<p>I have a dilemma, guys. I’ve fallen madly in love with MIT. This does not bode well.</p>
<p>Disclaimer: The following is a self-indulgent vent written primarily for my own benefit. No one is obligated to read my rambling pondering prose.</p>
<p>It’s just that soul-searching made me realize, dangit, I love Computer Science. I do. I can’t deny it anymore. I originally turned away from it because, as I lead myself to believe, I’m “not good at math.” You know what led me to believe that? The SATs. Yeah. Stupid standardized tests made me think that I’m bad at math, just because I don’t do it relatively well in rushed time constraints. (SAT I M - 720, SAT II M2 - 760).
I’ve never struggled in math classes-- in fact, I frequently got 100’s on every HW, test, and exam, considered it easy and interesting, and was the one to explain the concepts to classmates after the lesson. Before the SATs, Math was actually my favorite because it was so “straightforward.” Yet, somehow, as standardized testing came to come and pass, I slowly convinced myself that I was slow, bumbling, and overall mathematically poor.
Now, given, compared to most competitive MIT/Ivy/etc applicants, I am relatively less math-gifted. Poor, even. Nor is raw, fundamental mathematical formulas and algorithms something that I’m especially passionate for. Calculus does not, in fact, send exhilarated tingles through my body. But you know what does? Computer science. Programming. Making things come alive by the magic of some many lines of code. It makes me unbelievably giddy just thinking about it.
Not really just programming in general, I admit. I love games. I love making games. Every single one of my career plans before my most recent was based on dreams of working in the video game industry. Yeah, not the most “respectable” aspiration in the eyes of the general public, but dangit, I would die to work on video games. I love the industry, I love the process, I love the art, I love the mechanics. Playing them is ok, but actually doesn’t interest me that much anymore. I love the behind-the-scenes realm of video games. I hope that the relative lack of females in that industry may help me break into it, hahaha.
In fact, almost every one of my extracurriculars is related to that, too. I do art/illustration/design and game-making for fun and profit. In fact, I’m on a professional contract making small web/computer games for a music education company. I took classes in Computer Science at Harvard’s SSP and excelled, placing at the top of the class, despite not having taken the prerequisite level of math. I loved it. It was the most difficult, challenging class I’d ever taken, but I loved it.
Enough of that, though. Why MIT, specifically? Well, obviously, they’re the best Comp Sci school around, but that’s not enough to make me “love” it. The thing is, I loved everything about MIT beforehand, but felt like it wasn’t really suited for my “academic interests,” so I didn’t let myself get carried away in adoration of the school. It’s actually the only place I’ve visited besides Harvard, because while I was in SSP, I had a friend in MIT’s WTP. So, I got a tour of the premises. It’s architecture already spoke to me about the school’s attitude, philosophy. I loved it. Modern. Creative. Interesting! Breaking away from those boring, traditional brick-and-vines-and-marble-inside buildings I find so bland. Who couldn’t love a school who had giant blackboards on the walls of a building’s interior to draw or write on?! Seriously!? And the blue lights on the sidewalk! How awesome! And the colors! And the twisty stairs! Just… Everything! It’s been almost two years, but it’s stuck with me since. The viewbook I got one day didn’t help-- it was packed with all sorts of creative-looking design and down-to-earth language. Ugh. MIT is just so wonderful. I’ve read the blogs, too. They had one thing with a visiting orchestra playing game music-- not just vanilla, widely-known titles like Zelda or Mario-- they had Silent Hill. Silent Hill! Pretty much the most amazing wonderful awesome deep psychological game series (before the franchise got changed to a new developer, at least) ever! Insert screams of excitement and wonder and amazement and giddiness here, please.
But, anyway… Just… I love MIT’s philosophy, its attitude, its creativity, its everything. I love the colorful (undergrad one, specifically) and well-designed website, the interesting blogs, and the eloquent but down-to-earth and humorous tone of its PR writing. MIT is exactly the kind of place I would love to be.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, though, its one of the places I’m most pessimistic about getting into–hence the “does not bode well” comment. Because I’ve pretty much been thinking I’ll go into public health and medicine-- simply for theoretical interest in the ideas behind them, rather than real passion for the subjects-- I pretty much put myself down as the typical pre-med/bio female applicant, which is certainly not a niche the committee will be struggling to fill. I did write about comp sci and games in some of my short answers, as well as my EC experience, but I pretty firmly expressed that I’d changed my mind to the bio and public health path, the latter of which will probably not make me look very “fit” to MIT, which is more about hard sciences, comma comma comma. I don’t feel it would look very good to suddenly send in a notice of changing my intended major, either, as I wrote my main essay on the background behind being compelled to pursue that health-related path (background which I do not regret writing on, as it regardless had a larger impact on me than anything else I’ve experienced.). Also, because I’ve had a different math teacher every year, I had to use my science teacher for that recommendation… Who is a great guy, and respects/trusts me a lot, but, as much as I adore him, I do know he’s a bit of a lazy kind of guy. He put off writing and sending it until the deadline, and honestly, I’m not convinced that he’s the type to put a lot of effort into a rec. I feel bad saying that, as I certainly don’t mean to slight him, but that’s what four years of learning under him has told me about his personality. Great guy. But, vocal advocate of do-the-minimum-you-can-get-away-with. (Kind of unusual for teachers, but that’s Mr. P for you.)</p>
<p>Gah. I wish I had realized what I really wanted earlier. Boo.</p>
<p>There ends my self-indulgent venting. I apologize if it was slightly off-topic from where this thread seemed to go-- originally just a 2014 RD applicants thread, it looks like it mostly turned into a place for people to ask the (awesome) MIT representatives questions. I decided to use it for its founding purpose anyway, haha. I’d love to hear the stories of how other people fell in love with MIT, though (whether applicants or alumni!).</p>
<p>Summary of wall of text: MIT is awesome, boo hoo, why didn’t I realize that earlier, crap, I’m probably gettin’ reject’d, boo hoo, I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love with a reach school daggummit! Daggummit, Self! You’ll pay for this!</p>