My Freshman Year

Parents Forum
1

<p>I used CC during the admissions process last year and it was really helpful. Found some of the advice from parents amazing. Hope you can help me through this part of my life.</p>

<p>The last 8 months of my life have been the most tumultuous of my life. I'd like to write about this for two reasons. 1) Hopefully all you wise people out there can give me some advice and 2) getting it all out makes me feel better. Apologies in advance if there are spelling or grammatical mistakes and this is going to be a pretty long post.</p>

<p>Background
So I'm currently 18, turning 19 in July, and have just finished my freshman year at an amazing public school in the Midwest. I'll try not to be too specific with details because I kinda want to remain anonymous but you'll probably figure some stuff out. I'm from India but went to a top British high school in the Middle East and graduated last June. Had above average grades in my GCSEs and A-Levels. Life couldn't be better. I'm from an upper middle class family, dad is pretty high up in a British multinational corp and mum is housewife, younger sister. I applied and was accepted into 6 top engineering courses in the UK including Imperial, UCL and Edinburgh, received a 1/2 ride from Drexel and RPI but decided to pay full and go to this school because of its amazing reputation. Fast forward to August and we're all in the States now doing our dorm shopping in Bed Bath & Beyond and Target. I'm pretty excited for college.</p>

<p>Freshman Year 1st Semester
So we went through international orientation and said a teary goodbye to my parents. The next couple of days are a haze mainly due to it being Welcome Week. My roommate is great, people in my smallish dorm are great, only about 15 people and everything is amazing, just how I expected it to be. So at the end of that week we have a day where all the student organizations are out and students basically walk around and put their email address down for stuff they're interested in. While there I saw the Poker Club. I'd played a little bit of some low stakes Texas Hold'em back in high school and was pretty interested in the game and looked forward to playing a bit more. So classes were alright. I came in with 26 credits so I thought id take a lighter course load and took only 12 credits but some difficult classes, Orgo, Intro to Differential Equations and Engr 101: Intro to Programming which is required by all freshman in the College of Engineering. The first couple of weeks were great, I was having the time of my life…embracing the new sport of football even though we got our asses kicked the first two weeks. (Now you should defo know what school this is!) But slowly I was becoming lazier. Waked up later, stopped going to my 8am orgo classes, and made about half of my engr 101 classes at 10.30 and made most of my math classes at 1 and labs at 3.30. I had gone around to the poker clubs first meeting where they held a tournament. I wasn’t in time to play the tournament but played in a small side cash game with a buy in of about $20. I remember announcing to the table that I’d be leaving after the next hand and was up about $15 at that point. The next hand was sick (my 2 pair against a higher 2 pair) and I got busted for the $35 and I went back to my room having lost $20. No big deal I thought, it was a cooler. So I went around to the next tournament and busted out somewhere in the middle. A friend who lived next door was still in so I thought I’d wait around for him. There was a cash game going on and I thought why not? That night I proceeded to lose $90 in a series of bad plays and beats. I remember going to bed that night and thinking ‘never again is that going to happen to me’. </p>

<p>At this point I’ve also rushed a frat even though I’m not the stereotypical frat boy but decided that it would be a good experience to be in a frat and sounded like fun. So I rushed and got a bid and now I’m officially a pledge. My roommate was also a pledge in the same frat. Looking back now it seems that everything else took a higher priority than my studies, which came to a standstill. The first wave of exams came through and I had a D in orgo, C in maths and an A in engr 101. Not particularly the grades I was here to achieve. So I thought that I’d work a little harder next time. I made sure I completed all the individual homeworks and projects and did them to a pretty high A level. Fast forward to the next set of exams I get the similar D, C and B. Some time around thanksgiving I made the move to playing poker online. I deposited $70 and played but lost it all in a matter of days. Reloaded for another $100 and lost it in a week or so. This went on until I’d lost about $500 online. At this point we played the school down south in the biggest game of the year and had a heartbreaking loss. That night we had a mixer at the frat house. That night ended pretty rough with me passing out on a couch in the chapter room and at some point during the night I apparently threw up all over the TV and couple of fraternity stuff like the emblem on the wall next to the TV. I’m still unable to explain the physics of this as the couch is atleast 10 feet away from the TV! Well anyway, I was unaware that the next day at chapter would be when the brothers would decide if us pledges were suitable to become initiated as pledges. I still remember the phone call I got that night where I was told that they would want to me to rush again next semester where I would be guaranteed a bid and could be initiated then. I was obviously pretty disappointed and was the only pledge not to be initiated. So the next weekend the frat had a smallish party after all the pledges were initiated. Some of the stuff when I got there were pretty shocking. People who I thought were decent friends just turned when they saw me and any encounters I did have with brothers or pledges were pretty brief. </p>

