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<p>Really? How so?</p>
<p>Maybe you should get on a webcam and start chatting with your boyfriend…DUHH</p>
<p>If it’s a deal breaker to you then dump him. A least you know his perversions/desires. You have to decide to accept his habit or cut him loose.</p>
<p>Nuclear - LOL. I never thought of that, maybe that’ll tame him for a little bit, haha</p>
<p>This is one of the most blown out of proportion threads I have ever seen. You’re boyfriend isn’t even touching anyone else, he’s just watching a streaming video, it’s like going to a strip club.</p>
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<p>Yeah, that’s waaaay over the line.</p>
<p>Just watching a porn video, that’s prepackaged entertainment. But interacting with a live person like that–who isn’t his girlfriend–that’s not okay. Obviously his behavior bothers you . . . You need to tell him that.</p>
<p>“This is one of the most blown out of proportion threads I have ever seen. You’re boyfriend isn’t even touching anyone else, he’s just watching a streaming video, it’s like going to a strip club.”</p>
<p>Yes, and many women consider that inappropriate for a man in a relationship.</p>
<p>It’s one thing for a guy to watch porn. It’s another thing for it to be a) interactive and b) obsessive.</p>
<p>this might be a bit too personal to ask, but has he been substituting his computer for you, if you understand what i’m saying?</p>
<p>I actually had a discussion at at Borders with the girl working at the checkout.</p>
<p>In front of me were two young girls (14, maybe 15 years old?) and they purchased a magazine called COSMOPOLITAN. The headline of the magazine was “how to touch a naked man”. I thought it was unusual that these girls would be allowed to buy it. I understand why they did - curiosity, duh - but I thought you had to be 18 to buy it. Well, they walked out of the store with the magazine, because apparently you do not need to be 18 to buy a sexually explicit women’s magazine.</p>
<p>So I asked the girl working there if they don’t check ID’s or whatever. She says you don’t need to be 18 to buy a Cosmopolitan, but you do need to be 18 to buy Playboy because it has photos of nude women. This is where I pulled the ******** flag.</p>
<p>Men and Women are different. Men are visually stimulated by women; women, not so much. Women are more emotional. Every warm blooded male who has access to porn watches porn. Women do not understand the appeal, and neither do most men, it is something that is biologically hard-wired into the male brain. On the other hand, why do you think the romantic novel business is geared towards women, and who overwhelmingly purchases romantic novels? I guarantee you that romantic novels and Cosmopolitan are more sexually explicit than Playboy even without the visuals.</p>
<p>I would go so far as to say that therapists are the female equivalent of prostitutes. It is an intimate interaction with a complete stranger that you only see for a certain period of time and don’t see or talk to them until you pay for them. This is why women overwhelmingly prefer these therapists to be men. Whether they realize this or not, this is their way of having an intimate relationship that cannot be provided by their boyfriend who doesn’t like to sit around and talk about emotions for an hour; JUST LIKE MEN who probably couldn’t find a girlfriend who would casually show up for sex and then leave without having an emotional investment.</p>
<p>So in closing, my main point is that men and women are different. We have different needs and emotions that we don’t quite understand and we don’t often understand how to make it relative to a situation with the opposite sex.</p>
<p>If your boyfriend is looking at porn, fine. That is normal. If you have a problem with it, you cannot then honestly justify yourself reading sexually explicit women’s magazines or romantic novels or whatever it is women do. It’s not like women don’t pleasure themselves without their boyfriend, either.</p>
<p>Now, I’m kind of on the fence about the whole interactive thing. That is very disrespectful, but is it like it reflects on how he treats you? Or is it a totally separate sphere of things? I could imagine that some sleazy guys wouldn’t think twice of it. Like, go to espn.com and then off to the webcam chick. No big deal for them.</p>
<p>This thread is just priceless. Sorry in advance lol.</p>
<p>I remember reading in a psychology journal that researchers were trying to study the differences in attitudes and behavior between men who watched porn and men who didn’t watch porn - but they had to cancel the study because they couldn’t find any men who didn’t watch porn. I know that sounds like a joke the way I presented it but I’m completely 100% serious. </p>
<p>Of course, I don’t watch porn. Not me. Never. I only masturbate to arousingly-shaped inanimate objects around my room - lol.</p>
<p>But seriously — it’s understandable that you don’t like your boyfriend watching porn. Many, many, many, many girls have been in your shoes and have had the same dilemma, trust me. It’s a knee jerk reaction - and maybe you’re angry because of feelings of jealously or inadequacy - but you shouldn’t feel that way. Because every guy, everywhere, looks at porn and will look at porn no matter who he is dating (some a lot less frequently than others, but I digress). It’s hard to explain but – masturbation is really not cheating - it’s separate from your dating/ sexual life, really.</p>
