<p>Just read your first post, toledo. Will have to catch up on the thread, but wanted to say I am so sorry.</p>
<p>Toledo, so sorry, as the mother of a dyslexic who sometimes struggled during high school and at one point practically dropped out, I can say we were expecting we might have some bad crash or other once she started college. I think we were just lucky. I believe you will be lucky, again, later. She’s probably soooo relieved you finally know about it that you can finally begin to problem solve the whole thing together.</p>
<p>Good luck and best wishes. Don’t give up on her. If she seems committed to college, as an academic thing, don’t give up.</p>
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<p>Yes, an important point. Make sure she fills out the paperwork to take a leave of absence rather than withdrawing altogether. Just to keep the door open. And if she signs up for classes at community college, it would be great if they were courses that will transfer back to the original school. If you can’t figure it out yourself, the registar’s office at the original school can help you.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the great advice, everyone.</p>
<p>I agree with most of the comments regarding bringing your daughter home and having her pay her own way through Community College; but that is ultimately your call. What I can tell you is an experience we had with my number 2 son who was also immature and I was convinced that he was not “ready” to go away to school but we erred on the side of giving him a chance. The first year he got Cs and we told him that had to improve dramatically (he is very intelligent and should have had no problem) or he would be coming home, working full time and putting himself through Community College. Next Semester he got Ds and Fs and he got just as we promised; the consequences of his own actions. The next year and a half he got a 4.0 at a very good CC, worked 40+ hours a week then transfered to a very good state school in our Home state. 9 months before he graduated he had a job and he got his CPA about 6 months ago. The most important thing we did was tell him what we would do and then followed through on that. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide and wanted to let you know they do come out the other side…</p>
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<p>Without hearing other facts (such as the low grades due to constant partying) I would not make the bringing home/going to cc punitive. I would not make her pay her way unless you really think the grades were primarily due to “misbehavior.” Since there was an IEP and now no IEP, there are most likely some learning issues that are not being addressed. I would view community college as an opportunity to figure out what works for her, what accomodations she needs, etc. instead of a way to punish her for low grades.</p>
<p>I remember a very lengthy thread from last fall outlining a very similiar scenario. Was that Missypies, or was there another one? I ask because it might be helpful for toledo to read and maybe pm last years moms to see how things worked out.</p>
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<p>LOL, if it was last fall, it wasn’t mine…I was living in the Land of Magical Thinking until grades came out after first semester. At least toledo knows in time to try to save the transcript.</p>
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<p>I agree. The course list looks like it was a LOT for her to balance along with the adjustment of being in college. I would suggest a smaller courseload at a local college…and working her way up to more courses when that looks manageable. </p>
<p>The deal we had with our kids was they had to pass the courses OR they came home…no discussion. The discussion took place when we agreed to send them to the colleges they chose. Personally, I would want to set this young lady up for success and this current college hasn’t done that. She is in a deep hole and I don’t see how she can dig out of it. Is it worth $20,000 to you to have her have one or two credits at the end of the term (assuming she passes something)? </p>
<p>If she withdraws this term, and enrolls at a local college, can she be reinstated at a later date at this school? That might be worth asking. Right now, it sounds like it’s not the best choice for her.</p>
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<p>This…</p>
<p>What’s done is done but what’s key is what can be learned from it. </p>
<p>What does your D think the next step should be? Does she think she should continue there and if so, what’s her action plan and what changes does she plan to make to turn this around? </p>
<p>What’s the exact problem other than ‘not applying oneself’? Is it drinking/drugs and sleeping in all morning and therefore missing classes (if so hopefully she realizes the other issues associated with this)? Is it just staying up late socializing (without the drinking/drugs) and therefore skipping HW and sleeping in late and therefore missing classes? </p>
<p>If she has no reasonable plan to make particular behavioral changes to turn this around then there’s no point in her continuing there and possibly not anywhere at this time in her life. If she has a reasonable plan to turn it around, which likely needs to include real behavioral changes, then she needs to execute on it and prove that she can do it. That might mean no more partying (if that’s the problem), drastically reduced socializing (if that’s the problem), or whatever else the issue is. If she was truly making a reasonable effort and simply not able to keep up then the decision is easier to switch out but it sounds as if that’s not the case here.</p>
<p>Drop the class she isn’t attending.</p>
<p>Turn the two classes with an F into Pass/Fail classes.</p>
<p>Then focus on the classes she has a C and D and map out a plan to get two Cs. </p>
<p>Locate the last date to petition for a W-- it’s usually about 2-3 weeks before end of semester. Then locate the appropriate support persons- psychological and academic and see if she can get a plan.</p>
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<p>I’d drop them instead. I think it is likely that they are gen ed classes that probably can’t be taken P/F. Plus, getting rid of the classes she is failing would free up time to concentrate on the ones she is passing.</p>
<p>toledo - I am so sorry that you are going through this.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this situation.</p>
<p>It’s too bad the kid has dug this hole for herself. She also needs to be part of the solution, if not the main part of it. I’m hearing plans to bring her home, enroll in CC, do this, that and the other thing…none of which will have any effect (and could in fact be harmful) without her buy-in.</p>
<p>Assuming she still wants to go to Reachy Partyschool (and you’re willing to foot the bill if the grades improve), what is her plan for making that happen? Clearly, you’re concerned and could be part of a safety net, but it has to be one of her design.</p>
<p>Would it be possible for you to spend a couple of days at the college and have some joint meetings with the Academic Advising/Support people, the Disabilities Office, Counseling Services, Housing and so forth to help her put together a plan? Many schools have a person/office called something like the Freshman Success Center that has the specific goal of helping first year students land on their feet.</p>
<p>I am NOT NOT NOT suggesting that you rush in to FIX the problem, but rather than you attend as quiet support to help her navigate a bureaucracy that’s probably unfamiliar and scary for her. (Remember, in high school, all there was was the guidance office; now there are multiple people with secretaries who might be off-putting.) She’ll need to sign a hundred FERPA waivers, but that’s the price she’s got to pay for messing up. </p>
<p>Know that this situation is not nearly as uncommon as you think and the school may be very willing to work with her (and you) to help her turn it around. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for the best.</p>
<p>I am sorry for the naive question but what exactly is an IEP? I am not familiar with those initials.</p>
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<p>That is one thing that really surprised me. Even small schools have folks whose job it is to deal with the students who are on academic probation. There are lots of students who don’t hit the ground running and the schools are very used to it. Nationwide, the six year graduation rate is something like 57%. In some states and among some populations it’s more in the 40-45% range. That means that the majority of students who start college do not graduate in 4 years and more than 40% don’t seem to graduate at all (again, among some populations more like 60%.)</p>
<p>I’m not suggesting that you share these statistics with your daughter, but know that you are really really really not alone.</p>
<p>IEP = Individualized Education Plan</p>
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<p>Would this be too “helicopter-ish”, as I am tempted?</p>
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<p>It stands for Individualized Education Plan and includes such things as extra time on tests, testing in a quiet environment, being provided with class notes, etc.</p>
<p>^^not helicopter-ish if the other option is pulling her out; I’m sure they don’t want that to happen (if only for financial reasons)…</p>
<p>I do agree with the posters that recommend finding out how your daughter wants to proceed…</p>