<p>I was continuing my weekly stuff at the poker tournaments and usually ended up between -$20 and +$20. We were soon into finals and I tried to step my studies up a level. It was also the first time I’d ever seen snow, and a ton of it. I went into the library everyday for a good 4-5 hours. Finals came and went and I thought I did ok. At this point I was back home in the Middle East and having the time of my life with all my high school friends. I log on to my student account and see that grades have been posted and go check. Engr 101: B+ decent, Orgo: D shudder and Math D- holy crap. Semester GPA: 1.66 Academic Status: Probation. @!<em>&%$@!!@%#</em></p>

<p>So I sit there thinking what the hell I do now. I decide not to really tell anyone and when my parents ask how I did I say the grades haven’t been posted yet. Also when my parents asked to see my bank statements I’d conveniently forgotten them in my room.</p>

<p>Freshman Year 2nd Semester
So I finish the trek back to college (all 28 hours of it), miss the last quarter of my schools New Years Day Bowl game. As I board the flight I check the score on the internet and it’s a 1 possession game. Wait another 15 hours to hear we won, giving our seniors a coach a great sendoff. If you don’t know what school this is now you should be shot! Haha. My parents ask about my grades last semester and I lied saying I didn’t do too well and have a 2.6. So we get back and this semester I’m taking 16 credits - 2 social study requirement classes, Intro to Psychology and an Anthropological Archaeology class called Fantastic Frauds and Claims, Calculus III and Engr 100 which is another freshman engineering requirement. In this engineering class you basically work as a team and do a project. Our project was to design, build and test an underwater camera that could move using a remote control. Basically like a remote control car with a camera on it but could also work underwater. So the semester started the same way, went out a bit, had solid group of friends, but I made sure I worked a bit harder. The first wave of exams resulted in an A in calc, B in engr100 and Anthro and a C in Psych which I had changed to taking pass/fail. However, I was still pretty lazy and barely went to my Anthro or Calc classes. I’d continued playing poker online after I got back and soon continued playing at the poker club. Winter rush had started and I went around to the house once but everyone was pretty cold and I didn’t return. I also had an appointment to meet with my advisor in February but overslept and missed it. I never made it back up.</p>

