My child is merely average.

Parents Forum
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<p>ParentofIvyHope: you obviously only read part of my post. I do not and will not compare my children. They all have very different strengths and weaknesses. I love them all to the moon and back and on some days, I love one more than the others!!! :) And frankly, you're lying if you say different.</p>

<p>I have watched children destroyed by parents who push their children to be "equally smart" and hold similar expectations -- whether that's affinity for sports or the classroom. They ARE different, but what happens is they compare themselves and sometimes the definitions of traditional success, Ivy Hopeful, do not always apply. </p>

<p>It doesn't matter whether I am talking about son or daughter... They are all different and from day one (and i mean day one) my son has been one driven character. My daughter? The most beautiful laid back creature that the world just falls in love with. She's funny and strong, sweet and caring. Most amazing, she can read people by just walking in a room. It's a gift.</p>

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<p>My kids must be your kids clones! S like yours & D like yours--amazing!</p>

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<p>lol Himom.. and the third D is a perfect combo of the older two. She's driven in a laid back way so when she doesnt get the same results as older B, she thinks the world is against her. She has the market on teen angst and I keep suggesting that perhaps Drama is her calling.</p>

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<p>Tell us more about Longwood University, Linda.
And where is your son?</p>

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<p>I read the first six pages of this thread a few days ago but was just INFURIATED and had to close the window when I read this post:

I can't believe no one else commented on this. </p>

<p>OP, I see how it is. I've read posts since then and seen that your daughter attends a private school. Now, I know lots of private school kids and parents and they're awesome people who are attracted to private schools because they want the best in terms of education. That's cool.</p>

<p>YOU, on the other hand are the person who gives private schools a bad name. You are a stuck up, mediocre person who throws around money in an attempt to become something other than what you are. You wanted your kids to turn out "smart" so you sent them to private school and paid for "a two week intensive course in Barcelona," among tons of other things, I'd assume. </p>

<p>As everyone else has told you, your daughter is not "average." Just by the numbers, she's well above the national mean. But numbers don't say much, anyways. I'd bet that she's an amazing person in terms of, you know, things that actually MATTER... unlike test-taking ability and academic effort. But if she's not, you know what? It IS your fault. I don't think anyone here has told you that yet. If your daughter is mediocre as a person, it's because YOU ARE. And you've stifled her growth by wanting her to turn out a particular way. </p>

<p>I glean from the recent posts that she's found a school that she loves and is attending. I'm sure she'll thrive and be very happy. I hope that you, too, can find happiness living with yourself.</p>

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<p>Also, did it ever occur to you that your daughter froze when ordering in that restaurant because her OVERBEARING, CONDESCENDING MOTHER WAS LOOMING OVER HER?</p>

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<p>I wonder if Barcelona and HS Spanish is different from Mexican restaurant Spanish. None of the Spanish I learned in the emergency rooms in the Bronx seems to work here in California!</p>

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<p>I am not expressing an opinion about the accuracy of this specific comment, but I do want to comment on the comment (made by a student). I like the 'brutal honesty' and the willingness to actually blame the parent in a situation. On this parents' forum, I think we (parents) have a tendency to be too supportive of the other parents, even when it might appear that the parent is the one 'at fault'. This is why I like seeing the perspective of students on our threads.</p>

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<p>This is thread derailing, Shrinkrap, but I'm curious about your finding the New York Spanish doesn't work in California. I've been studying Spanish as an adult and have found that although Spanish dialects differ, I can understand Puerto Rican Spanish, say, about as well as Mexican Spanish. What problems did you run into?</p>

<p>I wouldn't put it like Poseur, but I do think that OP's daughter's unwillingness to say "Dos tacos, por favor" at a Mexican restaurant has more to do with nervousness and perfectionism than inability.</p>

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<p>When out with S2 he never speaks Spanish in our presence, but at teacher conferences we are told he speaks easily and fluently with the Latino kids. We tease him a little about it, but no pressure, he just laughs at us.</p>

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<p>Does anyone else think that this "mother" is a troll? Seriously, folks.</p>

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<p>I said so in post#42.</p>

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<p>the diversion posts seem the most interesting!</p>

<p>What problems did you run into?</p>

<p>Well, perhaps not unlike the OP's D, in spite of several years of HS Spanish and some "immersion" (in Mexico in 7th grade; no classes), I was still not very good!</p>

<p>I've been in California for 20 years, so it's hard to remember some of my initial difficulties. This was further complicated by the fact that I went from practicing Pediatrics to Psychiatry. Expressions that I can remember that I couldn't use anymore included;</p>

<p>Where does hurt? (Que duele?)
Dont move! (No te mueve!)
Open! (abre!)
What happened? (Que fue, pappi? usually said by a mom after a kid got a shot and cried...)
Puje!! (Push!)</p>

<p>...to name a few. Hmm... maybe it was all situational....Forgive my spelling. I don't think I learned any of these in a classroom. Perhaps someone can trigger a memory with any typical Puerto Rican idioms from the 80's?</p>

<p>Perhaps I should try studying!</p>

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<p>I am so disappointed in the cruel turn this thread has taken. Poseur, your comments are way out of line.</p>

<p>"YOU, on the other hand are the person who gives private schools a bad name. You are a stuck up, mediocre person who throws around money in an attempt to become something other than what you are."
"OVERBEARING, CONDESCENDING"</p>

<p>Do you know the OP personally? Where do you get off with these types of comments?<br>
These comments are ignorant and uncalled for. And a thorough reading of the entire thread will confirm that the OP is not a troll. </p>

