<p>Does anyone else have nightmares (even when wide-awake) about their
kid not getting in anywhere? My D is at the top of her class with great stats and I still am acting like a nut. Yesterday I tried to talk her into "one more safety- just in case" and she just walked away shaking her head. I almost bite the heads off people who tell me they KNOW she'll get into her ED school,she'd get in anywhere. I'm not being kidding here. I really am having terrible worry and anxiety. I can't talk to friends or family about it because they'd think I was being obnoxious. So...I'll just tell my CC friends and hope that makes me feel better.</p>
<p>Sounds to me like you are the one who will have to "deal" if sad news comes in the form of a thin letter. Don't think you are alone, every family needs a realist. Perhaps you are feeling the need to protect your student from a bad outcome......even if the skinny envelope comes your daughter will survive, with your help. Think of her skills to handle the worst, how you can be supportive but let her deal with it.</p>
<p>1ofeach:
As long as you have a good list of reaches, matches and safeties and your D is well along the application process, you should try to relax. What I mean is that your D should not bank on being admitted early or leaving off writing essays for RD colleges until she hears from her ED college, but getting a head start on the RD applications as soon as she has fired off the ED one. Doing so avoids excessive emotional investment in the ED school as well.
But if your D's list includes a couple of real safeties, that should be enough. Don't add to it.</p>
<p>Your D will be a star wherever she goes. She will find love and challenge in the world and she will enjoy life. That's what you're hoping for, right?</p>
<p>You need to get a grip lest she starts to define her last year at home as "the year my mother turned into a nutter." We don't want that, do we?</p>
<p>I have two suggestions:</p>
<p>1) (From my mother's play book) Get busy doing something else. Really busy. What about training for a marathon?</p>
<p>2) (From Oprah's play book) Find a cognitive behavior therapist to help you develop anxiety coping strategies. Anxiety is one of those creeping maladies. Best to face it down early on.</p>
<p>I was in your place last year when our son was applying.
Are you the mom in the house? I bet it's not uncommon to feel this way but I tried to keep it to myself also. My H would have made great sport of my anxiety had I let on, so I tried not to. Watched old movies in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep.
Our son's list had several extreme reaches. One was his first choice, a conservatory. I'm pretty sure he had NO idea just how competitive the process was and how slim his chances were. No anxiety there.
Well, the thin letter did come for that first choice school (and two others) and he seemed surprised then disappointed. But he had several great choices and is now a satisfied sophomore, wiser for the experience.<br>
It is still hard for me and maybe other parents to see their talented, accomplished grown children not succeed in EVERYTHING.<br>
You sound very wise to encourage safeties but ultimately it will be her ride. Best to you.</p>
<p>1ofeach,</p>
<p>Sounds like your daughter has it under control and you are overinvested in the process (ha, I should talk!)</p>
<p>Better to focus on the match schools than "one more safety." There are plenty of schools where your daughter will thrive AND has a good chance of being admitted. If you need to focus on colleges, work on these. </p>
<p>If her college list is complete, look into the colleges' (and towns') extracurricular activities and other lifestyle factors that will help her make a decision in a few months. Don't push this kind of information; present it in an upbeat way so that you don't come across as too involved.</p>
<p>Be assured that going a little nuts is common. Cleaning closets helps (if you don't think you can do the marathon!)</p>
<p>1ofeach - your nightmares and panic attacks are a natural result of this stressful process. Soon if will all be over. You are wise to vent here. I can see how your friends with less qualified children would think you are obnoxious, but I think the most qualified kids often have the hardest application process because they are trying for the most selective schools. Hopefully you will not still have these recurring dreams when your kid is in college. I still occasionally find myself totally lost and unprepared in a college classroom! (In my dreams!!)</p>
<p>Well you like the net.....go to each school and begin looking up course requirements.....potential classes for first year. Academic schedules.....make a spreadsheet calendar kinda thing. Geez you wanna know how to suck up time, there are a million ways. Phone each school and get a course catalogue if don't already have one. Just getting the academic stuff into a working knowledge pace is really hard work. You could spend months of waiting just doing that. Have fun and it will be over before you have the four years, spring breaks, parents weekends and holiday breaks all planned.</p>
<p>There's a simple solution: have her apply NOW to at least one rolling admissions school where she has a good chance of admission. You'll hear back in a few weeks. </p>
<p>My daughter did this, and has already been accepted. The school isn't at the top of her list but it is a school she wouldn't mind attending if all else fails. As she puts it, "At least now I know I won't be attending community college next year." </p>
<p>An added plus is that she now feels charged up and more confident about sending off her applications to the other schools on her list. I think having "one in the bag" will also lessen her disappointment if things don't work out with her Early schools (she's doing EA not ED). And, I'm definitely sleeping better at night as well. :)</p>
<p>Carolyn:</p>
<p>Great suggestion. And congrats to your D!</p>
<p>Carolyn</p>
<p>I was wondering how "rolling admissions" worked. You are right....that is a great idea! How do schools with rolling admissions figure out financial aid?</p>
<p>Did your daughter apply and get accepted at Redlands? Redlands is on S's list.</p>
