<p>My 10th grader is at the middle to lower part of the heap in some of the pre-AP and APclasses she takes; she'd be at the top in "regular" classes. I'm glad she wants to surround herself with kids who may be smarter than she is. My daughter has some great skills and abilities that are not measured on tests. She will do well in adult life.</p>
<p>mommusic--I bet you bring more of a live music experience into the lives of those children and parents than a soloist at Carnegie Hall (how many parents take their kids to Carnegie Hall?). Mrs. Weasley--you sound like you have a great pediatrician!</p>
<p>I am reading the book Emotional Intelligence. The author made the point that if your child gets a 500 on the math portion of the SAT, he probably won't make it as a mathemetician, but it's no obsticle to becoming a sucessful business owner, Senator or even President.</p>
<p>This thread has definitely taken a turn for the better These are wonderful stories!</p>
<p>I'll add one of my own. My son was in the bottom 30% of his high school. I don't even remember his GPA, but his highest grade was a C. His SAT score was right in the 50th percentile range. He lasted one semester in a liberal arts college, withdrew, and eventually transferred to art school. We used to wonder if he would ever find his work ethic. Now, as a young man, he has started his own business, works at a wonderful job (which he considers his "day job", others would be thrilled to make a career out of), and talks to us about his goals and dreams for his life. That's definitely the best part -- how excited he is about his future. </p>
<p>I guess that's what's so depressing about the OP. No matter how you perceive your child, you don't want to take away that excitement about what the future has to hold.</p>
<p>
<p>To me, a "gifted child" is a child that has a talent that separates them from the average person. For this forum, it would proabably be a gift that separates them from the above average person. This forum also tends to be kids that are academically gifted.</p>
<p>If someone is a great marathon runner or auto mechanic, I would consider that child "gifted". Is a "gifted" child better? Only in the context of that "gift". Is the child better overall? Not necessarily. In fact, some of the most gifted people I know are not very pleasant to be around.</p>
<p> [QUOTE=LindaCarmichael]
And what is the fourth one called? Non-gifted?
</p>
<p>"average" isn't necessarily bad. By definition, someone also has to be "below average".</p>
<p>Why do you have to call them anything? Being "gifted" is not necessarily a benefit. For some, it could be a curse. A child could be gifted in an area they have absolutely no interest in. Or, they can't deal with the pressure of using the gift.</p>
<p>Why tell, or imply to, a child that they are not "gifted"? Accept the child for who they are. Encourage them to excell within their abilities. Be joyful in what is an achievement for them. </p>
<p>This is a dated example, but it is still true for a lot of people: There are a lot of women out there who have great talents. Many of them choose to set aside that talent in order to do what is most fulfilling for them: raising a family. Does it really matter if they are "gifted" as long as they are happy? Some would consider it success in the area that matters the most. How many people at the end of their life wish they had worked more?</p>
<p>This has turned into a good thread in alot of ways. Maybe LC was PMSing when she wrote the first post, lol. Regardless, it is a excellent reminder to all of us parents to be careful of the vibes we send our kids. </p>
<p>So, I have been a <em>very</em> active participant in my dd1's app process. Someone has to be, lol again. But I have scheduled college visits, and look forward to going on them with her. It's time for her to get engaged in this process. I'll have alot of hours in the car to pull her thoughts and dreams out of her. I plan on asking her lots of questions. </p>
<p>And we will talk about the gap year overseas that she can do....her dad's family in a European country helping at their restaurant. </p>
<p>I have done work to give her some real options. It's time for her to start to think about what she wants for her future. I've never seen a kid so intent on ignoring the upcoming flight out of the nest. A devoted homebody. I bet she might pick the option that feels most like a 'nest', lol. I have recently begun to realize that this may be a safety issue for her. But at some point she will HAVE to confront the fact that she is an adult and will have to walk in a direction that goes away from this home. The college visits will go a long way to make all this more 'real' to her. </p>
<p>I wonder how much of this is due to the death of her dad, and how much is just her personality. She intently focuses on TODAY and TOMORROW, and sort of refuses to stick her toe into the waters of the FUTURE. I wonder how AppComs deal with complicated kids, and if they are able to recognize them for what they are. Is there anywhere that these complicated kids are actually sought out????</p>
<p>Please respond.</p>
