<p>First few months is tough for all BS students. Some hide it better than others, but they are all feeling a little lost. I just dropped my D for her final year and her circle of friends now looks nothing like the circle from the first year. Maybe 1 or 2 are the same. We are all routing for your daughter EJMDAD. No worries, she will be fine.</p>
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<p>I kick started an old email account I haven’t used for a while last week and in the process of deleting junk mail came across the chat messages my homesick boy sent me four years ago. It brought back a flood of memories, including that lead heart. The pattern of first week of excitement wearing off into homesickness and loneliness is common. The good news is that the vast majority of kids make it through, some more quickly than others. But while it was happening, it was SOOOO hard for both parent and child. </p>
<p>That boy is now settling into college with a few bumps but no homesickness whatsoever (though he did tell me the other day that he was surprised by how much he missed his prep school!) so there’s payoff down the road. </p>
<p>As far as communication goes, we let our kid lead the way. With rare exception, and usually only if we had a very practical question (or, okay, if classicalpapa wanted a sports event recap), we just returned call, texts, emails, etc. That said, our kid called us a LOT–that was just how he rolled. If I had a kid who didn’t call, I’d probably set a once a week call time, and request two or three check-in texts during the week. And the check-in text would have to say something more than “Hey”–which kids seem to think is a perfectly adequate amt. of information for any parent. :/</p>
<p>Advisors sometimes post pictures of the new kids, and seeing a smiling photo helped that first week When we heard nothing for a while, a quick e-mail to the advisor was ALWAYS welcomed and helpful - advisors are usually quick to respond and just the thing for reassurance when Junior will not answer phone or text.</p>
<p>Our D has never contacted us much, and although once a week is agreed on, when she is busy that may not always be dependable. Sunday afternoons are often a convenient time to arrange for a call, because evenings and study hours are often not convenient to interrupt. </p>
<p>DS is freshman in college, DD is 5th former. Both are homesick/having friend and minor academicl issues. DS has a lot of reading to do in 2 English courses, DD had a language quiz where teacher did not tell them what to study. I would say the start of the school year is always an adjustment for everyone…teachers included…but am confident that very soon, things will fall into a “routine” and dear students will thrive.</p>
<p>It’s been very hard for me since we dropped off our son on Sunday. He isn’t at all good at communicating. I spoke to him for,the first time this afternoon for about 30 seconds. I told him that he needed to call his siblings. One brother has been crying for him at night and sleeping in his bed. Fortunately he called his siblings today as well and everyone feels much better. My favorite thing is that he told his brothers that it feels as though he isn’t at school. That released so much tension!</p>
<p>For parents who have just dropped kids off for the first time, (((hugs))). I thought I’d post this article on setbacks written by Choate’s pediatrician as it has some wise words for when bumps occur.</p>
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<p>I hope the first month jitters are starting to fade away and things are starting to hum for all the new students (and their parents!) out there. Just think: Parents Weekend is on the horizon and Thanksgiving Break is two months away! </p>
<p>We’ve all been there the first year and know what it’s like to stare out a window after a call from an unhappy or homesick child. BS is a leap of faith for everyone, but I can assure you that once you see your child hit his/her stride- the pride and joy you’ll feel will make all the early bumps and bruises worthwhile. Hang in there! </p>
<p>I dug up this old thread hoping it will make new parents smile. It’s a good one: <a href=“The Secret Pleasures of Parenting a Boarding School Kid - Prep School Parents - College Confidential Forums”>The Secret Pleasures of Parenting a Boarding School Kid - Prep School Parents - College Confidential Forums;
<p>Anyone else here into The Postal Service’s “Such Great Heights”? I love that song…even the Iron & Wine cover of it.
