That was the text message I received today. While I have the utmost respect for the members of the armed services, the possibility of him joining terrifies me. If I knew he could safely serve somewhere, I would think it was a great option for him to allow him some time to mature and find himself, but I fear him immediately being sent to the Middle East. He is stopping by tonight to brainstorm alternatives, so this is where I am looking for suggestions.
Here is some background on him. He was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age. He has not been medicated since middle school. Junior year of HS, he decided he hated school. We worked with the school and he was able to graduate early by taking one online class in addition to his regular classes. His grades were okay, but not great. Part of the problem was missing a lot of school due to illness which put him behind in a couple of fast moving honors classes. ACT was 29. He attended a technical school and received an associate’s degree in automotive maintenance. He has been working as a mechanic. I think he is finding that this is not his dream job. It is hard work and the boss doesn’t always treat him great. Apparently today was a bad day, so he has brought up the Marines again. I know he has been talking to a recruiter on and off for a while. Thanks to the ADHD, he can be quite impulsive, so I need to get him to start thinking options before he signs anything. Because he started school young due to the birthday cutoff, and graduated HS young, he is only 20 so would fit right in with the college demographic. I am thinking about suggesting some sort of four year automotive technology degree, but would that get him anything career wise or just delay being a mechanic again for a few years? I am not sure he would make it in a four year engineering program, but what about engineering technology or other non-engineering science related programs?
I know I am helicoptering, but right now I am scared and this is a young adult that needs a helicopter mom on occasion. Thanks.
Perhaps the Air Force is an option. They have some hi-tech fields which young people like, and you can get college credit for tech training through the Community College of the Air Force.
Do you have a close friend of the family with significant military experience? By significant, I mean someone how made a career of it, or spent much more than a 3-5 commitment? That’s the person you need to talk to. And you son can talk to. They will have a lot of perspective on the situation, and not simply act as a recruiter. I have seen my dad (a Marine of 10+ years) and BIL (retired Army) have quiet conversations with kids wanting to sign up. In almost all the cases, the conversation was eye-opening for the kid.
You could ask if he has considered other branches – Air Force or Navy. Ask him to visit those recruiters before making a decision. The service could be good for him, though.
My son is very similar to your son and also wanted to join the Marines.
This is the info we were given:
He cannot join if he is on medication for ADHD, I think he needs to be off for at least a year. He can go back on after boot camp.
Ff he has a high ASVAB score in mechanics he will be coveted. My wife was concerned my son would be deployed, the recruiter said (don’t necessarily believe recruiters) the Marines are full of guys that want to be GI, Good mechanics are in short supply and while they may be deployed are considered too valuable to be put in harms way. Can any former Marine verify?
Recruiter told us that even though they would recruit him as a mechanic he could go GI after boot camp and that it would be highly likely he would change his mind and want to go GI like his boot camp buddies.
My son got a scholarship to the Texas A&M Corp of Cadets. He turned it down because he knew he would never get though college. It was not a Engineering Tech vs Engineering thing. He could not get through the General Ed Humanities and English. Your son probably does not need more education, probably just needs another job.
Tough situation. Your son is twenty and has been out working in the world, so he is old enough to make his own choices and decently sophisticated. The military is a time tested way to make a change in your life. But as a mother, you worry, especially with a war on.
A friend was in your situation not long ago. Her college freshman didn’t like school and decided he would rather be a Marine. Her son was in touch with a recruiter who had promised the boy great things. She was frantic. What she did was get her son to talk to an ex special forces guy. This man impressed on her son 1) how finishing his degree would help him in the military (start as an officer and be able to advance higher) and 2) how hard military service could be. The boy started training with the ex special forces guy, getting a taste of how hard he would have to work. The boy did not give up on the idea of being a Marine, but he delayed signing up. It looks like he will finish college first.
Can you find some respected local vet(s) to talk to your son? To take his desire seriously but to help him really think it through? I like your ideas, too, but he may listen better to someone who has been in the service.
