<p>Hmm... thought about it a bit; maybe it was a bit tongue in cheek. Anyway, I could totally see letting my high school daughter go to a performing arts school. Well maybe not totally....</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>How do I bear it? It's tough at times (and, admittedly, a pleasant thing at other times), but overall -- to my surprise -- I've found that it has enriched that relationship. It is so cool when he comes home and we can talk to a young adult. And phone conversations are terrific. As sappy and trite as it sounds, it has expanded our quality time at the cost of lots of time that we'd have taken for granted and might not have spent very wisely anyway. We've always had a good relationship. Just not THIS good. He actually calls us seeking our advice. Better still, he will even follow it. And even better than that, we don't have to make speeches to him as he participates in a discussion to sort out things. I don't know for sure that this wouldn't have happened anyway, but I tend to connect these amazing developments to the fact that he's NOT living at home 24/7. But it's STILL his home.</p>
<p>How often do you see him perform, etc? I believe there's a growing trend for families to look to boarding schools that are within a reasonable distance of the home. At least for domestic students, that is. Our own search went quite far afield at first but we gravitated to the closer options. That was not intentional. We did it without thinking so much about geography. But I get your point because we've come to realize how important the proximity of the school is to making the best decision. We made the mistake of underestimating that factor but got lucky because our final choice covered it. One or the other of us can attend events or drive up for lunch on a "closed weekend."
**
Is it like a sacrifice your willing to make for them for the opportunity (like college?).** Yes and no. Yes for reasons that I think you understand. But, no, because -- as I noted above -- he's still at "home" when he's here. There's not so much of a "you're out of the nest" thing as much as this is more like a really, really long summer camp thing. We don't think of this as the point where he's been nudged out of the nest to fly on his own. I don't believe he thinks that, but you'd have to ask him. Having gone through this process, I am much more attuned to my limits and threshold levels for separation. His current situation is ideal -- in terms of distance, opportunities, etc. For us the combination of things works in an ideal way. Every family has their own unique algorithm for the balancing test you suggest is going on.</p>
<p>This has been very helpful, thanks! Best wishes to the OP and her son, and apologies for derailing the topic.</p>
<p>With all respect to all well-meaning parents, I guess I am still not convinced that BS is a great thing, unless of course you are at one of the TOP-TIER schools and then you go however you can. I was a DS as a boarding school and we had many BS from large metro cities with excellent private day schools and we had BS from rural areas with no good school choices. I never really understood why the titans of industry in the large cities sent their kids to my school when they had better DS down the street. Could they really learn more about life being in a dorm from age 15 than they could being at home surrounded by loving parents who make time for their kids? Is learning how to do your own laundry, etc. better than having parents around to keep you in line? Again, no offense intended, just trying to better understand, because I LOVE having my kids home all the time and atleast hoping to shape them as people. Any insight you could share that I am missing here?</p>
<p>
[quote]
I never really understood why the titans of industry in the large cities sent their kids to my school when they had better DS down the street. Could they really learn more about life being in a dorm from age 15 than they could being at home surrounded by loving parents who make time for their kids?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You are making a huge assumption about the captains of industry here, I think. While they may love their children, many of them lead a life on the road, travelling as their business needs them. Often their children are raised by others - nannies and the like. My DW has a sister/BIL who fit this bill. Their children would have been good candidates for BS, intellegent, worldly, self-sufficient. However, they had a wonderful nanny who stayed with them their entire lives, which was better than the BS option given the local DS/magnet options available to them.</p>
<p>And while these on-the-road parents may love their children, their relationships are very different - more deep involvement on an episodic basis than typical families. For this type the boarding school provides that day-to-day experience and they fill in the breaks, doing those special things.</p>
<p>In our case, I'd love to have my D home, but I know she would not be as happy, as her love - ice hockey - is sorely lacking even for boys where whe are. We still very much shape her life, though. Our time with her is very special and while we are not there on a daily basis in a physical sense, my DW or I talk to her about the things in her life on an almost daily basis. She calls us more than we call her.</p>
<p>I definitely don't think BS is for everyone. Many kids are not ready to handle the responsibility. Many can but are more home bodies (definitely OK by me). </p>
