I do not want to come home next summer

<p>I just completed the first semester of my freshman year and I am home for the holidays. I am miserable. It's only been a week. I have no money, no car, and nothing to do. I don't live near my old high school friends anymore so I can't hang out with them. My dad's girlfriend drives me crazy and I hate living in her house under her rules. So I am almost 100% sure that I do not want to return home next summer so I can sit around doing nothing for almost 4 months again. Does anyone else feel this way?
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad and brother but I am not fond of my dad's girlfriend. I hate to leave my brother here by himself (I go to school 1500 miles away from home). But I feel like it's what I have to do. If I can afford it, I want to stay on campus and take summer classes. Or get an apartment and a job if possible. If all else fails, I'll go stay with a friend or a relative over the summer. I honestly cannot stand being home for more than a few days. I have ended up in tears 3 out of the last 5 days because of my dad's girlfriend. I hate being told what to do and having to follow rules which I do not agree with. I do just fine on my own. And yes I know, I should be thankful that I have a home to come back to and live in for free, but it's not really worth it in my opinion. I hate the thought of not seeing my brother or dad for a whole year until next winter but I don't know what else to do. </p>

<p>Does anyone else have issues or not want to come home or already stopped coming home over the summer between terms?</p>

<p>This was totally common for friends of mine. Get a job on or near campus and then rent a place near campus. If you want, you can fly home for a week sometime during the summer. The flight will obviously be expensive, but less so if you can book it a few months in advance. If your dad still wants to meet, you might be able to meet somewhere in the middle and go on a brief vacation.</p>

<p>Thanks for the advice… Going home for a week or two might be a good idea just so I can see my family. Or maybe Instead of going home for the summer, I will just go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas (I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving this year).</p>

<p>if you’re not happy at home and you’re not going to be happy there then there’s nothing you can do about that. don’t feel bad if you don’t want to come home next summer. i guess its nice that you have a home to back to that you’re welcome in should nothing else work out, but its not that nice if you’re not happy there. </p>

<p>i kind of want to know what these rules are but that’s just out of curiosity (not to judge you for not liking complying with them). i think just don’t try to make your decision be too much about not liking it there if that would hurt anyone’s feelings. it can be unspoken but you don’t want to damage your relationship with your family over this if they’re helping you with college. so just do like you said. say you want to take the summer classes or try getting a job. living with another relative seems iffy unless you and your dad can have an understanding about this. i never did it but i really support you in not spending another summer back at home if its not working for you. it will take quite a bit of work to avoid that fate so get started now trying to figure that out. good luck :)</p>

<p>Well as for the rules… I am forced to do the dishes when I am home. Now I don’t have a problem with doing chores and helping out while I am here but it gets to a point where I feel like a maid. Everyone leaves their dishes lying around along with trash. And they leave food on there so it dries and is hard to clean. Also, my dad’s girlfriend makes everyone take their shoes off before walking into the house on the carpet. Again, it’s not that unreasonable but personally I like keeping my shoes in my bedroom, not by the front door. I know it seems silly to have something like that irritate me but it’s the principle really. Also, she has a dog. I am not a dog person. I hate her dog. I hate that everything in the entire house, including the carpet, is covered in dog hair. I don’t like getting it on me and my clothes. I don’t like taking care of her dog when she is not home. And I am constantly in fear that I am doing something wrong just by existing or living here. I feel as though my dad’s girlfriend does not like me or enjoy having me around, more like I am a burden or a nuisance. She is quite condescending at times and has an unpleasant attitude and her frequently unhappy mood constantly brings me down.</p>

<p>Also, my parents aren’t really helping me with college, as far as finances go. I am paying for it myself with scholarships and small loans. My dad does not make enough money to help pay for it. The only financial contribution my family makes is paying for my plane tickets to and from school. And I know living with another relative might not be the best idea but I have several family members who live in the same area and I am sure my dad wouldn’t necessarily oppose but then I would have to explain why I can’t just come home… the reason being that I don’t really like his girlfriend.</p>

<p>I think I’ve just accepted and adjusted to living on my own and so it’s weird when I come home and I am living with my parents again, even if it is temporary.</p>

<p>Are there paid internships over the summer at your school that you could get involved in? Many summer internships come with pretty decent wages. Getting an internship and taking a class or two over the summer would give you a good, productive reason to stay there over the summer.</p>

<p>comfortablycurt, I am not sure what is available at my school. I have begun to look into it though.</p>

<p>It’s definitely well worth looking into. Spending your summer doing a paid internship would give you a very good reason to stay, without having to give a potentially awkward explanation of why you want to stay there over the summer. It would also obviously be very beneficial. Depending on the school though, internship opportunities can be kind of limited, so the sooner you start looking at your options the better.</p>

<p>On-campus jobs are a possibility too. I worked for my university housing last summer, didn’t pay great but it was full-time and easy.</p>

