<p>oops!! It was chrissyblu's post that was well said!! Me bad!!</p>
<p>I have not read every post here, but I hope the OP comes to realize that her daughter is wonderful as is. She'll find her way, if she can get past her mother's criticisms. No doubt the daughter senses her mom's disappointment. Why do we parents think we can control everything? We can offer opportunities, guidance, and example, and the rest is up to our children, and luck. In OP's world, my son would be considered "average", though he was accepted at multiple exclusive universities. How I wish he were still "average" now....he's doing well at a community college on medication after a year of intensive treatments for a severe mental illness. You never know what life will bring you. I assure you we would all prefer "average", even "dumb" . Most mental illnesses start at age 19 to 25, often in that first year or two away from home. Many brilliant students are victims--no one's fault, just biology. Statistically, 3 to 10% of CC students will end up with mental illness--overachievment notwithastanding. I hope OP's current "problems" with her daughter are the worst she ever has. Lighten up and enjoy your healthy family!</p>
<p>I don't think the OP's attitude toward her daughter necessarily demonstrates a lack of feeling but is rather a side effect of the "Yale or jail" myth that's grown so powerful in our society. The parent's job in the educational process is to be the advocate of the child God (or nature) saw fit to give you. Wave those metaphorical pom poms for your kid and , "Go for it." Trust me, the world is full of objective critics who will shoot down any unrealistic aspirations your kid has. You don't need to take on that role at home; just be supportive and positive.</p>
<p>^^ "Yale or jail"- Can't you do both?</p>
<p>MomofWildChild -- LOL!!!</p>
<p>Average? I'm average, I guess. Sometimes I just go on and on talking and thinking, thinking and talking until someone nudges me in the arm and tells me to stop. Then I think about that for awhile, and then I usually stop. I often eat to fill the time; I guess I'm a little overweight. Some days I wake up and I feel hopeful, somedays not so much. But I'm happy, I guess. I don't really have an opinion about that. I don't think about it too much. Hey! what's that? Oh, the door bell, . . . I guess I better go fix a peanut butter and dill pickle sandwich for lunch. --Wow, the sky sure is blue today! I can almost see a man with a pipe in that puffy cloud. Ooo, I can! I can! He's playing such a lovely melody. I'm going to just sit here and enjoy my sandwich and listen to the song that cloud is playing, and then I'm going to write a play about it. I'll call it, "William tell meets Blake, the Fuller Brush man." After that, I think I'll go perform some brain surgery on one of the chickens out in the coop. Whoo hoo! I feel so really smart today!</p>
<p>I'm just heartbroken for your daughter, OP. I hope to God she never comes across this thread.</p>
<p>Sorry to say this, but this topic disgusts me. I know that parents can be crazy about their children being superstars, but c'mon.</p>
<p>lady, you are a terrible mother. to talk trash on your daughter like this is just wrong. all children are different. just because your daughter doesn't play sports or instruments and may only be an average student is not the end of the world. one day she will find her way in something. but for the time being, why don't you stop being so critical of her, and try not to talk smack on her.</p>
<p>oswid, read "Siblings without Rivalry" - there are probably some tips in that book to help you.</p>
<p>bhmomma: Very insightful post. This does sound like a child that would definitely be "invisible" in a very large school. If the OP is seeing this as a problem, then the parent should address the problem with a viable solution that meets her daughter's needs.</p>
<p>My husband died the summer before my oldest daughter started high school. I am shocked that the OP has not commented on this huge huge elephant in the living room. LC, your daughter has accomplished amazing things during these last 4 years. She has made her way through the grieving process. Grieving consumes enormous amouts of emotional and physical energy. She has helped birth a new family. She has helped you recover by her being emotionally stable, and I should know, because my youngest daughter was not so lucky. </p>
<p>Has it not entered your mind that she has done the best she could and better than many in her situation? Colleges give lots of leeway to kids who have suffered this way. I've heard that it counts for a lot of EC stuff. </p>
<p>The Common App gives an opportunity with that option of doing an open essay, it says something like to explain circumstances, or whatever. My daughter, with my help, wrote an essay about what it was like to lose a beloved father and about her journey of recovery. This all started because I was reading 'chance me' threads on CC and was shocked at how little it looked like my daughter had 'accomplished' during HS. That led me to ask the question, "Why has my lovely, smart kid done so little during HS?" Then, like a light going on in my head, I realized that the things she accomplished had no little checkboxes on the Common App, and that we were going to have to tell the AdComs what she had been occupied with. </p>
