<p>My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year now, and I'm leaving for college three hours away in a few months. I love him to death, but I have never really been with anyone else. Sure, I've dated a few other guys in high school, but college is a whole new ballpark and everyone talks about the fun things they do and what everyone should try, especially one night stands, clubs, etc. I want to stay in my relationship and try to make it work, but at the same time, I don't want to deny myself the time to explore. More than anything, I just want to be able to say I've done these said things, rather than actually to out and become some partying college sleaze. Is there anyway to meet in the middle? This is the guy I'd potentially marry, but I met him at the wrong time :/ </p>
<p>If you love him so much that youâd potentially marry him, why does having a one night stand matter at all? What is a second or third, non-serious relationship going to do for you? Either you donât love him that much, or you just need to find some different, non-sex-and-relationships-related types of fun, which I assure you is very easy to find on a college campus. But donât compromise your relationship for stuff that may be fun in that moment but is ultimately temporary and not as good as what you already haveâŠ</p>
<p>As someone who went from move-in day to graduation with the same guy: if you really love him, you wonât want to be with anyone else. Itâs totally normal to be curious and maybe even upset that you never got to experience that whole dating/fooling-around phase, but you should understand that it comes down to the choice of do you want to be with this person forever, or lose it all for the one night stand experiences? Having sex with other people is just like having sex with your boyfriend, but itâs not your boyfriend.</p>
<p>A one night stand is a âfun thing to doâ and âsomething everybody should tryâ and something you want to be able to boast about having done? If thatâs what you think the college experience is about, then you might not yet be mature enough for a long term relationship.</p>
<p>Seems to me that you think going to college means doing all that, it doesnât. âCollege experienceâ is bogus and useless term. For some people here itâs getting a job. For others, itâs networking. For you, it seems itâs to have a one night stand.</p>
<p>Thereâs not a set amount of things âeveryone must doâ. There isnât a âcollege experienceâ checklist where you can check âone night standâ and be able to say you did (why does that even matter though?). No one in a year or four is going to care what you did. Itâs what YOU want to do for yourself. I know plenty of people who fool around and experiment, and I also know plenty of people in happy committed relationships who donât. Can you really say the latter are wasting their time in college? Or not getting âexperienceâ?</p>
<p>Do you want to experiment and fool around? Thatâs OK, thatâs not wrong. But you have to tell him and understand the consequences unless you can bear the guilt of cheating/lying to him. Seems to me that with statements such as âI met him at the wrong timeâ, it doesnât seem like you really like him that much, because you are basically saying that the idea of being able to do âcollegeâ things is more important than him.</p>
<p>Iâm going to take a route completely different from the other answers. You could try to make your relationship open so neither of you are tied down, but youâll need to establish rules. Maybe you can make out with somebody else, but not have sex? Or you can have sex with somebody else and make a rule that you donât talk about it with the other? BE CAREFUL though. To be in an open relationship you need to be mature. My buddy goes to UIUC and his girlfriend goes to a smaller college in North Alabama. They made their relationship open with the rules established above and have been going strong for almost 3 years. </p>
<p>If you choose to stay together and not make the relationship open, however, I must admit that it will be tough for sure.
It will be tough not seeing the other person for extended amounts of time, but if yâall are really in love and not jus in a phase then either way it will work out. It definitely wonât be easy, but it will work out. It has for me and my girlfriend who are currently at different schools 4 hours away, sheâs at university and Iâm a boarding high school senior. Thankfully next year weâll be cutting the distance between our schools to an hour and a half, while Iâm at Auburn and sheâs at UAB. Just like you and your boyfriend, my girl and I are also from the same hometown.</p>
<p>No matter what path yâall take, I hope the best for you! 
