proofread my NHS essay?- I would greatly appreciate it!!

[egull21]

<p>I know I don't have apple leadership experience, but I figured it's still worth a try! I would greatly appreciate any advice/criticism along with any ideas for how to close the essay. Thank you! </p>

<p>I remember taking my first steps into a high school that seemed so mysterious and new, wondering, “Who will I be here? What can I become?” Now as a senior, I am no longer just looking into a deceptive new world of opportunities. Now, I am looking into a future of college and even more-so, the contributions I can make into the world beyond it. Thinking of who I am and what I want to become has not only allowed me a glimpse into what I may accomplish, but has caused me to reflect upon the path I have already taken that has led me to become the person I am today. I have tried to blaze my own path, to be my own person. My mind jumps back to a time in middle school, when everything was a delicately planned balancing act between childhood and adolescence. I remember thinking ahead to this time of change and newly rewarded independence and imagining the person I’d hope to become. I admit that there were bumps along the way and times that I felt like this huge time of change and advancement was more an unwelcome adjustment than it was an embraced evolution. But now, looking back, I realize it was all of those bumps and detours that taught me the values that I try to embody and display for myself and others in my day-to-day life. The National Honor Society looks for members who display qualities of scholarship, service, leadership, and character. I hope that through my years in high school, I have embodied these values and served as a positive example to my peers.
In school, I have always tried to exhibit scholarship by challenging myself to think outside of the box. I try to make my education as interdisciplinary as possible, combining and relating the literature, history, and science to one another and matching them with the creative perspective I’ve developed through my love of art and music. I’ve tried to challenge myself, weather it be by taking an AP Biology class though I struggled with its prerequisite, or skipping a year of French and missing lunch for the past two years so that I could maintain a schedule that embodies what I am passionate about. I have never been a perfect student, but I have been a passionate one who wants to challenge and learn in a way that will help me become a better-rounded person.
My education is one of the most valuable things my community has given to me, so it only made sense for me to give back to it through a source that has personally contributed to my education; the library. There, I stocked books and helped prepare for the annual summer reading program, a program inspiring local students to read for fun. This is a program I enjoyed throughout my youth, so watching it come together from a new perspective was a valuable experience. I’ve also tried to give back in other ways like participating in the World language festival and regularly donating used clothes and toys to families in need.
I have always found it frustrating how people divide themselves into leaders and followers. Personally, I have an introversive personality, but that doesn’t make me the generic follower type. I take charge by blazing my own trail, and being myself in a world where conformity is the norm. When I see something I believe in, or something that is personally important to me, those are the times that I stand up and assume a leadership role. I’ve taken charge of specific groups, like putting together a number for a school show and designing and making costumes for a Broadway Night number. However, more so, I’d like to believe I lead by example. I try to be kind, understanding, and positive. Most of all, I go my own way, even if that way goes against the current. I may be shy, but when it comes to standing for something or someone I care deeply about, I don’t hold back.
This is the part of my character that I believe reflects most on my eligibility. I keep a positive attitude, and try to pass it on to those around me, reciprocating the joy that so many have given me. I try to be there for others in times of hardship, without expecting to be repaid for lending an ear or giving advice. I have developed skills of commitment and collaboration through my participation in choir and the musical and established a sense of responsibility through my work experience. I try my best to be the kind of person others respect and that my childhood self would aspire to.</p>

[halcyonheather]

<p>You need more transitions between your paragraphs, and you have a lot of cliched phrases you probably ought to change. </p>

<p>NHS essays are mostly just a formality anyway, but I was bored, so here’s my rewrite (most of my changes are subjective and not grammar-related, so take the parts you like and leave the rest):</p>

<p>Three years ago I took my first tentative steps into the new, mysterious world of high school. I remember wandering the halls and wondering who I would be here, what I would become. </p>

<p>Today I’m a senior, but I often find myself contemplating the future the same way I did when I first came here. I’m always thinking about college and the contributions I hope to make in the world someday, and these thoughts have led me to reflect on the path I’m already following—the path that’s made me who I am today.</p>

<p>I’ve always tried to be my own person and blaze my own trail. In middle school I looked forward to adolescence; I remember thinking ahead to the changes I’d go through, the independence I’d be granted, and the teenager I’d ultimately become. Often there were bumps along the way, and sometimes it seemed like growing up was more of an unwelcome adjustment than an evolutionary process worth embracing. But now, looking back, I realize it was those bumps and detours that taught me the values I live by today. The National Honor Society seeks students who display scholarship, service, leadership, and character, and in my three-plus years of high school I’ve always tried to embody these values and serve as a positive example for my peers.</p>

<p>I strive to think deeply and unconventionally in the classroom. I’ve made my education varied and interdisciplinary by combining classes in literature, history, and science with the creative perspective I’ve developed through my love of art and music. I’ve also challenged myself in many ways—among other things, I skipped a year of French, signed up for AP Biology even though I struggled with its prerequisite, and voluntarily gave up lunch for two years just so I could have a schedule that reflected my interests. I’ve never been a perfect student, but I’ve always been a passionate one, and I plan to continue challenging myself academically so I can become a well-educated citizen of the world. </p>

<p>My education is one of the most valuable things my community has given me, so it only makes sense that I like to give back to the community through an institution that promotes education—that is, the library. This year I stocked books and helped the other workers prepare for the annual summer reading program, which encourages local students to read for fun. I enjoyed this program when I was younger, so it was interesting to watch it all come together from a different perspective. In addition to volunteering at the library, I take part in the World Language Festival and regularly donate my used clothes and toys to families in need. </p>

<p>I’ve always found it frustrating that many people classify themselves as leaders or followers without considering that it’s possible to be both. I’m an introvert, but this doesn’t mean I’m a stereotypical standoffish follower type—I’m not afraid to express my true thoughts in a world where conformity is the norm, and I often like to take charge of situations. I’ll often stand up and assume a leadership role if I see something I believe in, something personally important to me. For example, I once put together a number for a school show, and another time I designed and made costumes for a Broadway Night number. In addition to formal leadership roles, I like to believe I lead by example. I strive to be kind and understanding, and I always go my own way even if it means going against the current. I may be shy, but I don’t hold back when it comes to standing up for something or someone I care deeply about. </p>

<p>In response to the joy others have given me, I always try to keep a positive attitude and pass it on to those around me. I try to be there for other people in times of hardship without expecting to be repaid for lending an ear or offering advice. I’ve developed skills in commitment and collaboration through my participation in choir and the musical, and my work experience has given me a certain sense of responsibility I wouldn’t otherwise have. I try my best to be the kind of person others respect, the kind of person my childhood self would have aspired to be.</p>