<p>My daughter has been admitted to Hotchkiss this year and we are struggling with the decision to send her away because of her maturity levels. She will be 14 in August and she is is our only child. In a way, her success is due to our constant support(not helicopter parents) and sometimes we think that she lacks the skills to do things on her own. She is bright, outgoing, and great with social skills but sometimes I think she lacks the skills to solve every day problems. I know she is growing and that we can work this Summer to help but I don't want to put her on a path to failure.
Am I alone on this issue? Would you be willing to talk about your son/daughter maturity level before he/she left to school? Any advice will be welcomed.</p>
<p>I think that the whole point of Boarding School is so that us kids can grow up and become more independent. My mom seems very similar to you, her whole life pretty much revolves around taking care of me, and she wants me to be the best student, get into the best university etc. (though she isn’t super strict and vicious like certain asian moms). I want to go to BS so that I don’t grow dependent on her and other people to take care of me all the time. My current school is great, students go to the top universities every year, but they are still very different from BS students. They rely heavily on ayi’s (maids) to do cleaning, cook food, etc… and a lot of them couldn’t have succeeded without their parents constantly finding tutors for them. So I think going to boarding school is a great opportunity to become more mature and independent in life.</p>
<p>Plus, I’m sure EVERY student feels the same way/is in the same situation. I’ve never washed my own clothes before. I’ve never cooked my own meal. I’ve never traveled to another country on my own. But these are all things you learn to do once you get to boarding school. It can be a big challenge, but I think it’ll be worth it. =)</p>
<p>Anyways you will definitely NOT put her on a ‘path to failure’ if you send her to Hotchkiss! Hotchkiss is a REALLY good school.</p>
<p>Thanks vivsters</p>
<p>Does your daughter want to go to boarding school - or did you want her to go? Who initiated the process? That will be a big clue on whether she’ll be successful or not.</p>
<p>She initiated the process but both my wife and I think that Hotchkiss is the best school for her. It is about her maturity levels. We don’t want to add an extra variable that she has to deal with while worried about learning in a new environment</p>
<p>^^Hmm…that variable is why you go. Yes, it’s a lot to pull together at such an age, but your D is likely to see 18 year olds when she gets to college who STILL can’t manage themselves. It’s not without its bumps in the road (& I speak from personal experience) and we have similar concerns for our son (who is contemporary with your daughter). My advice is express your concerns to the school and see what they say. We are deciding between 3 schools and although they all speak to the 9th grade experience somewhat differently, we’re pretty confident that son will thrive in these environments even with some challenges. Schools that we didn’t feel would offer enough “nurture” to our 9th grader we cut before even applying.</p>
<p>Regardless of age, do we ever think out kids are mature enough? Remember that there will be a least have of her entering class that are just like her. As an educator and parent of a new bs sophomore, I was/am very happy how the kids bonded in the beginning of the school year. Remember bs have been doing this for awhile and their focus is in assisting the teens to mature.</p>
<p>I believe at the right school, like Hotchkiss, and the right input from you, contacting advisors, proctors, etc, she will do great. At a particular point I had to e-mail the house parent to tell her to have my d call home, she did. Another time my d seemed to be particularly stressed and worried. I told my d that she didnt have to tell me, but she had to talk to someone, adult or proctor. She called me back to say she spoke to her proctor and she felt 100 times better. </p>
<p>My point is, these schools have seen and worked with tons of kids. If they felt that she was ready, trust them and trust your instinct when you allowed her to apply. Does it always work out, nope, but then she has just had an experience that will add to her growth.</p>
<p>Good Luck :-).</p>
<p>Your D will be fine at Hotchkiss. Most schools are pretty hands on and many of the students are adjusting to the new pace, the academic rigor, managing their time, money and lives in general. </p>
<p>It’s a good step - only you know your daughter - but she wouldn’t be the first who had to learn in the trial by fire. If she chose to initiate the process, she’s ready.</p>
<p>It’s the kids who aren’t mature AND forced into the situation by parents that tend to suffer.</p>
<p>Our daughter enrolled at Taft (the Hotchkiss rival - grrrr) and we couldn’t be happier with the staff interaction and help with the adjustment period. So I think you’ll be pleased with Hotchkiss. I’ve heard great things about the school (even if it’s disloyal to say that). :-)</p>
<p>A lot of good things said and particularly by Alexz825Mom and ExieMITAlum. It’s amazing how much they grow, even over the Summer. Your daughter is in good hands at Hotchkiss and is not alone at all with respect to the new challenges and opportunities that Hotchkiss will provide. The maturity and strength has also to come from your eyes to show and prove to her that all will be well. Hotchkiss is a terrific school and they would not have accepted her if they didn’t think she was ready. By the way, you’re concerns are those of many and will last well beyond the age of 14.</p>
<p>And keep in mind that they’re independent, but it’s not like sending them off to college. Get laundry service for you daughter, and all she really needs to do is get herself to her appointments on time, get her homework done, and get along reasonably well with her dorm mates. Someone will still be washing her clothes, feeding her meals, making sure she’s in her room or at study hall (not sure how Hotchkiss works) when she should be studying, enforcing curfew on week-ends…she’ll have her basic needs taken care of by others.</p>
