<p>I've never, ever considered that my D16, an only-child, would be living at home while she attended college...until I started to run these NPCs. So, my DH and I need to start wrapping our heads around this possibility. --- Good thing we've got about two years, eh? --- The assumption had always been that she'd fly off to school and we'd see her a couple of times a year, then show up for her college graduation. Not that we're trying to "get rid" of her or anything. It's just that now we have to think about having a semi-adult in the house for four years. She won't be a "kid" anymore. </p>
<p>How does one do that? </p>
<p>She's a delight, so I'm (secretly?) thrilled at the prospect of having her with us for an additional four years, but I'm worried such close quarters would stunt her maturing. Any advice??? </p>
<p>Oh, she definitely will keep both OOS and in-state schools on her list, and we’ll keep our fingers crossed. At this point in the college search, she’ll just be upping the number of schools on her list that are “commutable.” Some by public transportation and some by car, which she’d have to buy and learn to drive. Since we’d be funding her education through Tuition Exchange, we’d remain on the hook for all the non-tuition costs, it seems (so far as I can tell at this point) — and we hadn’t saved for that. We’d be aiming for debt-free, if possible, so that’s why this new possibility of her living at home during college has emerged. Our home equity’s already tapped out, we make too much for need-based aid, she’s heading into a low-pay field, she has LDs and we don’t yet know how that’ll play out for test scores, etc…so, we’re adjusting our expectations now, rather than later. To have a good shot at TE funding, she needs to apply to schools early (say, by October 2015). Plus, I’m a planner-type. Be prepared, and all that! (Except for that “save for college” thing. Didn’t get that memo. Go figure. Retirement fund is solid, though.)</p>
<p>If it works for her and you, consider a CC. Our D attended one and saved us a bunch of money while commuting and then transferred to a U she liked,where she got her degree. The CC had much smaller classes, great faculty, free parking and delicious food. It was about $1K per semester and it cost us very little having her live at home with us as she always had.</p>
<p>I was going to say the same thing HImom said. When I first went to college a hundred years ago, I didn’t like the school of my choice and came back home and finished an AA at the local CC. When I transferred, I was every bit up to the academics at a very good school as anyone else. </p>
<p>Oh, I have no problem with the quality of any school on her list, be it a community college nearby or a school “famous” for her major far, far away. Rather, it’s the shock of thinking I might have a college student living with me, when I had never considered it, ever. I was thinking it’d be easier for her to build friendships, get involved with young adult stuff, grow up (although she’s already a very mature young lady) if she didn’t have her old parents living with her or vice versa. You know, I should probably read some books or articles about the boomerang generation. That might help me get my head around this. </p>
<p>You are overthinking this. The girl is 16. You have legitimate concerns about cost. Stop worrying about a boomerang or adult child. When she graduates from college and you see no movement towards becoming a self-sufficient adult, then you have a problem. Let it go. </p>
<p>You may be surprised at how little you would see her if this situation actually materializes. I lived at home for my first year of college, and between school, my job, my friends, etc., I was home to sleep and that was about it. </p>
<p>But if you make too much to get financial aid anywhere ($230,000+), surely you can save quite a bit for college costs in the next two years, and then find an equivalent amount for the next four years, which can loosen the cost constraint somewhat, right?</p>
<p>It worked out well for our D and us with her living at home for 3 semesters of CC. She could just focus on the transition from HS t college, grades, transfer app and then get excited about transferring. Agree not to overthink this. BTW, all my sibs lived at home until they went off to grad school. They commuted from home & all turned out quite independent. They all moved back home again after grad school until they got married. It worked.</p>
<p>I lived at home for all 4 years at a commuter LAC. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I made life long friends, got a great job in NYC before I even graduated. I was so involved that I basically went home to sleep. My husband, brother and brother-in-law all lived at home and graduated from NYU. Two are CPAs and the other is a physician. Granted these were all in the stone age. My point is it can be done and very successfully.</p>
<p>Wow, our oldest made the decision to attend a private university about 20 minutes from our home. She knew we could not afford the room and board cost, she earned a great scholarship cutting the tuition in half, so she stayed home. She was hoping to maybe live on campus for one year, but changed her mind after seeing how much of her time is spent in her working and volunteer hours close to our home. She is finishing up her junior year and will be living at home for her senior year, too. She realizes how expensive it would be to move out (cannot even consider this option without at least one roommate plus many more work hours). She has definitely changed her outlook on college and the campus.</p>
<p>It is a small university (in numbers and size). She has become friends with those in her major (again, small in number) and pretty much only spends time at the campus for classes or studying in-between classes, sometimes meeting with other students for group projects. Otherwise, she is working, major volunteer at our church with the high school students, or studying in her room. She does spend time hanging out with friends, but is very responsible about getting her assignments done.</p>
<p>We were very fortunate to have some friends who had an old used car for sale for cheap ($500!!) when our daughter was in her last semester of high school. She was set to finish off her senior year and then to have wheels to get her to her university. We truly were blessed in this whole situation!</p>
