My Dad is threatening to cut me off because I don't want to be a doctor

<p>Lily, you’re situation is more common than you think. My oldest daughter started Villanova as a Writing and/or Art History major. I am a dentist and felt that taking some science courses would be more challenging and be better for her career wise. She found that the challenges in the sciences were much more academically stimulating so eventually she double majored in Biochemistry and Art history and wrote a column for the school newspaper that was very popular with the students. After graduating she got a job filing patents for a Life Sciences law firm in midtown Manhattan and will begin her law school training next year with a career goal as a patent attorney. This career combines her skill-set and love of writing with her knowledge base of science. Perhaps this is something you should explore.</p>

<p>It’s much easier to be an engineer who writes on the side for personal satisfaction than to be a writer who makes engineer-type salaries on the side. </p>

<p>Or, as my father always says, “That’s why they call it work.” It’s not supposed to be fun, fulfilling, or amazing (although props if you can manage it); you make a living doing what people need done, not what you want to do. </p>

<p>It’s easier to make a living as a writer who understands medicine, economics, or science than as a writer who only understands Shakespeare. </p>

<p>You don’t just need money to live on; you need health insurance, money to retire on, money in case the car breaks down, money in case a tree falls through your house or apartment. Living costs more than you think it does, especially as an adult.</p>

<p>Humorous that many on this thread are hs students giving advice without any real world knowledge of the job market.</p>

<p>Guys, stop bashing garbage man as a bad job. They make an average salary of around 40,000 if I’m not mistaking, which isn’t bad, considering you just drive a truck, press buttons, etc. :-D</p>

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<p>Indeed. So many suggestions to go off to law school which is odd considering the severe job crisis most law school grads have been facing…especially after 2008. </p>

<p>Even graduating from a T-14 law school is no guarantee of law employment…especially if you fall in the bottom 1/2-2/3 of your graduating law class. Did I mention most law school classes are graded on a curve and most law school students were just as/more accomplished undergrads than you as a law student?</p>

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<p>It’s actually quite a physically demanding and dangerous job considering the hazards one encounters while doing garbage runs. A reason why the pay is so high and most I’ve known who started right out of high school do something else once they’ve done their 20 years.</p>

<p>I am only on page two, so I may think better of what I am about to post and delete it. </p>

<p>Also, I am on a tablet, on a treadmill, at the gym, so I’ll make it quick. </p>

<p>My d wants to be a writer, and she knew we were worried, but we ponied up the $200+k , and she graduated from a big deal private last May with an English degree, and two “certificates” related to her interests, but also employability. </p>

<p>We had her take small unsubstantiated loans after freshman year, hoping to add some of her skin to a very expensive game. Loans were deferred at six months since she is yet to find paying work. She does a lot of freelance; emphasis on free.</p>

<p>A few years ago I posted a thread from a concerned parents perspective on the parents forum, but I didn’t do a good job of expressing my concerns, and I got reamed. In retrospect, I wasn’t as sure than as I am now, about what my concerns where. </p>

<p>I’m sure there are students out there that can turn a pigs ear into…whatever, but some kids seem like they need more structure and direction. It’s fine to disagree with a parents advice, but it might make sense to start down a tough road with a realistic view, rather than a view your parent has carefully made possible for almost twnety years. that might be why some parents tie their investment to anticipated risk.</p>

<p>Sometimes it’s important to consider a parent MAY know you better than strangers on the internet. </p>

<p>Probably not true about the OP, and I’m sure that’s not true about most, but it might be true about some.</p>

<p>Cobrat, I know I was oversimplifying, but it’s better than some people are making it out to be.</p>

<p>Shrinkrap, I agree wholeheartedly. As bad as it sounds, we are only getting one side of the story.</p>

<p>shrinkrap - what about living on the cheap part? I have noticed kids have tastes based on their parents standard of living and more often than not, exceed the parents cost of living.</p>

<p>“shrinkrap - what about living on the cheap part? I have noticed kids have tastes based on their parents standard of living and more often than not, exceed the parents cost of living.”</p>

<p>The bigger issue, I think, is that kids may be happy living a frugal life - but blithely assume that they will make enough money to live in a good area, drive a decent car, have good insurance, and save for retirement. If you only remember being upper-middle class, and that’s all you know, then the middle-class life seems like a birthright.</p>

<p>If Lily’s father were reading this, my advice to him would be to support his daughter for a year on a writer’s salary, while she writes. But the caveats: she can’t live at home, she’s going to have to find her own transportation, and he’ll pay for her health insurance, but that comes out of the money she’ll be given. Once a kid from a lawyer-father background spends a year living in an old, run-down apartment, shared several ways, drives a beater car and learns to fix it herself, clips coupons, and has to ditch her iPhone, she’ll set a land-speed record to enroll in engineering school. </p>

<p>(And I stand by saying that it’s a lot easier to be an engineer who writes on the side, enrolls in a few creative writing courses in community college, or leaves engineering to become a writer, than it is to be a writer who is tired of being broke and wants an engineering degree.)</p>

