<p>It doesn't help that other people are always asking about it. What's more, people always ask "So, where is (son) going to college?" (as though you just pick a school and sign up to go...lol). </p>
<p>I've explained the process to countless people....explaining chances for admission, decisions don't come out til Dec and/or April, etc. The same people will ask "has he decided on a college yet?" next time they see me. I don't think people understand this at all.....</p>
<p>Last year my dad emailed me a NYT article about college acceptance letters (I have a bit of a collection of articles, haha) and I thought that maybe it would be a humorous look for some of the parents on this forum. Best of luck to all your kids!</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Dear Amanda (The Acceptance Letter That Wasn't)</p>
<p>April 25, 2004
By MEGHANN CURTIS </p>
<p>In my house, the importance of getting into the right
college was tantamount to finding a bone marrow match. The
meticulous pursuit began no later than grade six and
required no fewer than 30 college visits before grade nine.
A visit consisted of a guided tour, an interview (never
mind you've no intention of applying), an overnight stay
(Mom spends night at nearby motel while you tread miserably
alongside reckless, feckless freshmen) and a school
sweatshirt purchase. </p>
<p>Beyond the visits, our home became indistinguishable from a
high school guidance department. All available surfaces
accommodated college brochures, course catalogs, personal
essays and guides. A map of the United States hung in the
living room. On it my mother had traced the edge of a pizza
pan to indicate the geographic boundaries of the permitted
search. Finding that the ranking systems employed by
reputable institutions like U.S. News & World Report were
inadequate, my mother had devised an elaborate and
overwhelmingly demented ranking system of her own: a series
of immaculately scripted pencil charts displayed on our
refrigerator. </p>
<p>Convinced that her humdrum suburban life and failing
marriage were a direct result of her having not attended
Duke University, my mother made it her sole purpose to see
that her daughters did not suffer a similar fate. But
determination turned to obsession, and obsession to
desperation, and soon she was just plain mad. </p>
<p>So after eight years of narrowing the field, my older
sister Mandy applied early to Davidson College in North
Carolina. A reach it would be, though a hard-working
student and athlete would always be viable. But $2,000 of
SAT tutoring later, Mandy's test scores just weren't
cutting it. She would simply have to accentuate her
extracurriculars! </p>
<p>Mandy was captain of the field hockey team and since no
scout ever seemed to visit, it was decided that she should
submit a highlights videotape. And so the filming began.
All season, the local video store proprietor stood through
wind and rain documenting Mandy's finesse. The final cut
was a wrenching 10-minute ode set to ''Eye of the Tiger.'' </p>
<p>I decided I had better take matters into my own hand. On
what must have been a dreadfully boring suburban Saturday,
I came up with a terrific idea. I would write Mandy's
acceptance letter. </p>
<p>Understanding, even at the callow age of 12, that Mandy's
acceptance to Davidson was more important than my own will
to live, it was peculiar that I should think such an antic
would wash over successfully. </p>
<p>But the waiting and agony had gone on long enough. I had
managed to find a few letters we had previously received
from the Davidson admissions office. Lifting the language,
tone and format, I fashioned a glowing letter. Dear Amanda,</p>
<p>It is with great pleasure that we write to inform you of
your acceptance to Davidson College, Class of 1996. With a
record number of applicants, it is no small feat that you
are granted admission. Upon review of your outstanding
record, we believe you will be an excellent addition to
this institution. </p>
<p>From there, I moved on to the packaging. My father, who had
been working from home, relied on Federal Express to send
and receive documents. In his study was a cabinet filled
with unused FedEx envelopes. And because the FedEx man was
a frequent caller, I knew how the deliveries went down. The
guy did not wait around for signatures, like United Parcel
Service did, but stuffed the envelope in the screen door,
rang the bell and trotted off. Furtively slipping one of
the envelopes out of the cabinet, I crept back upstairs to
execute the final task. After typing our address on the
carbon slip, I sealed the envelope, ran to the front of the
house, did what I needed to do and sprinted away. </p>
<p>By the time I casually made my way back into the house
through the garage, the good news had already broken and,
to my discomfort, the intensity had surged a bit beyond
what I had envisioned. A tremor of joyous wailing shuddered
from the top of the stairs, from my sisters, my mother, my
father. Hesitantly climbing the steps to behold the fruits
of my labor, it dawned on me that this idea was positively
bad. </p>
<p>On reaching my sister's room and finding them clutched in a
sobbing, unbreakable, euphoric mound, it became
unmistakably apparent that I had but one option: end the
charade now. </p>
<p>''I did it!'' I proclaimed. I knew full well that this
would not be taken lightly, much less laughed off.
Nonetheless, I made this declaration with a big wacky
smile. </p>
<p>''Ta-da! Just kidding! How funny am I?'' Jazz hands!</p>
<p>While the ensuing events are, for the most part, not fit
for print, it can be said that I came away from this
experience a shattered, introverted child. Never before had
my very moral fiber been questioned. Never had I been made
to doubt my integrity, and more unsettling, my own sanity.