Just came on the radio as I was doing dishes tonight (DW broken).</p>
<p>In case you’re not familiar:
<a href=“The Postal Service - Such Great Heights [OFFICIAL VIDEO] - YouTube”>The Postal Service - Such Great Heights [OFFICIAL VIDEO] - YouTube;
<p>Things are going really well! We are staying really close via text and I am so proud of her, she is working very VERY hard and meeting each new day with focus. Finding her stride. </p>
<p>@SevenDad - I love that song!</p>
<p>This turned out to be our family’s summer song: <a href=“Alt-J - Left Hand Free - YouTube”>Alt-J - Left Hand Free - YouTube;
<p>I miss the kids when I hear it!!</p>
<p>That’s wonderful news, @jdewey !</p>
<p>How was everyone’s Parent Weekend? I know some are still in progress but I thought I’d ask. Everyone survive? </p>
<p>Everything went well at our first parent’s weekend. A couple observations and questions for the veteran parents: I think our D is adjusting well…B and B+'s for midterm grades and socially seems to be adapting. we did notice that this weekend was hard b/c it was her old school’s homecoming and her friends were texting, etc which i’m sure made her homesick. She asked earlier this week if she could come home to help her friend’s get ready, but thankfully it was a closed weekend for her school so we didn’t have to be the bad parents and tell her no…the school did it for us. One thing we are struggling with is getting her to take full advantage of the educational resources available to her such as nightly help sessions, etc…she thinks that 8-10 study hall should mean studying in her room and she’s reluctant to sign out and go for language or other extra help. I’ve asked her advisor to help with this so we will see…there are many resources available to help her succeed that I want to make sure that she takes full advantage…any veteran parents have any thoughts on this? Thanks!</p>
<p>Just back from visiting S2. Whenever we took him out to a restaurant, was AMAZED by the quantity of food a skinny teenage boy could put away! Don’t they feed em at that fancy school?</p>
<p>@CroissantMiser- The biggest barrier between extra help and my kids was their pride. It took time and maybe a little prodding from their advisors but when the kids finally saw the difference it made it became less of an issue and more of a habit. When K2 finally broke down and went for extra help ( his first year ) he said he saw more super smart kids in the resource center than anyone else. After this revelation his attitude quickly became : When in Rome! </p>
<p>I’m glad you had a nice PW. 
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<p>Thanks PM…i’m sure pride is a big part of her issue as well. I try to tell her that asking for help is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness as most kids think. I’m hopeful her advisor will reinforce this and hopefully she will understand exactly what your child did…</p>
<p>@GMTplus7 My D has come to really appreciate a good meal after being away. Oddly enough on parents week-end the food is always top rate! It was sad when we drove out of the gates and realized it was our last parents week-end. </p>
<p>My D has found that going to see her teachers during resource periods has been very valuable. In additional to answering questions she may have on the material, it has also allowed her to establish very good relationships with her teachers. This helps when the time comes for letters of recommendation.</p>
<p>We had a great PW and I’m thrilled to have my kid home for a few days now. Though she’s doing really well, she is still somewhat resistant to conferencing with her teachers, too. We sat together with her advisor to talk about it … And hopefully she will make more of an effort to do that on a regular basis. In middle school there was a real stigma around meeting with a teacher outside of class… It usually meant you were in big trouble. We went out to a Chinese restaurant tonight, and her fortune was “a strong person knows when to ask for help” or something like that. She said " I think I’ll keep this one" and put it in her wallet. </p>
<p>I’ve taken to just giving my son assignments about which teachers he needs to speak to, and then he has to report back to me within a reasonable amount of time that he’s done so. Last year, I just left it up to him and I don’t think he ever talked to one teacher outside of class or met with his advisor other than at the prescribed times. That’s how I was in high school (and college) too, and now looking back on it, I feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunity to connect more with my teachers/professors. So this year I’m trying to give my son some more guidance on when he should talk to his teachers and about what, but still leaving it to him to make the contact. It’s actually worked pretty well so far this year.</p>
<p>@soxmom: My kid would love that option, I think! LOL<br>
Conferencing with all teachers on a regular basis is an expectation at her school, they actually build that time into the schedules of students and faculty. I’ve heard that the top students at her school are the ones who take advantage of this the most, even if they are doing A work and don’t need any ‘extra help’. I just wish she would recognize it as more of a golden opportunity! </p>