<p>I have 3 sons, one did not so well in school, one did VERY well, one did pretty well. I remember a teacher saying to me when I was worried about the one who has trouble in school, "When did average become a dirty word?" I come back to that often. Consider what the word means, the most common way people are - average. It is not anything to be ashamed of. But my one that did not so well in high school got into a great college (sports) and has proceeded to do not so well in college too. He is a happy, loving man. He may or may not be allowed to graduate there if grades do not improve but he is a great guy. And I may be in LaLa land but I do love all my children equally - differently and for different reason, certainly - but one more than the other, no. I do understand what you are saying about them turning out differently than we imagined because we all envisioned amazing children by definition, some have to be average.</p>
<p>I agree with anxiousmom. I smell, if not a troll, someone who is sure she has the "problem" all figured out. That's a dangerous place to be as a parent! Especially when you have such a narrow, goal oriented approach to childrearing. You're bound to fail.</p>
<p>Hey...my kid does play soccer and the marimbas...no lie! Darn it all! I think we missed a hook ;) re post 338^^^</p>
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I have 3 sons, one did not so well in school, one did VERY well, one did pretty well. I remember a teacher saying to me when I was worried about the one who has trouble in school, "When did average become a dirty word?"
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<p>I have also come to realize that teachers have different ideas of who is doing well than parents do. I remember one Meet the Teacher night hearing a teacher gush over Son, how he participated so much and obviously enjoyed the class. He was making a B or B+ in the class. Next she talked to the parents of a girl. We overheard the teacher say, "I'm very concerned about your daughter. She never says anything in class and doesn't seem engaged." According to Son, that girl was getting a very high A in the class.</p>
<p>I'd take a well adjusted average kid everyday over a high strung, socially inept, nerotic overachiever...most days. I have a whiner, a quirky one and a social butterfly and yes they are average for this forum but I wouldn't trade them for the world and I love all three of them dearly.</p>
<p>I didn't read all of your posts, but judging by your first one, it REALLY ****es me off. How dare you say that about your daughter. 3 APs are good, and she's not a loser for not being the smartest person in a group. Everyone has there own interests, no one should have to pretend they like an activity just to put in on their resum</p>
<p>The OP actually has a valid concern, although she underestimates her daughter (somewhat.) Her daughter is intelligent, but clearly she's not going to cure cancer. She's not going to win a Nobel Prize in theoretical physics. Nor is she likely to do anything that's going to really change the world. She is, from the OPs description of the objective facts about her daughter, average but definitely on the right side of the bell curve of intelligence. That said, America has plenty of good options for average people with somewhat above-average intelligence and a somewhat above-average work ethic (which Linda's daughter also seems to have.) Most people don't dream that their kids become middle managers or grow up to be bureaucrats working in a cubicle. And yet, many of them see their kids become just that. This girl can have a very satisfying life, free of unusual money woes, and possibly a very happy one, depending on factors such as friends, family, relationships with other people, finding a career that she likes, etc.</p>
<p>While most teenage posters on CC may be more intelligent than Linda's daughter, maybe significantly more so, they will still not 'change the world' in any meaningful fashion. They'll earn a little bit more than this girl, on average. And that's about the only difference between them and her.</p>
<p>Bartleby, your analogy that IQ equals earning potential is slightly tenuous. Sometimes extremely intelligent people can be socially dysfunctional which can negatively impact their growth in the business world. Sometimes extremely intelligent people gravitate to the educational field because of the comfort level; a field that is notoriously underpaid. I think it's difficult to equate above average intelligent vs. great intelligence to above average earning potential vs. great earnings potential. Once these kids hit the streets post-college the field levels and it's really anyone's game again.</p>
<p>You guys must not operate in the real world. Not every cancer researcher is a genius; many people who do quite significant things in life showed no significant intellectual prowess in HS. There are dozens of NGO's operating all over the world trying to end malaria, get polio vaccine to the remote locations where it still exists (and maims children), give mothers access to clean water so their babies don't die of dysentary.</p>
