<p>I'm new here so I hope this question has not been asked a million times before. I understand that many kids can be academically ready for boarding school. I know enough kids, and am realted to enough people, that are highly intelligent and very academically motivated so I understand that aspect of boarding school completely. My question is more about being socially ready to go away to boarding school. How can there be so many kids who have the maturity and independence (some as young as 14) to go away to boarding school and how did you know your child was socially ready? Were your children always mature/independent and they were just born that way; was boarding school in your family and they grew up knowing that was the plan and developed accordingly; were they used to being away from family all summer at camp?</p>
<p>I have to admit that when I went away to college (even though I was 18) I was extremely homesick on many occasions. I even found myself in grad school (even though I had not lived at home for years) being homesick. How did your kids develop their independece so early?</p>
<p>"....Were your children always mature/independent and they were just born that way; was boarding school in your family and they grew up knowing that was the plan and developed accordingly; were they used to being away from family all summer at camp?..."</p>
<p>yes, I think all of this can play an important role. My D is definitely ready. She was born wise, and is self motivated to do well academically. </p>
<p>My D has traveled alone since she was little ( it was harder for me to put her on an airplane than for her! ) and visited relations out of state for weeks at a time without me. She has been aware of BS for a long time and looking forward to the possibility. </p>
<p>Although not particularly "outgoing", she is a high achiever and socially quite self confident. </p>
<p>Her brother, equally self confident, and just as smart, is also mischievous, bored easily, and would not have done well with such independence at a young age.</p>
<p>My daugher had none of the experiences you mention. Her first time to summer camp was the summer before she went to BS and that was also her first plane trip on her own. She was motivated to go to BS and she wanted something new. She is also highly intelligent and was tired of being made fun at her previous school of for being smart. She was homesick the first term but never to the point where she wanted to come home, she loves her school. I think she is gradually growing more independent as a result of her BS experience. I don't know if you can know for certain your child is ready to go, maybe some parents know, but I wasn't certain, I was pretty sure, but not certain. I also figured the schools wouldn't have admitted her if they weren't pretty certain she could handle it.</p>
<p>Boarding schools are in the business of turning less mature, less independent students into more mature, independent students. They know what they are doing. </p>
<p>Methods vary from the 'throw them into the deep end of the pool" method of Andover/exiter, to the structured, supervised nurturing methods of NMH. But the kids all eventually make it to the deep end. </p>
<p>The kids will be homesick...but they will be homesick together and really to busy to think about it most of the time. </p>
<p>Schools have closed weekend just after returning from home for a reason. Don't descend, phone constantly, or lay out the "we miss you and want you and you can come home if it doesn't work out" permission/encouragement to fail. When you talk to your kids, empathize, sympathize, and offer cheer leading about their ability to deal. Get them to talk about something positive that they did that week. Acknowledge the challenges and encourage success. </p>
<p>Teacher I've talked to identify three main reason for failure:</p>
<ol>
<li> The kid did not want to be there in the first place.</li>
<li> lack of executive function/organization/time management skills</li>
<li> Parents who send unintentional messeges that they want the kids to come home/fail.</li>
</ol>
<p>Support, but don't cling. Let go a little. Let the schools do their job.</p>
<p>I agree in general with the poster above---but as the mother of a 9th grader at Andover, I wouldn't say she's been "thrown into the deep end of the pool". For the first year, there's actually a fair amount of structure (study hours, lights out), 9th grader-only dorms (some of them tiny), and very caring adults around.</p>
<p>Maybe my thoughts are colored a bit because my children are polar opposite in this regard.</p>
<p>I would NOT send a child to BS who lacks self discipline, maturity, or time management skills. I just would not do it - unless it is a school that specializes in specifically addressing these issues, which are not schools generally discussed on this forum.</p>
<p>Some people think BS is a panacea, it is not.
That said, I agree with the other posters wholeheartedly!</p>
<p>Could you please describe the structured, supervised nurturing methods of NMH.
And does NMH except less mature students because it is so helpful?</p>