Be Brutal.

Test Preparation
1

<p>I am preparing for tomorrow's SAT today.</p>

<p>I am having trouble with the essay section. Could you please offer your suggestions and/or a graded score (1-6) of the following essay? Any help would be greatly appreciated. [I don't usually read the quotes; I don't know how to use them to help me. If you do know how to use them, tell me. :)]</p>

<p>Assignment:
What makes a person wise? Are the wisest people merely smart or are they also concerned with the well-being of others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Your Response</p>

<p>In today's society, we prize intelligence. Knowledge certainly has won out over intelligence; life has become a contest of memorization, and useless applications. Rather, we need relevant commentaries on societal problems and issues--wisdom. To do this, we must evolve a social conscience while at the same time retaining a wit that allows us to effectively tackle problems.</p>

<p>Developing a social conscience is a vital skill. As human beings, we have the global mission of caring for each other. Useless memorization, personified by a useless grade or degree, does not help bring together the human spirit. This humanitarian approach to society demands the use of wisdom, and not just pure knowledge. The wisest are those who can balance both. Our valedictorian is a clear-cut example of the cuttthroat spirit that accompanies the pursuit of pure knowledge. In our class, we regard her as a fool: she fails to add any social value; instead, her past times involve the use of memorization. She contributes nothing.</p>

<p>However, too much of a social conscience is not productive. In The Great Gatsby Jay Gatsby exhibits a sense of perfectionism: by casting idyllic views of everyone, he tries to help anyone he can. This gullible behavior only led to chaos; by the end of the novel, he ends up dead, with no one attending his funeral. As human beings, we have to exhibit a sense of self-worth, that allows us to develop ourselves, within the context of the whole. This approach allows for progress and order, that will effectively catapult us to the next level. We must maintain.</p>

<p>Furthermore, we need to channel this social conscience and mix it with wit, to effectively provide solutions. Wit is something superficial that needs to be supplemented with an effective dose of social conscience, to produce wisdom. Thus, wisdom, is the relevant application of both of these concepts to everyday tasks in our lives. This effective approach to tackling solutions would allow us to be more successful in our everyday endeavours.</p>

2

<p><-- isnt the best "judger" so take everything I say with a grain of salt</p>

<p>5</p>

<p>Liked your references to literature but I think you should give an example of a "wise" person or some reference to a true exemplar of wisdom.</p>

3

<p>Not well written. Poorly structured essay. Really need to develop a better opening paragraph to help with the organization of the writing as well as to inform and orient the reader to your theme. The essay is a bit confusing as it lacks structure, organization and is not well thought out. Okay as a very rough first draft. To be blunt, as your post invited reader to be in their criticism, it doesn't appear that you really understand what you are trying to communicate.</p>

4

<p>I don't see you ...really answering your thesis. Though I really love your thesis, you're not answering it. I thought that your example of the valedictorian is quite..bad. It might hurt you. What if your reader was the valedictorian? I mean, my examples were off the wall for the SAT but they were more practical, I'd say. I wrote about about going to Walmart and how many freaking things were there though that was a different essay prompt. I mean, of all things to write about, I think you chose a rather weak example that proved..absolutely nothing to me. I think, an example, about how ...memorizing answers to life or to interviews is useless or something would be better with memorizing interview answers. Make it directly connect to your thesis and what you're writing.</p>

<p>I like your reference to the Great Gatsby.</p>

<p>Just make sure to back up your main points with 2-3 examples. Just one example might hurt you if it's not exactly up to par like the valedictorian example. </p>

<p>I don't remember the SAT rubric (nor do I want to) but I'd probably give you a ..2-4.</p>

<p>Concerning the quotes, they are there to get your mind going about the topic. In most cases, they make it easier to write an easier essay. Read the quote so you can write a better essay which will seem more relevant to the topic.</p>

5

<p>General suggestions on approaching SAT essay questions:</p>

<p>Give a direct answer to the question that is posed, even if you have to narrow the scope of the essay to do it. This makes it clear that you are responding to the prompt and not using segments of prepared essays. You are suggesting that wisdom = social conscience + wit, but you’ve stated that obliquely.</p>

<p>The essay questions often set up a dichotomy, A or B. This permits you to write a compare/contrast essay. Alternatively, in some cases, you can challenge the dichotomy itself, since A and B might not conflict with each other. If the prompt permits it, this strategy can be very effective. Suppose you wrote about wisdom in an environmental context: In developing countries, the need to preserve the environment may conflict with the need for economic development. Social conscience exerts pulls in both directions—wisdom lies in finding the balance. But the balance can’t be found without knowledge (and “smartness”). So it's not a simple question of being wise vs. being smart.</p>

<p>Specific comments on your essay:</p>

<p>Try not to contradict yourself within the essay, unless the contradiction is purposeful. For example, you start, “we prize intelligence.” Then, in the next sentence, you write “Knowledge has certainly won out over intelligence.” These ideas seem contradictory. Later, you write “we have the global mission of caring for each other.” I think this sentiment is likely to appeal to many readers. However, its effectiveness is undermined by your later sentence about the valedictorian, “In our class, we regard her as a fool.” So, we have a global mission of caring for everyone except for fool valedictorians? Generally, it’s not a good idea to heap scorn on someone you know, in the context of an SAT essay. I agree with asdfjkl1 about this part of your essay—it won’t help, even if the reader isn’t a valedictorian.</p>

<p>Unlike asdfjkl1, though, I don’t think the reference to The Great Gatsby is a good idea, unless it fits your argument very precisely. The readers are likely to read multiple essays citing this book, and to become more critical with each reference they encounter. Also, the readers are likely to have a very strong command of the content of The Great Gatsby. Your reader will be questioning whether Gatsby idealized everyone, or just Daisy Buchanan. Also, the reader will be questioning whether Gatsby tried to help anyone he could. (Examples?) It’s doubtful whether Gatsby had a social conscience in the sense that most people would understand the term. It’s also very doubtful that he was gullible—self-deluded, maybe, but not easily fooled by others, I think. Finally, at the end of that paragraph, you have written “we must maintain.” We must maintain what? Maintain is a transitive verb, which takes an object.</p>

<p>Just before time is up, I’d suggest erasing any sentences that contain the word “everyday.” They rarely strengthen an essay.</p>

<p>The strongest part of your essay, in my opinion, is the inclusion of wit as a component of wisdom. Few writers will think of this, so it helps your essay stand out, and it makes your viewpoint seem mature. Concrete examples of wit as an element of wisdom would strengthen the essay appreciably.</p>

6

<p>That is, in my opinion, a nebulous essay. It was a hard choice between two and three, but I chose three out of six because the essay is poorly structured as someone else mentioned above. It lacks various things; although, your introduction has a good thesis, you do not use any supporting evidence/details in the body paragraph. Also, try to use enriched vocabulary tomorrow on the SAT essay to impress the graders. Especially make your introduction and conclusion well-written. Good luck! I'm taking the test tomorrow myself. I need to go study now.</p>

7

<p>Bring more applicable examples. Make sure your reader is getting your point.</p>