I live in a triple and one of my roommates is insane. She stares and me and my other roommate, takes our stuff, and takes pictures of us. She comes back to the room in the middle of the night while we are trying to sleep and walks around the room. Sometimes she just sits at her desk with the lights off. She also has awful hygiene. She rarely takes a shower and NEVER brushes her teeth. Whenever she is in the room it smells awful. Me and my roommate don’t want to move and we are afraid that are invasive RA will try to mediate it. We don’t want to switch out of the hall we are in. Help! What do we do? We are scared of her.
I would talk to the RA and let her mediate it.
I agree with happy1. Talk to your RA. Being fearful of your roommate raises all kinds of red flags for me. Don’t try to handle this alone.
We can’t talk to our RA because she is friends with out roommate. She is too intrusive and will probably move us into a different dorm building.
Unfortunately you need to go through the proper channels to resolve this-that means going to your RA.
You may be able to ask the person who the RA reports to to also be present during your meeting.
Have you ever actually discussed this with the roommate? I suggest that as your first task, and ask for the RA and someone in the Res Life office to be present. Document exactly what she is doing. I’m sorry to say, but other than being weird, I don’t think she’s doing that much wrong. Do you mean she steals your stuff and never returns it? Is she selling it?
Otherwise, you do what the others have suggested. You CAN and MUST talk to the RA, and ask for a plan in writing of how she intends to handle the matter. Ask for a date when the RA can do her job in talking to the roommate. Ask for an employee at Res Life to be present when the RA talks to the roommate. If the RA hasn’t done her job by an agreed on date, you immediately go to the Res Life office. I’m pretty sure your RA has no authority to switch you out of your room. That’s something that would be done with the Dean of Res Life and you and your other roommate.
Your relationship with this roommate sounds unsalvageable, as it does with the RA. So you don’t go anywhere. Pull yourself up by your big girl pants and be an adult. Talk to the roommate and the RA. Then go to the top.
You have to go through whatever the dispute process is for housing at your school, there’s no way around that.
Have any of you ever said anything to her casually or using humor? Something like, “what are you doing?” I know guys would razz one another a bit about the hygiene. Sometimes I think they’re on to something the way they handle things! Good luck! Keep us posted. Lot’s of good suggestions from the previous posters.
For the hygiene issue if it is that hygiene products are unaffordable too expensive for her to buy. Not sure if all colleges have this but where my DD is a freshman there is a food bank under very discreet name of College Cupboard where students can go get free hygiene items like toothpaste, shower gels, shampoo, feminine products etc . Also non-perishable foods are available. I came to know this browsing her college site as her parent. The inventory is from donations.
You mentioned “she takes our stuff” which is what makes me think maybe she does not have the things others have.
Takes pictures of you doing what? Without your permission? Is she going to class? Do you think she is having family problems?
This is exactly what the RA is for. It seems to me that she is having some mental health issues…you need to tell someone at the college asap.