My Dad is threatening to cut me off because I don't want to be a doctor

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>1) Major in what you want
2) Take the premed requirements - view them as your work study. It’s what you need to do to put food on the table and keep you enrolled. Talk up medicine because you have to. It’s your job.
3) Make sure that he knows that med schools love humanities majors because medicine is about patients and people not about science. They view the premed requirements as sufficient science. Find and bring him documentation to that effect.
4) Get your degree.
5) Live your life and disappoint your father. Write about it. </p>

<p>Bingo. </p>

<p>Taking pre-med requirements will get your dad off your back while benefiting your writing by giving you a solid education in some hard science subjects that you would not otherwise have explored.</p>

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<p>@PoppinBottlesMGT, you are cracking me up. What do you and “top psychological researchers” think is the “right” thing for a parent to do regarding an adult child? You’re right, if she wants to do things her own way, she probably has to probably pay for it. I’m not at all saying that’s how my house operates… DS currently has the choice between an appointment to the Naval Academy (FREE for me) or UMich (@$52,000 out of state). He COULD have chosen a major that gave him more options, but we did not put any limitations on his major. He COULD choose the option that’s free for us, but we are also not making that decision for him, because it’s a BIG life choice and I’m not about to butt into that one and be blamed later if he hates it. What we have told him is this… we will fund your education as long as you keep up with your end of the bargain, which basically in my house means making your grades and staying out of too much trouble. He gets one shot… if he blows it, he can either move home and get a job and go to someplace local, or he can fund the rest of his education himself. I don’t think that’s a terrible deal, and one he’s happily agreeing to abide by. But the fact still remains, OP’s dad has a right to put whatever stipulations on HIS money as he wants… she may not like it and may decide to do something otherwise, but that’s just a decision she, as an adult, will have to make for herself. Her dad really has no obligation to change his end of the deal…</p>

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<p>You should double major for sure! Sounds like a great idea.</p>

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<p>I feel really bad about buttinginto the college life forum, but I just HAVE to ask snowdog, the parent/ writer a question. </p>

<p>I’ll start with a little background about me. Husband and I are both M.D.s., neither with financial support from family. Husband still payingl loans more than twenty years out of med school, and I did a military commitment. While I’m sure our parents were fine with it, I don’t recall them having any input. We were first gen or close to it, and it just seemed ike being able to provide for a family was the priority., over happiness and fulfillment. I did love biology, and I am fullfilled. Interestingly enough, folks In my family thought I would be a writer. Of course I still could be, but iI dont seem that kind of self discipline. </p>

<p>Which leads to my question. I would have to agree that there is work out there for those who love to write, but doesn’t it take a special kind of I individual to find a way to make calving at it? It seems to take a lot of drive, flexibility, and ability to think outside the box. Also, it seems like a Lo</p>

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<p>I’m a bit confused with regard to your question Shrinkwrap. But I’ll try to answer what I think you are asking…I am a technical and business writer. It doesn’t require the type of discipline that fiction writers describe. I don’t wake up, drink a cup of coffee, and sit at my desk for x number of hours commanding myself to write. I have assignments; there is a fair amount of structure. </p>

<p>A nonfiction writer can also make a good living editing, as long as he/she understands these are two related but completely different things. A lot of technical editing has been sent offshore in recent years (to India for the most part)…it’s starting to come back. There is and always will be a market for intelligent people who can take the ramblings of STEM majors and turn them into good, idiomatic English ready for publication.</p>

<p>I’ll add, I went to an expensive private college paid for by my parents. When I decided to major in English Literature, my mother declared, “You’ll never get a job!” She was quite wrong; I started out of college as an editorial assistant and eventually had a six-figure corporate job in publications management. Not physician money but I was not burdened with professional school debt, which would have been mine alone.</p>

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<p>As a parent AND a current college student, Ill add my two cents into it real quick.</p>

<p>I grew up being told by my parents that they would not pay for any of my college. Period. If i wanted to waste my time (I’m first gen, both parents were reasonably successful without degrees) i was going to pay for it myself. This put me into the mindset of not going to college, period. I dropped out of high school, did random jobs, joined the army… the whole 9 yards. Now, I’m a parent of 2, doing everything I can at CC to transfer to a top school where I can get a degree and graduate work to put me into a position financially to give my kids things I never had (Vacations at all, new clothes for back to school, a “first car”, memorable Christmas holidays, ect) as well as being able to afford to send them to school when they’re ready. </p>

