May 2014 Essay Prep

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hello! May you please take 2 minutes to grade my essay? Thank you so much :)</p>

<p>Prompt: Do people achieve greatness only by finding out what they are especially good at and developing that attribute above all else?</p>

<p>While success sometimes happens when people target their talents and build upon their skills disaster reigns when people develop their innate skills much more often than success. People do not achieve greatness by finding out what they are especially good at and developing that attribute above all else because too much passion in one subject may lead to destruction, cause discord, and precipitate intense remorse.</p>

<p>One means to destruction is wholly developing one attribute above all else. One notable illustration of this salient concept comes from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Victor Frankenstein, a young and impassioned student at the University of Ingostadt, finds ardent interest in creating life. Being very good at science and focusing all his time into creating life, scientist Frankenstein finally fashions a living creature from a local cemetery. This creature, a product of Frankenstein's skill in the sciences and deep focus, lives a miserable and lonely life; consequently, he longs for revenge on his creator, Frankenstein. Eventually, the creature destroys Frankenstein's entire family. Devastated and having no family, Frankenstein learns that developing strong attributes above all else, in this case his science understanding, calls for destruction.</p>

<p>Also, focusing on one attribute above all else precipitates discord. An example that shows this prevalent notion occurs in William Golding's A Lord of the Flies. In the midst of a world war, a plane full of school boys crash onto an island. Since there are no adult supervision on the island, two factions arise: Jack's faction and Ralph's faction. Soon Jack finds out that he is really good at controlling and leading people--even more so than Ralph. Although more boys prefer Jack's faction to Ralph's faction, savagery takes place in Jack's faction, and many boys including Piggy and Simon die because of Jack's corrupt and misleading power. Jack developed his attribute of being a great leader, and the deaths of many innocent boys was the outcome. Pinpointing and improving on one's attributes leads to tragic deaths and discord.</p>

<p>Greatness is reserved for those who are willing to improve on their attributes but not for those who develop their attributes above all else.</p>

2

<p>bump…anyone?..please… this means a lot to me <3 </p>

3

<p>8/12</p>

<p>Strengths:
Paragraph organization
Vocabulary (but not always used in a way that shows you are comfortable with the words).
The main issue was that the prompts were not connected to the prompt in a way that was persuasive. I kind of have the feeling that you had these two in your example bank, and really wanted to fit them in. You could use them, but you have not showed why it was focusing on one attribute above all else. Even from the way it is described in the supporting paragraphs, it is clear that other factors were more relevant to the undoing of those two characters. For example, you say “This creature, a product of Frankenstein’s skill in the sciences and deep focus, lives a miserable and lonely life; consequently, he longs for revenge on his creator, Frankenstein.” The problem isn’t specialization, the problem is that he created a creature who wants revenge.</p>

<p>To improve:
If you’re taking the SAT in May: Start brainstorming two examples each for five prompts each day. Write briefly what the example is and WHY it proves the argument.</p>

<p>some smaller points:
Avoid repeating the exact language of the prompt"greatness by finding out what they are especially good at and developing that attribute above all else"</p>

<p>“finds ardent interest” - you would not “find interest”</p>

4

<p>b</p>

5

<p>Thank you testadvice! Your suggestions are very valued, and I will implement your advice on my following SAT practice essays. Thanks again <3</p>

6

<p>This prompt doesn’t lend itself to literary analysis. Also, I’m wondering where you found this. Is it a College Board topic? It’s very clumsily written.</p>

<p>Your response is either a six or a seven, mainly because the body of your essay pays little attention to the writing task. In other words, you have to answer the question.</p>