<p>To the OP: the main question is: are you happy about the way your daughter turned out?</p>
<p>I think a lot of people are incensed about the way you described your daughter as 'sort of a loser.' I know I would be upset if I herd my parents talk about me this way. </p>
<p>"When one has a baby, one does not say, "I hope she'll grow up to be a normal, average kid." </p>
<p>I think this is blatantly untrue. Sure, a lot of parents who put absurd pressure on their kids to get into Harvard, get a 2400, etc. probably do this, but a lot of other parents are perfectly happy that their child is simply happy and healthy.</p>
<p>I work with special education children every day. Many parents would give anything to have a "normal, average, kid".</p>
<p>If the OP was sincere, perhaps priority adjustments are in order. I can't imagine viewing my children under that overachiever microscope.</p>
<p>dsc6: while the death of her father would certainly have a profound effect on your D, I have to tell you; my D1 has both parents and could be a clone of what you have described in terms of her college process last year....my D lives for the moment and no later....hates to plan, hates to makes decisions; made college app process torture...yes, she chose the school that she felt the most "comfortable" in; but it was painstaking....yes, it's personality......at least in our case..</p>
<p>Kind of a tangent here... last year I was one of the parents bemoaning my S making me insane during the application process. He procrastinated on everything, and I had to stand over him with a whip (figuratively) to get him to complete application packages. I think I sent every single piece of paper to his schools by overnight mail. Additionally, he got a bad case of senioritis and was blowing off schoolwork, saying that "I don't want to spend my senior year chained to my desk!"</p>
<p>He did end up being accepted to one of his top choice schools. This fall, his GPA was 3.2 (which is fine by us). Today he called to tell me about the courses for which he has registered for the spring. He is waitlisted for 2 of the courses but was explaining how he's going to show up to one of the classes during the Interterm (kind of like a mini-mester) to talk to the professor and make his case for being put into the class (he has one....long story). He explained how he is checking into a double major or double minor. He also said he had completed his application package for a scholars program that would allow him to be mentored once a week by someone in his industry and was taking that to drop it off today. He told me how he had modified his resume to drop off some of the high school stuff and add some college stuff. He requested that I send him some insurance information so he could take care of the speeding ticket he got while home for Christmas break.</p>
<p>Are you seeing where this is going? I was sitting there on the phone with my jaw hanging open. This is my kid??? And he's HANDLING things??? Sometimes how a kid is in high school just doesn't predict a whole lot.</p>
<p>for the nay-sayers: my God! On what sort of sugar-coated island do you live?? Next thing, you'll tell me that you love all of your children equally or some nonsense.</p>
<p>dcs, I am not sure why your D has to leave the nest, frankly. Despite the CC propaganda machine, there are kids who live at home and go to college.</p>
<p>LC,</p>
<p>Sounds like your daughter is going to a good place--congrats! As far as the "average" thing goes,
[quote]
sometimes how a kid is in high school just doesn't predict a whole lot.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Hopefully she'll find something she really enjoys doing and turn those HS metrics (which don't mean a whole lot now anyway) on their head.</p>
<p>I have 4 sisters. Looking back, we probably all suffered from some form of ADD, but in Europe in those days this was diagnosed politely as having a low boredom threshold, and more crudely by teachers as being bone lazy. My second sister was the dunce of the family. At the age of eight, she still couldn't read the time; At least once a week, she was paraded through the school with a donkey cap on (these were medieval times, remember); she repeated 6th grade 3 times and our parents were told that high school was not for her and that they should find some manual occupation for her (my mother still has the letter from the principal listing a choice of careers ranging from cooking to basket-weaving. To cut a very long story short, it was only when she was sent to a school for very ungifted children that she realized that she didn't belong there, got some of her confidence back and started enjoying the learning process. After getting her Ph.D from Harvard, she is now a tenured professor at a LAC which is mentioned regularly on these forums. However, she says she often dreams that she is back in that elementary school classroom being mocked at by the rest of the students, and she has never forgiven her parents for their lack of support and for consistently telling their friends that, I quote " she was behind the garage door when God gave out brains".
