<p>So, how do you get your kid to decide? The visits are done, there are pros and cons about every place. DD doesn't seem to want to talk about it and says I know I have to decide by May 1st. I know the stress is already there so I am trying to balance that with the urgency to make the choice. Any tips?</p>
<p>How I handled it was I asked my 'd' what date or day will she give me her decision. She said Wednesday night. Until then I am not going to ask for it. For students who are unsure which is the best choice it must feel like an overwhelming decision. For me it is stressful to wait for her decision, but it still leaves enough time that I can allow her the time she asked for.</p>
<p>Let it rest for a week. Don't say a word. Some just need time to digest. Some need to show they are in charge. A week from now you will still have several days before the deadline. A lot of kids don't make that final decision until the absolute deadline and then go on line to execute. A week from now ask if there is anything you can do to help them decide and just remind them of what happens to servers when everyone is trying to do the same thing. :) </p>
<p>This presumes that it is now their decision and you no longer have veto over any of the choices for financial or other reasons.</p>
<p>My son didn't decide until right before the deadline. We were still revisiting colleges until April 28, so he didn't have much time at the end, but he made a GREAT choice that he's been very happy with. As long as she knows that you are there and willing to talk when/if she wants to, you can either sit back and relax for awhile or come here to spill out your stress on us. I'm sure you don't want to add your anxiety to your daughter's plate.</p>
<p>Here is a different side...Last year the school my daughter was leaning toward was different than what she was looking for in a school. I actually had to challenge her on her choice. I wouldn't just have my kid come to me the night before to say, "I am going to ___." I would ask for a power point presentation of pros and cons of that choice (I know it's a bit exteme, but you know what I mean). I also think sometimes parents know their kid better than himself. Here I do not mean you should push a kid to go to a school because of prestigious, but for the general environment, distance (soft stuff). I understand not to over talk it to put unnecessary pressure on your kids, but this is a big choice and I think it's a lot on 17/18 olds.</p>
<p>How much should you try and influence you son or daughter. My daughter is having a really tought time deciding between two colleges. I have my preference, but I do not know how much I should try and influence her.</p>
<p>My son waited till the last minute. I think he knew long before then which way he wanted to jump, he just had to work up the courage to do it. Hard on us, but ultimately I'm quite sure he made the right choice.</p>
<p>Did you try and sway him one way or another. Or, totally let him make his own choice?</p>
<p>My son made his decision yesterday. To help him weigh pros and cons, we came up with lists for each school on three factors: academic, financial and social. I don't think that the decision should be based on just one of these factors and questions about them can still be answered by school admissions offices. Until we made the lists, my son was having a tough time deciding between the worst one financially but the best socially and the best one financially but worse socially (living at home). It was through CC posts that help us come up with another option that lead to his decision to go local, but live on campus in a private dorm. Best financial and social situation for him.</p>
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So, how do you get your kid to decide? The visits are done, there are pros and cons about every place.
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<p>By the third week of April, it was down to two schools for my son. The choices were very different, both in terms of money and the type of academic program he would be following (the major is in engineering at one school and arts and sciences at the other). He spent some time researching the specifics of the academic programs as they related to him--AP credits, ability to pursue multiple majors, research opportunities, flexibility of the curriculum--and made his decision a few days before the deadline. The decision happened to be the much better one in terms of cost, as well. (It was the school that has the major in engineering.)</p>
<p>When he made The Announcement he said he still preferred the other city and the other university overall but had decided that the specific program at school number two served his purposes better. He has not looked back, and has indeed worked the system at the chosen school to serve his goals.</p>
<p>But, every kid is different. Not all students are as self-assured or as sure of what their ultimate goal is, nor are they all so flexible. But I would hesitate to push any student in a specific direction of MY choosing at this stage, because if things don't work out, the blame may fall back on the pushy parent.</p>
<p>We think he made the right decision, and we are very happy he came to it on his own.</p>
<p>Both my D & S made decisions in the last two days before 5/1.