<p>I’d made some good friends at the poker club and they invited me to play a couple of home games they organized. These were higher stakes than the normal club games. So I went to one of these on a Tuesday night at about 8 after completing my psych paper that was due the next day. We played until 5am and when I got back to my room I found myself down $120. The next day I wake up at 11.30 and realize my paper was due in class at 10! I sprint down to the psych department and thankfully my professor is one of the nicest on campus and accepts it. I continue playing these home poker games and for a couple of weeks lose about $200. The next time we play I bring back home about $500 after winning a couple of huge pots (including straight vs set vs 2 pair all-in on the flop). During this period I’m still consistently losing online. However, over the next few weeks I win about $1000 at these home games. I’m slowly ignoring my classes again and hang out less with my friends as I’m playing poker on Friday and Saturday nights. I have another calc exam and get a C. Over this period I’m also missing a lot of homework that I’m meant to do in this calc class which adds up to 30% of my grade. After spring break a new higher stake ‘charity’ poker game opens up at a café and many older local players show up. However the buy in for this is a $150. I’m soon playing this game every night and don’t run so well. Usually ending up down about $50. Then one night I have a complete shocker and drop about $600 which include an all in with AA on a 43T8 board against AT after which another player says he folded 8 10 preflop. So my opponent is drawing to 1 card in the whole deck to win and of course he gets the only ten. I rebuy and go all-in with QQ preflop and get called by A9 and the flop has and A. I rebuy and then have the worst beat I think anyone has ever seen. I have 88 and the flop is 884. We end up going all in with 88 vs KK and the turn and river are both KK giving him higher quads. Last rebuy theres a 3 way all-in on the flop where I’m drawing for the nut flush with 2 over cards and don’t hit. Any poker literate people reading this know how bad my luck was. So I decide to cut down on my poker but barely do. I continue playing just as much and end up losing most of it. On St Patrick’s day I decided to tell my parents about my poker travails and they were needless to say shocked and pretty disappointed. </p>

<p>I was pretty much broke and my parents sent me some money to see me through the year. I finally met with my advisor and he gave me a sheet for all my professors to sign with my grade in the class at that time. I had a B in Engr, B in Anthro, P in Psych and a B- in Calc. I was pretty pleased with that. I played a couple more times at the poker club and lost some $60 or so. Then I played one night at the café and finished up about $200 and played at one of the home games that weekend. At one point during that game I was down about $600 but then made it all back in an hour or two. After that I pretty much stopped playing and tried to put my head down and study. It was around here that my dad also visited me as he was in the US. While here he found out about my first semester performances and was pretty disappointed again. However he remained positive and supported me to try my best for the upcoming finals. My father had recently been under a lot of stress at work as there was a new management transition and as Informations Officer was implementing huge new system that would change the way the whole Middle East and Asia region would run. The last thing he said to me before he left was ‘I’m working 18 hours a day for you, I’m sure you can do the same’. He then cried, for the first time ever as far as I know. After that I pretty much spent 12 hours a day studying for the 10 days before my finals. I got back home after this and checked my grades as soon as I walked into my house. Engr100: C+ Calc III: E Anthro: C- Psych: P.
Semester GPA: 1.33 Overall GPA: 1.5 Academic Status: Enrollment Withheld
I pretty much locked myself in my room at home for 3 days.</p>

<p>Present Times
It’s now been a month since I’ve been back home and am currently working/being the office ***** at a huge construction chemicals company. My work changes from stapling sheets of paper together, stamping individual sheets of paper in a 500 page booklet and finding invoices for certain orders from their massive filing system of about 50 different files. On top of this the office is pretty far out of the city so I have to wake up at 5.30am and its atleast 7 before I get home. On top of that I don’t know if I’m going to be paid for this. However, it will definitely look good on my resume next to my GPA. I applied to 5 top class universities in the UK and have heard back positively from 3 and a degree from any of these 3 would be amazing. I had originally applied to these last year as well. My parents also signed me up for a Military Bootcamp workout thing since I’m overweight so right now I can’t feel a large percentage of my body. </p>

<p>I’m pretty happy about getting into some good schools in the UK but I’m not sure if I can succeed there. I’m pretty sure that theres no problem with any of the course content or anything but the distractions I’ll face will be huge. I don’t think I can stay away from poker much longer and if I get the opportunity to play I definitely will. I’ve learnt a lot more things about poker now after reading up some stuff and have better ideas on how to make the game more risk free. I feel that I’d be able to play much better at this point. I’m also not that motivated to succeed with engineering and I don’t really have any other spectacular talents or interests. </p>