Evil. This act, I was told over and over, was nothing but
pure, genuine evil. </p>
<p>But when I am reminded of this painful experience this time
each year, I always like to draw the attention of my family
back to one oft-overlooked element of the deception. In my
undertakings, I accepted my sister -- and in the end,
wasn't that most important? While it would seem more
logical, in such a stealthy and dishonest operation, to
pull all the stops and reject her, I, the doting baby
sister, accepted her. She got in! She got in that boring
Saturday, and then, by the grace of some glorious and
merciful god, she did again, four days later. </p>
<p>To this day, though, I can't help wondering: was I evil or
were they crazy? I was most certainly wrong for tricking my
sister. But with the SAT preparation courses and videotapes
and maps, my parents had placed my sister's precious psyche
on a tee. I had simply taken a swing. </p>
<p>Years later, one day in early April, I would return home to
find a pile of envelopes tossed on the kitchen table. The
house was silent: Dad had moved out, Mom was working full
time and my sisters were living states away. As is the case
with many youngest-child milestones, the collective
interest had waned. </p>
<p>So I opened the letters -- a rejection, an acceptance, a
rejection, a rejection. And it was O.K. to be alone.</p>
<p>Thanks for taking the time to post this, Snapple! A gem! I am bringing it to the next 12th grade parents meeting at S's HS to inject a bit of sanity into the room!</p>
<p>We have the opposite situation of Rabo. I think my S should be working on some essays for RD so that we DON'T have a ruined holiday if the ED is an NO; but my husband thinks it unfair to ask S to do what might be unnecessary work.</p>
<p>S's attitude is appropriate. He really, really, really wants his ED choice and has been honest with coaches at other schools in this regard, thus closing those doors. He will be beyond disappointed if not accepted, but knows he will survive. Husband will behave similarly. I just want to hibernate and be awakened when it's over... </p>
<p>Several ED applicants at S's school are wearing the sweatshirts of their chosen school openly, which surprises me a bit. Maybe they know something the rest of us don't know? </p>
<p>Dizzymom</p>
<p>wish<em>it</em>was_april,
If your S needs merit aid to attend, why did he apply ED? It is very hard to get out of an ED acceptance, and not getting merit aid may not be an acceptable reason from the college's perspective. I understand that even when students feel that their need-based award was not high enough, that still may not be a strong enough reason to be released from their commitment.</p>
<p>NSM, </p>
<p>He didn't apply ED, he applied EA. Although the thread had ED in the title, several early posts mentioned both EA and ED. </p>
<p>The waiting - for parent and child - can be hard either way, although it may be easier for EA kids to focus on other apps while they wait. But whether it is EA or ED, a deferral or rejection is hard for most kids, and maybe most parents, too - at least the ones on this board!</p>
<p>Waiting for April,
Thanks for the explanation.
Good luck to your son. Regardless of how they apply, the waiting is hard for virtually all parents and students.</p>
<p>my d applied ed to brown and although she deals with it by convincincing herself there's little chance she'll get in i'm having a harder time . first she put little time figuring out which would be the best school for her. sher was convinced that she should apply somewhere ed. we had a good visit to brown good weather great tour guide and the school's intellectually liberal attitude appealed to her. i later noticed that there music department was far from stellar especially in vocal opportunities but did not want to dissuade her. so i have mixed emotions about dec 15---one of the problems with ed. i do not know if i should encourage her to start on her other apps but more importantly to do more college visits</p>
<p>I'm a nut, I admit it. Every objective and subjective element of S's application is 99% guaranteed to get him an acceptance at Boston University, his ED school. Last year there were only 500 ED applications compared to 28,000 RD. BU would be a safety for him if he had fallen in love with Johns Hopkins or NYU and applied ED to those schools. But I'm still anxious. He hasn't worked on RD applications because his #2 and #3 choices have Jan. 15 deadlines, and he goes back after winter break on Jan. 3, more than enough time to get those done if necessary. Meanwhile, Drew University sent him a Dean's Choice application --- no application fee, submit by 12/1, and get an answer by 12/15, no ED commitment, automatic merit aid consideration. He liked Drew, but it was #4 or #5 on his list. I figure for the $20 or so it'll cost to send his score and transcript, it's worth submitting the application. Just in case BU says no, he'll have an acceptance in hand while he works on #2 and #3 applications.</p>
<p>Our S is waiting to hear from U of Chicago EA. I think about it all the time and keep re-reading his essays to see if they hold up now (two weeks later) as well as I thought they did when he sent them off. (I think they do, but then I second-guess them...) It's silly. I have so much else going on to think about than this! I don't believe he's anxious about it much. He's working on his U of California online application this weekend (which is due at the end of the month). It will be nice that his UC school apps will be done with by the time the EA notice arrives. He'll be applying to four other schools though by the end of Dec. so that we can compare financial/merit aid and make a good decision. It's a lot of work for him, on top of a full load of academics and ECs and a girlfriend. I can't wait until the entire process is done with and we can put it behind us... and yet, I don't want the year to pass too quickly because I'm really going to miss him. It's a strange feeling... longing for time to speed up in order to get an answer about his future, and yet wanting to savor every minute of his last year at home with us. It leaves me, well, just anxious and out of sorts, I guess. Snappy and melancholy at the same time, which is just an odd combination.</p>