<p>I’d probably say the primary predictors of the behavior are 1. free time and 2. boredom. Notice I didn’t say an inadequate sexual relationship. Guys can be having tons of sex with girls and still have the need for masturbation - which is typically enhanced by porn. The former doesn’t necessitate the latter - but it’s like tolerance with drugs or alcohol - porn has a certain effect that one tried, it’s not as great to go back without it. You then become desensitized to that porn, and well - you get my drift.</p>
<p>Now with this chat thing - that is a bit further - but I think it’s still very impersonal, detached, and involving a certain objectification (blame the male species) that it’s pretty much the same as any other porn.</p>
<p>Also, as someone who has visited a porn site once or twice (out of pure curiosity, of course - snicker) - pretty much 90% of the porn websites will have pop-ups that get through blockers that redirect you to these “interactive chat sites” (they are forced upon you pretty much and probably your boyfriend).</p>
<p>I can guarantee you that 100% of the girls on the “interactive chat sites” are fake. I investigated because it made no sense - some hired girl is on a camera, talking to you and doing what you want FOR FREE? FOR AD REVENUE? lol… The economic model makes no sense - what do girls make, $500-$1,000 per scene, for 15-60 minutes of work (there was male porn star on some generic-humor board I frequent) - and there are 100s of girls on camera 24-7?</p>
<p>Two minutes of investigation (or any basic knowledge of computers) reveals that there is a fake looped video of a girl while some other moron behind a keyboard (a male or female typist from India who doesn’t speak english very well) answering the hordes of idiot male requests in the chatroom for minimum wage with zero actual interaction and trying to get you to buy something.</p>
<p>Hopefully that makes you feel better, but if you’re boyfriend is really that dumb and/or actually believed these girls were real, well, whatever - I still think it’s really impersonal/ superficial and he has no actual emotional investment in any of them.</p>
<p>In all my ranting the take-home point is this: maybe you are overreacting. All guys look at porn - this includes your boyfriend. Sometimes masturbation is nice because its quicker and you can be as selfish as you want.</p>
<p>You don’t have to accept it, but all guys will be like this always. You can tell him you don’t want to know about it/ see it, that’s fine. But I think accepting it might lead you to better relationships with guys in the future (because the porn thing will come up again).</p>
<p>I wouldn’t snoop around his computer by the way and just be thankful you didn’t find horse porn/ tranny porn/ snuff/ a video of himself naked looking in the mirror/ the real sick stuff he’s probably into. That’s just personal stuff.</p>
<p>He’s really, really pushing it, and if I were you, I’d totally feel the same way. However, is it really that much different than porn? I mean, in principle, it’s basically the same thing, just a somewhat sleazier way of coming across it…</p>
<p>OP this is obviously your fault</p>
<p>^Agreed. Did you ever consider that you aren’t fulfilling his sex drive?</p>
<p>^Yeah, totally your fault. You clearly need to do a way better job of catering to his sexual whims.</p>
<p>^ I concur with SLight…</p>
<p>^^Liberation - that is a serious problem why MANY married men revert to pornography, no joke.</p>
<p>LOL. I’m pretty sure I am doing my part by fulfilling his manly desires. But good point! 
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<p>Manhattan - I don’t understand where you were going. Your assumptions on men and women are based off of stereotypes on gender. Really, I don’t understand the lure to porn and I spend hours just talking about my emotions? Uh, no. I also don’t know if I’ve ever picked up a sexually explicit women’s magazine in my life, but I guess since I’m a woman I MUST have??? But if I do, then I can’t hark at my BF for chatting to some chicks online to get them naked on cam? I don’t see the connection… at least I can’t have an intimate sexual encounter with a magazine article.</p>
<p>Peter-Parker - your making a lot of assumptions.
First, I have no quarrel with my boyfriend watching porn. My issue is with him chatting with ‘real girls’ on paid sites AS WELL AS free chat sites with cameras and getting them to strip for him, etc. No, it is not all as impersonal as you assume. And no, they were not fake chicks. Most he’s been speaking to were never paid and came from casual chat sites.
Second, accepting that kind of behavior won’t lead to a better relationship, it’ll lead to him ACTUALLY cheating on me.
Lastly, it’s actually MY computer. And I wasn’t “snooping”, I was looking for an old site I needed to find for a research paper and that’s when I came across a throng of teen chat sites, beyond the expected porn sites I know he goes on.</p>
<p>Porn addiction is a serious problem, and some people totally lose interest in "normal"sex with real people. I recommend that you dump him. As a physician, this doesn’t go anywhere good.</p>
<p>dang man, some people are pretty harsh on here. lol. I’m not going to dump him for this…</p>
<p>Just talk to him. You said he seemed open about it and everything. And you don’t sound like you’ll overreact and start getting angry with him without good reason, which is one reason why some guys aren’t very open with their girlfriends about certain subjects. Talking can actually solve problems when the people are open and honest with each other.</p>