<p>Hi guys i desperately need your help. Yesterday my parents and i were talking, which escalated into a fight. My parents ended up crying lol. That's not even the "best" part...</p>
<p>They said that if i wanted to go out of state, i would have to go to a direct medical program (BA/MD or BS/MD programs). I said that A) i don't think i have a GOOD shot, not just a shot and B) i want to do undergrad and then go to med school after 4 years of undergrad.</p>
<p>They then said that with my stats, I can get in to UMDNJ, and other med programs. I said, "NO, I cant!" How would they even know that? They don't know my stats and they haven't researched the stats of UMDNJ applicants as well as those of other direct med programs. I researched more than they did and they claim to know more than me! They also said that since im doing well in school now, I might as well take advantage of that and apply. If i were to take the alternative i explained (going to undergrad and then med school), I could potentially worsen and become a drug alcoholic or something and lose that academic prowess i hold in high school.
I then said that i don't want to work all day in college. I want to have some fun too. It was at this point my parents began to cry. I then got REALLY angry and asked them, "You don't want me to have fun?" They said "yes, we do. But not too much to the point that you become a party holic and fail college"
I said "of course im not gonna do that but im tired of working hard like i did in high school to achieve what i have right now"
They then just stared at me, and silence followed the entire room. Fast forward...I eventually gave up and told them i would be applying to direct med programs only. Then the possibility arose of my complete failure to get into all med schools. My parents reassured me that that wouldn't happened and i didn't believe them. They then said, "if you don't get into any med programs, I will force you to go to a state college, from which you will get into a med school."
I said, "why can't i apply to top schools like Yale, Duke, UPENN, columbia, etc" They said it was a waste of money. I then left it at that.</p>
<p>So who do you think is right in this debate?</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your predicament, but I also think asking “who’s right?” is somewhat beside the point.</p>
<p>They’re the ones with the money, for which reason, they’re the ones with more influence by far.</p>
<p>You’d be better off, and probably happier in the long run, if you change your approach to this situation.</p>
<p>Can you find NJ options that could make you content, if not deliriously happy?</p>
<p>Can you find other ways of funding an education at a fancy, expensive college? Could you tolerate ROTC, for example? A friend of mine from high school got the Air Force to pay for his four years studying electrical engineering at MIT. And when my wife was in medical school, she had a number of classmates who were going to medical school on the Navy’s nickel. The appeal of this approach might be that finding other funding makes you a much bigger stakeholder in your college planning.</p>
<p>First question - Do you want to be a doctor?</p>
<p>Yes i am 200% sure. But who cares what i want! It’s not about you want. It’s about what you’re capable of. Should i post my stats?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>No, I can’t. I don’t want to live in-state. Period. Hell, im not even gonna apply to my state school! My parents won’t know. They’re completely oblivious to the admissions process.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>No i can’t. I don’t know how. It must have taken alot of work for your friend to do that. I can’t.</p>
<p>If they are paying, it’s their call. If you are paying, it’s your call. Are you a National Merit [Semi-]Finalist? There are some full-ride scholarships available for NMFs.</p>
<p>Nope. Only national merit commended. Can i get full rides to universities for certain ACT/SAT scores? How do i figure out the qualifying scores?</p>
<p>They give full tuition based on stats. You would have to work or take out loans to subsidize room and board, unless you could convince your parents to front the cash for your housing.</p>
<p>There may be others… I belive U Alabama has something along these lines <em>cue m2ck</em></p>
<p>Apply to the programs that your parents want AND to the schools you want. Wait until you learn of your acceptances. There may not even be a need for a fight. Try to get some input from your GC at h.s.</p>
<p>As a former NJ resident, I am always surprised by how instate kids feel about some of the outstanding colleges available. While I am happy to have moved out of NJ, you probably need to take a deep breath and give your instate options another look. I strongly suggest looking at both Rutgers and The College of New Jersey. </p>
<p>Your thread title says “my parents won’t let me do undergrad at a college” but really they’re not willing to pay for a non-direct entry MD program out of state. Instead of worrying about what you can’t do, embrace what you can. Best of luck!</p>
<p>Airfreshener, you’re clearly upset, and that’s getting in the way of your looking at your situation realistically.</p>
