USA…you have to set some variables.

My oldest is very independent but she set a 3 hour driving limit for herself. She looked at State Us and some techy privates…and honestly there are those kind of colleges anywhere in the US so know need to spend extra $$ travelling to them.

My youngest I knew would need support so she picked a 1-2 hour radius (but not the colleges super nearby as those were “too close”" It has worked out well because she has needed support some times.

As a parent, I say “that’s nice” that the child would want to work in California in the future…but for now I wouldn’t pay the extra $$ for travel. I certainly would not pay full price for a UC if I was OOS.

It is okay to set parameters for college on your children…based on finances and the child’s needs.
e.g., kids with medical/mental health/etc issues.
Sometimes we get caught up in “we have to let them go to their DREEEEEAM school” even if we have to take giant loans and risk our retirement. Nope! We have to support them the best we can and keep our own finances in mind.

We were able to pay for our kids colleges…but they went to good value state schools (that they were delighted to attend)

16

I think that the availability of direct, frequent, and reasonably priced flights may be more important than distance per se. Traveling between two small regional airports with few flights may be more cumbersome than east coast to west coast.

There are no non-stops between our home and where my child attends college. It’s a bit cumbersome for her and the cost and time involved to travel there is prohibitive for us. I wish we could visit her on campus more often. But the school fits her like a glove and the financials worked out for us, so no regrets.

17

It is very common in our community for parents to limit choices by geography. I live in NJ and many people limit their kids to the Boston-Washington corridor, plus upstate NY and western PA. The feeling is that there are hundreds of schools to choose from in that geography and there is no need to go beyond that.

When my oldest was applying (back in 2011) our GC encouraged her to apply to a fairly prestigious school in the midwest. When I expressed doubt that she would be accepted, he said that they were eager to bring in kids from the east coast. Obviously things have changed since then!

It also really depends on the kid. My youngest will be going to school a plane flight away–the only one of my kids to go that far. But he is very independent and I am confident he will have no problems (and I have a cousin the city where he will be attending). Meanwhile his older sister is at a small state university about 20 minutes away. She never even considered schools more than about 2 hours away by car.

18

IMHO, you should feel guilty if, when all the acceptances are in, you then make some of the schools unacceptable for a reason that could have been laid out in advance.

We’re officially applying the parental discretionary veto to schools where billed costs (tuition plus room and board less NPC-provided anticipated aid) exceed an arbitrary threshold or where the Forbes financial stability score is below a certain arbitrary threshold. For anything else, our opinion doesn’t affect our willingness to pay, so is advice to be taken or left.

Distance doesn’t necessarily impact travel convenience or cost - Grinnell and Macalester are similar distances from us, but one of them takes 2.5 hours to get to, with multiple inexpensive direct flights daily, and the other 6.0, with zero direct flights and a significant drive.

Our household is at the other end of the empty nest spectrum. Get out of our house, child! :slight_smile: She does better when she’s forced to be independent and self-reliant. And she wants to live far away as an adult, so might as well start now.

19

We didn’t limit our kids’ searches, but it’s OK if you want to do so for whatever reason. I just ask that you are honest with your ds up front. Right now. If you simply are not going to allow him to attend college on the West Coast, do the kind thing and let him know before he starts to explore and fall in love with schools that are not going to be options.*

  • This also goes for talking finances. If you can't afford more than $XX, say that.
20

However, if that is desired, actual travel time should be checked, rather than imposing a region-based restriction. Some colleges in the east coast region are in relatively remote areas that can take more time to travel to from the midwest than a west coast college with easy access to a major airport.