<p>Hey everyone ill be leaving to college in almost a week.</p>
<p>The last couple of weeks ive been pretty excited about this but its recently started to hit me that I wont see my mom and dad, lil sister, pets and home for a while.</p>
<p>Ive always been so close to my family and ive never been away from them for over a week or two. I love them so much but I hate to see them the way theyve been the last couple of days. Theyre just so visibly upset and I dont want to see them like this. I want them to be happy and proud that they have a son thats going off to college.</p>
<p>They constantly have teary eyes and I think they cry a lil at night and it hurts me soo much to see them that way.</p>
<p>Ive tried to convince them to please not be so upset, that im doing a great thing and they have nothing to worry about. Im going to call home every day, im coming home every month and im going to be in a safe environment.</p>
<p>I know that theyre upset because we've been together 18 years...we've laughed together, cried together, struggled together</p>
<p>I really just dont want to see them so upset about this, I want to be happy about going to college and I wont them to be happy...but theyre not letting me be happy</p>
<p>JCGuzman, first of all, it’s natural for all of you to be a bit sad. For your parents, this is the end of your childhood. They’ve been a part of your day every day of your life, and now you’re heading off on your own. It’s a big transition for them, as well as for you.</p>
<p>That said, don’t let their sadness keep you from being excited about college. They are sad to see you go, but I’m sure they’re really proud of their son and want what’s best for you. They want to see you take advantage of your opportunities and succeed. They may be sad now, but they’d be a lot sadder if you were unable to attend college due to grades, behavior problems, or financial issues.</p>
<p>How far away are you going? Do your parents have Skype? If not, install it and show them how to use it. Also promise to call and text regularly. A text or two per day may sound like a lot, but it only takes you a minute and it will make your family really happy.</p>
<p>Skype is great. Last winter my daughter was 800 miles away at college, but one night she Skyped us. I had the laptop with me on the sofa, and my husband and son were on the sofa too. We were all watching a TV show together (I think it was a sports event) and we all talked and laughed - we were all together. We don’t do that very often, but it’s great when we do!</p>
<p>I’m sorry they aren’t making it easy on you. It’s hard for parents, but I wish for your sake that they would put on a smiling face until they pull away from your dorm on move in day. You should definitely be able to get excited about going to college. Get as involved as you can and know that it’s ok to start your own new life. This is what it’s all about! Your education, and the entire college experience that you will have earning that education, is an honor that YOU earned (please don’t go home other than for holidays, instead get involved on campus!). Please have a heart to heart chat with your mom or Dad and let them know you are feeling a sense of guilt for leaving and instead need their blessings and support right now. Have a great 1st year! :)</p>
<p>JCGuzman, I am sending my oldest off this week as well. Your parents are sad because this is a bittersweet time in the life of a parent. They have raised you all these years with the goal of launching you off on great adventures of your own, but at the same time, it’s not always easy to let go, especially if you’re a great kid, which you sound like you are. </p>
<p>Trust me, your parents are <em>also</em> very proud and excited for you. </p>
<p>It’s a shame that your parents are showing you their sadness, but understand that it’s natural and try not to let it take away from your excitement and happiness.</p>
<p>Once you are in school, do your best to keep them in your life. Email them or call them and tell them a bit about your classes and your new friends and activities and adventures. It will reassure them that they are not losing you, just moving on, as is appropriate, to a new adult relationship with you. </p>
<p>JCGuzman - This is a tough transition and some of us parents handle it more gracefully than others. I would really, really encourage you to talk openly with your parents. Tell them how much you will miss them and you know they are going to miss you too. Talk about ways you are going to keep in touch. Agree to a once a week ‘heartbeat’ phone call where you call your parents every week at an agreed upon time so they know you are alive and well (thus it’s called a heartbeat call). You can call and text at other times but parents tend to be more calm if they haven’t heard from you in a few days if they know you are busy and you have a scheduled call coming up. Other’s have suggested Skype…it doesn’t take any special software, it’s a free download as long as your folks have a camera on their laptop. We like oovoo because we can add more family members to a call at once.</p>
<p>I am launching my own son on Saturday and I’ve been crying off an on for weeks. We are very close. He’s been great and will just hug me and talk to me. He knows I’m very excited for him and I’m just a bundle of nerves. As move-in gets closer the tears come more frequently but it doesn’t mean I’m not thrilled for him and I’m not exciting for all the wonderful things he’s going to experience. I understand it makes you sad to see your parents upset or think they are crying, but don’t mistake that for them not being over the moon for you. It’s two totally different things.</p>
<p>By talking to them and telling them you understand their apprehension and sharing your own you will show grace and maturity. It will help to ease their anxiety as they start to see you as a more mature young adult and they worry less about you while you are gone. </p>
<p>I wish you the very best of luck!! Give you parents a hug…everyone could use it!!</p>