<p>Dizzy: I wear my sweatshirt (and sweatpants, and fleece pants) from my ED school, but I figure I have a right to, even if I get rejected, since my brother goes there and I've had the clothes since freshman year. I did consider putting them away for the 6 weeks of waiting, but since I have no other sweatshirts, that was really stretching it. So I wear them for comfort's sake.</p>
<p>Another way to do ED/SCEA is to also apply to another EA school. </p>
<p>I applied to a college ED, and two EA schools. I figured that it would be better to do that (as one EA school is a match, one a safety), and ED at my reach school (my first choice). So, it is likely that I will still get one positive response.</p>
<p>Just my 2 cents for future parents going through The Wait. :)</p>
<p>Rabo --</p>
<p>By all means wear the sweatshirt. Maybe it will be a good luck charm for you!</p>
<p>Dizzymom</p>
<p>I obsessed over the ED app for a few days after D sent them in--should this or that have been different. But since we're still in our retreat from college discussions, my obsessions started fading away. Late last week the paper had the faces of those killed in Iraq in the last few weeks. Today the newspaper told of yet two more high school kids killed in car accidents. So, the hell with worrying over whether she'll get in to her top choice or not. She'll get in someplace and she can be happy in any of the schools on the list. She's alive and well, thank god, and that's way more important than acceptance to any school.</p>
<p>This thread makes me think about the need to expand the "no college" zone for the student to include a buffer from other relatives, well-meaning friends, neighbors, etc. </p>
<p>My mother is becoming a daily source of interesting feedback from "them". "They" were the nameless, faceless people who were always getting on my nerves as a child. I remember being in the stores shopping for clothes and hearing my mom tell me that I should buy this or that because it's what "they" were wearing. "This is what they're wearing this spring". Who is they?</p>
<p>Anywho, "they" have now returned (much to my dismay). And now "they" have lots of unsolicited advice about college.</p>
<p>Find something, find anything to do to ward off the stress, because the stress impacts all those around the child for their fate to be determined. </p>
<p>My daughter did not even apply Ed and I remember the stess in our house because she was worried about her freinds. Some of her friends stayed home from school to wait for their news. The sad thing was that the results of the process put a real strain on some friendships.</p>
<p>2 students applied Early to Princeton; she got rejected the he waitlisted. The rejected applicant was livid that the guy got waitlisted. Even though they both got in EA to U of Chicago, and eventually she got admitted RD and is attending Penn, it made the rest of the year really ugly.</p>
<p>2 friends applied to EDII Conn College, One got accepeted the other got deferred, the young woman who got deferred stayed out of school for a few days because the one who got accepted could not stop raving about it. The girl who got deferred is a good friend of my daughter's and peer leadership partner, I remember D crying with her when she got deferred. It was a long wait until april but she ultimately got accepted.</p>
<p>Daughters best friend got dot deferred EA from her dream school Spelman, still more crying in my house and waiting it out until april when she ultimately got accepted.</p>
<p>Celebrate your kids no matter what happens, cook their favorite things comfort foods, and remember while some kids are doing the dance of joy others will just want to hide under the covers. No matter what happens, encourage your kids to accept what ever happens with grace and reassure them that it was no failure on their part becaue the reality is that there are simply not enough seats for all of the wonderful people who applied,. Let them rest in the fact that they will ultimately end up where they need to be.</p>
<p>Omg.... that's so sad......:(</p>
<p>I'm dying of impatience, anxiety and stress right now..
I don't know what I will do I if get rejected or deferred from my ED school...</p>
<p>My Mom tells me to forget my ED for now and focus on doing my RD apps.. But it's so hard...!</p>
<p>Cedronella,
I am so glad you posted your message. I am in the same position-- this process is so excruciating. We're waiting for an EA result from Yale and my son is so absorbed in his school work and activities that he hasn't been nearly as worried about this as I am. I feel like a crazy person but don't want to burden him with my insanity. CC is a blessing!! Thank you everyone for being here to share this with!!</p>
<p>I think this board helps to educate. Spent lots of time talking to a mom, whose S has wanted one of the HYP schools for years. Can't say who wants it more, S or parents. Anyway, I try to gently educate about competition he faces, as well as push to discuss the other possibilities.
If this mom read this board, she'd realize how slim her S's chances are. Thank goodness, they chose some good reaches and matches, too.</p>
<p>"Celebrate your kids no matter what happens, cook their favorite things comfort foods, and remember while some kids are doing the dance of joy others will just want to hide under the covers. No matter what happens, encourage your kids to accept what ever happens with grace and reassure them that it was no failure on their part becaue the reality is that there are simply not enough seats for all of the wonderful people who applied,. Let them rest in the fact that they will ultimately end up where they need to be."</p>
<p>great post sybbie! There is a school out there for everyone. Public/Private, Top Tier/Third Tier...if a student has the desire, motivation, focus and commitment, he/she will be successful regardless of the school attended. Kids need to know they have not failed simply because they didn't get into the school of choice and conversely, just because kids do get accepted to school of choice, does not necessarily mean they will be successful.</p>