Hey guys so I am having a moral dilemma here that I hope you guys give me some advice.
So I currently a Freshman at a school that meets 100% of financial need. My parents are both relatively poor and because of this the school I go to gives me A LOT of aid. They immigrated here illegally from Bolivia and after sometime was able to get a residency card and eventually became US citizens. The reason I mention this is because where they grew up it extremely conservative. Well into my freshman year my parents discovered my sexual orientation (gay) and disowned me. As much as I have tried to resolve this conflict and talk to them about this they refuse to listen ( they have gone so far as to change their numbers ). This is quite painful and I knew this would be a likely response which is why I did not tell them ( they discovered from a close family member who betrayed me and told them. ). I do not see them coming around anytime soon because my cousin said they are going back to Bolivia and giving me a "funeral." Since this has happened all I have been doing is studying and locked myself in room. My education is really important to me which leads to the moral dilemma I am having.
So as you probably can guess, they most likely will not be completing the FAFSA the following years. Here's the thing though. My parents are really ignorant when it comes to this stuff and instead have always done there taxes with a family friend. Each year, It was me who filled out the FAFSA with the information from there tax returns. So my computer currently has their 2014 tax return, their Social security, and basically all the information I need to complete the parental side of FAFSA. They wouldn't ever find out either because they do not have an email and I put my phone number on the FAFSA. I can also use the IRS Data Retrieval tool to get their updated tax information. Essentially I can complete the parental side of FAFSA but should I? It would obviously not be from their consent so I put their pin ( which I know ) it would like a false signature. I told my financial aid department about my parents refusal and they basically said they can not help me.
I know this is hard and I do not want any of you to think I am bad person for asking this question. I am trying to weigh my options. If I choose the honorable way I would miss 2 years of college until I am 24 and will likely be working as waiter or something until than. If I complete the fafsa, I get to continue my education which is something I am using to cope with all of this. Either way I lose my parents but is it worth losing an education of something terrible they are doing to me?Any Advice guys?
Actually, your financial aid office should be able to help you more. If your parents have disowned you due to your orientation, you can inquire about a dependency override. You will need third party support (counselor, clergyman, professor, advisor, etc.) to back your story up. Please follow up with a different staff member in your school’s aid office and ask about this override process. The school will make a professional judgement regarding your situation and decide if you can be considered an independent student. Especially in cases where parents up and move, change their numbers…etc.
But is it the same thing as saying not supporting financially? I told them about my parents disowning me and they did mention this but because its an informal thing I might not the override.
Yes, actually being disowned to the point of your parents having a funeral for you is certainly an extenuating circumstance
I am very honest and also consider myself honorable. Sometimes though, honesty and honor do not coincide. I think they acted quite dishonorably (let alone uncharitably) to you, and the question is, would it honor them more for you to be somewhat dishonest and file FAFSA as if nothing happened, or would it be more important to be honest?
The easier thing is to be dishonest, that if they were reasonable, they would electronically sign the FAFSA for you.
and do it right - get legal advice to clue you into your rights and responsibilities. What would happen to you if you signed electronically for your parent, with all the correct information otherwise?
It says that the FA office should help students whose parents do not file, and though the FAFSA would not result in an EFC, certain types of funding are still available at the discretion of the college.
How about an on-campus LGBTQA group - they might have some ideas?
@thumper1@kgos16 Any advice on how I get also get this dependency override to happen? I am not the only one with this problem…its actually kinda of common.
You are asking us on this board whether you should commit fraud, federal fraud? What do YOU think the answer should be to this?
Get an appointment with your fin aid officer and tell him/her the situation and try to get independent status. Look for some gay advocacy groups as well. Some specialize in your predicament. Otherewise you work until you turn 24, marry, have a dependent, end up in a homeless center, are at risk of becoming homeless, or are a veteran. As the fin aid counselor what you have to do to get those designations legitimately.
