A few more comments about “disabilities offices” (changed to accessible education at some schools recently, for obvious reasons). I view them as filters rather than advocates, and see their job as being “a guard dog for the curriculum,” basically making sure requests for accommodation are legit and don’t “pose undue financial or administrative burden” or “substantially change the curriculum.” I think it is wise to keep expectations of these offices low.
That said, they can, at some schools, help support extra advising or tutoring. In our experience, deans and other administrative staff really make things work in terms of accommodations, sometimes in communication with doctors or therapists who are involved.
When my “kid with challenges” went to college, we talked with the neuropsych about specific accommodations and I researched online. I wrote a letter for the psychiatrist to sign, and listed desired accommodations myself in that letter. The doctor did not mind because it saved them work.
The Disabilities Office will give the student letters for each professor saying that they are registered but may NOT list accommodations. At some schools they might, but at others there will be no list. In any case, it is entirely up to the student to tell the professor what they need (extension on paper, extra time on tests, note taker, single room, excused tardiness, whatever). If there is a problem with the professor, the student needs to find someone to help them with the situation. And so on.
If extra advising is provided as an accommodation, that advisor might help with some of this.
At one small college known for its personalized vibe, we were told outright that we needed to hire an outside coach. We could not afford that.
For another kid with medical issues, we had to realize there is a point where no accommodations will help the situation, and initiate medical leaves
So the college may or may not have dropped the ball (it sounds like they did partially, as did your son). But I hate to say it, and this is only our experience, but it helps to have low expectations of the Disabilities Office. They just register you. Professors, advisors and deans will be the important ones in the picture and your son will need to carry the ball.
And what the heck is “normal”? Normal and abnormal aren’t some sort of binary system People are all unique, each and every one of us, and so are our brains. I hope your son can see his gifts.