<p>My family life is also pretty crappy. My dad is the overly anxious type and is completely losing his head over the situation and add to this all the stress from his work (his system is going live next week). My mom randomly starts crying and thinks it’s all her fault. My sister doesn’t really have much of an idea over this situation but no one is really paying as much attention to her as before and I feel really bad for her. Every time anything about my childhood is mentioned it is followed by a ‘oh you were so much better then’ moment. My mom has also asked my granddad to complete an application for me to a university in India. My dad recently said that my granddad is using some people he knows when applying and said it would look bad if he did it and I didn’t attend. I completely blew my head off since a) I’m against the whole do a favor for a friend thing since I feel that’s what has brought India down and b) Even though the university is great and it’s much cheaper, I’d hate to go there and living in India would suck in my opinion. My dad has also talked about using a close family friend as a mentor. I have mixed feelings about this right now since I know that this would be helpful in guiding me but I feel that over the years I’ve known him I’ve built a certain good image which I don’t want to break. His wife also seems like a huge gossip queen and I don’t want this news to travel the world. My dad also thinks that I should have some Math and Chemistry tuitions over the next couple of months to help me prepare for university. </p>

<p>Right now I think that I should attend university in the UK and think that I can make it work. But I have a feeling that my parents expect me to hit straight A’s and not go out at all and most definitely not play poker, all of which I’m not sure I can do. </p>

<p>Any and all questions or advice are welcome. </p>

<p>Thanks
Nutter</p>

2

<p>What a story... well the first thing you gotta do is stop playing poker and work your ass of! You are very lucky to get another opportunity, and I think you should now fully focus on your academic career.</p>

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<p>Is there a chapter of Gamblers Anonymous wherever you are?</p>

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<p>nickybol is right. Everything you wrote boils down to 'I was given an opportunity and I blew it'. So, stop doing the destructive stuff, stop blowing off your studies, and hopefully you'll be ok at your new school.</p>

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<p>I read through the end of my post again and it doesn't really reflect what I was thinking. I don't ever want to play poker how much I did over the last year. However, what I think will happen whatever I do is that I will at some point join the poker club and will play atleast once or twice a week. I feel that I can do pretty well academically if I dramatically scale down the amount of time I spend playing poker. Am I right? To me it just seems like a question of motivation and willpower? Obviously two things I need to develop.</p>

<p>Also, my main regreat from this whole experience is that I lost an opportunity to graduate from a school a lot of people would give an arm and a leg to go to. I'm overjoyed that I have another opportunity and thankful that my parents didn't just give up on me, something they could've easily and justfiably done.</p>

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<p>No, you shouldn't even dabble with poker right now -- it's too much of a drain on your time and resources, and based on your story, a primary obstacle to your academic work. Don't be foolish and get sucked back into it. As bad as you thought it was before, you should consider yourself lucky since the consequences could have been much more severe. It seems you are either unlucky or not a very good poker player. For your own sake, find something else to do before you really ruin your life. Seek help if you can't quit on your own.</p>

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<p>NO POKER! Just keep repeating that.</p>

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<p>I agree with those who suggest you need to stop playing poker, and should consider attending a Gamb Anon meeting. Based on your own description of your activities, gambling came across as more than an occasional entertainment for you. It kept you from going to class, studing, and appreciating the opportunities you had at the university you attended. You lied about your grades and activities. If you look up some of the classic definitions of an addiction, you're there.</p>

<p>Hopefully, your parents will allow you to attend one of the universities in England, and you will find a way to enjoy life there without the destructive behaviors you engaged in the past year.</p>

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<p>Gambling - and that is what poker is, is an addictive behavior. If you are addicted you cannot just do a little bit. Alcoholics cannot do one drink, gamblers cannot do just one game. You run the risk of it spiraling out of control again. Agree with paying3tuitions, find a Gamblers Anonymous chapter and go to meetings.</p>

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<p>If you are addicted to poker, you will not have the self discipline to play just a little bit (i.e. it is not just a matter of motivation and will power). I think you need to go cold turkey, stop playing at all, and seek a support group to help you overcome temptation.</p>

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<p>Do they have Gamblers Anonymous in India? If you go, you'll see just how low people can go when they let gambling overrule their lives. Good luck.</p>