<p>Note: I just reread your first post to clarify…I realize you promised your folks you would call everyday. I would advise that you may want to adjust that to twice a week. You can ALWAYS call more often, but if you have promised to call every day and then can not, or as most college students do you grow more independent and don’t need daily phone calls your parents will be disappointed.</p>
<p>OP, before you leave, download Skype onto their computer. It’s free. <a href=“Download Skype for mobile & desktop | Skype”>Download Skype for mobile & desktop | Skype; Then show them how to use it. They’ll also need a webcam. Most laptops have built-in webcams, so put Skype onto that computer if they have one. If they only have a desktop, and they don’t have a webcam, run down to Best Buy and get them one. You can get a decent one for about $40, maybe a little less.</p>
<p>Your parents are indeed proud of you! Even if that isn’t coming across right now, please know that it’s true. This is the biggest transition in the family since you were born, and it’s tough for us parents to see our babies leave. Trust me, all of us parents feel that way, we just show it to different degrees. Do your best to be patient and loving with them. You’re a great kid to be concerned about them.</p>
<p>Even if the parents don’t have a camera, they could participate voice-only and still be able to see the student, right? I’m guessing they care more about seeing the student than the student cares about being able to see them.</p>
<p>Skype is easy and free. All you/they need is an internet connection and a webcam (look for deals, laptops often come with one) for video to see people/places.</p>
<p>Plan on a weekly phone call home- but no more. Sunday evening or afternoon will likely find you done socializing and available for a short call. You need to concentrate on school without daily phone calls from them. Emails are a great way for parents to send news from home that you can read when it is convenient for you. Do not promise to respond to every email or phone call mesage. Tell them it is very important that you are not distracted by what happens at home. You also should never promise to answer all of their questions. You need to separate your life from theirs and feel free to not tell them things. My son did all of this without our wanting him to, in retrospect it was good.</p>
<p>You need to change your promised phone call schedule. Tell them that parents of college students advise that once per week is best. A twice (or more) weekly call is likely to disrupt a study session and add pressure- it will become easy to forget to call or they will interrupt you. It is fine to call out of schedule to tell them good news- such as acing an exam, but in general do not tell them your grades during the semester. They don’t need any reasons to worry.</p>
<p>Also keep in mind that parents tend to overreact if you tell them anything negative. If you and your roommate have a disagreement it may be solved by morning but your parents may think your living situation has become horrible and they may want to get involved in moving you or … Likewise with any bad day- they won’t know the context and that you worked things out.</p>
<p>3 hours is far enough to travel by car but too far to go home often. Do not plan on going home weekends- you will use the time to get to know people and your campus area plus that is 6 more hours you could be studying…</p>
<p>My oldest, an awesome and loving young man, is going of to school in 2 weeks, so I know how your folks feel. I try not to be too sad when he’s around by visualizing a story my son’s best friend told me (he’s also leaving for college soon). </p>
<p>After friend accepted at his school of choice last spring, he said his usually mild-mannered mom started crying at the drop of a hat–for example, one day she was fixing sandwiches for lunch with her son and started crying and said “this could be the last time we fix sandwiches together!” (not kidding). Walking the dog, family dinners, even doing laundry–ANYTHING would set her off. </p>
<p>He finally talked to his dad and they sat mom down and told her she was making their limited time together way less fun than it could be. She got the message then called her girlfriends and started an exercise class (which certainly beats being medicated) and things are better–not great but better.</p>
<p>Understand that this is a HUGE change–imagine molding your life around your kids for almost 20 years, then facing them going off on their own. There’s a sense of loss now but time will help. Just know they’re proud of you and give those hugs the others suggested–even if they bring tears. Smile, tell them you love them, then go hang out with your friends!</p>
<p>Try to see it from their perspective. You are entering a whole other stage in life. The end of one chapter and the beginning of the next. In a way, they are mourning that “child” you were from years past. But, trust me, they are excited and happy for you at the same time. My mother’s eyes were red from tears the day she dropped me off at college, as well as my wedding day. It just made me realize how much she loved me. It did not make me any less excited for what was ahead, just made for a richer experience and appreciation of the seasons of life. Not to imply it was not painful at the same time.</p>
<p>My son is very far away - right, abu dhabi - and I love Skype. The beauty of Skype is that it doesn’t have to be a long conversation, especially if one of you is busy, just little check-in’s are wonderful. But the best way to show you think of them, and vice versa, is to send postcards. There is nothing as lovely as finding a little message in the mail - and not a bill. It is easy. Just buy some stamps - and whenever you see a nice card, send it. It will really cheer them up.</p>
<p>Don’t let their tears get you down - it means they love you! They’re happy for you, but sad for them. They’ll miss you, but they want the best for you. It’s very hard for parents, moms especially, to let go of their “babies”. I’m already sad, and my S doesn’t leave for another year!</p>