<p>So.
You discover that your boyfriend watches porn when you're not around. No big deal.
Then you discover that some of these porn sights, in fact quite a few, are places where you talk to girls on webcam to try to get them to strip, do things, etc.
Then you discover that he gets on these websites not even a minute after you leave for work...</p>
<p>Should I be pretty upset? He admitted to it, said he has talked to a lot of chicks on webcam asking for them to strip, telling them their hot, whatever. Isn't that like stepping one foot over the cheating line? I mean I'm a seriously laid back GF, I let him watch his porn.. but when the porn becomes interactive, I now have a huge problem with it.</p>
<p>The definition of what exactly constitutes cheating is subjective (along with the rest of morality issues), but I definitely think you have a right to be upset. It sounds like you two have very different value systems…this may be a good time to reconsider the relationship (or, at least have a very serious talk).</p>
<p>It does feel like cheating. What makes the whole act even worse is when I discover he’s doing it literally the second I walk out the door. Isn’t that a sign that he’s planning on doing these things way in advance? Now it makes me question what he’s talking to these girls about, because all he’s saying is that its very “nice talk” as if you go on these places to tell her she’s pretty; I find that to be a big load of crap. It also makes me question what else he’s doing…</p>
<p>I never felt like I had any reason not to trust him. I mean, I’ve been living with him for almost two years, and I’m started to feel like an idiot for not seeing this earlier.</p>
<p>I’m just not sure how you have a SERIOUS talk with someone that you’re living with, because at the end of the day, we both need to stay in the same place… ugh.</p>
<p>You know it’s an addiction. Ask him to get help with your support and guidance. His answer will be indicative of his view of the relationship. I would seriously consider trying to help him with this, even if you don’t want to remain his girlfriend afterward.</p>
<p>If he is waiting for you to leave for work and then the minute you are gone he is on his websites then it sounds like he might have a problem with an addiction, which judging from the title of your thread you also suspect.</p>
<p>I personally have never had a problem with some magazines but this goes way past that. I don’t get it, is he a student? If so doesn’t he have to study? If not doesn’t he have a job to go to?</p>
<p>He needs to get his act together or you need to get out of the relationship.</p>
<p>You need to learn how to have “serious” talk with your roomie. If he turns into a spouse this becomes critical. Turn off the TV, the computer and any other distraction. Sit him down and say, “we need to talk.” Tell him exactly how you feel.</p>
<p>Baelor - I did have an initial problem when I discovered he was all over porn sites. But I opened up to that, even watched some myself with him so it wouldn’t be a huge deal to me anymore… although seriously it isn’t that much of a turn on. lol.</p>
<p>marc939 - obviously, I know this. But cheating doesn’t necessarily have to be the act of him being stolen by some other chicks. That would mean I could go make out with some other guy, or have a one night stand, so long as he isn’t going to take me away permanently, right? No, it’s definitely not on the same level, but it follows the same principle.</p>
<p>Pea - He is not currently in school. I am. He’s working full time. I caught this over the weekend when I came back from work. </p>
<p>PAV - I did have a talk with him, of course. What I mean is, I can’t just straight up yell at him or have a huge fight because eventually we both live in the same place. There is a lot of pent-up feelings that this whole episode has sprung open, but I’m not so sure how to get it all out without causing a major explosion.</p>
<p>firehouse - there were several. The one I found was something like “teenspot”, I think, and when I opened it, it was like a personal bio-page of some girl… and then I discovered like a billion of these. And then I found other similiar sites.</p>
<p>I think the one your talking about is when you just randomly get hooked up with someone else, and it isnt necessarily sex-oriented. I was watching “web soup” I think, and they had a segment on it that was hella funny. But no, these were more like porn-sites where chicks will do things on camera for you.</p>
<p>Personally, I’m right along with you. I kinda find the whole “camchat” thing to be a little weird…</p>
<p>You boyfriend has major issues if he thinks that’s okay. </p>
<p>Porn and live interaction are two different things. </p>
<p>Honestly, if I had a boyfriend just watching porn or looking at magazines, I wouldn’t think too much about it as long as he did it on his own time. </p>
<p>But movies and magazines are just actors and models…</p>
<p>Now, live interaction with a woman? Totally different.</p>
<p>Don’t yell at him. That will just make him defensive (at least it would for me). Be calm and rational. Explain that you are hurt that he feels the need to do this. Ask him why he does it and don’t argue with his answer - just listen rationally to his answer. The bottom line is he can’t have both. If he values your relationship and loves you he will listen to you. If he doesn’t, how complicated is your liviing arrangement and would you care if he left?</p>
<p>Well if he left, I wouldn’t be able to afford this place. I wouldn’t have really any way of immediately moving out. If I don’t have a place to stay, I don’t have a way of living here, and that means moving way back home and not finishing school here. In short, it’s super complicated if he left. </p>
<p>I know a lot of you are insinuating that I leave him over this, but I find that to be totally irrational. He obviously has a problem and it obviously is bothering me, but he’s been pretty open about it and sympathetic since I caught him, at least as far as I can tell. The problem is, my mind wonders about what else I dont know and about the extent to which he’s addicted to this crap. And then, I don’t even know if he’d be able to change… I’m figuring out that porn is quite a large portion of his life when I’m not around. A lot bigger than I thought…</p>
<p>I really appreciate all the advice you’ve all given me. At the very least, it does make me feel as if I’m not crazy for reacting the way I am.</p>
<p>Your not crazy. If you want to make it work, both of you need to be open about your feelings. People have gotten over a lot worse. Good luck to you!</p>