<p>Just to add another voice from the parent side, I can still remember an argument that I had with my mother during winter break freshman year. I came in late, which I guess was not what got them angry, but I forgot to take off my shoes and I clumped all the way upstairs and woke everyone. Dumb of me, I admit.</p>
<p>I would think that your parents want to know more or less when you will be home so that they don't start sending out all points bulletins to law enforcement because they are worried. Yes, the worry when you are at school, but are much less aware of your day to day activities. Also, if they are asleep, I would think that waking them is not good.</p>
<p>I think this is a pretty common experience, even though for me it's not so much about staying out late. </p>
<p>My parents and I got along well until I entered high school. I began to notice that they were treating me as if I was two years younger (a significant difference if you're in your early teens), and I felt that this was hampering my development. I realized I couldn't do very much by myself, that my peers had more personal freedoms, and that they were far more developed (mentally, socially) than I was. It has required a good deal of conscious effort to catch up. </p>
<p>I see that things have not at all changed with my parents this summer, and next summer I plan to find a new job and stay away from home, even if they don't like the idea.</p>
<p>Parents read the papers, watch the news, hear anecdotes...and we were also teenagers and young adults once too. Its pretty scary. Its about respect...mutual respect. </p>
<p>I am sure some parents have "perfect families and perfect kids" like Ward Cleaver. </p>
<p>Our D goes to an expensive private school and we ask that she work and earn what she can during the summer and extended vacations. She has not been a partier or drinker or late night person ever. But we did get a lot of backtalking and some insolence...most of which is just normal rebellion, trying to define herself, and frustration that being at home this summer has not been the big welcome home from her friends....they are working, in Europe, or have moved on in their lives...all of which is normal. Its not easy for her...but she has to figure it out for herself. Plus her bf from college lives not far from school and is with his buddies a lot...and its hard for them not being together much this summer.</p>
<p>I know what you mean, I plan on moving back earlier than expected.</p>
<p>if your parents suck, move out on your own.</p>
<p>put up or shut up</p>
<p>i'm not sure that it is a problem or not but I found myself having nothing to do at home. I ate, watched TV, surfed on the internet, slept, etc, doing the same like this as a routine almost the whole summer. poor me.</p>
<p>Because when I stayed in dorm, I had a lot more of places to go.
So, sometimes, I wished that the school should start as soon as possible.</p>
<p>One thing that it got better is that the relationship with my mom.
I feel more comfortable to talk to her. After learning how to live and interact with other people in dorm, I understand that family is what I should care the most.</p>
<p>Glad I'm not the only one having a hard time. Coming back to the city after living in a rural town for 8 months really woke me up to how crappy, crowded and crass everything here is. I miss my college friends a ton, and while it's great to see my best friends from home, it's usually not very often. I've been a little angsty with my mother, and I really shouldn't because she means good, but switching from independence to a home-life again has me unbalanced.</p>
<p>I think the biggest issue with me is the little amount of productivity in the summer. I told myself I would workout and study French, but I'm never motivated. The collegiate environment really makes me work and feel accomplished, and I just don't have that here. I should enjoy these lazy days, as they will probably be my last in a long time, but I'd rather be back in Maine.</p>
<p>I'm pretty sure I'll stay there next summer.</p>
<p>it's just a matter of getting used to things and compromising. your parents aren't used to living without you and you're not used to living with them, at least for the past 8 months. i personally didn't have any problems with curfew or not, and it's not like i don't like my mom or that we can't along, but we had fights over small stuff basically once every day.
oh, and as others said, i basically didn't do anything at home. i started work last month and will work until the end of august, but before that i just watched tv and used the internet while sitting at home.</p>
<p>Just to reiterate northstarmom's and other's comments. Think of yourself as more of a guest in your parents' home and extend them the same courtesies you would to any host. If you're going to be later than you had expected, let them know. They'll appreciate it.</p>
<p>When S came home to visit after his 1st year, I asked that he leave us a message on the machine if he decided to sleep over a friend's house (we can't hear the phone from upstairs). The first time he forgot, I called his cell at 6 am to make sure he was okay. After that, he remembered to leave us a msg or let us know. :)</p>
<p>For all those college young adults - Would it be better for a parent to say-Your are welcome to move back home, or support yourself for the summer living where ever you like. If you want move back home, which you are so welcome to do, we expect that you will be respectful of the living situation. Of course at the age of 18 you should not have a curfew, but respect those around you and let them know when you will be returning so we are not scared in the middle of the night when you return (okay and maybe worried because it's hard not to love your child). I would also expect that free room and board means some help with the household, such as cleaning up after yourself and pitching in. I would love to see my child in between her school years, but if they want to support themselves and live on there own, I think it's a great learning experience to try to get a job and pay rent, insurance, utilities, groceries. I would bet there's not alot of time for going out until 2 or 3 am.</p>
<p>I've moved back home the two summers so far because my college is only 15 minutes away and I can continue to commute for summer school or get a job/internship in the area. Home, at least for me, has several luxurious amenities that even a single room in college can't provide. But the huge tradeoff is the loss of some privacy, the constant "where are you going and when you're coming back", the inability to have people over for partying or other assorted fun, the "come out to dinner with us" requests. </p>
