What about taking a gap year if the university will allow it? If she has been pushing herself for a long time she might need a break. She could get a job, take classes at the local community college or travel.
I would suggest as others have, an outside person – a therapist or trusted friend – who can talk with her. Anxiety is horrible, and you want this to be a blip and not a life long thing.
@mrsdipi you title this your daughter’s anxiety, but is it just sudden anxiety or has she always struggled with anxiety? Your answer to this might change the way you go about helping your daughter.
If this is the first time she has displayed ‘anxiety’, I would say what she’s dealing with is typical for seniors this time of year. It’s a HUGE decision!
You say she’s wanted this ‘dream school’ since Freshman year. I guess I’d ask why? What does she like about it? how far from home is it? Does she like her other school choices and how close to home are they? Perhaps she is worried about choosing other than the ‘dream’ but maybe she is realizing she doesn’t really want that school anymore. Maybe she needs your help letting go of that original dream.
Maybe her guidance counselor can help her recognize that all kids are feeling overwhelmed now!
Good luck!
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. My daughter struggles with anxiety as well and is a senior in HS too. There is so much stress for these kids during their senior year. Has your daughter been able to connect with some kids on the various facebook pages at her 1st choice school? This relieved a lot of my daughter’s anxiety and she really feels like she has connected to many students. She even has a roommate lined up for her first year. Is your daughter being treated for her anxiety? Counseling ,possibly meds can really help her if the anxiety and stress is affecting her in her daily activities. Most of all keep talking with her and put a deposit down on a school. If she decides she wants to be closer over the summer you lose your deposit. She may feel much better two months from now and feel good about taking that big step.
It sounds to me she is feeling like she doesn’t trust herself to make such a big decision. Why not start with a few easy choices - take a couple of schools off the table, formally decline those offers and let that decision sit for a day or two. Compliment her on her great choices. She may feel bolstered enough to proceed and keep whittling down the list. Most importantly, reiterate for her that no school will make her happy - she needs to make herself happy wherever she lands. Tell her she will be successful at any of her choices - she didn’t get to choose her high school, yet was successful and happy due to her own efforts. She has proven she has all the tools she needs to be successful. Sorry this isn’t a completely joyous time for you though.
My D went through the exact same thing. When push came to shove, she made her decision - but she worried about it all summer. She started school with the attitude that she would be fine with her choice, but part way through first semester she realized she was at the wrong school for her academically. She researched schools, applied, decided while waiting for responses that she knew exactly which school she wanted to attend (and why), was accepted to that school, and transferred for sophomore year. Please let your D know that her decisions are not engraved in stone. If she finds that she needs to make a change, she can do so.
The reason why so many of us recommend having you daughter evaluated is because we have been there.
If anxiety is controlling your daughter or causing her to be unable to function daily then that is a warninbg sign that can not be ignored. If the anxiety is only about this one decision and has never impact aything else then it could be your normal expected anxiety. Trust your gut. If you or your daughter feel that the anxiety is out of control then seek a consult.
It’s just college. Not a life threatening brain tumor removal operation. She will be fine.
It is just a new big step and EVERYONE feels trepidation when facing it. I had one move overseas at that age to enter university - in another language. There was a bit of this and then she was fine.
Perspective is a valuable thing. Make sure you are demonstrating perspective when you comfort her and don’t inadvertently stress her out more (SO easy to do with teens - I’ve said so many wrong things!).
Tell her she will make the right decision, it will be a good one, and she will be fine. Tell her to make lists of pros and cons - that helps a lot of people. We did that here.
^Well, if she has anxiety, she will need assistance in “being fine.” That’s why so many people have suggested she be evaluated. What’s possible and logical for people without anxiety can be overwhelming for someone with it.
Another parent of a child with anxiety disorder here. If she hasn’t been evaluated by a doctor, do that first, but since there is so little time before she has to put down a deposit, she should consider asking for a deferment. Anxiety can take a while to manage and for a woman, it’s more challenging because the hormonal cycle can make medication dosing more difficult. If she has a year of low pressure living, she might be better equipped for college.
My daughter was diagnosed her sophomore year in high school and was stable until her freshman year in college. Then all hell broke loose. It was a very rough ride. Her best year was her junior year, when she studied abroad and didn’t have the horrendous pressure of her college. She is now taking a slacker year between college and grad school. Her school, which says they rarely grant deferments, was more than willing to do so.
Another parent of anxious kids here. My gut is telling me that this it NOT primarily about choosing a school. If I had to guess, I’d say that she’s been single-mindedly focused on this one goal – admission to a good college – ever since freshman year and probably before that. Now that she’s finally reached that goal, she’s simply collapsed, like a marathon runner at the finish line. It’s not that the job of deciding on a school is too much for her – it’s that EVERYTHING is too much for her, at least right now.
The decision doesn’t have to be made until May 1. In your shoes, I would back off of her for now, and tell her that you’re backing off. You might even suggest the marathon-runner analogy I made above and ask her if that feels like it applies to her. If it does, what she needs is simply time to recover. She’s mentally and emotionally exhausted, even if it wasn’t obvious to you (or even her) before now. She may not be fully recovered by May 1, but hopefully she’ll be in a somewhat better place by then and able to make this decision.
My daughter was accepted to most of her schools last year including her top choice. She suddenly became very anxious & indecisive about it and dragged out what we thought was an easy (and happy) decision. We tried everything to help her decide, even took another trip to see her top choice school. What worked was letting her come to the decision in her own time. Fast forward to now, she is nearing the end of her 1st year at her 1st choice school and she lcould not be happier. I’d say college choice is the 1st of many adult decisions they will be making, and that can be scary for a teen.
I’m in exactly the same boat with my D, admitted to several fine schools, (we visited all) but WL at her two
DREAMS :)) She cannot make a decision, and we are but five days away from D Day! I am hoping that she will reach the decision without any push from me, however, if need be, I’ll make the decision and then, once decision made, suggest she apply for a deferral so that she can take a Gap Year/Semester overseas, where she can pursue her interests in a more low key environment. This will give her the opportunity to grow emotionally and intellectually, and hopefully come back, ready to take on college!