Mother pushing a college I don't want to go to.

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I'll make this short, so that I don't end up boring everybody with a wall of text.</p>

<p>I'm a senior this year, and the decisions are beginning to trickle in. I've been accepted into five schools so far, and I genuinely enjoy all of them to some degree. While I'm weighing my options, however, my mother has already chosen her favorite (and oh, is she passionate about it). I feel as if I'll disappoint her if I don't attend - in fact, she becomes almost hostile when I even bring up the other schools.</p>

<p>PROS: The school does have a fairly good academic reputation.
It's known for being more libertarian-leaning, which I appreciate.
I already know that I have a good scholarship offer, which could possibly be bumped up to a full ride.</p>

<p>CONS: The school is tiny. Really, really tiny. Similarly, the surrounding town is small, and the nearest mall is an hour away. I'm a social person, so this scares me.
It has a reputation for being very hardworking, but also very uptight. I enjoy a good party, and it doesn't seem like this college is very accepting of that notion (in fact, it seems almost hostile towards it).
On that note, I have nothing against religion, but from what I've heard from other students, the religious atmosphere on campus is a bit much, in the "opposite sexes should be on opposite planets" vein.</p>

<p>My mother argues that education is all-important, and though I don't necessarily disagree, I want to enjoy the social environment of my college. I do have a full tuition scholarship at another school (where I fell in love with the mix of academics and social life), but it's a state school, which makes my mother beyond disappointed.</p>

<p>What should I do? How can I (a) make myself like the school more or (b) explain the situation without upsetting her?</p>

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<p>First question: where is your dad in all of this?</p>

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<p>If you are fine with this, can you tell us which schools specifically you are referring to?</p>

4

<p>It sounds like the school my brother goes to, which because my parents loved so much they wanted me to apply too. Apply I did, and I got accepted with scholarship money, but I don’t want to go there either. Besides the fact that it doesn’t have my major, it’s way too small for me too. I have found that not necessarily bringing up other schools in the context of the one they want for me, and strictly on their own (eg I love X school because of Y, not I prefer X school to Z school because of Y) and have found that to be a pretty good way to communicate my feelings without being confrontational. PM me if you want any other ideas, or to discuss the school (we might have the same issue:))</p>

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<p>I have a slightly similar situation, except that for me, there’s stuff that’s not set in stone. My mother thinks I should just go to the cheapest school possible, and forced me to go to all these scholarship interviews to schools I have no intention of going to. I applied only because she forced me to. Now that I’m expressing discontent, my mother is beyond mad. My father basically can’t get in a word edgewise, either. </p>

<p>Anyways.</p>

<p>It doesn’t seem like you could explain the situation without upsetting her at all. I don’t know, maybe I’m pretty biased because no matter what I do my mother is upset. But most people don’t like hearing change. </p>

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<p>Also, if you have another full ride offer, and it isn’t a matter of finances, then I think the entire decision making process should really be up to you. It is after all where you, not your mom, has to spend four years. If it is the school my brother goes to (in Michigan?) yeah there’s a LOT of studying and not a lot of partying, although I hear they are at least more flexible on that front than Grove City in PA. Another con: it has been in the center of the Polar Vortex for the past few months. No one should have to live in that.</p>

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<p>I just noticed that I came off as a little harsh in my original post. I do like the school, it’s just not my top choice, and I kind of resent it being forced on me. </p>

<p>@ rose - I think we may be talking about the same school!
@ tigerman - The college at hand is Hillsdale, while the huge state school that I referred to is University of Alabama.</p>

<p>Thank you for all the responses! xo</p>

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<p>@DiaphanousDoll - Where does your father play into this?</p>

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<p>Oh, wow, I’m a Junior Member now and I still don’t know how to quote.
@observeraffect - He doesn’t, really. He likes Hillsdale, but would also be happy with any college that I attended. He just doesn’t want to incur the wrath of my mother, if I may say so.</p>

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<p>To answer your questions, convince your mother that your social life will be important. No one focuses on academics 24 hours a day. You are entitled to social time. But also, social time provides the extra education that comes at residential school. If it doesn’t work for you, then you are not getting your full education.</p>