D had it narrowed to 3, S to 2. D chose best financial decision while S chose a much more expensive option but better for challenging him socially.</p>
<p>They sought our opinion, but we were careful not to push one over the other, just to make sure we didn't get blamed in case it didn't work out :)</p>
<p>MOST kids really do end up in a place that fits.</p>
<p>Meadesport, for us the first step was affordability. That immediately cut down S's list to three schools. Now I figure the ultimate decision is up to him. I do have a favorite, and he knows it, but we both know it is his decision. I don't actively lobby for the favorite. In fact, I encouraged him to visit the third school, which we both think he will like the least, in order to make the most informed decision. My role is information-gatherer. There are some things he hadn't even thought of, such as when final exams are scheduled, that will make an impact. He was glad I'd thought of that and pointed out the differences. Once he gets back from visits I'll go over the pros and cons with him if asked. Hopefully he will have a clear favorite and we won't need to do that. I think trying to be as dispassionate as possible and helping them consider objectively would be helpful - if asked - but wouldn't push.</p>
<p>One way parents can help is to talk about the difficulty of making choices in a general way (The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz makes this point very well). If we give our kids the message a perfect choice is attainable, it does not square with their experience of being overwhelmed by too much information. Parents can help by summing up the general trend of their child's decision as they have been hearing it, and supporting that choice even though it means giving up many other good things. Focusing on the process of decision making can help sidestep a power struggle between what the child wants and the parents want and gives an opportunity to share the experience of letting go of all the choices to settle on one.</p>
<p>My son knows our favorite school and the reasons all along. After he visited the school, he loves the school too, but he still needs to work up the courage to do it. We have to wait.</p>
<p>To what degree should a student be influenced by how much a school wants them? My daughter has received constant phone calls/ emails/ invitations to online chats and invitations to visit. They've come from all the schools-- except one. That one is probably my top choice. Other than admitting her and sending her a fa package, they haven't contacted her. It is a very selective school (top 10 LAC) and they have been very nice when we visit but it does make me wonder if she will be shut out for opportunities at the school (for research/ internships). From my research, it looks like the specific school does seem to offer a special opportunity like this to a few students (10% of the admitted class which becomes almost 20% of the accepted class) but she wasn't chosen. (In all fairness, I doubt she is in the top 10% of admitted kids but it still warrants the question-- will she be shut out from opportunities if she's not in the top percentage.) Has anyone experienced this? She's planning on majoring in sciences so it will become important to get some research experience.</p>
<p>After the notifications rolled in, D2 dwindled her list to 4 schools---including admission to her EA college (where she was deferred back in Dec). On Mondy, H & D2 returned from visiting the remaining 3. Because of her focus of study, it dropped down to her EA school and the one that was added back in Dec. With prom on Friday, she was determined to make a final decision by Thursday...it was all over by Weds. It was difficult...but she was able to "let go" of the EA school and went with the "newbie." We are happy for her...</p>
<p>Hallelujah-finally I feel like D and S are not the only ones struggling with this choice. We just revisited one school and probably will see two others if we can work it out before May 1. Kids are twins-some similarities and many differences but making a final choice seems almost impossible. School that is longest distance (west coast) will probably fall by the wayside since chances to see classes have ended ( finals begin this week at particular school) and distance/$ are an issue.</p>
<p>That leaves 6 other schools-all in the south with nice merit awards. DH and I want them to choose s school where they will be happy ( and feel good about being there). Like many of you, we are trying to listen and gently guide-but not choose for them. I agree with PP that 17/18 year olds sometimes do not understand everything that will come into a final decision of this magnitude. DH and I are even suggesting both kids look at this as a ONE YEAR decision-they can transfer if things are right. Wise D then asked-how hard will be a transfer be next year, given what admissions were like this year? Out of the mouth of babes....????</p>
<p>I wonder if more visits to schools earlier or overnights/classes BEFORE admissions decisions would change the situation we are all in now. I hate the uncertainty and stress-but I will try to heed the idea to keep discussion at a minimum and perhaps ask for an "internal decision day". Will be following this thread for wisdom and patience---BTW-please hurry with other ideas! LOL</p>
<p>May 1st is coming fast... ... SO?</p>
<p>I just want to caution all who come to CC for advise. Remember, everyone else is playing with the house money. The finally decision has to be yours. Those who offer advices are very nice but they are not going to pay your bills. </p>
<p>Unless your DD or DS has a good sense of $$, you go pick a school that you could pay for and be done with. They all will be fine with any of the schools you pick.</p>
<p>Honestly, Dad II, it's not ALL about the $$ and not ALL schools are the same. Family situations are different and, within the family, each child is different. It's nice to have open discussions with them about their college options (ie, academically, financially, locale, etc) rather than to pressure them into making a decision that is less than agreeable to them.</p>
<p>Ideally you can blend $$ and other considerations. DD and I agreed before she started where we stood on $$. After that, she could make her decision, even when she chose one that cost us, it was not outside the bounds we had set. She did turn down an almost full ride, but it was her decision, within our bounds.</p>