Yeah, parents have control over money. But most parents aren’t insanely intrusive.
How are they really gonna know what you send to the school? Seriously…are they watching over your shoulder ever minute?
If you think you’re going to regret sending your parent’s idea of a good essay…don’t do it. Send your own idea.
If my kid had sent in the essay I wanted her to send in, she might not have been seen as ballsy and independent…she might have blended and not stood out.
You can just as easily be rejected on your parent’s idea of a good essay as you can your own.
At least if you pick your own…you won’t regret not being true to yourself. You won’t have to wonder if you could have gotten in if you just trusted yourself.
Good luck. But seriously, dude…you’re not a kid at this point. This decision effects your future, not theirs. If you have a strong feeling about it, follow your gut instinct, their permission be darned. They might be angry, but part of them will respect you for being your own man. (or woman…sorry if I botched the pronouns)
Look them in the eye and tell them…I really think my essay is best. If I send the one you want, and am rejected, I will always wonder if you sabotaged me, and if I would have gotten in if I’d trusted myself.
Let them know its time for them to let you learn from your own mistakes. For better or worse, you’re becoming an adult and whether you get in or not, you want it to be on your own merits. Help them to understand. Let them know you appreciate all their help.
I don’t know if your parents have a valid concern or not, but do try to hear them out as well. In the end, it is your essay and your decision. But is also your consequences to deal with. So if that means your parents will not pay tuition, then you must be willing to accept that. It doesn’t matter how many of us agree that it is your decision or that they are wrong to withhold tuition. In the end, it is their money to do with as they want and if that means not paying tuition, you should be willing to accept that. I do hope it doesn’t come to that and you and your parents can come to an agreement. (Maybe you can tone down the parts that they are worried about?)
As a parent, I would have done exactly what @MaryGJ did: advise, guide, but not demand and threaten. It seems like they see you as a part of themselves or an extension of themselves, not as a separate person. So they might think that this college application is theirs too and that they have a full right to demand that you fill it out the way they want it. Maybe a gentle conversation raising these points: a) you are more familiar than they are with the college application process in the U.S., and b) that this is about you and your future, that you have to fee good about it, and c) showing sample essays from various websites.
Can I speak up in defense of the parents…and keep in mind that we’re hearing from one voice here…could be 100% accurate…but there are always many sides. The parents might just be incredibly frustrated…particularly for immigrant parents, they might be thinking, “we spent all of this money on tuition…all of those years at the dining room table on homework…all of the PTA meetings and the fund-raisers …all of the emotional support and all of the opportunities we gave our children, only to have a 17-year-old – who has never attended college – decide that a particular essay is the only one he will agree to turn in.”
All of us at CC know how important these essays are…particularly at higher-level schools where all the kids are overqualified with their stats. The parents – who earned their masters in the U.S. – might genuinely be looking at the essay and thinking, “this is off-target enough that it might be the thing that gets him rejected.” And the tuition threat might simply be their fear and frustration over this (my guess is that first they tried the other things you guys are mentioning and then went to the nuclear solution when they didn’t work)
That said, there’s really nothing they can do…and they could be wrong…this might be an essay that will open doors and they don’t understand that. Plus, a 17-year-old has his own life and his own direction…this is starting that journey.
I have no doubt that IS what they are thinking. But in my mind, that is not the reason why we parents do all those things (helping with homework, going to meetings/fundraisers, emotional support). We do it because that’s what parents do, because that’s what it means to be a parent and love your child unconditionally. We don’t do all that for the purpose of “getting our child into” a certain college. And we don’t do all that so that they child will let us control his application.
It’s a bit hard to give advice here, not knowing you or your parents or being able to see the essay. It’s quite possible your parents may have a point, that an essay with a political slant to it might alienate the person reading it, and so its better to have an essay that is politically neutral. I would err on the side of your parents in terms of rewriting the essay.
But beyond that, it’s ridiculous for your parents to be threatening not to pay your tuition based on an essay. If their concern was that the essay would keep you from getting accepted into that college, I could totally understand if they said they would not pay the application fee unless you rewrote the essay. It makes sense that if they feel the essay is going to torpedo your chances of getting into that college, they don’t want to waste their money on a fee for an application that’s likely to be rejected. But if they are saying that they won’t pay your tuition if you send that essay, what they are saying is even if you get in, (in which case the subject of the essay would no longer matter), they are going to punish you by not paying for college. That’s authoritarian and controlling, that’s pretty petty and unloving behavior. Paying for college is an act of love, and love with petty strings like this attached to it is not genuine love. I’d suggest that you have a sit-down with them, but I guess if they are this controlling, they are probably pretty bad in other areas, too. So I’d recommend keeping your mouth shut, doing what they say and getting through college as quickly as you can so you are no longer beholden to such petty people, and then after graduation never accept another dime from them again.
PS - Are your parents giving an indication they will have a say in what you major in? That’s really common with controlling parents like yours. My parents were controlling in a lot of ways, but not on what I majored in. I didn’t major in what I know was my dad’s first choice (engineering or business), I instead majored in biology, and he expressed concerns with how I was going to cut a career path with that, but never outright said I should major in something else. On the other hand, I don’t know what would have happened if I had decided I wanted to major in something like Elizabethan Poetry. I know a lot of parents who were very explicit about what their children were allowed to major in. One friend of mine was required to major in chemical engineering, and now as a 40 year old he still resents his father for that. Another friend is himself a controlling parent. He is an engineer and he insisted his daughter (he was a teen dad) get an engineering degree even though she wanted to be a nurse, and insists his 8 year old daughter will get an engineering degree. It’s just sad. My stepson is a freshman, and I have my doubts about his currently declared major, I just hope he will change his mind in the next year or so, and/or get a second major in something more practical. But at the end of the day, he’s an adult, and parents that try to micromanage their children even in college are making a grave mistake.
@nitro11 - I think you need to re-read the OP’s post. This is between the OP and his parents. What does his school have to do with anything? And why are you suggesting suing?
@ClaremontMom Where was I suggesting suing? He clearly stated 2 teachers reviewed it. My point they’re reviewing it for grammatical errors, not subject.
@nitro11 - you said “they could be sued” and now you are saying 2 teachers reviewed it. Are you on the right thread? This thread is about the OP and his parents. The original post (emphasis mine) is this—nothing about his school or teachers. And I don’t think anything about teachers has been brought up since.
The OP PMed me. His school is not going to get sued for okaying this essay. I personally think his parents are wrong, and his topic could help more than hurt. But he has to weigh getting along with them.
@nitro11 - Okay…so teachers were mentioned. I stand corrected. Mea culpa. However, I hope you can see how I could be confused by your statement when the focus of the discussion was on the situation of his parents.