<p>So it's a tradeoff. I guess it'd be nice to have all the amenities and have parents who don't care about anything now that we're over the age of 18 (and I know those too, including some who have coke filled parties with their parents watching). But if you move back home it's ultimately only fair to be under the parent's rules, as long as they're reasonable.</p>
<p>To those of you who miss the freedom of living in a dorm, with lots of friends around and lots of things to do and places to go, let me tell you that we parents envy that sort of life. I used to love it, too, when I was in college. Then, when I graduated, I had to come back to real life. </p>
<p>If having to deal with parents really bothers you, think about how it might be if whenever you decided to go out, they would say "whatever, dude" (if they even bothered to notice) and not ask (i.e., pay attention or care any) to where you were going and when (or whether) you were coming back. And say "whenever you're hungry, just make yourself something to eat" and "whenever you have no more clothes to wear or want clean sheets, just do a load of laundry".</p>
<p>Might that sound a bit weird?</p>
<p>"And say "whenever you're hungry, just make yourself something to eat" and "whenever you have no more clothes to wear or want clean sheets, just do a load of laundry"."</p>
<p>S, 20, and I are home alone for the summer, and the above is the way I operate. He has been responsible for his own laundry since he was 10. I'm a vegetarian, and he is not vegetarian nor does he like the food that I cook. Consequently, we each cook for ourselves. He mainly shops for his own groceries, and I reimburse him. </p>
<p>We do let each other know where we are going out and about when we'll be back, and each of us calls home if we'll be back later in the evening than we'd said. Doing these things is a matter of safety and courtesy.</p>
<p>We get along fine, including sometimes doing things together like volunteering and even occasionally jointly entertaining mutual friends of all ages.</p>
<p>This only works if your parents are reasonable.</p>
<p>I agree with you, Rufflez, but they def. don't show it.
Funny how their making my curfew earlier than before in the last week I'm here.</p>
<p>dadofsam - if the kid isnt accustomed to those perks (i.e. laundry and meals) then its really not a big difference. I always do my own laundry, set my own bedtime, and my parents have never stayed up for me. They don't ask where I am going, but they never have. Occasionally I will have a dinner with them, but they also understand that I may want to eat with friends, or at my mom's house...so they never really care if I don't eat with them.</p>
<p>this is the last summer (probably for the rest of my life) that i will be spending at home. going into my senior year, my parents and i have the "re-entry" as my mom likes to call it, down to a science. i was used to being independent and not having to answer to anybody, and my parents were used to knowing where i was. now, i call them and let them know that i'm out, and i always make sure i call to let them know if and when im coming home. they were pretty understanding that i have my own life, but you have to keep in mind that under THEIR roof, you have to respect their lives too.</p>
<p>"As of senior prom, S no longer had a curfew. We just asked that he let us know where he was going and when he'd be in.</p>
<p>It has been a delight having S home for the summers. He is treated like an adult. He follows our house rules for adults who are longterm guests-- helping out with chores, letting us know when he'll be in. Asking if it's OK to invite friends over late at night (We have no problem with this, just don't want to be surprised by visitors.)</p>
<p>Asking if it's OK to have parties We have no problem with this either as long as we don't have something else scheduled at home for that time, and as long as the parties follow the house rules, which means no drugs or alcohol. I know some of S's friends drink underage (They've told me), but I haven't seen any evidence that they do so here. I presume that if they want to underage drink, they go elsewhere."</p>
<p>I didn't want to have to get all the way into how my parents are, but they aren't really reasonable folks like it sounds like you guys are. During high school I was the most respectful daughter you could have...not to mention I had no idea what alcohol was, that people my age went to parties, or that people even went out after midnight. Throughout all of high school I never attended a single party, was home every weeknight and most weekends, with the exception of a rare sleepover at my best friend's house senior year. Nevertheless, for senior prom I was expected home before 1 (even though my older brother's best friend escorted me to prom), I was never allowed out past midnight on a normal (non-prom weekend) night, and I'm STILL not allowed to have a party at our house (and of course I'm talking about one that would follow a no drug no alcohol rule). So when it came down to trying to get some freedom, I wasn't going to get it from just following the courtesy and respect guidelines. I had to actually be rude, show dissent, and demand the respect deserved for someone my age before we could all operate on the same level. So for parents who are a bit more strict than y'all sound (and y'all do sound awesome), sometimes it IS a control issue.</p>
<p>" So for parents who are a bit more strict than y'all sound (and y'all do sound awesome), sometimes it IS a control issue."</p>
<p>Yes, I agree that those parents exist, and the students unfortunate enough to have such parents typically have to fight to be treated like an adult. </p>
<p>It's worth it for such students to do everything possible find things like paid summer research opportunities on campus or high paying summer internships away from home. Fortunately, so many opportunities abound that typically by the time they are rising juniors, students typically can find summer opportunities that are affordable and provide productive ways to stay away from home - - ways that even the most controlling parents would approve of.</p>
<p>My parents... are just blowing up in front of me and I still have 3 weeks of this crap... I am not an adult to them, the fact that I'm paying for 99% of my own education means nothing to them, I'm a mouth to feed therefore I'm still a child.</p>
<p>And I have to suck up to them if I want any hope of going to a concert this weekend.</p>