<p>That being said, when my kids are ready for college, if they plan on attending a top university I expect them to be able to tell me what they want to major in, how it’s going to make them successful (no, I don’t equate money to success, but I do know that a large-portion of degrees out there are worthless) and why the school they want to go to fits their major and life plan. If they can not do this, I will not pay. If they chose to do a worthless degree at a fancy, expensive school, they can get a scholarship, or fund it themselves, somehow. If they decide they want to change majors, I would expect the same detailed plan about their new major of choice, otherwise I will give them a semester and then cut them off. If they continue to change majors every other semester, I will cut them off. If they can’t decide what they want to do, I’m not going to pay for the tuition of a top 4 year. I’ll pay 2 years of undecided studies at either whatever state school or JC/CC they want to go to until they can transfer. If they fail to transfer in those 2 years, they’re cut off. if they can’t give me the details I ask of them, I cut them off. If they come to me with some off-the-wall educational plan that I see no benefits in, I will talk to them about it and allow them to persuade me, or themselves be persuaded. If not, I will not pay for it. </p>

<p>Essentially my point is this: Why should your parents be obligated to pay your tuition? That is the basic point of your question. You expect your father to pay your education regardless of what you’re doing with it, and without his input, opinions, or any kind of influence whatsoever. Your father wants to see a return (your financial and career success) to his investment (him paying your way) and doesn’t want to see you waste both your time and his money in school doing something he sees as a worthless degree.
How is it that you feel the right to his bank account in this manner, without his involvement in the process?</p>

<p>Sorry if I come off as angry or aggressive in regards to this post, but this attitude projected here ****es me off, royally. Your “silver spoon” mindset, full of self-righteousness and entitlement, is a huge slap in the face. If I had even a fraction of the support and involvement your parents give you, I wouldn’t be a struggling 27 year old parent of 2, living life on the edge of poverty and eviction, doing any and everything I can to support my family, spend time with my kids, while attending and trying afford school. You have a father who wants nothing but success for you, so much so that he’s essentially giving away a thousands and thousands of dollars that he will reap no personal economic profit from, but instead donating it to your education, and allowing you a window into a successful career, debt-free. </p>

<p>But, do you show any appreciation for what he’s doing for you? No, instead you go throw a tantrum, complaining that he won’t allow you to do whatever you want, and all the while, on his dime.</p>

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<p>God I hate Tech Com, how could you make that your job?</p>

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<p>I highly doubt Lily is being disrespectful or unappreciative, at least on the money aspect. The concern is directed more towards the father’s apathetic/ disregard toward’s Lily’s ambitions. The father is using money as a bribe to coerce Lily to get a lucrative career. Lily can go to med school/ law school/ get some prestigious degree and basically get a free ride. Or Lily can do something like English or Creative Writing and get the boot. </p>

<p>Take me for instance. I enjoy telling stories and drawing, and would love to get some sort of related career (possibly animation.) My parents, on the other hand, while acknowledging my talents, constantly push me into doing something practical. Heck, my dad even jokes to my face that a street walker makes more money than an artist. Do you know what that does to one’s esteem? In addition, they mention how I’m a good arguer, so I should go to law school. They mention that I like biology, so I should go to med school. They say that I am so intelligent that I should get a Ph.D in whatever. It’s annoying, to say the least. </p>

<p>While it hasn’t gotten to a point of cutting me off for certain majors when I do go to college (knock on wood), my parents aren’t shy to express their joy that I won’t apply to schools like Pratt or Cal Arts.</p>

<p>It’s not entirely their faults, though. Neither of my parents went to college. Both currently work janitorial positions. While the pay is good, they constantly mention being patronized and disrespected by others. I think that with an art degree (or writing), aside from the financial implications, there is the issue of respect. Many an artist can say that the business is cut-throat and that even if you get the golden ticket, it doesn’t mean people will treat you nicely or even decently. No parent want to expose their children to the cruelties of the world. Which is ironic, since many parents end up being cruel in order to dissuade their children from certain careers. It’s an emotional issue as much as a financial one.</p>

<p>So Lily, you can be brave and defy your father. Just be prepared to suffer the consequences, whether it be financial or emotional. I don’t think I’m that valiant, so I’m going to be a hypocrite, major in something with good prospects, AND THEN work towards my true desires. For me, it’s probably the best route to go, though it varies case by case.</p>

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<p>What the OP is trying to do is ask all of us to help her figure out how to deal with an authoritarian-minded father who has an extremely narrow definition of financially stable job. </p>

<p>Engineering/CS isn’t as financially stable as it’s often made out to be by parents who may have been the exceptional “purple squirrels” as Turbo93 would put it or are unaware of the downturns/problems within those industries. </p>