12

<p>Thanks for all your replies. I have stopped playing now for about 6 weeks. That might also be because I'm living with my parents at home. However, what I'm really scared about is if I will get sucked back in once i'm at school somewhere...</p>

<p>EDIT: I have read on the web about gambling addicts and how theyve ruined their lives. I definetely don't want to be in that position in the future. Also I doubt theres a gambling anon here but I will try to see. </p>

<p>Anyone have ideas regarding the mentor thing my dad suggested? I think it will help me get back on track but don't really want to explain everything to him (the family friend). So far the only people outside my family who know this is my uncle and my grandad. My dad needed advice and went to them.</p>

13

<p>It sounds like you are having a "wake-up" summer working; just tell yourself that skipping class and playing poker could keep you from graduating college, and keep you working at a job like

[quote]
being the office ***** at a huge construction chemicals company. My work changes from stapling sheets of paper together, stamping individual sheets of paper in a 500 page booklet and finding invoices for certain orders from their massive filing system of about 50 different files. On top of this the office is pretty far out of the city so I have to wake up at 5.30am and its atleast 7 before I get home

[/quote]

I think it is really good that you are working this summer.</p>

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<p>Knowing you have a serious gambling problem why would you even consider willingly joining a poker club? As gambling seems to be what ruined your school year, that is the problem that must be addressed before you try to return to school. Reading through your post I was amazed at how much detail you could remember from each game, but how little you actually spoke about academics. I can't see how you can go to any school without taking care of your addiction first. Good luck to you.</p>

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<p>I think it is a good thing that you have a mentor to watch your back, you have not to be able to yourself...</p>

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<p>I went to that "midwestern university" that you are talking about, and while I was not an engineering major, two of my roommates were. It is a hard-a** program. You cannot screw around AT ALL and succeed in that program, in my opinion. Sounds like your poker addiction (and I don't believe you should call it anything else, you washed out of one of your life-time goals of graduating from that college due to poker) and maybe your frat both took too much time away from your studies. Your very detailed recollection of all the poker games, etc. is also quite telling. My opinion is that some professional help and/or Gamblers Anonymous is really important for you, or you will repeat this pattern again. Good luck.</p>

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<p>Print up your post. Highlight all words/phrases like "lost $500" "down $100"
"poker," "losing. . ." Now highlight your grades. Realize the connection. Cold turkey is the only way. Good luck--I hope you can put this bad year behind you and make a fresh start.</p>

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<p>Thanks for all your replies. Really appreciate it. I think I've come to realize that poker will really ruin my life if it continues this way. I've tried to get hold of some psychologists around here but they do seem to cost a fortune for a couple of hours! I'll investigate more soon. How would you guys suggest that I develop my willpower and motivation? Do you think hiring a tutor for math over the next 2 months or so would be helpful?</p>

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<p>It was brave of you to post this. I feel for you and for your family. I've recently heard that one in ten teenagers in my state has a gambling problem. The proliferation of online gambling sites (which do not require proof that a player is 21 years old, as they are offshore apparently) has contributed to the problem, as has the popularity of "Texas Hold 'Em."</p>

<p>I don't know how to insert quotes, but in post #12 you said
"I have read on the web about gambling addicts and how theyve ruined their lives. I definetely don't want to be in that position in the future."</p>

<p>Poker has already ruined a year of your life. Sorry to be so blunt, but it has. You cannot play a little poker. The problem is not that you have bad luck, or that you lost money. In my opinion, it would be just as bad if you were up thousands of dollars, because YOU FLUNKED OUT OF COLLEGE BECAUSE OF POKER. You don't need "more willpower and motivation" or a tutor. You need help with your addiction, and I devoutly hope you can find it.</p>

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<p>HeliMom - I mean in post #12 that it could further ruin my life if it continued. I think that the main problem in getting over any addiction is related to how well someone can resist temptation and this is obviously related to willpower and determination. Feel free to correct if I am wrong...</p>