As a teacher, I'd say that average is fine if a kid is happy. As a parent, I'd add that no kid wants to be given that label by their own family.</p>
<p>Gee wiz Linda, everything is dandy where the happy folk live on Candy Island! It's always sunny and warm. It's called making the best of it and not over reacting. Also, I don't base my hopes and dreams on my children, I let them have their own. My successes come from my efforts, not theirs. </p>
<p>I met a woman recently who told me about her two children. The D was brilliant and a high achiever while the S floundered as a student. D wound up at a wonderful, top-notch university. D snapped and moved across the country to be a hash slinger at a truck stop. This woman rarely sees D and is finally happy with S and his accomplishments.</p>
<p>You want a perfect child. My kid, with the 50th percentile height and weight is "just perfect" according to the pediatrician, which helped me realize that normal is not a bad thing, neither is being content. And being in the 99th percentile of anything isn't going to make anyone's life more worthwhile--in many cases it can make life more difficult.</p>
<p>I have a feeling that no matter HOW much better the OP's daughter performed (above her already high level), the OP would complain about her D.</p>
<p>There is always something else out there to chase, to wish for, to want; some people are never happy, never satisfied, and can't find the good in what is right in front of them.</p>
<p>Timely, I LOVED your story. If that happens to me, I will be on the floor needing resuscitation, lol! </p>
<p>Linda, I have compromised re: her reluctance to leave the nest by her applying to colleges within driving distance. Furthest away 4 hours. She needs to give this a try. This is a kid who has hated change all her life, never wanted any furniture moved in the house, didn't want to add a new kitten to the established 2-cat family, had to be literally threatened with loss of everything to stimulate her to apply for jobs. Once the change happens, she copes, but is loath to initiate change. So now with college looming and the huge change that entails, she is putting so much energy into just ignoring it as much as she can. I have a nagging fear that she might NEVER leave home if not pushed. And staying home in the role of a 16 year old. </p>
<p>Oh, well, time moves forward, regardless of all attempts to hold it back.</p>
<p>dsc6, my son doesn't care much for change either. He likes being in college though because for the first time he's got a real community of computer nerds to hang around with. He was truly the only one in his high school. BUT when it came time to choose a room for sophomore year, he chose to remain where he was. (Mind you it was a great room - one bedroom apartment with one roommate - about a ten minute walk to campus which gives him badly needed exercise.) He didn't really get truly invested in the whole college business until the acceptances came in and he had to make a decision.</p>
<p>4 hours is a long way. The closest 4 year school with dorms, to me, is 20 miles. I believe that a person could get the whole independent/college experience being 20 miles from home. </p>
<p>My mother always wanted me to get out of the house, too.</p>
<p>Clearly, what someone could do, in retrospect, is outfit their child, at a very young age, to become
competent at something relatively unusual; many kids are great at soccer, but how many do you know
who play the marimbas? They would not even have to play them well; the college process would be all
over a kid with an inclination for something unusual or uncommon.</p>
<p>Are we sure that LC is not a student troll? This last comment above seems designed to fan the flames for sure, as does
[quote]
for the nay-sayers: my God! On what sort of sugar-coated island do you live?? Next thing, you'll tell me that you love all of your children equally or some nonsense.
[/quote]
hmmmm</p>
<p>
[quote]
Does anyone else have a child who turned out sort of dumb?
[/quote]
I'm saddened that you would say this about your own child. :( </p>
<p>I homeschool my children and attend college myself and my children do great in school. They aren't above average but they do very well. However, even if one of them didn't do well and struggled or had problems, I'd never call them dumb. They are who they are. We are all individuals and we all learn differently and achieve learning milestones at various times in our lives.</p>