<p>I can definitely relate, I used to feel the same way about coming home.</p>

<p>There’s no point in wasting your life sitting around being miserable. Stay on campus next summer, a ton of people I know stay at school during the summers, so you won’t be alone. If money is an issue, I would recommend not taking summer school because it can be rather expensive. Instead, work part time or find a paid internship. Do some volunteering, find a research position, explore the area around your school, learn to play a sport. Do something so that when you look back on your first summer in college, you won’t regret it.</p>

<p>Perhaps you could invite your dad and brother to visit you at your school over the summer if you don’t want to go home. If you can, just explain to your dad that you don’t mean to offend his girlfriend, but you would just like to spend some time with him and your brother.</p>

<p>In general, it’s always a good idea to do something meaningful with your summer rather than just loaf around at home. So if the options are either be miserable doing nothing at home or staying on campus and doing something useful for your future goals, then it doesn’t seem like much of a choice. Find an internship/job/volunteer position or anything else that would be helpful for your career goals. I generally recommend against taking summer classes, unless you have to to graduate on time, because they tend to be at a lower quality than classes taken during the academic year (rushed, sometimes with newer professors or lecturers) and they are often very expensive (and added onto the cost your already paying during the school year). Your summers would be much better spent working, especially if you can do something related to the field you want to get into. I stayed at school during the summer doing research and working, and only went home for a week or two. It’s actually a really common thing to do and doesn’t necessarily HAVE to be just because you don’t like it at home (even though that probably helps your decision).</p>

<p>That being said, I do think you should get a little perspective with regards to how much you hate your dad’s girlfriend’s “rules” because they’re really not unreasonable. I’m sure there are other things and we’re not getting the whole picture, but if the first thing that comes to your mind is that you have to do the dishes… well, you should do the dishes. You SHOULD be helping out your family, especially if you’re living in their house rent-free. It’s not weird at all to have chores at home, and it’s all stuff you would be doing when you’re living on your own as well. It’s not treating you like a maid–it’s treating you like a part of the household, and as such, you should contribute to the household. That’s a pretty basic thing to ask you to do, and to be honest, you sound a little spoiled about it, especially if that’s the ONLY chore that you have. Have you tried asking everyone to bring their dishes to the sink when they’re done? Or maybe if you really hate doing the dishes, have you tried asking to swap that out with another chore? Maybe you could do the laundry or vacuum or clean the bathrooms or cook dinner. There are a ton of things that need to be done to keep a house functioning, and if you hate that chore, see if you can bargain with them to do something else.</p>

<p>With regards to taking your shoes off in the house, that’s actually a really common thing to do, and I always ask when I’m entering anyone’s house with carpet whether they do shoes on or shoes off. Keeping your shoes will generally ruin the carpet eventually (or at least make it really dirty and stained and it’s harder to keep the carpet soft and clean), and it’s not unreasonable for her to ask you to take your shoes off. In fact, it’s the polite thing for you to do, not some dictator rule that she’s implementing to drive you insane.</p>

<p>As for the dog, well, if you’re not a dog person, then just stay away from the dog. Keep your door closed so that it doesn’t go into your room, and if the dog hair bothers you, then vacuum and dust to clean it up. Go out more, rather than just staying inside all day, so that you don’t have to be around the dog, if you don’t want to.</p>

<p>I’m not saying that you should go home for the summer, but I do think you should be a little more reasonable about what you consider unliveable conditions. To be completely honest, it comes off as a little bratty, and maybe that’s the attitude that your dad’s girlfriend is responding to. Have you tried talking to her or your dad about it? Not as a whiny brat, but as a mature adult that doesn’t like how she talks to you. If you behave like an adult, they might start treating you like one.</p>

<p>I was in your predicament. I love my family, but they can be overbearing at times. I will be attending college about two hours away from home. It’s not far, but not close enough to see them every single week. I may see them once or twice a month or so. I got a room in an off campus student housing facility. It’s sort of like a dorm, I have to live 4 other people, but it’s an apartment where we each get our own bedroom, bathroom, and share living room and kitchen. The lease on the place is 12 months. My lease starts the day I move in, right before school. The lease will be up that exact same day a year later, which will be in time for the beginning of my sophomore year, and if I want to continue living there, I will just keep renewing my lease. So, I will start living there in August, and if I please, continue to live there till the end of my Senior year, not having to go home for the summer. I will probably get a summer job to keep my busy. See if the town of your college has any off campus student housing options. I really don’t know your budget or circumstances, but take things like price (either way, dorms usually cost more than off campus housing. It does for me), distance, safety, amenities, and food into consideration. Good luck!</p>

<p>Yeah go to summerschool, thats what i did when i didnt want to go home or you could get a summer job in a resort, they hire people that are out of school for the summer and give you rm and board, and pay you too, i used to do that for yrs</p>