<p>If you go to a small school with a very homogenous student body (lots of religious students) then your social development will be less than it should be. You will meet many more students at UA, and many more kinds of students. Argue that you need that exposure to become a fully developed person. If you want, argue that you will also make more connections that will help you in your career.</p>

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<p>@WasatchWriter Thank you for the advice! I’ve tried presenting it from that first angle, but I haven’t been very successful; ex. the last time I tried, she replied with something along the lines of “oh, that’s great, just trade good education for pool parties.” I suppose it can’t hurt to give it another shot, though.</p>

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<p>Yep, that’s the school. I have the same feelings about it: it seems fine, just too darn small and not enough to do. Depending on what you’re majoring in, the networking you could get from the UA career center might be worth pointing out to your mom, since you could get a quicker return on your investment that way.</p>

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<p>Some thoughts – one thing you should do is gently remind your mom that she had her chance to make a school choice that would have been right for HER, but this is your chance to make the choice you want to make. Is room & board covered in your U of Alabama scholarship (in other words, do you need your parents’ financial support to go there)? Have you visited both schools? You should suggest that you visit both schools (and maybe one more top choice) after acceptances are in before making up your mind.</p>

<p>Do you think she will stop you if you don’t choose Hillsdale, or just be unhappy with you? She likely will get over her unhappiness if you make your own choice… and honestly, you will be far away for a while starting in the fall if she isn’t. Bring home some kind of 'Bama Mama gear for Christmas for her, and she will likely be fine.</p>

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<p>You really ought to stick to your guns on this. As long as you’re not asking for loads more money from your parents, it should be your choice. You’re the one who’s going there, not her. If she really didn’t want you at UA, she shouldn’t have let you apply.</p>

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<p>I am in the same situation with my son. In our case, his top choice will cost us $15,000 a year more than the school I like for him. We were willing to pay that difference but we asked him to revisit both schools , which we did, and he needs to draw up a proposal if you will, of why his choice is a better school for him. He is currently working on this. In all honesty, don’t tell him this because I want him to explain why he prefers his choice, but when I saw him walking around both campuses and interacting with students and staff, he is right. I can tell he would be more comfortable at his choice and it really is the best fit for him and worth the extra money. Also, as wrong as it is, we parents are so proud of our children and we get caught up in being able to say my child is going to this or that prestigious school. It ultimately needs to be your choice. Just make a list of all the pros and cons and discuss with your mom. Also, I guessing you live in the Midwest? Maybe, it all really comes down to the fact that your mom doesn’t want you to be so far away.:-)</p>

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<p>Update! My situation is, unfortunately, still not very good. At this rate, it seems like it would be easier just to attend Hillsdale, as my mother absolutely refused to budge no matter what angle I used to present my argument (I got a personal call from the president of the college the other day, and that seems have to cemented the decision in her mind). Reading about the social scene still makes me sad, but at least it’s a good school.</p>

<p>Any last-ditch advice, y’all? I know that I must sound resigned, but I want to be enthusiastic about my college choice, not just accepting.</p>

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<p>Why is your mom so anal (is this even the right word choice?) about this? She’s acting like she’s going to the school. What would even be the benefits for her if you go to that school? You should really try to have your dad try harder to convince her. Lol</p>

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<p>It is your choice. You can go where you want, BUT be willing to pay for your choice Nothing wrong with loans. Lots of kids do it. Hopefully your mom will come around after she sees how happy you are at your choice.</p>

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<p>@perch1024 Thank you! As I mentioned, though, I wouldn’t have to take out loans for either.</p>

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<p>How about telling her that if she is so set on you going you will but if you don’t like it you are allowed to transfer with no argument from her. She will need to realize that you won’t get much aid transfering to another school.</p>

<p>Did you treat this whole thing as a major debate project? Acknowledge the pros and cons for both but make sure that you have more weighted in your choices favor. Talk to a favorite teacher that can help you with some debate pointers.</p>

<p>When does socializing = pool parties? Did she have a social life in college? Did she have weekly pool parties?</p>

<p>If you went to her choice and it was far from anywhere with no socializing besides a small group of people will she come and pick you up every friday night and drop you off every sunday night so you can at least come home and socialize outside of the school? If it is too far from home will she buy you a car that you can have on campus?</p>