<p>FresnoMom</p>
<p>One other thing I wanted to add: I found that my anxiety lessened quite a bit when I stopped telling people exactly where my daughter is applying. </p>
<p>There was something about "putting it out there" that she was applying to College A or College B that actually added stress, even if people responded with the obligatory "but of course she'll get in!" In the back of my mind I was thinking "how embarrassing it will be if she doesn't get in!" My daughter was feeling the same thing about college discussions at school. </p>
<p>So, now we both just say she has "five or six schools she's considering" when people enquire and then quickly change the subject to something other than college admissions. It's helped a lot and she won't have to tell anyone that she didn't get in to a particular school once admissions decisions come in.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Carolyn: I found that my anxiety lessened quite a bit when I stopped telling people exactly where my daughter is applying.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Bingo. The less you talk it up the less you'll feel responsible for it all.</p>
<p>FresnoMom,
Financial aid works the same at rolling admissions schools. You submit the FAFSA in Jan/Feb and hear back soon after. The vast majority of rolling admissions schools don't require you to send in a firm commitment until May 1 so you have time to compare offers.</p>
<p>i agree with that--keep a lid on things for a while. in fact, my son went to the principal over the summer to get some transcripts, recs, etc--just to avoid all the commotion when school began. he very quietly did his application to his top choice....and then sat back and waited. </p>
<p>just find something to do! it can be such a long, long process...my oldest didn't find out until february that he was accepted at his first choice, but like so many have suggested, he had been accepted at two others and just had to wait it out. i agree, it's not fun to wait, but find a good book and let go a little. </p>
<p>things always work out for the best....or so i've been told!</p>
<p>1ofeach, you are among kindred spirits here on CC! What you are talking about is probably one of the main reasons why this site got started in the first place. Imho, it's a common side effect of the process these days and impossible for others to understand unless they've been through it themselves. </p>
<p>First, go ahead and embrace your angst and stop feeling so guilty about worrying. It's natural to worry. Last week, my S received an official acceptance to the college of his choice. Thank Jesus, they have reserved a spot for him! One would expect a moment or two of celebration, but instead, our darling S immediately announced that he might drop out of high school, now that he's been accepted to college. Papa Bear was standing there and quickly bonked him over the head with the realization that he has to pass Senior English and Econ/Gov to graduate, and the college will yank his admission if he doesn't pass those two classes. Meanwhile, I've got an ear worm who tells me in my sleep that he could lose his admission if he somehow, inadvertently, gets arrested or does some other unbelievable thing that I haven't thought of, yet! :D</p>
<p>The truth is, my son is a decent, responsible, charming, young man who doesn't consort with criminals or participate in unlawful activities. As far as everybody else is concerned, I have NOTHING to worry about. But, I do, because...well, just because. So, I'm learning to knit things for my relatives, and I try to limit my motherly comments to what's written on his teeshirts. I'm taking advice from the old Girl Scout Brownie song...something about pulling a smile out of my pocket and slapping it on my face. :)</p>
<p>1ofeach, all of the above wonderful advice notwithstanding, middle-of-night heebie-jeebies are still going to happen to some of us. They certainly did to me. Middle of night, no zzz's in sight, and I opened up my several college guidebooks, my Excel spreadsheet of schools (cf the War Board in "Accept My Kid, Please: A Father's Descent into College Application Hell"), my schedule for our April college visits and hunted for an Even Safer Safety for DS last year.</p>
<p>It's laughable in retrospect. It was the one school that NONE of us was willing to get out of the car for as we drove onto campus. But that one night, I needed to add it to the list of possibles.</p>
<p>So, don't feel that you are any more deranged about this process than any of us. And then do what others have said - if there are a couple safeties on the list, and a couple matches, maybe add another of similar calibre. Absolutely get an EA (non-binding)/rolling admission or two app in there. DS had two acceptances from two schools he loved by Dec. 15 and a couple rolling safeties (which it turned out he didn't need) shortly thereafter. Nothing like a decent acceptance to turn off the midnight panic gremlin.</p>
<p>With this plan, you and kiddo can relax and wait until April for any of those "lottery" apps s/he has out there. With the acceptance from a desirable school in hand, the kid can really evaluate whther that mondo-selective acceptance is really all that important. If it comes, great. If not, kidi has already begun to picture himself at a school he loves. And mom sleeps through the night.</p>
<p>Well, I still have nightmares about missing an exam in a course I never took, so I'm not a good one to advise here on preventing them... but...
I would disagree that having nightmares means you're overstressing; it could just be you're a person who has nightmares.</p>
<p>(I have one or two a week--at one point in my life it was one or two a night. Some of them are so absurd--once I'm awake--that they make me laugh. Last week--when I was doing a lot of SCUBA diving while on vaction--I had one about an "attack eel"! Not a shark. An eel.)</p>
<p>I'm with Dmd. I've had nightmares about not knowing the answer to a math question that had appeared on a 9th grade test. I once nearly woke H up to ask him about the speed of two bicycles which were covering the same distance... but I stopped myself just in time and remembered it was just a dream. :(</p>