<p>And law? Obviously some parents/folks here haven’t paid attention to the serious meltdown of the legal industry since 2008. Pretty odd considering the NYT did two articles on it and law grad unemployment coupled with ~$200k of law school plus undergrad debt has been a serious problem. Even folks who graduated from the T-14 law schools or even T-5 aren’t immune…especially if they graduated in the bottom 1/2 to 2/3 of their graduating law classes…and the vast majority of grades are curved. I should also mention that with few exceptions, the legal profession…especially biglaw and high profile public service law positions are highly pedigree conscious. </p>

<p>Your chances of making it into either of the two with a law degree from a lower-tiered law school like CUNY law* are practically nil according to several lawyer acquaintances who have observed hiring practices at their respective firms/offices. </p>

<p>Even with the lucky few non-T-14 law grads lucky enough to get lawyer jobs, the vast majority of jobs don’t pay near six figures which makes loan repayments a serious problem. One friend who is one of those lucky law grads from 2008 is trying to manage a combined law/undergrad debt of nearly half-million on a lawyer job that barely pays $30k. </p>

<ul>
<li>Doesn’t help that some of those lawyers still remember an embarrassing year when less than 50% of their law grads were able to pass the NY bar exam and the 2011 bar pass rate is an abysmally low 67% according to: [Which</a> Law School Is Allegedly Paying Students Not to Take the Bar Exam This Summer? « Above the Law: A Legal Web Site – News, Commentary, and Opinions on Law Firms, Lawyers, Law School, Law Suits, Judges and Courts](<a href=“http://abovethelaw.com/2012/02/which-law-school-is-allegedly-paying-students-not-to-take-the-bar-exam-this-summer/]Which”>Which Law School Is Allegedly Paying Students Not to Take the Bar Exam This Summer? - Above the Law)</li>
</ul>

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<p>Jobs will always be available for physicians, so your Dad is right about JOB security-but not necessarily financial security. Currently, the income does not match the years of education, the long hours and the extremely high stress that go along with being a physician-and it will only get much worse with the arrival of the changes in medicine to come. Also, sadly, at least in the midwest, there is little equality for women physicians, so the stresses intensify. Follow your heart-it makes for a much healthier, happier career!</p>

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<p>Top school + engineering + good grades + internship experience = set</p>

<p>If you really wanna write tech com, god knows why, you probably could work with that too. Then you can teach tech com to engineering students and they can all hate your class and think its stupid and insult you behind your back lol</p>

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<p>Lily2015, I hope you choose to be true to yourself, and that includes not lying to your parents. Pursue your passion even if it means taking a few gap years and/or transferring. Your parents don’t owe you a college education, and you don’t owe them your dream.</p>

<p>I was lucky that I thought this through before I even started applying to colleges. My parents were willing to pay for an Ivy education, but I were only interested in lower-ranked schools with full-ride scholarships because I wanted to be independent and had the complete freedom to pursue any path I desired. My parents might have felt let down for a short while but they really respect me now. After all, they didn’t have much help when they went through college themselves.</p>

<p>Take command of your life! It’s liberating!</p>

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<p>@ThisisMichigan, are you addressing me? The OP did not specify what she wants to write. As for me, I don’t need to teach classes helping snotty engineers attempt to learn to write. I make a very good living at home in my pajamas. Thanks for your concern though.</p>

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<p>You should tell him you have your own destiny and career path to pick.
My father dropped me to spend my life savings on hotels, and I slept outdoors in a rental car for like 6 weekends in the middle of winter! It could be worse for you you are lucky you have a dad. Bring him to the admissions offices or colleges you like so he can see them in person. You should choose your own job and career path don’t depend on your father for money. There are lots of scholarships.</p>

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<p>Wow applesforall, I am sorry about what happened to you. But your advice is great, it’s your life, not his.</p>

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<p>I am really sorry for you. Your in a tough spot. I too had to accept that my four kids did not want to take over my husbands highly respected medical practice- no one liked science -yet they had the opportunity to walk into a great specialty practice. Anyway, maybe some counseling for all of you? My first two sons felt that pressure- so sorry.</p>

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<p>Hey how are you doing? * hope you are doing what you love now. *t doesn’t matter whether they cut you off or not. Just do whatever you feel you are best at. You can study creative writing, but * guess your dad is mad because he thinks you may be dependent on him in your adult life. This is what you should avoid *f you really love your course, go for it. **ut be willing to pay your bills. ******</p>

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<p>**** him. Buy an ounce, and get happy.</p>

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<p>It is time to man-up!</p>

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<p>Read the book 5 Point Nothing, or you can watch the movie 3 Idiots (base on the book). It is a hindi movie, but I am sure you can get a copy with subtitles. I think these will adequately address your issues. (Show them to your dad too!)</p>