For all the boarding school students/parents out there, how were you or your child able to handle the rigor of boarding school? What skills did you feel helped them be successful at boarding school or could’ve helped them during their time there?
I don’t have anyone in boarding school (yet - crossing fingers for March 10), but I’m going to say time management will be incredibly important. Not letting free time go to “waste” if you know what I mean. For example, using a free period to get some homework done or work on a project, etc. Making real use of the study hall periods if you have them (and if not, designating your own time as study hall time and sticking to it).
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S23’s school was very supportive and slowly ramped up the rigor, so I feel like time management and seeking out help came naturally over time.
Two things that were non-academic but helped my son to devote the time needed to academics were keeping his room sparse and surrounding himself with friends that didn’t get into trouble.
The room was a big surprise. We sent him with the bare necessities with a plan to come back in two weeks to see what he needed once he felt out the space. Turns out, he loved living with just what he needed and said it saved him a lot of time and hassle. He watched his roommate struggle with having “too much stuff” and DS has kept his room sparse all 4 years.
DS has also always kept a small circle of good friends and avoided those that got into trouble. He doesn’t get caught up in any drama and is never “guilty by association”. Drama is a big time waster.
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A couple of things that were recommended or discovered…
“Eat the frog first”. If you have a bunch of things on your plate and one of them is a frog, eat it first and get it behind you. You’ll work more happily and quickly without the dread.
Use free time during the day to tackle some tasks. Studying with friends can make it feel like socializing (if can help you learn.)
Keep a planner in whatever form works for you, and break big projects and test prep into smaller bits over time.
Do close reading the first time – you don’t have time to do things twice!
With homework, think about what you’re suppose to get out of it and use it to learn that. That will keep it from being a waste of time.
And here’s the one DS learned the hard way (more relevant for upperclassmen but always important)… Balance your academic load and make sure you leave time and energy for what you love. If you end up struggling in one class, it’ll take a disproportionate amountv of your time. If it’s a class that doesn’t play to your strengths, you may not have the bandwidth to excel in the classes that are your strong suit. Be realistic. And if you feel like a class is getting away from you, get help immediately. It is really hard to catch up when the train has left the station without you.
Remember, though, schools don’t admit kids who can’t do the work. You need to be smart about how you work, but everyone wants you to succeed. Teachers want to help. you’ve got this!
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This is an important point that often gets overlooked. DD struggles with and dislikes a particular class. It requires an enormous amount of work for her to do well and pulls time away from other classes. We’ve agreed that she just do the minimum to keep up in the course and focus her efforts on her other classes. It’s removed quite a bit of anxiety.
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Honestly, there is a range of “rigor” among boarding schools, no different than for local public or private schools.
I wouldn’t want potential applicants to think that all boarding schools have extraordinarily challenging workloads. There is a wide spectrum out there that can appeal to many types of students.
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I think @Mumof3Boyz makes a good point.
Most schools expect students to be challenged, recognizing that for every student, what is challenging will be different. Not every school or course creates challenge in terms of crazy heavy workload either.
But no BS wants a lot of kids with time on their hands either…
This is definitely something to keep in mind when you do your revisits.
Separate outcome from effort. If you work hard and do your best, then whatever grade you get is a good grade. Even a C. And, if you coast and don’t put in much effort, that’s not a good grade even if it’s a B+ or A-.
Another way of saying it is if you’ve done your best, you should be happy with yourself, the grade doesn’t matter. And if you haven’t tried hard, you should be disappointed with yourself, the grade doesn’t matter.
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Love all of this advice so much that I am passing it on to kiddo2!
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Here are some of my strategies:
- Time management, specifically with homework. My first priority every day is to get all of my homework for the next day done. Whether it’s lunch, a free block, or consultation, if you see me outside of class during the day, I’m probably working on something (unless I’m done with everything, in which case, yay! Those days are the best). That way, I can spend my evenings stress-free and sleep at a decent time.
- Sleep a lot. I get at least 7 hours every night. I know a lot of people who don’t. Being well-rested makes everything better.
- The second I’m confused about anything—no matter how small—I show up to consultation. If I’m not satisfied with my own teacher’s explanation, I have even gone to another teacher, or even a friend, to get an alternative perspective in the past. There’s no point in wasting tons of time trying to grasp something alone when you have these resources available.
- Don’t take a schedule you can’t handle. Some students can take all 500s junior year—I did myself, in fact. That’s not everyone. You need to know your own limits. Competitive schools can be weird because one of the elements of peer pressure is “take the hardest classes possible to one-up your classmates,” but…it’s often just not worth it. Don’t make your life harder than it needs to be.
- Frontload. On weeks I know that will be difficult (for me, most commonly a week with a theatrical performance), I’ll be two days ahead on homework (via doing extra over the weekend) to give myself some extra leeway. Also, if you really need it, ask a teacher for an extension. They’re always really nice and accommodating, especially when it’s clear you’re not taking advantage of them.
I’d say these have worked pretty well for me 
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Time management is huge. No matter what there will be a “ramp up” time to get used to a certain workload. It should be expected. Think playing that video game the first time vs the 50th time through. It’s a learning curve.
A really good book is Julie Morgenstern’s “Time Management from the Inside Out”. It’s how to schedule your time not only for tasks but also fitting in “me time” so things and life stay balanced.
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Time management, picking an appropriate course load, and balancing work time and free time were key for my kiddo. Use the resources the school offers, seek guidance, and ask questions before choosing courses…is this an appropriate level for me based on my background, do you feel taking these classes at the same time is wise, etc. Don’t be afraid to have conversations with teachers/counselors if you find a class is too hard or too easy.
Also, it is important to factor in how much time goes into extracurriculars/leadership roles/sports that your child may be interested in. Our kid has done a great job juggling it all, but has found multiple leadership roles (with mandatory weekly/bi-weekly training or meetings) and certain sports (crew - absolutely loved it, but the boathouse is a 30 min+ drive both ways with 5-6x a week practices, plus all day Saturday races) take up a lot of time. And we haven’t even gotten to the fun stuff like clubs, trips off campus, events on campus, and just spending time with friends that my kid wants to do. It’s a lot. Be careful not to take on too much, too soon and understand there will be times you have to choose something you need to do over something you want to do. It’s not always fun and you don’t have to like it, but you will have to do it.
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