The only person I know with recent experience cannot even talk about what he saw in Afghanistan. He was the gunner(?) that sat behind the gun on top of the vehicle totally exposed. He was one of four guys that started out doing this and is the only one of the four that survived.
I realize that the number of troops in combat zones is down right now, but there is no way to know if that will change in the future.
The only other thing that has occurred to me that he might be interested in is a career in law enforcement. I am trying to figure out if that is much better.
It is more difficult to join any branch of the military if the candidate has ADHD. It is helpful that he has been off meds for many years. But in a time when they can pick and choose among potential recruits, ADHD can be a disqualifying factor. The recruiters are not always upfront about this. I’m not sure where the Marines stand on this topic at the moment, but if he were trying for the Coast Guard he could pretty much forget about it.
I will have to ask him if the ADHD issue has come up at all. So far the recruiters main concern has been his tattoo. I will also ask about his ASVAB scores. I know he took it a while back and mentioned he scored high, but I don’t know about specific parts.
He can ask current and former marines questions at www.leatherneck.com. They have a forum for prospective marines and he will get quick answers. He needs to learn if his ASVAB scores qualify him for various MOS’s and if there are openings. My concern would be how his ADHD would affect him during boot camp.
Would he be interested in auto restoration at all? There is one bachelor’s program in the country, Jay Leno has donated cars, money and time to this program. It is at McPherson college, you can see more here: http://www.mcpherson.edu/autorestoration/
Maybe Coast Guard or Navy would work for everyone?
My friend’s nephew worked on engines of planes in the Air Force for many years and now does similar work as a civilian. Perhaps his experience would qualify him for some kind of behind the lines work?
I can empathize with you on that text message. Halfway through my son’s senior year of high school, on his 18th birthday, he called me and said “I have good news and bad news, what do you want first?” We were traversing a troubled relationship at the time, he not willing to conform to house rules, me not being as flexible as maybe I should have been, hindsight being 20/20. “The good news is you’ll be rid of me for 6 years, the bad news is I"m not going to college, I’ve joined the AIr Force”. In the end, he has re-enlisted for another three years, for a total of 9 so far, and there’s always the chance he’ll make a career out of it. Honestly, it has been a fantastic thing for him.
He started out training EOD at Eglin in Florida (the TajMahal of bases so I’m told). If you don’t know what EOD is, google it or think “Hurt Locker”. One of, if not the most, dangerous positions in the military. He washed out with one week of training left. God answered my prayers on that one. Because he washed out, the military gets to pick your next assisgnment. He was sent to Japan and trained in IT. He was deployed to Iraq one week before the Tsunami hit just miles from his base, yup someone looking down on him again I thought. He did about 6-8 months deployed and then stationed in DC where he’s been now for a couple of years, working CyberSecurity. Just two months ago he was offered and accepted a very prestigious top security position in the DC area, he can’t tell me details except that no uniform and its undercover. I think its probably Homeland Security of some sort.
The USAF has been a great choice for my son. He has accumulated 80 college credits and is striving to get his bachelors degree before any re-enlistment time comes up again.
I have a friend whose son recently graduated from Norwich, including stints training in the Marines. He can only get into the reserves. They are telling other people he knows not to bother to try to re-enlist, or whatever they call it.
So even if your son wants to join the Marines, he may find it impossible to do so.
When you speak with him about the possibility of enlisting, remind him that while many enlistees get sick during bootcamp and have their graduations delayed, some develop health problems (or have pre-existing health problems identified) that mean that they are discharged before ever finishing bootcamp. He needs a back-up plan in case he’s one of those.
Law enforcement may not be what most people think from watching cop shows or reading news articles about busts of major criminals. The is probably a huge social work component, such as dealing with traffic crashes and disputes, chronic drunks, homeless people, domestic disputes, college students calling about mice in their dorm, etc…
My youngest son doesn’t want to go to college. He wanted to be a mechanic and we read up on it on some forums. A lot of middle aged mechanics have back problems and it becomes difficult to continue the work. He looked into welding. It is in high demand right now. He is now interested in something else completely but we found The Apprentice School at Newport News Shipbuilding. It is free and they earn a wage: http://www.as.edu/