<p>My D. has gotten several scholarship offers to schools she is interested in, all about half of tuition, but will not select a school. Everytime I bring it up, she says she doesn't want to talk about it because she is overwhelmed! I am trying not to push too hard, but the deadlines are approaching...most May 1, right?? I don't want her to end up loosing all her offers. She is also playing a sport, and many of her friends have already committed. She seems frozen. Any advice from parents who have been there?? Thank you!!</p>
<p>You have a long time before May 1. She'll decide in due time. Ask her on April 25th and I'm sure she'll have a decision. I dare you not to mention it til then. :D She's thinking about it - I promise.</p>
<p>Stop pushing. She really does have several weeks left to make her decision. You're just making her more nervous. Back off and if she wants help, she'll come to you. She still has several weeks to make up her mind.</p>
<p>The only thing that I do suggest that you do now is offer to send her to visit any colleges that she would like to see again before making up her mind.</p>
<p>If any of these schools have admitted student events, strongly encourage your daughter to attend them. If that doesn't work leave the course books from each college around and then stop talking about them. Tell her that you're going to have a family meeting over the Easter break (or whenever) to discuss her decision. Don't bring up colleges until that date. I realized we were bugging my son every day but it didn't make sense because he had attended one accepted student event and has two more coming up. So we've stopped talking about colleges for now and will try to wait until he's finished the visits. I think there will be quite a few of us running to the post office the last week of April.</p>
<p>How about setting up some rank lists rated 1-to-whatever based on various criteria: size, cost, distance from home, US News rank, whatever. Then total up the scores of each school eg. Uni A is #1 in small size, #3 in cost, #4 distance from home Total is 8. Now Uni B is #2 in small size, #2 in cost, #2 in distance from home. Total is 6. Lowest score wins.
Also list pros and cons--impacted major, GPA to keep scholarships, ease of commute, etc.
Do these on your own. Have them ready for when D is ready to talk. Tell her you will help her figure out where she wants to go but that you will not make the decision for her because you will not be blamed if she does not like where she ends up. Reassure her that this decision does not have to be 4 year sentence. If she is unhappy with her choice, transferring is always an option.</p>
<p>I did a college tour on the last day of April last year. I made my decision from a post office in another state on May 1st. And I'm very happy with my choice, though it was a hard choice to make.</p>
<p>Gee, I'm trying to get mine NOT to make the decision too fast. I guess they are going to do what they are going to do.</p>
<p>Decisions for female athletes can be particularly difficult. In additrion to all the typical issues, team chemistry, coaches approval and personality mesh. If the money is NOT related to sports, there may even be a question of whether she even wants to continue "playing" sports. College athletics are a huge time commitment. GL be patient...</p>
<p>We did the same as Mominva, narrowed it down to 5 :eek: and then made spreadshhets, gave rankings based on all sorts of criteria, including weather, and on April 30 we had it down to 2. Right! D was actually feeling nauseous about the decision, and it is very hard to let go of some schools. May 1st rolled around, and suddenly she knew.</p>
<p>Give it a break. Don't even talk about it for a whole week unless she brings it up.</p>
<p>Boy..... All these kids with decisions to make. One of the drawbacks of having applied/accepted to many colleges is having to choose from a seemingly great group that you feel that you only really know superficially. </p>
<p>It's like having 10 guys lined up with proposals and having to decide which one to marry in the fall.</p>
<p>My S made his decision on the day before May 1st. He told us at 6 pm, and then we had to sign all the paperwork, and he had to drive to the local fed ex to get there by 7 pm. He's thrilled with his choice, and has never looked back.</p>
<p>I guess for some kids it's a struggle. It's painful for us too, but like childbirth, you can't do it for someone else, no matter how much you love them!</p>
<p>She has plenty of time. My son didn't decide until the last day, then changed his mind at 4pm!</p>
<p>Yes, it's very hard to let go of some of the acceptances. My daughter was very difficult, because she pretty much liked all of her schools. The only ones she nixed right off the bat when all the acceptances came in were the ones close to home. She managed to narrow it down to three fairly quickly, and it became apparent that geography was playing a big role in this decision. I then managed to finagle our schedules so that I could take her again to visit these schools for their 'accepted students' days and let her attend classes and overnight. Basically, a four-day weekend driving around the "Vermont triangle" defined by Williams, Dartmouth, and Middlebury. She slept in the car, I drove, and it was at about that time that I selected my screen name and began posting here! </p>
