<p>Alright, I've apologized to LindaCarmichael, but I can still (respectfully) disagree with you. </p>
<p>Funny that you mention her husband's death as an extenuating circumstance when she's continued to downplay its role in her life and her child's throughout this thread and others (which she's received some criticism for, which you'd know if you had read the thread.) </p>
<p>There's a difference between being "realistic" and saying the things that VP quoted in her post (among tons of others.) I'm asking you a question, and it's not rhetorical: Do you think that her comments were appropriate?</p>
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<p>unneccessarily harsh or condescending, and who are saying things that one can reasonably assume they would never say to someone's face>>></p>
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<p>I agree with you Lafalum84. For the record I would have no problem saying what <em>I</em> said to anyone's face. I wonder whether the OP would say the things she said to her daughter's face.</p>
<p>To the extent I was judgemental of the OP, I also apologize. Her posts do show that she loves her child and wants the best for her child. I assume (at least hope) that the derogatory language she used (that I detailed in post 235) does not reflect how she really thinks about her own child.</p>
<p>As I try to tell my children on way too many occasions... there are lots of ways to say the same thing. Calling your child dumb... well, that's just dumb. :-) And when there is so much pressure on kids to succeed I can so easily see why a student would be a little bit more sensitive to the verbiage than others.</p>
<p>I completely agree with parent56. It is really easy to get a skewed sense of your kids success or lack thereof in reading this board all the time. I read the grades and EC's of some of these kids and wonder a) what the heck my son was doing with his brilliance all these years. (kidding - kinda) and b) do these kids do anything else but academics and how is their social life? Bottom line is that my son has done really well and yet, compared to some on here he is clearly middling on scores. Still the OP was unusually direct in pointing out her daughter's shortcomings and sadly, didn't really go into her strengths that MOST parents try to bring to the forefront when their child isn't a typical star in the classroom.</p>
<p>But Poseur... what you may underestimate is that we all blame ourselves no matter what the positive OR the negative. Typically, we don't need others judging us to make us feel worse than we mostly already do when our kids are struggling.</p>
<p>As an aside: If the dad is dead.. did we ever consider some depression in this underachiever and the feeling that no matter what the goal, it's sometimes better to not try and fail than actually try and still fail?</p>
<p>If you are at high powered school or have a high performing older sibling I think it's very easy to get a skewed idea of what is needed for college. My younger son is smart, but he's never been as precocious as his older brother. He was disappointed in his PSAT scores last year until after talking with friends he found out he'd done better than all of them. (One good thing about sharing info!) Today I overheard a conversation with a young woman who was happy with a CR score in the 500s while her other two scores were in the 400s. And the woman she was talking to (who is director of a small art center) shared that the first time he took the SATs her son also had a math score in the 400s. Here at CC we live on a different planet from most people.</p>
<p>In all fairness to Poseur, there are things that still do smell a little fishy in this thread. As was pointed out several pages ago, there are inconsistencies in the OP's posts. Last year the OP mentioned a son, who she called an "only" (I take that to mean an only child) who attended boarding school and would be applying to school <em>this</em> year. That was where/when the deceased father (of the son) was mentioned, I believe. No mention of a daughter last year. Now, the OP returns after about a year with a senior DAUGHTER, and no mention of a husband, father or son. I do not see anywhere in this thread that the OP said the daughters father was deceased. I think someone picked that up from last years post and ran with it. </p>
<p>Needless to say, this is a bit perplexing. It is possible the the OP remarried and has a stepdaughter. Maybe this is a stepdaughter we are reading about, with the less than glowing adjective descriptors. That might be a little more easy to understand. But, does the OP have a son, a daughter, a stepdaughter? Dunno. She hasn't posted in this thread since those questions were asked. Am I the only one who is wondering what is up???? It might be easy to calm the volley of emotional reactions in this thread if some of these questions were answered.....</p>
<p>I say forget OP and make this a balloon room where dreams are often popped by reality. Mathmom makes some excellent points in that I know my younger D feels absolutely stupid next to her over-achieving brother sometimes. I just keep telling her that everyone has their issues and then she has no problem listing his!! :) Also. S went on a recruiting trip this summer for athletics. Some of the guys were shooting for 24 max on ACTs and wouldnt even think about SAT II's. This forum is definitely a bubble.</p>
<p>The strong reaction seems to have been to how the "average" daughter was portrayed... as worthy of only a vocational program or Mrs. Degree. That is not a "bubble" issuen IMO</p>
<p>The strong reaction seems to have been to how the "average" daughter was portrayed... as worthy of only a vocational program or Mrs. Degree. That is not a "bubble" issue IMO</p>