<p>Dont forget also that for the most part 9th grade is set up to be a rather easy year. The schools all understand the realities of adjustment and so the academic demands are not as high. Also remember kids come to a BS from all over, some from very demanding schools, some from non-demanding. There is a lot of help during this year. What you have to watch out for is the jump in demand for the 10th grade. A kid who coasted in 9th grade needs to be diligent in 10th, and a kid who enters in 10th needs to hit the ground running, there wont be any time for adjustment.</p>
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<p>Hotchkiss is 92% boarding, according to Boarding School Review. She will be compared to her classmates, the vast majority of whom will also not have parents immediately at hand to organize things. If she is bright, she will learn quickly to solve every day problems, in the company of other 14 year olds doing precisely the same thing.</p>
<p>They mature quickly! Maybe it’s time or maybe it’s the environment. Maybe it’s a little of both. I don’t know…but you’d be amazed at how kids grow into the experience.</p>
<p>My son was not very mature going in and a total space cadet…and he grew up very quickly. It was amazing and fun to watch. Sometimes he’d tell us – or we’d hear about – some of the things he was doing and we’d look at each other and ask, “What alien being has taken possession of our son’s body?” I think part of it is that kids gain a lot of confidence when they see how much they can do on their own without the safety net of mom and dad there. They don’t trip up, partly because they know you’re not there but also because they discover that they can do so much on their own and they really like that new sensation.</p>
<p>If the school admitted your child, I think they did so in part because they were satisfied that she has the chops for it. But you’re at a point now where you can ask them about this…and explain to them your parental anxiety and whether this is something they took into consideration and, if not, what are things you need to focus on as you look at her maturity level for boarding school. They’re not going to rescind the acceptance because you asked that kind of question, so ask!</p>
<p>As for laundry service, I think it depends. He did his own laundry. But it was in his dorm (on his floor), the honor code was respected, and the machines were free (so no “Vending Machine Change v. Clean Socks” decisions had to be made). It was great to see him work that into his repertoire of tricks. He even ironed things (that got too wrinkled from being balled up in his closet, sigh). Some situations at some boarding schools make the laundry service a wise decision, but if my son could handle laundry while adjusting to boarding school life, I don’t think it is too much of a burden to throw into the mix.</p>
<p>@EHParent: Our daughter turned 14 even later than yours will and we had the same concerns. Ultimately you have to decide how long you must run alongside the bicycle before letting go. Fortunately at a school like Hotchkiss there will be a solid human infrastructure to make sure she succeeds. BTW, our daughter will be attending an upcoming THS revisit, so feel to PM me.</p>
<p>Yes, she’ll be fine. And yes, there will be tons of the most ridiculous, silly, stupid mistakes freshman year. All to be expected! Steel yourself! It’s quite a ride for an immature kid freshman year, but one of the greatest, most defining periods of any boarding school experience.</p>
<p>I’m with D’yer on the laundry, too.</p>
<p>Oh yeah…and we’re talking about a girl here so, right there, she’s got it going over whatever % of the freshman class is male. :)</p>
<p>She is going to Hotchkiss! We are not only happy about the system they have in place but also the interactions among the kids. Everything facilitates their integration and adapation into the school.</p>
<p>We let go of the bike and son has had fantastic first year at BS. Honors courses, acdemically flying, playing two sports, has made friends and still gets along with his roommate.</p>
<p>But still he misses home. And to all the naysayers, he was the one who wanted to go. It as ultimately his choice.
He has matured a great deal this past year. He has been successful, academically, athletically and socially. But…when he was home for Spring break he started talking about how he misses home. I was hoping it was cold feet (it’s hard to go back to anything after a 3 week break)…but it seems to be something more.</p>
<p>I told him that it was his decision. No matter what, we’d love to have him come home and there is no shame in missing his family and home. I did reassure him however that he is not missing anything. Dad, me and sib get home late from work, school and sports have a quick bite, work some more, then go to bed. As it is, he comes home whenever he wants and sometimes we go there. For Spring track, we are hoping to visit more often and check out his meets.</p>
<p>Maybe girls do mature faster than boys, but DS is thinking that maybe the grass isn’t always greener and that he may want to come home. Our situation is such that we haven’t had to send the contract back yet, for some reasons I don’t want to go into right now, concerning FA.</p>
<p>In lots of ways, it has been a roller coaster ride, a gut-wrenching decision to send away a 14 year old, and now having to reassess the situation. I hope he decides to stay at BS, but if he feels more comfortable and happier at home, and not ready to be more independent, I still think it has been a great experience.</p>
<p>@rbgg: One of our kids in BS had his only homesickness of the year after Spring Break. Three weeks IS a long time, and besides that, he returned to snow and other bleakness after pretty nice weather while he was home. I suspect that some sunshine will be a help. It’s been a brutal and long winter in NE this year.</p>
<p>I agree with kraordrawoh, winter term is brutal, and spirits can really be low (there seem to be commentaries about this every year in The Phillipian). Fingers crossed that your son has a good first few weeks of spring term, whatever he decides to do!</p>