<p>I am not a parent, but I don’t think you are overthinking. If your child has expectations about going away to college, the time to broach the subject of staying home is NOW. Hearing it senior year when she’s already gotten her hopes up and all her friends are talking about going away is a recipe for disaster-- I know because that’s what happened to me when I was a senior in high school. That is one way to guarantee that she will not take a mature outlook on her options… if she doesnt know this is on the table and fully accept it, start working on that now so she has time to adjust her expectations before it’s time to commit to a college. The time to have this discussion is not senior year. If she is already sincerely open to the idea and aware it’s a distinct possibility, you did a really nice job with your kid and you’re on the right track, in my opinion. </p>
<p>I lived at home my first two years and went to a CC. The first year was really, really hard, but that was mainly because I thought I was going to a 4 year residential school and didn’t find out I wasn’t going until Spring of senior year-- TOO LATE. I was devestated. I did not have the option to commute to a 4 year either, it was CC or nothing. The hard thing was that I didn’t know anybody in my town who was still home and had no friends there, and the CC was not very social. My classmates were practical people going to school full time and working full time, many were older and had spouses and kids at home, I joined some clubs but never really managed to get people to make time to hang out outside of class much on a day to day basis like you can at a residential campus. People did not generally hang out on campus, they went to class and they went home. And you spend so much time commuting. It wasn’t until I made friends at a local 4 year and started spending my social hours there that I made friends and got used to going to a CC. I never did really make friends at the CC, I had a hard time there socially but I did really well academically and it was probably the best environment for me to dip my toe into college level work-- I have LDs, too. The second year I did a TON of volunteer work to keep busy, which made me happy and I think helped me get into the 4 year I transferred to. In the end I didn’t regret going there, but the first year was difficult. It would have all been a lot smoother had I walked in with a different attitude, and started doing volunteer work the first year. </p>
<p>Me living at home during those years caused a lot of tension. How you want to handle this situation depends on you and your family and your D. I don’t think it has to be tense. I think we did it wrong. My family chose to handle it as though nothing had changed. I had the same curfew I always had, was not allowed to leave without permission, and had all the same responsibilities at home. My parents did not respect my school obligations as real responsibilities. This really ground my gears since it meant I missed out on many of my social opportunities, and my mom was constantly wanting me to drop everything and do other things when I needed to be doing homework or studying. I needed to go to bed by a certain time whether my homework was done or not, so sometimes it just didn’t get done. They also got much more involved in my schoolwork than I felt they should have been and it was driving me nuts, I left CC with a 3.7 GPA without their help and did not appreciate being patronized. Friends who were enjoying the freedom of no parental restrictions had little patience for dealing with my parents rules and I stopped getting invitations after having to turn down too many. I think if we had met in the middle a bit better and set slightly different boundaries that were mutually respectful, it might have been less tense. </p>
<p>I ended up living at home after college for six months too, and that was much less tense. I still had the same curfew but exceptions were made when I asked, I cleaned up after myself and helped out around the house and was courteous, and was otherwise left to my own devices within reason-- which was all I wanted in the first place. That worked much better. That is more or less what my parents did from the start with my younger sister who is now in the same situation at the CC. She also knew she was going to the CC from the get go, which I think helped her have appropriate expectations and the right attitude going into it which I lacked.</p>
<p>Agree. If you truly did not save any money for college and don’t want to pay for a residential college, your daughter needs to know that now. If your income is high enough that you would not qualify for need based aid and your retirement is solid, and you have access to tuition exchange, you may find you have more options than you think. It may mean minimal loans taken out by you and your daughter, taking a part time job during school,etc. but that may be worth it to your daughter if she wants to go away to school. And she is an only child so you only have her to worry about for college.</p>
<p>Emaheevul07, the overthinking part is the boomerang child and adult child living at home.</p>
<p>And since you brought up your CC experience, I will bring up mine. I transferred home, then went to school, worked, ran into people I already knew from my high school even though my school had a graduating class of 90. I knew others from my town and met people from neighboring towns and made new friends between classes. I didn’t have a curfew and had younger brothers in the home.</p>
<p>I do agree however, that the OP should be thinking about how to swing the 4-year college experience for her daughter. The whole boomerang and adult child living at home is preworrying.</p>
<p>I see a parent who wants to be sensitive to her child’s needs if she ends up being a young adult living at home. Parent is thinking now about how rules and boundaries might change and how this will affect family dynamic and child’s maturation. Parent is also seeking reassurance that this alternate possibility will not stunt her child. </p>
<p>Some people like to ponder these possibilities before hand; doesn’t necessarily mean they are “preworrying”.</p>
Since we’d be funding her education through Tuition Exchange, we’d remain on the hook for all the non-tuition costs, it seems (so far as I can tell at this point) — and we hadn’t saved for that. We’d be aiming for debt-free, if possible, so that’s why this new possibility of her living at home during college has emerged. Our home equity’s already tapped out, we make too much for need-based aid, she’s heading into a low-pay field, she has LDs and we don’t yet know how that’ll play out for test scores, etc…so, we’re adjusting our expectations now, rather than later. To have a good shot at TE funding, she needs to apply to schools early (say, by October 2015). Plus, I’m a planner-type. Be prepared, and all that! (Except for that “save for college” thing. Didn’t get that memo. Go figure. Retirement fund is solid, though.)</p>
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