<p>Although the OP sounds alot worse than me, I also have judged my oldest somewhat harshly. I have also wished she had more ambition, that she could come up with a major besides anthropology, that she had taken the SATs twice, that she had attended the Subject SATs that I had already paid for, etc., etc. She comes from a really good gene pool, equally her dad and me. I always knew what I wanted to do, was focused and fairly accomplished in my field, but her dad wandered all over the place, goal-wise and loved learning everything. She'll find her way. She'll develop her passions. Just not yet. I hate that I can't be more accepting of her in my heart. It's just that we load our expectations onto our first-born and it's a shock when they stubbornly insist on being themselves. And it's even worse when there is not another parent to balance it all out. I was the one to push my DD1, and my husband just simply adored and affirmed her. We miss him.</p>
<p>OP, you think your daughter is average? Hahaha. You have no clue what average is and you're better off than other people. Look at my past posts from about two years ago - now that's average OR even below average to you people. I sometimes think people on CC are drinkin' the Lake Wobegon Kool-Aid a bit too much. Your daughter will be fine with your encouragement and guidance. Don't push her away, you need each other.</p>
<p>Damn, the OP confirms that I'm not just being negative when I have the feeling that my parents are disappointed in me. There is probably some truth to it.</p>
<p>People like this really exist. It's depressing.</p>
<p>I feel sorry for any child that runs into this thread because they might wonder if their mom feels the same way about them.</p>
<p>Then again, this thread makes me want to improve myself to lessen my worries.</p>
<p>I'm with Sopranomom92. I'd give anything for my D to be "average." She was well above average, attending a top ten univ, and falling apart in her freshman year due to mental illness. She had been treated for mental illness since middle school, went to college and refused further treatment, only to be hit with a second major diagnosis. She left school after a year and a half, started working full-time and living on her own. A year later she sought help and is on meds and doing well at a CC. But she needs MUCH more help that she refuses to get. Whenever she calls, I never know what emergency will be unfolding.</p>
<p>Oh, how I yearn for "average" and to be in the OP's shoes.</p>
<p>I wish OP would update this thread. From what I read on other threads, there has been great news on the acceptance front. Things always look darkest before the dawn. Kids aren't the only ones who feel down in the mouth during the application season.</p>
<p>TA3021's post is exactly what worried me about this thread when it was posted initially --that the OP's bizarre and, in my experience, extremely unusual and downright contemptuous posts revealing thinly veiled (and somtimes naked) disgust about her daughter would be seen by CC teenaged readers as somehow revealing the secret life of mothers.</p>
<p>Listen, TA3021: Sometimes parents are disappointed in their kids, and sometimes disappointed for them, as when the kid really wants something and tries for it but doesn't succeed, but the attitude expressed here is highly unusual. The OP's daughter sounds to most of the parents here like a wonderful kid, a good friend, a kind person, a student who tries hard and challenges herself in school despite the fact that she's gone through a lot with the recent loss of her dad. The fact that she can't order in Spanish in a Mexican restaurant or stopped playing her musical instrument wouldn't even be on our radar in terms of our feelings for this lovely girl. The idea that her mother is calling her a "loser" and sees her as having no chance of a successful future makes some of us want to cry. I feel terrible for this girl because I'm really afraid that she's picked up on some of her mom's contempt for her and has maybe started to think of herself as a loser who deserves contempt. I pray that she never finds this thread.</p>
<p>TA3021, I am willing to bet that even if your folks are disappointed in some of the choices that you've made, or that you didn't get straight A's, or whatever, they love you just as you are. Feeling a little disappointed that your kid isn't going to follow you into engineering at your alma mater is completely different from feeling that your kid is a loser who won't even benefit from a college education and figuring that any college that offers the kid merit money must be a rotten school. The former is unfortunate but normal; the latter is just plain off the charts and you should in no way extrapolate from this weirdness to your own parents.</p>
<p>Secret life of mothers...I have enough trouble living my regular one, much less a secret one...</p>
<p>Ellemenope -- I wasn't joking here. I'm concerned that teenaged readers like TA3021 will take the OP's posts as confirmation of their fears that what they perceive as their shortcomings result in their parents judging them the way the OP seems to judge her daugher.</p>
<p>"Does anyone else have a child who turned out sort of dumb?"</p>
<p>I sincerely hope your daughter is not a member of this website, because that is a b.itchy comment to make. Seriously, get a life.</p>
<p>An 1830 is laughable and 3 APs equal dumb, huh? What kind of world are you living in? I'm glad my mother loves me for who I am.</p>