<p>I’ll be living at home, but even then, my parents will expect a text to acknowledge I got on campus safely (I’ll be taking the bus… 3 transfers woo!) and when I’m on the way home.</p>
<p>If I lived on campus though, I’d probably just text my mom at least daily to say hi, etc. We’re a really close family, so having no contact with my parents for even a day makes me feel like something’s wrong :)</p>
<p>I have 3 sons, 20 22 and 30(he’s not in school!) .Each had evolved their own contact style .30 has never been a caller ,but compensates by ALWAYS answering when I call (most of the time).I never call more than once a week.22 has always called once a week since starting college .20 is my favorite call-style…he’ll call to say really minor stuff, like his latest run time ,or a great taco place he went to that I would like.These calls never last more than a minute,but I feel connected ,even though he is 12 hours away by car .Last child is incoming freshman and leaving soon,but I think 1 call a week is very reasonable, more is great if they want it.That’s one of the reasons I had 4 children!!</p>
<p>When my son started his freshman year (one year ago), we agreed he would call us at least once every 7 days, and give us a mid-week text or email update. (If not…I would hunt him down…) He is a rule follower, so it worked well…he often would start a phone call by saying, “nothing big going on here, but my 7 days are up…” then we’d end up chatting a while. We often emailed back and forth several times after he initiated his mid-week update.
I cautioned that whenever he had a problem (health, worries over big test), he had to give us a quick update in a day or two so I could quit worrying. (Didn’t want a repeat of summer camp when he called after the first night and said he couldn’t sleep due to lack of air conditioning…didn’t hear from him for a week, and I worried each night about his lack of sleep. But turned out the second night he found the vent to open the AC…so I was worrying about nothing…)
I also realized that while he could vent to his friends about classes, social stuff, etc. – I was the only person in his life who cared about his health and whether he was getting enough sleep, so I always asked about that.
When he had problems, I tried to follow the advice of not suggesting a solution, but asking, “what can you do about this…” (though sometimes I had to suggest options if he was stumped). He also sometimes just needed reassurance that he would pass the big test, etc.<br>
He claims he was never homesick at all, and loves college, so I guess this all worked out just right.</p>
<p>There is no one best way. Every family is different. People come from different backgrounds, different cultures, and family members have different kinds of relationships. </p>
<p>My D just finished her frosh year away. She called us once a day, every day. If we didn’t hear from her by nightfall, we called her. Sometimes we exchanged text messages in addition to the calls. </p>
<p>No screaming, no shouting, no accusations of smothering, no avoidance, no arguments at all. Daily contact worked for her and worked for us.</p>
<p>Boy are we all different. For me & our kids, we contact when the mood strikes. When we’re planning to get together or something comes up that needs a response, there might be several calls and/or e-mails in a day or a few days. There can be weeks without much contact as well, depending on how busy everyone is. Whenever the kids or we want to call, we do, so it’s generally a few times/month and sometimes works out to once/week. We DON’T Skype–the kids don’t want us to and we’re not interested. We don’t text the kids either nor do they text us, tho they do text their friends & each other.</p>
<p>My sister contacts her kids many times/day and they contact her many times/day as well, I guess we’re all very different. The D who has begun her law career & is married & has purchased her own home doesn’t seem to be touching base nearly as often as the other two adult kids, but they have a family dinner weekly.</p>
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<p>Ditto however, I did Skype when S took a course in Taipei</p>
<p>When I dropped S1 off at college, I asked him whether he wanted any rules/guidelines about me calling him. He looked somewhat surprised, and said ‘just call whenever you want’. I live close by to where he went to school, so for his 4 years there, I surprisingly had a number of ‘errands’ in that area. I would typically call to see if he was interested in getting together for coffee or dinner.</p>
<p>S2 is a bit further away, but we pretty much follow the ‘call whenever you want’ approach.</p>
<p>I don’t get bent out-of-shape if either one doesn’t pick up or takes a while to return my call. If its important, I’ll call again. Some days, while walking around my corporate campus, I’ll see if they are available just to say ‘hello’.</p>
<p>We typically don’t text each other and email only for making travel and financial plans.</p>
<p>Every parent-child relationship is different, distance (time zones) is a factor, and there are many technologies (cell, skype, text, facebook, email) to choose from. Whats probably more important is the quality of the contact once it has been made.</p>
<p>It didn’t work well when we tried to have S call weekly. It was much better for all of us when whomever wanted to chat picked up the phone & called. When it was an “obligatory call,” no one was all that interested and the conversations were stilted. When we call because someone wanted to, at least SOMEONE wanted the contact & has something to share.</p>
<p>I would find it odd if my kids called as often as their cousins call their mom (multiple times/day), but it works for them & our contact works for us.</p>
<p>We are an exceptionally close family. We found that if things were challenging or very exciting, we’d hear from them every day or sometimes several times a day and they’d talk <em>forever.</em> If things were going well, but not amazing, we might not hear for a week or more. If it went too long or I just missed them, I’d call. </p>
<p>What I hate is how my guys keep forgetting to charge their phones. Arrggghhhh.</p>
<p>If I didn’t hear from them for a long time and they didn’t answer the phone, I’d post, “Hey, give me a call” on their FB wall and they’d call asap. 
We do share a lot of FB friends and freely post on each other’s stuff, so it’s not like that’s the nuclear option it would be for some parents.</p>
<p>We are a more of a in the mood type family. It generally amounts to once every 7-10 days. Generally a phone call, sometimes a text or e-mail. Occasionally we’ll talk more than once a week when arranging plane flights for the holidays, or there is an expense thing coming up like an apartment change. S2 we just dropped off last weekend and he said he’d give us a call “in a week or so” Sometimes they initiate, sometimes we do. About once a year I have to post a Facebook message “call home” as we’re all connected with Facebook. We’re pretty casual and try to respect their newfound independence within reason.</p>
<p>I had the talk with S tonight, asked him how often I should expect to hear from him. He said he’d probably call once a week or so, but not to be surprised if I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks. :eek:</p>
<p>So I told him I would text him if I didn’t hear from him in over a week, to make sure he was alive. S is not a big texter or emailer, he likes to talk on the phone. I figured a text from mom wouldn’t be intrusive.</p>
<p>S and I communicate mostly by gmail chat, usually once a week or so. If it’s too often he will berate me for “stalking” him (it’s good-natured). I’ll usually find an interesting article or funny cartoon and start with that. He’ll usually start a chat to tell me about a grade he got.</p>
<p>Phone calls from him were mostly when something went wrong, like the panicked call I got one morning - “I can’t believe it! I just slept through an exam! What do I do???”</p>