<p>It may be that your parents are being unreasonable. You may have really good reason to be angry at them. From where I’m sitting in my family room, I don’t have any idea.</p>
<p>But it’s unproductive for you to be angry and petulant, and even if your parents are being difficult, no amount of College Confidential taking your side is going to be helpful.</p>
<p>When I asked, “Can you find tolerable options in NJ?” and “Could you stand ROTC?” I didn’t really expect an immediate answer. I think that’s reflex, and it’s anger talking. I think you really ought to ponder these questions seriously, because unless your parents budge, those may be your best options.</p>
<p>It looks as if you can’t have what you really want here. The essential question is, how mature will you be as you go about getting the best that you can get?</p>
<p>So, take some time and be mad at your parents if you like. But plan to move on quickly to doing the best for yourself that you can–because just being angry and resentful isn’t going to help at all.</p>
<p>And, really, I am sorry. If my parents had said that to me when I was in high school, I’d have been mad, too. But ultimately I probably would have gone to the University of Kansas–and thought Rutgers sounded like the epitome of East Coast sophistication.</p>
<p>Rutgers and TCNJ are the two colleges i am trying to avoid at this point. I am more trying to avoid the former (my dad would force me to this state university) because everyone goes there from my school. I go to a ****tty school</p>
<p>^ That’s not a good reason. Look, I can understand the desire to get out of dodge and go away for college. But Rutgers-NB has over 25,000 undergraduates. Don’t be too worried about the [relatively] few people from your HS who go there.</p>
<p>So, here are my recommendations:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Don’t get too emotional about the whole situation. Yeah, it would be better if your parents were more supportive, but you need to make this work and more angry confrontations will not help.</p></li>
<li><p>Apply to some direct med programs. Apply to Rutgers or TCNJ. And also apply to a few OOS schools where you would qualify for at least full tuition. Explore other payment options, such as ROTC. Don’t commit to anything now, but make sure you have a number of choices come spring.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Sikorsky—thank you for the help! and yes i am angry as hell. The problem is that even if i am not angry, I will never consent to staying in state. Hell, I’d rather not go to college if that were to be the case. I just want to get away from NJ. There’s got to be some way i can get around this. </p>
<p>I think i am going to go with gildo’s compromise and see how it all works out.</p>
<p>af: I also wanted to get out of NJ. Trust me, I understand. So did my (eventual) DH. And we did. But not until a little down the road. We both graduated from a NJ state college. People outside of the state are quite impressed with the Rutgers name. And truly, TCNJ is a great school. </p>
<p>What you need to do is take a deep breath and make a list of what you want out of the college experience. Then take a look at what different schools have to offer. Your parents are immediately dismissing undergrad schools because they are out of state. You are immediately dismissing undergrad schools because they are instate. You’re both having knee jerk reactions. </p>
<p>Just because a school is out of state doesn’t mean that it’s better, that you’ll enjoy it any more, or it will be a better fit. The grass isn’t always greener, but sometimes it looks that way from a distance.</p>
<p>“Hell, I’d rather not go to college if that were to be the case.”</p>
<p>You could do that, I guess, but you seem smart and reasonably ambitious, and I’m not sure how much you’d like it. </p>
<p>“I just want to get away from NJ. There’s got to be some way i can get around this.” </p>
<p>Yeah, there are ways. You just keep telling us you find them unacceptable. And that’s understandable to a degree, because there is some drawback to every one of them when your point of comparison is “Have my parents pay for me to go to Duke.” But, come on, I offered you ROTC instead of “Join the infantry and go to college on the GI Bill.” Work with me! :P</p>
<p>I need a good social life, and a GREAT academic one with research opportunities in neuroscience labs. That’s really all i want. MIT appeases this as well as Duke, JHU, etc. Rutgers would be the very very very very last one down on that list.</p>
<p>ROTC??? I just checked their website. I have to enroll as a air force commissioner??? My parents would not agree to this. Also, I barely have the stature to be one.</p>
<p>Accepting by BS/MD programs is a crap shoot. You never know. I have some one accepted by USC this year with ordinary stats and some one with good stats got rejected by each and every after on campus interviewed by 12 and ended up with UCB. So you don;t know if you don’t do it. Do not look down upon yourself, work at it and try it. If your parents suggested it, they have to foot the bill on traveling and such, you just have to try your best.</p>
<p>Just sayin’. Not saying you should or you have to, but there are those opportunities available at Rutgers. I don’t think you understand how well regarded it is from an outside of NJ perspective. </p>