You need to remember that your education cannot be successful without a little bit of fun. â â â â go get drunk and club, you donât have to hook up with somebody to have fun in college.</p>
<p>Youâre in a committed relationship that you donât want to give up, yet you want to go to clubbing while youâre in college and have one night stands. What, exactly, is the âmiddleâ you imagine you can meet in? I suppose you could have one night stands and not tell your boyfriend, but are you willing to risk taking STDs home to him? Mature people either agree to see others (which means heâs free to move on and have a relationship with someone else), or stay committed to each other and donât date other people even when theyâre living in different places. </p>
<p>Having a boyfriend doesnât mean you canât have friends or go out. But if you want to date other people, itâs not fair to keep your current boyfriend hanging on in case nothing better comes along. Wanting to date others is a good sign that youâre not ready to commit. Since you want to experiment, maybe you should let him go completely so you can freely see other people. </p>
<p>Are you okay with him having one night stands? Or longer? </p>
<p>I understand how youâre feeling. Iâve been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and weâre trying to sort all of this out too. The way I see this is that this is a big milestone for serious relationships. Going from high school and seeing each other practically everyday to spending weeks/months without spending time together is a big leap. I suggest telling him how youâre feeling now and seeing where he stands too. I understand thinking about all the âpossibilitiesâ and questioning whether or not itâs in your best interest to put more time into such a committed relationship, but thatâs what commitment is. I and my significant other are going to âwing itâ and see how the new college pace affects our relationship. I know thereâll probably be temptations but just ask yourself if itâs worth all the positive things stemming from your current relationship. If it comes to the point when you feel that it doesnât matter, be up front and end it with your boyfriend. Whatever you do, donât try to fake wanting to still be in the relationship. Itâs not fair to him or you. </p>
<p>Wanting to experience sex with different people, new relationships, or just the freedom of being single is a TOTALLY valid and reasonable concern, especially if youâve never really been with anyone else! I donât think this says anything about how much you love your boyfriend. On the other hand, you may feel fine with being in a relationship-- it may be other peopleâs ideas of the âcollege experienceâ that is influencing you. You should do what YOU feel is right, and donât worry about what other people say. You should probably discuss this with your boyfriend and see how he feels about it. Itâs possible that heâs feeling the same way. Maybe an open relationship would work for you two, but that can be a tough thing to feel comfortable with.</p>
<p>For my personal experience, I was with my boyfriend for a LONG time before I left for college, and we initially decided to just âtake a breakâ (but we never really discussed the terms of that break. I didnât do anything with anyone else, but I also didnât tell anyone I had a boyfriend). I had never been with anyone else ever, and I too worried about missing out on experiences. We ended up breaking up after my first semester, and for me, I think that was the right thing, because the truth of my relationship was that I got into it way too young, and I felt really unready for the amount of commitment that he was ready for. That was the right choice for me, but you may have a totally different feeling about the right choice for you, and thatâs fine!</p>
<p>You should keep the relationship and see how it goes - the future will tell if it survives the distance or not.
Also, it might be too early to think that this guy is the one. You are just about to start a different chapter of your life, and sometimes depending on your workload in school, you might have to put certain interest such as (boyfriend/girlfriend) at the bottom of your list to be successful with other priorities at hand. That does not mean you should not build strong nonsexual friendships.
Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>If you want to explore, explore. However, break off the relationship. If you have decided that you are interested in meeting, dating and perhaps more with others then it is not fair to your current boyfriend or any others that you might see. If you, as someone else suggested, decide to have an âopen relationshipâ then one or both of you (or a future unknown third party) will likely get hurt. By being honest now, if later, you decide that you were to be together there was no dishonesty, no disception. It is a change. However, âI want to be your girlfriend with permission to experimentâ doesnât fly.</p>
<p>So others make a good point and I want to add to it.
Iâll soon be a senior in university, but Iâm approaching a somewhat similar decision point. I have a boyfriend Iâve been with for several months while on study abroad in South Korea, but Iâm from NY, USA, and Iâll be going back there in a month. We want to try keeping the relationship together and monogamous, but we both acknowledge it will be hard on both of us. We agree to talk a lot and keep in contact as much as possible, we even already agreed on what time of day it will be when we Skype. If youâre ok with not having some more risky and often hurtful experiences like one-night stands, then you should try something similar. Schedule a few times to hang out while youâre at school, or make plans for when you come home for vacations. It will make holding out for him that much easier.