<p><a href=“And%20I%20stand%20by%20saying%20that%20it’s%20a%20lot%20easier%20to%20be%20an%20engineer%20who%20writes%20on%20the%20side,%20enrolls%20in%20a%20few%20creative%20writing%20courses%20in%20community%20college,%20or%20leaves%20engineering%20to%20become%20a%20writer,%20than%20it%20is%20to%20be%20a%20writer%20who%20is%20tired%20of%20being%20broke%20and%20wants%20an%20engineering%20degree.”>quote</a>

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<p>And the above assumes an engineering career is always financially stable and secure. As someone with one side of the family populated with engineers(Civil, Electrical, Computer), I’ve heard and seen some go through long periods of unemployment. </p>

<p>Heh, many of my engineer uncles ended up being SAHDs in a period when that was severely frowned upon because their fields went through a downturn which lasted several years. While they’ve made out well in subsequent years, they’d be the first ones to tell aspiring engineers to not completely rely on the conventional notion that engineering is a financially stable/secure job. </p>

<p>And this presupposes that one has the skillset and the desire to make engineering a career from undergrad on. Something which cannot be assumed for everyone. Same for pre-med or any other “highly paid/employable” career paths.</p>

<p>Why should her father have to support her for a year after he has paid for her college? In fact, her father really did not even owe her a college education and she is lucky to have had that kind of support at all. The assertion from some of the posters that she should basically give him the middle finger and do what she wants is appalling TO SAY THE LEAST. Unless she is willing to strike out on her own and foot the bill for her fancy education herself, she owes her parents a MUCH higher level of respect. Not saying she should completely defer and do something she hates, but surely she can come up with a reasonable compromise they can both agree upon without being deceitful or disrespectful. I don’t think he is trying to hold her hostage or manipulate her with his money, the fact is, it is HIS money. I’m completely baffled and dumbfounded by how many kids feel they are entitled to spend their parents money with zero strings attached. Grow up… it’s not your birthright and until you can make the kind of living your parents have made to afford an education, you are just going to have to suck it up, buttercup…</p>

<p>My d would maybe be okay on the cheap. WAY better than my son at least. He really wants to continue in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed. Financially, she is pretty low maintenance. But you still need SOME money, and soon, health insurance. I don’t think she could manage on Medicaid.</p>

<p>Oops! I just realized this was college life! Apologies if you only wanted to hear from your peers.</p>

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<p>Yes, a student who grew up in a $150,000 per year household may have more expensive habits and tastes than can be sustained on a new college graduate level of pay (e.g. $30,000 to $50,000 per year).</p>

<p>So here is a question for everyone (parent or student) who is commenting on what “should” be the case in this thread:</p>

<p>What level of parental control over a dependent-for-college-financial-aid-purposes* student’s choice of college and major is appropriate and reasonable? Assume for the purpose of this question that only colleges with a baseline of affordability are under consideration, and that there are no special needs (e.g. learning disability accommodations and the like) that may be needed.</p>

<p>*This means that the student is under age 24, not a military veteran, and not married, so that the parents’ financial information is needed for college financial aid purposes, and that the parents are expected to contribute to the student’s college costs if they have enough money as determined by college financial aid calculations.</p>

<p>As a parent I would prefer not to spend money on an expensive private school education if it does not have a tangible benefit in terms of an ROI. Essentially it would mean the kid becomes independent and may never need more money from the parent.</p>

<p>If the kid chose a major which may result in a hard career for a few years in terms of income, I would rather choose a cheaper education option (state school?) and keep the money for future needs of the kid. People with much higher incomes may have other ideas.</p>

<p>As a parent, my children’s education has been 100% financed by me. When they enter college, it will be financed by me unless they take substantial loans or receive significant scholarships. Each year of college that I finance will set me back 1 - 2 years of retirement and significantly impact my lifestyle during retirement. Therefore, I have to seriously consider their majors, college choices, and career decisions as an investment. If I am financing any part of their tuition and potentially delaying my retirement, I have all of the rights to intervene in their choices. I am their parent first and I have to guide them to make the best decisions to be successful. I am their consultant second because when they are adults they do not have to listen to me anymore. I am their investment banker last because they can not afford to finance a college education on their own. Each of those reasons give me the right to intervene in their decisions.</p>

<p>@ rugaldoctor</p>

<p>You have the “right” to not pay for their education, but extrapolating all that control out of it based on the unbreakable dynamic of the fact that parents have money and children don’t is pretty twisted, and thinking about it that way makes the situation obviously perverse and unhealthy to me. </p>

<p>Like, I have the right to not give my penniless neighbor a ride to the store to buy food. But if I were to tell my neighbor that I would give him a ride to the store only if he threw on daisy dukes and let me rest my hand on his thigh while I drove…I have that “right,” I think, but a court of law is never going to convince the rest of society that you don’t have an incredibly sick sense of ethics for leveraging that position in such a twisted violation. And there aren’t a lot of things that happen in western culture and seem much more violating that dictating someone’s entire life to them, imho.</p>

<p>ucb, I’m not a fan of tying finances to majors. No one can predict the future and forcing a student in to a “lucrative” field that they’re not happy in is not going to get a good return on your money IMO. </p>

<p>I think you should give students a dollar amount that you’re content to pay and give them conditions for graduation (ie- no matter what, you’re not moving back home), but other than that I think the student should be given autonomy and allowed to figure out what they want to do.</p>

<p>Wow jiglyAsses, you sound like a classy dude… IDIOT.</p>