<p>Many of the staffs of these heroic organizations have degrees in nutrition, pharmacy, social work, from colleges you guys would turn your noses up at. Many were trained in religious institutions and seminaries. Check the backgrounds of the people who are on the ground for Save the Children, Red Cross, and the other relief organizations who head out to save the survivors of Tsunamis and other natural disasters.</p>
<p>I find it hard to believe that Bartleby really believes that "average" students end up in cubicles. Some of them end up changing the world... even without a Nobel prize.</p>
<p>Bartleby, countless extremely successful individuals were mediocre students, take Ansel Adams for example. So to predict what a human being might become based on school success up to and including high school is bogus. As for what parents dream for their children, I'm surprised that an individual can know what the majority do or don't dream.</p>
<p>blossom, well said.</p>
<p>I do not see anything wrong with describing things the way they are. Not accepting the facts is much more confusing and will never result in any plan of action to compensate. For example, stayting the fact that the child is very weak in certain area calls for remedy or avoidance of being misearable. For example, my D. always knew that she cannot handle history/economics/political debates. I told her to stay away from political debates and definately carrier in business, law. It helps to label because it points to the way to avoid trouble, be more effective and happy in life. We have only one life. Might as well choose to live the one that we will enjoy living.</p>
<p>Re: "Nor is she likely to do anything that's going to really change the world. "</p>
<p>I'd agree w/blossom that this is a very short-sighted view about who changes the world (and how) and, additionally, applies an undue emphasis on high school performance as an indicator of 1) intelligence 2) earning power 3) future career prospects.</p>
<p>I know people who are not very learned in the traditional sense (e.g. don't have histories of high, educational performance). However, they (in several instances) have near-genius (I think) levels of emotional intelligence, plus determination -- they are out-earning people with multiple, advanced degrees and they are in high-level management positions. </p>
<p>The world is not a straight, linear path from As in HS to career success nor is the converse true -- lower HS achievement doesn't preclude all sort of professional and personal success.</p>
<p>MiamiDAP, the OP has labeled her daughter, who is taking AP courses and doing well in them, "dumb" and "average." That is NOT "describing things the way they are."</p>
<p>And really, you think it's good to stay away from things one is weak in? That's silly -- you get the biggest bang for your improvement effort by working on your weaknesses!</p>
<p>owlice,
I strongly believe in contributing to the world and totaly enjoying your life. The most effective way to do it is to develop further your talents and avoid struggles. I know that I cannot be on a boat because I will be sick for several weeks/months, so why I should try if I can do smething enjoyable (like swimming) instead? This philosophy has served my D. very well. She is by far not limited, quite opposite, very well rounded socially, academically and in her interests outside of school. As her piano teacher used to say, Why play any peice, when you can play the one that you love? By the way D still loves music and plays piano a lot although it has nothing to do with her major.</p>
<p>Your post said nothing about enjoyment.</p>
<p>There are many things I don't do well that I enjoy doing, just as there are things I do well that I also enjoy doing, and things I do well that I don't enjoy doing.</p>
<p>But all this is off-topic. The OP's daughter appears to be a well-rounded, intelligent, thoughtful, and hard-working student. She's NOT "dumb" nor is she "average," and labeling her so is not only silly, the mother's attitude could be harming her daughter.</p>
<p>Well, my thinking was if somebody decide that they are average, then, there are places where they will be happy and accomplished. Or if they want to be somebody else, then put tons of effort into it and become excellent. Whatever, makes them happy. There is nothing wrong with "average", great majority of us are "average". Why to be so unhappy about it? Just accept non-genious status and enjoy your life!</p>
<p>There's nothing wrong with average, of course, though the OP appears to think otherwise. In addition to that, the OP's D is NOT average; she's above average, yet her own mother doesn't see that!</p>
<p>I stubbornly retain the (Pollyanna-ish) view that while some people may be 'average' in certain areas -- each person has something special and unique -- that individual is the only one able to offer the world that particular combination of qualities/personality/collection of gifts. </p>
<p>Maybe this is off the original topic, though....</p>
<p>From a Chinese web site</p>
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Asian American GPA system:</p>
<p>A=Average;B=Bad;C=Catastrophe;D=Disowned;F=Forever Forgotten.
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