<p>Some parents freak out if they don't hear from their children at college at least several times a week while others are worried when they *do<a href="%22What's%20wrong?%20She%20must%20be%20homesick%20or%20unhappy!%22">/i</a></p>
<p>I believe that, before a student heads off to college, it's wise to discuss how much contact with home is expected to make sure everyone is on the same page (well, more or less). Granted, whatever you decide ahead of time may change once college life begins for real, but at least it's helpful to start out with some rough guidelines.</p>
<p>Current college parents: How much do you hear from your progeny if they are away at school and are you satisfied with this level of contact? Is the contact mainly via phone calls, e-mail, text messages, Facebook, actual visits, etc.?</p>
<p>If you were giving advice to students starting college this fall (and to their parents) how often (and how) do you think they should be communicating?</p>
<p>I expect about once a week, it can be a phone call, an e-mail, or most often an instant message. However, my oldest son leaves his instant message set to available to me all the time, so I can see he is alive and online. That’s often all I need to know.</p>
<p>What a thoughtful son! And you’re right, that’s really all that most parents want to know … most of the time, anyway. </p>
<p>I came of age in the era when “long-distance” phone calls were pricey, and most dorms had hall phones that didn’t allow them anyway. I don’t think that parents back then expected a lot of contact with their collegian kids. Now, however, I see some folks who feel that they need to know every detail (“What did you get on your chem quiz?” “What TV shows did you watch last night?”)</p>
<p>I can’t speak for everyone but what I have noticed with my family is that there were more phone calls the first year, fewer the second and still even fewer the third year. By the forth year the calls are once a week. I find this to be sufficient especially since we have more than one kid away at school. I also notice that my other kids will also fill me in on news about the other kids which is nice as well and the news they share about the others is always good news.</p>
<p>I’m really glad this topic was brought up. My parents are very overprotective, and when I asked them what they expected with regards to communication they said that they expect a phone call at least once a day and a videochat on Skype once or twice a week. Other parents - how do I convince them that some distance will be good for all of us and make the transition easier?</p>
<p>Currently (rising Junior) about once a week contact; text, call, or if we both happen to be online at the same time. Brother “sees” her on facebook. I usually worry if she calls and doesn’t leave a message, and she knows that.</p>
<p>teenage_cliche … Have you tried to tell your parents exactly what you’ve told us … that a little distance will help to ease your transition?</p>
<p>Offer a compromise … a Skype chat once a week and then an easy way for them to know you’re still alive such as the IM “available” icon that lololu mentioned or access to a Facebook or Twitter account where they can see what you’re posting and know that you’re still breathing.</p>
<p>By the way, I live in Northampton and jog on the Smith campus almost daily. So maybe I will run into you and can take a picture of you alive and well on my phone as I run by and send it to your parents. In any case, I hope you love living here as much as I do.</p>
<p>D1 leaves for college in 3 weeks. I have told her that I would not mind a text every night just saying “Good night”. Its not that I expect that she will be going to bed at that time but I would sleep easier knowing that she is ok when I go to sleep. Other than that she can call when she wants.</p>
<p>Our D initiated a discussion about communication the night before move-in day last year. She and her Dad agreed upon one Skype every other week, with the caveat that she not rush us on the Skype. D is famous for minimal communication even when she was in high school and she always rushed us. We had one Skype the entire year. </p>
<p>We/she found being so structured to be a burden and she was resentful. She liked chatting on Facebook if we were both on, texting about once a week and the occasional phone call-when there was something to say. She called her Dad mostly to talk about the material in her classes, which they both loved but bored me. I am more interested in her life outside of the classroom. Somehow it has worked out very well for all three of us.</p>
<p>The agreement that I have seen work out well is a Skype conversation weekly or bi-weekly. It seems to satisfy both parties’ definite needs, though the parents would supposedly prefer to have more contact.</p>
<p>The opposite was true for us. Our family is extremely close, and my Ds communicate with me, usually via text but also phone, at least once a day and sometimes 5x or more per day. I think the fact that they can share the transition with me actually makes it easier.</p>
<p>Sally, here’s a link to the story of my experience with my son, shared before on this forum in response to a poster going through a similar situation.</p>
<p>my son went to boarding school… a quick call everyday…to say love you might only be a minute… if he had things or i had things to talk about, then it was longer. as it is now established, we havent talked about it, but i think he realizes 30 seconds of his day isnt asking alot…but it may change to a text message now</p>
<p>D called once a week for a general debriefing, and we exchanged e-mails a few times a week (I don’t text) or she called again if she had something particular to tell us that couldn’t wait. We always let her call us, since we didn’t know when she’d be in class, studying, with friends, etc. and we didn’t want to bother her when she couldn’t talk. It worked out very well, as we felt in touch with her, and yet she never felt we were intruding. We’ll have the same arrangement with S when he leaves in the fall.</p>
<p>My son called daily his freshman year of boarding school, almost daily sophmore year, spread out more junior and senior year. I called sometimes too, generally if I had info to share. He likes knowing about his dad’s business and extended family gossip! He is an only and we are pretty close. I expect he’ll call a few times a week in college.</p>
<p>DS, now in grad school, knows that I get anxious with no contact longer than a week.
He’s gotten into Sunday calls, either to DS at home, which we love since she misses him most, or to the house phone to us all.</p>
<p>In either case, just knowing he’s alive and well is cool.</p>
<p>We had regular Sunday phone calls with our son. When he was abroad, we had a weekly Skype call. We asked him to call us at a time convenient for him each week, and it was usually after he woke up but before going to breakfast/brunch.<br>
We did the same with our daughter. Now that she’s been out of college for a few years, we don’t have the regular call, but still hear from her about once a week, sometimes less often. DH has a facebook account and he and DD are friends, so we do get signs of life a few times a week regardless.</p>
<p>I’d love to hear from them both more often but when I remember myself at that age, I understand that this is their time to separate and solve their own little issues as they come up. Calling mom and dad every other day would not be conducive to their growth- but that’s just my kids. I do know other families who communicate daily and it seems to work just fine for them. Mine would feel suffocated.</p>
<p>I liked hearing from him once a week. If Sunday came and we hadn’t had a call, I’d text a reminder.</p>
<p>Otherwise, If I had something I needed talk to him about, I’d text : Please call, not urgent. I didn’t overdo that and he was very good about calling as soon as he could.</p>
<p>If my daughter is away from home she’ll often text once or twice a day -more or less depending on what else she’s doing, etc but often always a “goodnight” and sometimes a phone call when she wants to hear a voice (we tend to be mostly texters). I expect this will be similar to how it will be at college. We are a very close family so I expect it will trend to more frequent instead of less, and that is based on her comfort level and need. Now I am also aware that when my younger daughter heads to college in a few years, once a week will be frequent :)</p>
<p>After reading about this on CC, we set up a once a week Sunday afternoon call with our son. We don’t need to know every detail of his life. It is mostly the alive and well that others have mentioned. DS is a trivia buff so I send him the final Jeopardy answer most weekdays and usually hear from him by e-mail in response.</p>
<p>Parents of girls usually hear from them much more often (just judging by my friends’ experiences). For some of my friends it is multiple times a day. There is no norm, but I’m glad we established our bare minimum and even that didn’t work when he’s been abroad for study or internships (Skype is wonderful, but some countries don’t have great internet connections).</p>
In any case, I hope you love living here as much as I do.</p>