<p>Ok ok I know that this is a pretty common thread on this website and most of you have probably gotten tired of seeing this but I had to ask:</p>
<p>I'm a sophomore in college in a critical academic situation (see my previous posts). My dream for getting into a good med school is on a knife's edge right now. That being said, my main goal is strengthen my academics. </p>
<p>That being said I can't help but think about the million dollar question, med school and relationships. is it possible to find one? is it possible to maintain it? </p>
<p>Ive never had a gf before because in high school I never had the balls to approach a women due to my super conservative and nosy indian parents. I just had no way around them. When I came to college and became more independent, I found that I was clueless on approaching women and I have gotten rejected more times than I care to count till now.</p>
<p>It really does make me feel like $@(# inside and lonely as hell especially when I watch my other friends with great relationships. Im not gonna just give up yet though, i will keep getting better at this until something works out. </p>
<p>My question is, if im at the point where im single when I go to med school (considering im pretty pathetic at this) is it over then? I hear all decent to attractive women are all taken in med school, is this true?</p>
<p>Even if it were true that all the girls in medical school were taken, there are plenty of girls around in other schools and departments. If you are willing to make it a priority, it is possible to maintain a relationship in medical school or start one.</p>
<p>Totally not true that all the good girls are taken once you get to med school. There were 10 women in my med school class who were single when they got to med school and were married/engaged to guys (in med school) they met after starting medical school…and 4 of the most attractive (in my opinion) entered single and left single. That’s a pretty good percentage, especially considering how many people in my class came in engaged/married. Generally, most private schools will have a heavier concentration of younger students and fewer non-trads (as they attract people more willing to move), so the odds might be even better depending on where you attend medical school.</p>
<p>And besides, it’s ridiculous to only limit yourself to the women in your medical school class…there are nursing, pharmacy, physical therapy classes and an entire city worth of attractive women whereever you end up for medical school (and subsequently residency and/or fellowship).</p>
<p>I am glad to discuss about this topic as the shadow of this worry invariably lurks on the fringes of my maternal mind. </p>
<p>I don’t want to brush broad strokes but I have noticed that many 1st gen US born kids to Asian parents (irrespective of how old fashioned parents are) tend to take a bit longer to muster up the courage to ask girls out. I believe this happens partly because the bar is set very high in most Asian families for education. We (immigrant parents) become what our Asian parents taught us to be. I also think that most Asian 1st gen kids find it somewhat difficult to connect with “appropriate” matches as they tend to not indulge a lot of partying during your crucial educational years. From what little I have seen of US undergrad life vicariously through my DS’s view, I have come to believe that there is way way too much drinking and partying on undergrad campuses… My DS complains about not meeting girls that share the same values he holds dear and that too many kids in school party way too much. The girls who don’t party much are more likely to be careful or selective about who they go out with. </p>
<p>I am not saying that ALL Asian 1st gen experiences this but a significant % do.
So, don’t feel bad about not meeting girls in your College.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters that it should not be difficult to meet like minded girls when you are in med school. There will be plenty of girls who are pursuing grad degrees in Pharmacy, Audiology, or other health related disciplines under the umbrella of Graduate School of Biomedical sciences. Good things are worth waiting for!</p>
<p>By the way, I met my hubby when we were both pursuing our research in Grad school. He was pretty much the only person I constantly bumped into at all the odd hours when we practically lived in our respective labs! Although we met in our mid 20s, I am glad to say we have been married for 25 years. So, love can spring when and where you least expect it.</p>
<p>There will probably not be a dearth of women waiting for you should you get into med school. Although many girls will be taken when they start med school (there were around 7 weddings this past summer in my med school class), there will be plenty of single girls as well. There will also be PT, nursing, law, business students as well. We have many inter-graduate school mixers during the year as well as mixers with students from neighboring med schools. </p>
<p>The biggest constraint will probably be time. You simply don’t have a lot of time. You can date within your med school class and basically study together and go to lecture together with your mate. It’s more convenient but med school socially is like HS meaning if you have any breakups or drama, that will be broadcast throughout the med school class. Many of my classmates who are dating each other try to keep their dating a secret (do not post pictures or change relationship status on facebook for example).</p>
<p>Or you can date outside the med school. You will probably be the busier out of the two. My girlfriend is pretty understanding of my schedule and the first thing we did was plan our hangouts. We generally see each other on the weekends and never the weekend before a test (so that means the longest we go without seeing each other is 2 weeks). I TRY really hard to give all of my time to her on the weekends so I almost never study on the weekends which makes life hard for me around test time. Somehow I’m still in the top 1/3 of my class. </p>