<p>wow is all I can say...to call your daughter a bit of a loser because she doesnt measure up to how you want her to be is just shocking to me. She has above avg scores and takes AP classes and you consider that a loser? My kid's scores are lower than hers and she doesnt have ec's either, just works 2 part time jobs but I would be damned if I would ever call my D a loser bc she isnt on par with her friends...who cares? Love your daughter for who she is, not who you want her to be.</p>
<p>Sorry for the double post above-- was trying to fix a typo and it was the first time I ever tried to send a post on my blackberry. Me bad. Hope that doesn't make me a loser ;) (jk)</p>
<p>Always finding that loophole.. veryhappy :)
And what if one of my kids is over 21 but under 25?? And as an aside, those "junior member" posters with under 100 posts should show some respect for us "senior members" with... well.... way too many posts, eh, veryhappy?? We've been around this block a time or two....</p>
<p>If you read my earlier post way back in this thread, I think the OP's issue comes from comparing her D to the other kids posting on CC. I have serious doubts that many of the kids on CC are truly as <em>wonderful</em> as they and their parents convey. Those who do have the exalted stats listed often have no life - they are spending their teen years obsessing over what college to go to - or their parents are obsessing for them - instead of enjoying being a teenager, which is a once in a lifetime thing. </p>
<p>I don't think the OP thinks her D is a <em>loser</em>. I think it may have been a poor choice of words. Her point is that her D didn't have a passion or a "hook," and that she was quiet and easily overlooked. Her D didn't know what she wants to do. This is normal and average, but not in the rarified world of CC. I think she was looking for advice on how to find a school for this kid, or is it ok to think that maybe college isn't everyone's best path? According to CC, life is over if you don't go to college, preferably an exclusive one. But there are many happy and successful people who didn't go to college. Not because they couldn't hack it, but because they chose not to. </p>
<p>As a parent with one over-achiever and one more mainstream kid, I know that it is easy to wonder why they are so different, or if I am coddling one or favoring the other. I don't think the OP worded her original post well, but I am not unsympathetic to her feelings.</p>
<p>So Poseur, to answer your question: No, I do not think that her comments were inappropriate. Poorly worded, perhaps, in an effort to make a point. She does seem to need to adjust her expectations and remember Blossom's wise words to "love the kid on the couch, not the kid you wish you had." But her concerns about her daughter, who she knows and loves, were far more appropriate than your inflammatory and condescending words in ALL CAPS toward a woman you have never even met.</p>
<p>edit: Finally found my first post, it was #140. Blossom's post in this thread are wonderful, as always, and should be required reading for all parents.</p>
<p>I stand by that my opinions were valid but "poorly worded" as well.</p>
<p>Also, I didn't get the impression that she was looking for advice as to where her daughter should go in life -- the thread was clearly made for parents to comisserate, so to speak, about their "average" children. </p>
<p>And on an unrelated note:
Either that or they walked into a testing room and happened to know all the answers to the questions... and found it easy to get As with little effort throughout high school. (I know you said "often," but I'd say that my portrayal is the rule rather than the exception.)</p>
<p>Between 21 and 25 is a life in limbo. Best time of my life. Graduation was in the rear view mirror, but real life was still full of every possibility.</p>
<p>As an aside, Respect is earned not by how much you speak but by what you say over time. 3000 posts simply fits with the model that this process has consumed you or it's your life work.</p>
<p>Lafalum -- I myself have chastised students who are excessively rude to adult posters before, but in this case I think you are softening the OP's comments to a slightly unrealistic degree. If anyone was "nasty and mean-spirited" on this thread (OP's words), it was OP herself (if she is not a troll) to her own daughter. Doesn't matter if she never said the words out loud to the child; very hard to imagine what their interchanges are like, with all this in the background.</p>
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Respect is earned not by how much you speak but by what you say over time
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Yes, true, Modadunn. Words YOU should live by. Think about it.</p>
<p>(By the way, Moda- I was kidding around in post #253 -- some of us older posters have "known" each other a long time.. and in fact I have met VH in person, so that was sort of an inside joke about the senior posters-- sorry you didnt get it. )</p>
<p>Thank you for chastising .. but please don't point your finger at me by capitalizing. And how on earth would I "get" an inside joke? Apology accepted. ;) Relax. Sorry to intrude on your world.</p>
<p>No one is chastizing anyone, except the OP. Stop reading more into it than is there. Lighten up and have a nice day. Good luck with Dartmouth-- its a fun place. And yes your apology is accepted. Newbies do learn from their mistakes ;)
and your apology is for the unnecessarily snarky
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3000 posts simply fits with the model that this process has consumed you or it's your life work
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that I initially politely ignored. Now lets get back to addressing the real issues. The OP has still chosen not to clarify the mysteries in this thread-- son, daughter, stepdaughter, inconsistencies, etc. The thread has been interesting but not entirely believable.</p>