<p>I am hoping that the mods will delete Poesur's comments, and shame on you, Vicarious parent, for supporting them.</p>

<p>I enjoy reading CC for the intelligent conversation and exchange of ideas. Poseur and Vicarious Parent are not in any way contributing anything intelligent to this conversation at all. Reminds me of the recent news articles regarding how rude/cruel people will be behind a cloak of anonymity online.</p>

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<p>^^ I don't generally comment on the tone of posts here. But I will say that Poseur's comments seem to be sincere, if a bit too strongly worded. I do feel that we parents tend to 'play nice' too much, even towards parents who appear to denigrate their own children.</p>

<p>The title of the original post and many of the other statements made by the OP seemed designed to be provocative in at least a 'half-trolling' way. It is not surprising that they were successful in provoking someone. It is also not surprising the person who was most strongly provoked is a student, who can see things from a very different perspective than parents.</p>

<p>Edit: Here are some quotes from the OP:</p>

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<p>Calling your own child's SAT score (well above the national mean) 'laughable' is cruel.</p>

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<p>Calling your own child a 'loser' is cruel.</p>

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<p>Ah, so her D's good performance in AP classes is a surprise?</p>

<p>Come on. If anyone was cruel on this thread it was OP herself, and she was being cruel to her own child. And shame on us for not chewing her out right away for such cruelty.</p>

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<p>Mmm, okay. I was harsh, and when I reread my comment, I laughed at how immature it sounded. But I decided to keep it how it was (so as to cancel out some of the oversupportiveness, as VP put it, of some of the other posters here. ;)) </p>

<p>Within this thread, there are quite a few less judgmental, less strongly worded comments with which I completely agree. However, they seem to have gotten no attention, so I decided to post something a little bit more controversial to draw attention to the ridiculousness of the OP. </p>

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You enjoy the "exchange of ideas," yet you think that my post, containing my opinions, should be deleted. Seems a bit incongruous to me. Thank you, VP, for your opinion that a variety of voices should be heard on this forum (which Lafalum seems to agree with in principle, but perhaps not in practice!)</p>

<p>I will take back one of my judgments of the OP. Calling her "mediocre as a person" was absolutely presumptuous; who am I to judge the worthiness of others?</p>

<p>However, I stand by my comment that she is "overbearing and condescending." This is a matter of opinion, is it not? And in MY humble opinion, she is the epitome of both of these characteristics as a parent.</p>

<p>I've since read some recent posts questioning the legitimacy of the OP, which are worth considering, but the sad (IMHO!) truth is that parents like this DO exist; therefore, this thread is absolutely legitimate as a forum of discussion about some of the attitudes expressed herein.</p>

<p>~
EDIT for one more thing: You used the word "cruel" to describe my comments. Would you not consider the OP's description of her daughter "cruel"? Would it be wise for her to speak to her daughter using the same words that she used on here?! If your answer is "no," what's the difference between her comments and mine, besides the fact that the OP's comments are behind her daughter's back? </p>

<p>EDIT2: Ignore edit 1; VP beat me to it!</p>

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<p>random thoughts as i have not read the ENTIRE thread. while i cant understand/condone the words used by the OP to describe her D or her lack of apparent understanding of what average really means.....
perhaps the OP has become so wrapped up in comparisons as to lose sight of what is right in front of her ....a wonderful D
i posted on another thread today that i was becoming obsessive re the psat result and i can honestly see where reading these threads everyday while going through the hs career of a child and the college process could give one a false sense of of your own child's "worthiness". there is always some poster or child of a poster that seems to have so much more on the ball than your own. You can feel exhilarated by the last ACT of 32, only to read dozens of posts of people scoring 34-36. You think about a summer program for your child and read about children going to harvard, oxford, RSI, telluride and yours doesnt.
The national average for ACT is 20.2, my son has a 32 but i know of one of his friends that has a 36...do i want him to have 36? of course! He has a great GPA but i read chances posts that are better at schools he is interested in and do i wish it was higher..of course! The problem appears to be that the OP lost the vision to see and can only compare.
hopefully i will keep sight only how wonderful he is and of his accomplishments</p>

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<p>There are a dozen pages of opinions on the OP's original comments. While her comments on her daughter showed disappointment, I did not find them cruel.</p>

<p>I have no problem with people whose opinions differ from mine. But people whose comments are way out of line, unneccessarily harsh or condescending, and who are saying things that one can reasonably assume they would never say to someone's face, are a different matter. Poseur, your comments were way over the line, and even you admit were harsh and immature. I think you owe the OP an apology.</p>

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<p>Sorry, LindaCarmichael, if you read my post (it seems that your eyes conveniently skim over posts with opinions that don't line up with yours as well as those that challenge your honesty) -- I was just being judgmental! Good luck to you and your D!</p>

<p>@ Lafalum: Do you not agree that the OP's posts were also "cruel" and perhaps "out of line" (or WOULD be out of line if they were expressed to her daughter)?</p>

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<p>The OP is like many parents, most of whom aren't posting on CC. She never said she doesn't love her daughter; she's just realistic enough to know that the kid didn't hang the moon. Further reading in the thread shows a child who was labelled as exceptional and unusually bright in elementary school, but for some reason those predictions didn't hold up in hs. OP and her daughter have had it rough - OP's husband died, did you read that part of the thread before you called her overbearing and condescending? She wants what's best for her kid, and she's questioning whether college - or an elite college - is the best fit for her child. She's also questioning whether she somehow failed to motivate her.</p>

<p>That's not cruel. That's life in the real world.</p>

<p>edit - cross posted with Poseur's apology</p>