<p>But, this semester has been killer. I have a fellowship I’m completing during the school year AND I have some minor EC’s (president of the radiology interest group at my school, board member on AMSA, etc) AND I have my med school academics AND have a girlfriend AND have to study for boards. So, we’ve scaled hanging out back even more (now it’s supposed to be only 1 day on the weekends and we may have dinner together on a weeknight or she’ll sleep over on a weeknight). The point being, lack of eligible girls are probably not the reason doctors get married so late.</p>
<p>I’m thinking about going to medical school (when I’m older), but these posts combined with my general impression about the time that a doctor must devote to work is putting me off a bit. I think that if you make a relationship a priority, and go into med school with a good attitude (there will be good girls still available), you should be fine.</p>
<p>those are all pretty good points, im not fixed on dating a women who goes to med school. it may be even more interesting to find someone who has other interests and so forth outside the realm of medicine. as people have said, there is a distinct advantage to finding a mate in med school since it would be easier to manage. i know med school is still a while away but this is something i couldn’t help but thinking about lol….</p>
<p>With all due respect, I think you should spend less time on this site and more time with her even though your advices are very valuable. </p>
<p>tompi90 and All,</p>
<p>I appreciate all your posts. I am worried about my high school son who may be considering the medical career. Selecting a university with 50%+ female student population is on my top consideration for him. My neighbor’s son just completed his JHU residency and my nephew is in his 3rd year of residency. Neither has had steady relationships. </p>
<p>Finding a classmate as a future spouse in medical school sounds plausible. My son responded just like that when I went through the career planning with him. I asked him if he likes to have two to three kids. Yes, he replied. I then asked him what would happen if his doctor wife had to quit her job to take care of kids? (I know two wife doctors did that in the local area.) Would they be able to service the debt from two student loans with one check? He started to realize that sacrifice might have to be made at some point. I think that boys and girls should try to make many friends and participate in activities inside and outside of college. These networks may turn out to be useful connections.</p>
<p>While finding a med school classmate as a future spouse is possible, a much more likely scenario is finding non-physician medical professional as a spouse. Single house officers are very eligible bachelors/bachelorettes in any hospital. As long as you are polite, courteous and treat people like, well, people, you will have no problem meeting potential spouses in the hospital.</p>
<p>If you do complete medical school and residency without meeting a potential spouse, you will emerge as a never-married professional with an excellent career ahead of you. Again, if you are a decent guy and treat people well, you should have no problems.</p>
<p>The data shows that most relationships that start in medical school or residency end in divorce. Mate usually thinks it “will get better” once school or residency is over and it actually gets worse time wise. Those that have a relationship from college days or meet end of residency or afterwards have higher chance of success.</p>
<p>For “casual” relationships - it is pretty easy as a guy (mom’s best catch for daughter’s is a doc); for girls it is a lot harder as most guys are intimidated by women whom are smarter, make more money, etc</p>
<p>Good questions. I have not thought about that. I firmly believe that the next generation will have a tougher time. They will have to pay heavy taxes on SS and have little chance of getting a traditional pension. I am raising them so they can take the responsibility for themselves and their families. </p>
<p>The following excerpt describes the typical main stream thinking. </p>
<hr>
<p>Among male physicians, those with a nonphysician spouse at home had the most children, but among female physicians, those in dual-doctor families had the most children (Table 3). Although caregiving responsibilities for children were predominantly borne by women, both male and female physicians in dual-doctor families played greater roles in the care of their children.</p>
<p>If my son indeed encounters the situation, he and his wife have to work it out. Nonetheless, I seriously doubt that he would be looked upon favorably by his in-laws if their son-in-law stays at home while their daughter works over 50 hours a week. </p>
<p>The case I mentioned was only part of the concerns. Female medical school students are facing more difficult challenges. The couple would have to have a perfect timeline in order to have 2-3 kids w/o affecting their careers. If I had a daughter wanting to go to medical school, I would be even more worried and certainly would go through the same session with her. A possible way to mitigate the problem is to have grandparents help take care of their grandchildren by taking them to baseball practice, dance lessons, etc. That is why a student pursuing the medical career requires tremendous support from parents, both mentally and financially. </p>
<p>Finally, I didnt conjure up a case out of thin air. The debt for medical school students is a serious issue. Please check the following links if anyone still have the doubt. Indeed, a young doctor would have to have a rich spouse or parents to quit his/her career.</p>
<p>The debt is - and always has been - high. Most do not pay it off until they are in their 50s. However, even after the debt, the take home income is more than enough to live on (quite well). You may not be in the same league as a corporated 100 CEO, but…it is nothing to stay up nights worrying about.</p>