<p>As to the OP, I sense that his son is yearning for something different from his private day school. It would seem that public school is that place where there are a variety of kids (not all goody-goodies) and a bigger variety of things going on. And perhaps there is a performance standard (academic and/or social) in his private day school that is wearing on him as well. Or perhaps the day school is too structured and he would like a place more informal where he can study what interests him more than follow the planned lecture. To him, public school is an answer to his yearnings or a solution to that stress.</p>
<p>I definitely think more questions are in order to see what the child would like to change about his life before any decisions are made.</p>
<p>Believe it or not, a boarding school with small classes and informal discussion may be a better solution than his private day school. Many boarding schools are less formal than typical day school, which may relieve a feeling of being overly structured and goody-goody. Now many boarding schools may be very similar to his day school situation and therefore may not be a valid solution to what is stressing him.</p>
<p>You make some very good points which I had not considered. I am still not sure I buy into the 'quality of time vs. quantity of time' point many people make. Regarding the busy execs, I have worked directly for many of them and am very familiar with the demands of the job. However, I still think if you are too consumed with the role and your spouse doesn't have time to raise kids, what the heck? Is that what 'family' is all about? As far as having difficult or unpopular conversations with my kid at home on a regular basis, isn't that the role of a parent rather than a dorm head of house? I guess I consider parenting in my case to be more about direct involvement in raising my children and less about just writing tuition checks and occasional weekend visits home. We can all define it differently. Again, no offense to all the well meaning parents and if you are paying this kind of BS tuition, you are well-intentioned. We are all just sharing viewpoints in order to better understand each other. I also understand that if the BS had a great influence on a parent, that parent might want to continue the tradition; we go with what has worked don't we? I wish everyone success in getting in the schools they want to get in. Many of the BS mentioned here are ones that will no doubt shape the kids very well for life. I envy the Ivy League track records of many of the schools. Unfortunatey though the BS situation would not be best our my S.</p>
<p>HopefulDad, you also bring up some good points. I like hanging out w/ my mom and my dad is hysterical. if I get into boarding school, I will definitely miss them. But, I like the idea of living with a bunch of girls, almost like a slumber party every night, and I really want to go to a school where the class sizes are small and everybody is there to learn. It's a trade-off. Unfortunately, in today's world, we make decisions at ages 14-16 that can impact the rest of our lives. If we don't do well in high school, doors will be closed to us later in life. If we are a C- or D student by the time we are a junior, we will not be able to get into certain colleges. Doesn't mean we can't make something of ourselves later on in life, doesn't mean we can't get a good high paying job somewhere, doesn't mean we won't have a happy fullfilled life, but certainly, some avenues will be shut off for us. For me, being in the boarding school environment, with small class sizes, teachers on campus 24/7, people excited about learning, will help me become a better student and a more responsible person. </p>
<p>If things work out and I go to boarding school, I will be happy and thankful to my parents. If things work out and I stay at my local high school, I will be happy and thankful to my parents :)</p>
<p>You said it all when you said YOU want to go; that would be enough reason for me to send my child to bs. You are very wise and mature for your age. BS would also be ideal for my daughter because she has a different personality than my son. All the school reasons you mentioned are also rock solid reasons. Go to the best and maximize your future options. I hope you get into the school of your choice!</p>
<p>Okay, so I don't even know why I came into the "Prep School Admissions" Forum in the first place, maybe it's just the fact I'm getting lazy on starting my The Great Gatsby essay, or maybe I've just become overcome with junioritis. </p>
<p>So here's some background on me: I'm currently a junior at an all girls' Catholic high school. I went to a public elementary and a public middle school. So why did I decide to switch to a private high school? </p>
<p>First of all, my parents wanted me go to a private school for middle school itself. I didn't know any better, so I stubbornly said no, thinking my friends would be my friends forever. Of course they weren't, and my new group of friends in middle school seemed to have a problem with me. So I pretty much spent the rest of eighth grade moping over my lost friends, occasionally crying in my room (of course my parents were concerned). I wanted to get away from these people, and finally I took my parents' advice and applied to a few private high schools. 1 a Catholic Co-Ed, 1 didn't have any religious affiliation whatsoever, but the tuition was crazy as hell, and the other, the school I currently go to. I'm not Catholic either, I'm Hindu.</p>