<p>Despite this trip, she spent the last two weeks of April in dear-in-headlights mode (typo there, but an appropriate one...I think I'll leave it.) At about 8pm on a Sunday night, the night before the matriculation deposit was due, I went up to her room and told her exactly what I thought about each school (I had resisted this all through the process, hoping to leave the decision entirely hers). I then told her exactly why I thought Williams was the best fit for her....there was a certain amount of "sales pitch" in what I said. I then told her that it was entirely up to her which choice she made, but that she had to do it in an hour so that I could write the check and get it to the post office in the morning. An hour later, she came down and said OK, it's Williams. Three years later, she is still the happiest person I know. Good luck to you all.</p>
<p>Reading all of these posts makes me realize that D is under quite a lot of pressure to make a decision btw four schools-what a quality problem but for an 18 year old it seems rather stressful. We still have two accepted students visits to go. Every school we've visited has had desirable qualities. Several months ago I quit asking her friends about colleges. I believe it's time to take chocoholic's advice to give it a break and not ask about it for a week.</p>
<p>lala,</p>
<p>We've been there because she really loved all of the schools that she applied to. She went in to the process with the mind set that if she was accepted to one, she would be a happy camper and be ok with it. She got admitted to every school she applied to. </p>
<p>It was overwhelming because saying yes to one means letting go of the others and there were a few tears shed over the prospect.</p>
<p>You have to take a step back and make every one else take a step back also because you will find that every one has an opinion on where she should attend. </p>
<p>I held my peice and said that I would support whatever decision she made.</p>
<p>She had great visits and when she made up her mind we were dropping the cards in the mail box on April 29 ( I still "mourn" the loss of Williams). But she is a really happy camper and loves her school, so in the end it all works out.</p>
<p>I feel your pain, lalamomma. Our DD visited several schools, fell in love with two and decided she would apply to those two only. She received similar awards to both ($16,500 per year at one, $15,000 per year at the other). She is torn. There are so many wonderful things about each of the schools. DD won't really talk about it, at least to us. I'm pretty sure she knows that DH and I are a bit more partial to one school than the other. We're trying to keep our opinions to ourselves, so we just don't discuss it. If she asks our opinion, we will gladly share it. I know it has been stressful for DH and me, so I can't even begin to imagine the way DD must feel. Good luck to your DD on what I'm sure will be the right decision for her.</p>
<p>We were in the exact same situation as you this time last year. We also did the spread sheets with the pros and cons of all 4 schools in the running. We ended up giving our D a deadline of 6pm the day before the decisions had to be in. When the deadline arrived, she just blurted out a name, (at least that is how it seem to us), and that is where she went. Incidentally, she has been extremely happy with her decision. The decision making process was extremely stressful for all of us though.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you and your D. I am sure it will work out in the end.</p>
<p>I just posted on this on another thread - spreadsheets are good for the financial comparisons, but if she hasn't decided in the next week or so, why don't you agree on a day towards the end of April when you both will set aside two hours (cell phones and TV off - even go to a restaurant if you think it will keep her from being distracted) to discuss the pros and cons of each choice and the financial implications to her of each choice, with the goal of a decision at the end. </p>
<p>I had an 'avoider' and it worked for us!</p>
<p>lalamomma,</p>
<p>At this point the best thing you can do is be a sounding board for her. I am going through a similiar situation with my child. DD has a lot of wonderful options and is visiting one of them this weekend. She has two more places she has to look at again so I won't ask her to make a discussion until the 24th or 25th time frame. In the meantime, if it will make you feel better, make a sheet for her. Schools listed on the side: Pros and Cons heading at the top. She can scribble down thoughts on the paper as she thinks of them. But don't you look at the sheet! This is for her . Money is a factor for us to be sure and some places have better offers than others but it is also about fit for the student. If she has time to visit them, let her visit again. Daughter of a friend of mine kept a board in her home and wrote down pros and cons for each school. She narrowed it down to two schools after weeks of comparing. At the end, one school had one little thing that the other didn't had and that decided it for her. She's happy with her choice. Good luck! I know a lot of us will be happy when May 2nd is here!!1 :-)</p>