Like thumper mentioned, it is never a guarantee. I really would recommend speaking to a different staff member and inquire about their dependency override process. You will want to be prepared to explain every detail regarding your situation, as all of the details you mentioned will help your case.
It would be dishonest to sign that FAFSA as though they were doing it. The directions on the FAFSA are clear. Parents sign to verify that the information provided about them is accurate.
I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say I am so sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve this at all and I hope you are able to overcome this situation and continue with your successes.
Nobody here is ever going to advise you to commit fraud. And yet…
Families do this kind of stuff ALL THE TIME. Check comes to me and dh, I sign our names, cash it, and go on with my life. Is it fraud? Yep. Does the bank know that I and probably half the married couples they deal with do stuff like that? I would hope so. The difference is, I guess, the spouse in question doesn’t care. Nobody questions that h’s signature looks a lot like mine, so it’s all good…
You should first go to your school and ask specifically about a dependency override. Go to the faculty advisor for the GLTQB group on campus for help and support. You’re not the first kid to be disowned over this issue. I promise you that.
If you cannot get the override, do not ask strangers on the internet for advice. We cannot and will not advise you to do anything illegal. The consequences to you are too great should you get caught and we run the risk of opening the situational ethics can of worms. In matters like this YOU have to let your conscious be your guide. Will using the DRT every year for the next few years to get your parents information give you more of something or get you something you wouldn’t otherwise have received? Do your actions harm others, including your parents? Decide what you can live with.
Well, I would, in a heartbeat, tell you to go ahead and file the FAFSA, because, as @ordinarylives said, family members file and/or sign things for each other all the time. But, in those circumstances, the other family member(s) have agreed. In your case, they have not . . . so, as tempting as it may be, you cannot file the FAFSA on their behalf.
Plus, where would that leave you next year, or the year after? You’d be right where you are now, but with no way to access your parents’ financial info. So you’d go to the school and explain that your parents disowned you. And they’d ask “when?” and you’d say "January 2015.” And then they’d ask how you managed to file the FAFSA in April 2015 (with their PIN number) if they’d disowned you. And your answer would be . . . “uh, er, I forged their signatures.”
Well, you know as well as I do that this story doesn’t end well. Your only option is to tell the truth, starting now. So long as you’re honest from the beginning, you don’t ever have to worry about getting caught in a past lie.
Oh yeah, and just for the record, your situation is not the same as that of students whose wealthy parents are refusing to support them. In your case, there wouldn’t be any financial support even if your parents hadn’t bailed on you, and the school knows this. Maybe that shouldn’t make any difference, but, for your sake, I hope it does.
Thank you guys! I definitely will take the moral high road on this and visit my financial aid office tomorrow. I don’t know how It will go or if I would be able to get a dependency override but if it is illegal than it really isn’t option. I have been attending the LGBT center ( not much but a few times ) at my school and psychiatrist about it ( basically the only person I leave my room for. )
I think you have a better chance eventually reconciling with your parents, if you do not commit fraud in their name.
I understand it us very painful for you, and frustrating, but keep in mind, people do change, and I cannot imagine anything that my children could do, that would compel me to permanently turn my back on them.
i do empathize with your parents as well, they probably are confused and frustrated (& scared) also.
I see where post #16 is coming from, but NFN, what help does it give the OP if when the OP is 24, the parents agree to at least see them?
The OP stated that the parents are having a “funeral” for the OP, if I read it correctly. That’s not something that will get resolved in a few weeks, or even a few years. They changed their phone numbers to avoid contact with the OP. (the latter can be proven I expect, as support for the OP not being a dependent any more, at least in the view of the college if not legally).
I am taking a wild guess here based on the country the OP mentioned, but perhaps the parents are very conservative Catholics. In that case, and assuming the OP is still Catholic or at least positively disposed towards Catholics, would the OP consider reaching out to the Pope, or at least using guidance from the Pope on such matters?
Maybe get your cousin to show them that webpage, that they are out of step even with their country of birth. You can go to Bolivia and serve in the military as an openly gay person…
