Maybe music isn't for everyone- should I quit forever?

College Majors Music Major
21

Hello. I have a short story about a classical guitarist you might find interesting :wink:

So my friend was a sloppy rock guitarist in HS – good, natural talent, no training at all, self taught as many teen guys are.

Somewhere along he line he decided he actually wanted to study music. We all thought he was nuts, but in his senior year he got a teacher, and by some miracle of god, got into an o.k. Music school at a regional university.

For the next four years he STRUGGLED. He had to learn to actually read music (has a great ear, and as it turned out, relative perfect pitch). He was far behind in freshman and sophomore years failed some classes, etc. But he kept at it, big time, studied and played, studied and played.

(I once watched him spend almost 24 hours unbroken trying to nail a Scarlatti piece when i was down visiting. I went to bed…he was playing. I got up the next morning…he was playing.)

He hired a private teacher in summers, travelled two hours every week to relearn hs technique, the works.

By his senior college year he’d burgeoned into the best player in his program. He was accepted into a masters program at another well-regarded university, where he flourished.

Today he earns his living as a performing classical guitarist, and married a member of his ensemble :wink:

The moral of the story is that at your age, this guy hadn’t even touched a classical guitar or had a private lesson. Yes, he was driven, maybe even obsessive at times. But he loved it so he kept doing it, despite a million discouraging external influences, including his family who never saw his dream in the early days.

You can bet they changed their assessment at his masters recital :wink: I was there and saw it – a phenomenally beautiful thing.

So if you love it, GO DO IT, and get out of your own way :wink: Change your perception of what’s possible, and you will change what’s possible.

Cheers!

22

Great story, KMCmom13!

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Classical guitarists often start later than other musicians. My own daughter started, I think, at 13 and didn’t have a good teacher until a couple of years later. We didn’t have much in the way of financial resources. She started with a $99 Alvarez (you have to really work to play a guitar like this) then babysat for two years, to buy a better guitar. Ultimately, we found a luthier who converted an excellent Flamenco guitar for her. There was no need for anything other than a good teacher, honestly- the classical guitar is different in that as well.

She developed problems with her shoulder due to an ongoing health issue and had to stop playing entirely, midway through college. The important thing is that she does not regret for a second any of the time she spent practicing or playing. It was hard work but pure joy. It has also enriched her musical life: she is now doing grad studies in composition. How would you feel about the six hours a day you are playing, if you eventually had to stop? Would it be a good memory or feel like a waste?

The real point of my story is that you have to love what you are doing for it to be worthwhile, and I am not getting that from your post. I think you need to be careful because you may be using your guitar- and forgive me, I know you had a day of despair and may feel better- as a vehicle for some other drives you may have, or concerns about your future. There is a reason you are finding guitar stressful rather than enjoyable.

Practice and lessons to develop as a musician should, as others have said, have an intrinsic value. Meaning worthwhile in and of themselves. If you see music as a way to “make a mark” or “have an impact on the world,” that is loading it with a lot of responsibility and ambition that may ruin your experience of music in the long run. And the concern with the skill of others or how you stack up in the competition, while sometimes pragmatic, can be a distraction from your own process of growth.

I think that 6 hours a day is too much for you, particularly since it is rooted in motivations that do not, for now, seem rooted in the love of the instrument but instead in what the instrument can do for your future. Again, that may just have been a temporary thing, but still, it is something to think about. I agree with the other poster’s suggestion to think more in “gray areas.” Try practicing just one hour a day for a month and see if you enjoyment grows and your stress goes down.

Try not to load all your hopes for the future on to your instrument: it cannot hold the weight of that. Work on other areas of your life (including art, if you like it), and don’t feel that you cannot have other interests because they might affect your music. You do not have to find one area of pursuit that will save your future, whether art or music. Explore and enjoy for now, and work hard (but not for 6 hours/day at one thing!). It is fine to enter college with the same exploratory attitude, if that is where you are at that point. Take classes and pick a major after sophomore year after being undecided for a year. Uncertainty is fine and normal for people who are young.

So, my summary in response to yours: I think you should dial back your practice and attendant stress and try to enjoy music again. Try not to stress about your future major or career too much. High school is for exploration. If you end up feeling that music is the one thing you absolutely love, you are not too late, not at all. But your motivation needs to feel good, not painful.

Good luck!

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@compmom Just to clarify-don’t get the wrong idea. I practice more when I’m happy and focused on the present. It’s when I start comparing myself to others and going nuts that my practicing declines. I think it’s really impossible to practice a lot with weird, stress-motivations, that tends to burn out really fast.

Also don’t think I practice 6 hours a day, 'cause I do less usually.

And yes, this was a one-time stress thing. And I haven’t practiced at all the last 2 days to cool off.

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Oh good, sounds like you have a handle on the situation. So main message is that classical guitarists can start late and do very well :slight_smile: