<p>Just wondering, when I should start looking for a mate, lol?</p>
<p>good question! i wanna get an idea too...I don't want ot find a lady after I become a doc, it gets too complicated then lol</p>
<p>No, most aren't at least not at the start. We've had a rash of engagements (and several that have been called off), but I'd still say we're well below 50% married, probably closer to 1/4. Obviously a lot of people have significant others but with the stress of medical school those have a tendency to change as well.</p>
<p>Back in the "dark ages" when my husband went to medical school there were very few married when they started school--probably around 20% (just guessing). By the time the class graduated the marriage rate was most likely about half. We were married before he started med school and my husband said in many ways it made it easier--none of the dating bs, someone to take care of the house, the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and paying the bills--looking back I guess he married to get a maid!</p>
<p>Yuck! I don't want a husband who marries me to get a maid. He'd be miserable if he did, anyway... ;)</p>
<p>Should we wait until we get a job, wait until our potential partner gets a job, or grab hold of somebody first? I guess it depends on a lot of other things too, but assuming everything else is the same, how should we factor in the career thing?</p>
<p>I don't think you can put a timeline on love. I have friends who have been dating since freshmen year, almost continuously, who still aren't engaged, others who are finally getting married next August, and yet other friends who have met, dated, gotten engaged, and married within a year (including one that took only 5 months!). There's another girl in my class who has been dating a guy since Thanksgiving and we're pretty sure she's going to have a late June wedding...this year.</p>
<p>My life would be easier if I didn't have to worry about grocery shopping, getting bills paid and LAUNDRY. Test weeks mean that everything pretty much shuts down and if I run out of easy to prepare food during that time, then I end up spending a lot of money on fast food and the like.</p>
<p>Not having to worry about finding a date and stuff like that would also be a lot easier.</p>
<p>Goodness. <10% of my class. </p>
<p>Conventional wisdom -- which I don't really understand, to be honest -- often suggests that it makes the most sense to get married in between your second and third years of medical school. I can sort of understand -- your third year is more like a job and less like school, since you're in the clinics all the time. You are, however, much much busier that year than the years prior to that, so I don't really get it.</p>
<p>Thats what women are there for, you take care of men and families. We can see this in nature. If they want to take on more then thats fine also.</p>
<p>If you want to talk about natural roles...</p>
<p>In nature, we see males get eaten by females so the females can take care of everything else. Well okay, some males are good protectors. But we also see males that attack their own children because they think they're imposters. And we see males that remain in a less-than-larval stage except they produce sperm because, really, they're not necessary for anything else. lol</p>
<p>I'm glad human males usually take on much more than what nature requires of them. Imagine what we can achieve if both genders are encouraged to function at full capacity!</p>
<p>I guess if all else fails, I can go back to India and find a suitable maiden as my parents would have it , but i'd really really really rather not ~_~</p>
<p>Actually, I think communes are most efficient, and would probably allow everyone to do a lot more than what they can in the currently accepted social system in the US. Why have we chosen such a difficult system?</p>
<p>sorry, back to the finding a mate at what age thing... is it generally better to get your own act together first, or work with your partner to build your acts together?</p>
<p>This topic is a breath of fresh air. Usually it's a question like "what should I major in."</p>
<p>I don't encourage marriage for anyone. If you want, live next door to each other.</p>
<p>Mike, I think it makes a lot more sense for people to get married between first and second - no boards, full summer, not starting rotations in july, etc. </p>
<p>Of course you could be like a 3rd year I know who had a wedding the middle of his surgery clerkship...</p>
<p>im curious about this too.
i figure guys wud start settling down around 27 or 28 (3rd yr). is this the same for the ladies in med school?
is it really hard to deal with a med student's schedule if ur not a med student urself?</p>
<p>Again, I don't think you can ever put a timeline on love and try to generalize that most people are going to be doing something like getting married around the same time. There are simply too many variables.</p>
<p>As for dealing with a med student's schedule, it all depends on who your significant other is, the types of concessions and compromises you make to each other, and those types of things. It is a change, it is demanding, but if your SO is understanding, you make time for him or her, and do the little things that make being a couple work, then it probably won't be a problem. If those things aren't done, then it probably won't work.</p>
<p>I haven't been in any relationships yet, so... what's an example of a little thing that makes being a couple work? (can't take too many lessons from the parents lol)</p>
<p>Things that work:
Both people (not just one) should be able to put themselves in other people's shoes - see things from someone else's perspective (not just their own).</p>
<p>Both should be able to compromise.</p>
<p>Compassion/empathy for others.</p>
<p>Giving (as opposed to selfish).</p>
<p>Communication skills (a proven record of talking things out rather than running off or becoming slilent)</p>
<p>A willingness to commit to one person.</p>
<p>Attention to the other person's needs. (it's not all about you...or them)</p>
<p>The ability to handle money well and responsibly. Debt free or plan to be debt free.</p>
<p>Both people have many interests , hobbies, activities in things they enjoy (besides just the other person). </p>
<p>Both people are compatable sexually - similar habits, expectations, etc....</p>
<p>Both people have similar expectations regarding children (and a plan for who is going to be primarily responsible for the children once they are born - kids do not raise themselves. And to expect it to be a fully "shared" responsibility when one or both parents are physicans is laughable at best - have realistic expectatations regarding this and perhaps even consider not having children ; there are other ways to be fufilled as a couple and person.) </p>
<p>Marriage doesn't work for people who :</p>
<p>are selfish
can't manage money
have a temper
are impatient
sexually selfish
want someone to "take care of them"
want a "maid/housekeeper/nanny"
unable to commit
are afraid to be alone
are arrogant
can't put themselves in the place of others
are only fufilled by another person (no hobbies or outside interests)
have trouble communicating</p>
<p>Very comprehensive list Pearl. I would agree. The marriages I saw that broke up during medical school or residency were usually the ones with a very needy spouse (usually the nonmedical one). They wanted always to be put first and couldn't understand or forgive their SO not being there for a holiday, a special event or their birthday. Also, they were the ones that couldn't handle a "crisis" on their own---I'm talking minor things like the car broke down, the bank screwed up, the plumbing leaking, etc.</p>
<p>I was a student (2nd year), my wife was a resident (2nd year). It has been 25 happy years since.</p>