I think of my in laws final decision is that my husband was 2 days max there. So 28 hours in the car for 2 days. It’s a lot for us and we are 20 years younger than his parents
3 Likes
Sometimes you have to do what is best for you. I’m not upset that daughter’s best plan for her is to have people come to her. But it has to be understood that it doesn’t work for everyone.
I think my son with the baby won’t be able to make it. They couldn’t make the first weekend that was wanted and it will be unfortunate if they can’t make it. But we have to accommodate family members also.
We opted out of the 2020 circus. I was initially sad not to see my kids. But the extended family, not so sad 
7 Likes
You must know my family
2 Likes
@deb922 , glad pieces are falling in place in a way that you’re comfortable. Looking back over this thread, it seems you saw your way there well before the others, but that you are all getting to the same page now.
4 Likes
@deb922 — so glad your ILs made the sensible choice that it was too much travel for such a short visit and no good place to stay. I would have difficulty with 28 hrs of driving for a short visit as well but it’s lovely you and your H can make the journey. For my kid, I’d do it as well.
3 Likes
My extended family wanted to rent a place for 12+ of us to get together over Xmas. My family had no interest of planning food and entertainment for everyone, so opted to go to an island vacation by ourselves and meet up with everyone on Xmas eve. To date they have not found an Airbnb big enough to accommodate them. I have rented a mini van on standby in case we are going to meet on Xmas eve. D1 volunteered to host everyone on Xmas eve at her place (it is big enough to have everyone there), but I told her to let them figure it out. Sometimes you just need to have other do some work.
3 Likes
Lots of thoughts. My humble opinion is, this year it’s not about you. Suck it up and do whatever your daughter wants. The FIL/MIL are old, they can travel or not. You can fly or drive. In the end, the last thing your daughter needs is more stress. Be flexible. That is your Xmas gift. She gets to ask and this gets to be her way, this year.
We’ve had lots of crazy holidays. Rarely the way I wanted it or the way everyone wanted it. Big family, lots who don’t want to travel or want it close to them every year. We all gave in, figured it out and made it happen. The togetherness is important.
If you need to have a hotel room for a night or two to decompress, that’s fine too. ( Or go to a spot in the house/outside to unwind).
4 Likes
It sounds like @deb922 family Christmas has resolved in a good way. Ti me, the resolution sounds the best for everyone.
6 Likes
Glad it worked out, @deb922! Traveling with the elderly - very, very hard. Good that you and your husband and inlaws won’t have to manage that!
3 Likes
I agree with this except when it feels as though others are working against you, and it’s going to impact your own enjoyment of an occasion/event.
Had I left my fil to his own devices for my ds’s college commencement, it would have been a disaster. Too unaware of his limitations, too cheap, too unfamiliar with the area and size of the campus. Too much magical thinking and too much expected of us. It was a situation where I had to take over lest it would have been ruined for me. It was hard enough as it was. But without a golf cart rental and without their staying in the same hotel as we, it would not have been workable at all.
4 Likes
Since it’s Christmas and I’m here alone at my mom’s house I’ll do an update. Spoiler alert, it was so much worse than I even imagined.
In laws-made the decision not to attend. That was a big relief as we wouldn’t be responsible for them.
Sister and her daughter-a week before we got together, niece went into the hospital. They weren’t coming to my daughter’s house. But my mom was still flying to daughter’s, could we drive mom to sister’s? It’s only an hour and a half out of our way but sure
Could we stay 2 extra days so daughter could go to sisters and support her cousin? Daughter had to work and had important doctor appointments. Fine.
Son and dil, they were very ill, they canceled early in the week.
So now the crowd is 5, my husband and I, daughter and fiancé and my mom. We will all stay at daughter’s townhouse, my husband and I will sleep on a blow up bed. My mom will have their guest bedroom. My h and I were already scheduled to stay at the townhouse, we had canceled our hotel and now we are going to be there for 5 days instead of 2
The first morning we were there, my mom fell on the steps. Spent Saturday night at the ED, mom has a broken clavicle, discharged with a sling.
Mom is in terrible pain but we stay 2 more days so that daughter can go see her cousin.
Tuesday night, cousin is having surgery. Can’t take mom to my sisters but they still want daughter to go to their house.
Mom really wants to go home, husband and I drive her 11.5 hours to her house. Tell daughter that we are sorry but it would be 18 hours total drive in the opposite direction to drop her off. We really need to get mom somewhere and I didn’t think it was important for my cancer patient daughter to go as my niece has her mom and her fiancé there.
Sister persuaded daughter to drive to her house. So D rents a car and drives 7 hours on Wednesday. She has cancer and her chemo had ended on the previous Monday. Her fiancé did not want to drive because of chemo fog but gave his blessing.
Once we got mom home, she couldn’t get out of bed without help and hadn’t been given any pain medication, we take her to the emergency department. They do a CAT scan, she has a compression fracture in her back, they admit her.
This is Thursday. The storm of a generation is coming. Husband drives to Michigan ahead of the storm, he has surgery scheduled for Monday. Once mom is settled, I’ll fly home. We have blizzard warnings in Michigan. Husband makes it to his parents, 2 hours from our house. The weather is terrible the next day.
My daughter has had numerous flights canceled, she drove to sisters but had a flight scheduled for yesterday. She’s now flying to catch a connecting flight to get to her fiancé. Today Christmas Day.
Mom is in the hospital and yesterday was not a good one. I’m really hoping that today is better but the best case is that she will be transferred early next week and that she improves. Falls are very difficult in the elderly.
My sister calls the hospital and me. Demands that I talk to nurse as moms on bed rest only to get her up. My niece’s surgery was successful but she has a long road ahead and other issues that have to be addressed. Niece has a wonderful fiancé with her.
My stress is off the charts. My daughter and my sister think I should fly home to be with my husband, I just can’t leave mom here alone. I already had to stay home one day because of this storm.
This is already a novel and if you’ve read this, kudos to you. I’m probably over sharing and hope that no one who I know is reading this. 
5 Likes
I’m so very very sorry! I hope everyone recovers and you get home soon. That just sucks all around. 
2 Likes
I am so so sorry. It sounds like a nightmare. Best wishes and speedy healing to all involved.
3 Likes
Very sorry Deb. I hope the New Year finds everyone at home snd in better health. I hope your husband’s surgery goes well.
2 Likes
Very sorry. Your d and sis mean well but don’t seem to understand how frail your mother is. I agree with your decisions. Your h understands.
Hope you have a quiet day and best wishes for your mother to feel better.
4 Likes
Op, hugs.
But I’ll reframe a bit for you. It isn’t worse than you imagined, it is exactly what you imagined except the names/dates/players have shifted around a little bit.
Sending good healing karma to those with health issues- and especially to your D before she starts radiation. Sending good healing karma to your mom, cousin, husband.
And sending love to you- I hope the coming year is better than the last one, and I hope this is ammunition for you so that next Christmas is the holiday YOU want, celebrated the way YOU want, and not subject to everyone else’s magical thinking.
12 Likes
So sorry. Your decisions based on your mom’s health after her fall were primary. Your sis, daughter, niece are young and have other support. Might not be what they wanted, but they can fend for themselves. Hope your H’s surgery goes well and your mom heals.
4 Likes
If ever there was a case for us to have the hug emoji reaction, this is it. I hope 2023 will be better for you and your family. Sending good thoughts,.
10 Likes
So glad you didn’t get a big B&B and hope everyone would pay you back for it! Stay with your mother. You can celebrate Christmas with your husband next week when you are all alone.
3 Likes
I’m so sorry all that happened.
Sending lots of hugs your way 
2 Likes