<p>Although, I seem to have succeeded in convincing my little sixth-grade brother to go a private middle school. He took his admissions test, and apparently, the principal commented on his "supposed" genius (oh common, I'm his big sister, I HAVE to be mean). Ever since, he's been telling all his little friends that he was going to that school for middle school. </p>
<p>Sorry for the sidetrack there, but in my opinion, private schools are pretty helpful (take into note my school is not a boarding school). They take immense care when they see you even looking distinctively sad, and are very concerned about your grades. Not to mention, admissions into the rigorous AP/Honors courses are very difficult, and if you're a B+ student, like me, you'd probably end up in all the regular classes. However, this doesn't mean they aren't challenging. Trust me, they are. </p>
<p>Yes, the teachers do want you to take responsibility for your poor academic success. I've always been a good math student, for it's my best subject, but this year, I've been having much difficultly in Trig/Precalc, my teacher really encouraged me into not being afraid to ask her for help, not being afraid about telling my parents about my D (at the moment). </p>
<p>Oh, and I suffer from depression, so my school's been really good about coping with that. My depression was really severe last semester, and it sort of affected some of my grades. However, as long as I retake all those courses at a community college, they will not show up on my official transcript. </p>
<p>That's another thing, private schools WANT you to get into college. Public schools don't care much since they're state-funded and it won't really affect their prestige. So if you are having trouble, they do everything they can to help you. </p>
<p>My local public school isn't bad -- the middle schools are partially competitive, especially if you're in the honors programs, and most of the elementary schools are really competitive, however some aren't, thus there's a big gap between honors and regular students. But my public high school is only five years old, and there aren't many AP courses, not to mention, if you are in an AP course, you have to teach yourself. They don't care whether you're qualified to take the class or not, so that creates problems. </p>
<p>So all in all, I like my private high school.</p>
<p>Thanks HopefulDad for the compliment. I really don't know if I am very wise or mature for my age, or if I just started believing what my parents have told me about education and the choices we make in high school can impact our future life. My dad has always told me that education is the one thing people can't take away from you. You can lose all your money, you can lose a job, but if you have an educated mind, you will never lose that (of course he then adds, unless you blow your mind on drugs..:) you know how parents are!)</p>
<p>Your dad and my parents think alike, and now I think the same way. Better to get all the pertinent education you can; you can always change how you want to use it later on in life. My wife and I both went back to school after 40 to get advanced degrees. Will we earn back the tuition cost? Who knows, but if it keeps us in fields we want to be in for more years and out of the unemployment ranks, I think it was worth it. you are on the righr course and it will pay off soon!</p>
<p>Don't know if I qualify in being here, but here goes.</p>
<p>Both kids went to private school from Pre-K through fifth for S and fourth for D. D left private, very like the one OP described except not associated with a religious denomination because she felt stifled, just as the OP's son does. She had a rocky few months but she's determined and stuck it out. I repeatedly asked her if she wanted to go back to "her" school, but she didn't.</p>
<p>S entered public school in sixth grade because middle school started then and I was impressed by the sixth grade program his sister went through. He had his choice. He could have stayed and graduated in sixth grade with his class or entered public like his sister, and he chose to make the move.</p>
<p>Both nixed the only day private in the area because of its religious affiliations. Both are agnostic/atheistic, not sure which.</p>
<p>Both nixed boarding school, but we are not of that class so neither of us had been. I was pushing for it a bit, but was relieved when they refused, because honestly, I don't know how I would have paid for it.</p>
<p>Both graduated; one is at Barnard, one at Williams. DS has friends who from high school who went to Exeter and St. Marks. We thought these young women were Harvard bound; one is at Georgetown, the other at Hopkins. The public sent two to Princeton in the same year.</p>
<p>My point from this very rambling post? That it doesn't really matter much. If the child is achieving, many school settings will be fine. If family tradition requires boarding school and the child is amenable, great! If the local public schools are not rigorous, seek an alternative. I would have. But we had very good luck with our public school.</p>
<p>Both kids have classmates (many) from elite private high schools, day and boarding, at Barnard and Williams. Neither can see much difference in the caliber of their preparation, except that at Barnard D had a much more extensive science background than the other young women. Her HS partnered with a major university and had a program, Women in Science and Engineering, that involved work at the university.</p>