May I please have feedback on my revised Academic Suspension Appeal Letter? (Ignore paragraph form)

To Whom It May Concern,

As a result of my unsatisfactory performance during my freshman year at the University of North Carolina, I have been placed on academic suspension. I am well aware of the decisions that I’ve made over the year that have led to my sub-par performance, and in light of my recognition and rectification of such, I would like to urge the committee to reinstate me for next semester.
Freshman year had been a year of a plethora of first-time experiences for myself. I enjoyed more than my fair share of parties, cookouts, and other social gatherings that while in high school, I was not accustomed to being invited to/welcomed to. While ashamed to admit it, I have learned that my failure first semester was simply due to a lack of focus, and a failure to prioritize. I overindulged in trivial, social matters and rather than finding a balance between my education and other extra-curricular activities, through my decisions I blatantly disregarded my responsibilities as a student. I frequently stayed up late if I went to bed at all, and a result would forgo attending class to sleep in or would fail to complete an assignment in lieu of prior engagements. This was my most consequential mistake. As the records show, the assignments that I did turn in and was present for received satisfactory grades, however, they did not make up for not being present for class. While there were a number of minor mitigating circumstances during this period, I do not attribute my failure to them whatsoever and nor will I attempt to. My dereliction in responsibility was my downfall. I ended my fall semester with a 0.825 GPA.
My second semester, I pulled up my grades significantly. I went to great lengths to make sure that I did not make the same mistakes that I did first semester, and I spent much of my time in the library or in the common area of my dorm studying, working on papers, or otherwise reviewing material. However, I stressed myself out by overloading myself with tasks, while setting unreasonable standards for myself simply due to my performance first semester. I became much more irritable and anxious, but I still pushed on as I felt that I did not have the right to ask for help or take a break. I believed that since I had made the mistakes that I did first semester, what I was going through at the time was my “punishment.” I was struggling, especially around exams. Despite this, I believed I had to handle it on my own. I did not fail any classes spring semester, but I finished the semester with a 2.1 GPA - just below the requirement for 2.3 GPA to avoid suspension.
I have made a number of mistakes my first year at UNC-Pembroke, and I accept responsibility for them. My primary issues were time management, prioritizing, and being too prideful to ask for help. After taking the time to sit down and truly examine myself and the choices that I made - I have come to a number of solutions that I now incorporate into my daily life. First, I have learned the significance of something as small as a planner when it comes to time management. I have recently purchased a program that syncs a digital planner to my computer and my phone, and it has made planning ahead and scheduling events much easier. I don’t overbook anymore, stress myself out trying to deal with conflicting events, and am generally much happier and do much more, and am much more efficient. As far as prioritizing goes, I have developed the practice of creating a list of all I have to accomplish, gauging the difficulty and amount of effort involved, and then deciding what to complete first. Above all, I have personally learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. I truly believe that if I had simply asked for help when I saw myself breaking down, I could have avoided this whole situation.
Attending UNC – Pembroke is a privilege, one that can be revoked just as it is given. I have come to love the University, and I can truly say that it feels more like home than my domestic home does. If reinstated, I will use the critical lessons and skills that I have learned due to my failure first year to propel myself to excellence. I will also use my own failure to help others avoid placing themselves into this situation, by applying for a number of mentoring positions within the school – if eligible. I am willing to undertake any task to keep my education on track – and plan to do whatever is necessary to prove to myself, to those who have taken the time to help me understand where my head should be, and even to this committee – that I will be successful.

Didn’t you already post this? It is still way too long.

Not sure if you sought out loans or other financial aid, but the first letter might be to the benefactors or lenders explaining your predicament. I suspect they will be humorless.

Your best bet would be to send a brief letter to the school telling them that you plan to spend some time at community college to prove you are rehabilitated academically hoping that they might reinstate you in the future.

Of course, that school does show up on the list of schools that did not fill its freshman class so you might have a chance.

Farrrrrrr toooo long, sorry to say. Dear Sir, I screwed up. (Brief explanation, and acknowledgement of your errors.) IF given a chance, I won’t repeat my mistake, and here is how I intend to do that. (Be specific, …attend prof jones office hours on Wed, go to tutoring center on Thurs, curtail activities to ensure projects handed in on time…) I hope that you will reconsider your decision and give me another chance. I truly value my educstion at UNC. Yours sincerely,…

I saw this posted before, and this doesn’t seem much different. You need to do what I suggested above. They won’t care that you did better second semester, because they can see your grades. If there is a prof who likes you, you could ask for a supporting letter, or if you have an employer, or member of clergy who can attest to your good qualities. Otherwise, keep it short, sincere, contrite, with a clear plan of action.