At the same time, I have point out that the âcollege experienceâ just means enjoying college life. If your definition of that is one night stands, donât make your boyfriend stay in a committed relationship with you through that. But the âcollege experienceâ doesnât have to include one night stands or clubbing, and clubbing doesnât have to include one night stands or kissing or any of that. Iâve gone clubbing with just my friends before and had a great time. Also, I have loved my college experience so far and Iâve never had a one night stand. Just do what makes you happy. If your boyfriend makes you happy then stay committed to him even at a distance, if a certain kind of school club makes you happy join it and make friends and form platonic relationships with guys, if one night stands make you happy tell your boyfriend so heâs not waiting for something that is likely to hurt you both.</p>
<p>Arrhgg! âOpenâ relationship?! I am familiar with a case where the girl wants that kind of relationship but the boy immediately breaks up with her after she expresses her intention. I heard she asked for a more open relationship (i.e., parallel dating) and his response was: âThen, no thanks. I do not want to spend a minute on developing or maintaining this kind of relationship.â They were in graduate school when this happened. (More correctly speaking, in med school.) I heard he has now found a girl who is into this kind of one-on-one relationship, and she keeps some open relationship. Both have found their needs.</p>
<p>Although it could work for some couple, it may not work for some other couple.</p>
<p>my 2 cents, keep the dialogue going with him. heâs no different that you. for myself we made it clear how we felt about each other but we didnât limit each other. we also didnât talk about other dating situations. when we saw each other we were a couple and each others friends respected that. youâre not the only couple going through this. try writing actual letters and cards and sharing observations about your life. once a week should be good.</p>
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<p>As someone who married my high school sweetheart after dating him through most of college, I have to say that this is not true. Itâs perfectly normal to wonder what it would be like to be with someone else, even if you do really love him. And as someone who broke up with that high school sweetheart for a while in college and experimented a little, I have to say that the last lineâs not true, either.</p>
<p>Basically, donât feel bad for feeling stuck - this is a pretty common growing-up dilemma. Keep what feels safe and real, and who you really love, or move on with the risk of maybe not finding someone as good? Only you can answer this. You can discuss the possibility of an open relationship, but I donât think thatâs a very realistic goal for an 18-year-old. Not that open relationships canât work or that they arenât valid, but trust needs to be previously established. Opening up a relationship right at the begining of going from seeing each other nearly every day to only on breaks isnât a great way towards stability. I think at least for now, you have to make the choice - do you want to stay with your boyfriend, or do you want to break up with him?</p>
<p>You also donât need to make the choice right now, and it doesnât have to stay the same. You can decide to try it. But if it isnât working - in November, or January, or May - then maybe you reevaluate and decide that you break up.</p>
<p>And oh - donât try to âtake a break.â Either you break upâŠor you donât. Trust me.</p>
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Agree that before exploring the possibility of âopen relationshipâ, trust needs to be previously established. I think DS was not willing to accept âopen relationshipâ suggested by his then-GF (now an ex) because he thinks the trust between them has not been established by then (too short of the time for them to develop this trust even though they had seen each other likely several hours every day before that mutually-agree-upon breakup. At least my guess is they had a breakup - even though later on I heard she still asked him to give her a ride after the breakup after she had been dating another person â so it was likely not an ugly, messy breakup. Somehow one of us parents thought DS should not give her a ride anymore especially if he has a current GF who knows about that ex-GF. The act of giving an ex-GF, especially that particular ex-GF who she could have been quite upset/sensitive about, is not a good idea. OhâŠboy, their âbusinessâ should rightfully be untangled by themselves, because I do not know the ânormâ of the relationship for this new generation.</p>
<p>If you truly feel that way about your relationship with him, then youâd give up doing all that other crap in college.</p>
<p>Ultimately, in 15 or 20 years when you look back at your college years, youâre not going to wish you would have become a partying nut, youâre going to wish you would have studied and got a good degree and a great job.</p>
<p>And when that time comes, you might also regret doing all the party stuff which caused you to lose a chance at marrying the man you always wantedâŠthink about that. </p>
<p>Donât screw up. If this relationship doesnât mean that much to you, then do what you want. Drop it and go party if thatâs what you want to do. But if it means a lot to you, and you truly feel that he may be your life partner, then donât screw it up.</p>